Warning for excessive fangirliness and crackfic. Disney owns Star Wars and I'm fairly sure they would sue me for doing this to their characters, so yay for pennames.

The Auction Block

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It was enough to make you wish you were back on Geonosis.

Right now, Clone Captain Rex was willing to trade his right arm for one of his blasters and a pair of fatigues—wonderfully long, sleeved, high-collared fatigues. He was still wearing his tight-fitting exercise shorts, but the way that some of these females were eyeing him, he half-thought that he might as well've been wearing nothing at all. And he wasn't even on the auction stage yet.

The sun beat down on the exposed area in front of the GAR barracks. The parade ground, where just yesterday sections of troopers clad in white armour had been marching up and down in unison, had become a seething morass of civilians—mostly women, Rex noticed—who had come to the Grand Army's Open Day. The transparisteel shower attraction had proved very popular, but right now, the biggest crowd was in front of the auction block.

To one side of the small raised dais, Rex eyed the crowd, trying not to show his apprehension as he waited beside the steps that led to the stage. In front of the platform, the bidding was getting nasty. Apparently ARC troopers commanded a premium. Rex willed himself not to flinch, to meet all those curious, speculative stares when in reality he wished the floor would open up and swallow him whole.

The auctioneer's voice sounded out across the crowd. "Going once, going twice, and… sold! To the lady in blue!"

There was a smattering of begrudging applause. Rex noticed that more than one woman was looking daggers at a lithe blonde human in a light blue body sheath. The blonde in question pranced up to the stage, snagged Fives by the arm, and dragged him away from the covetous crowd.

The auctioneer started her patter afresh. "And here we have it, ladies and gentlebeings, the finale, the cream of the crop…"

Rex lost the thread of the sales spiel as one of the gala assistants came at him with a spray can. Rex threw up his arms, but it was too late; his bare torso was covered in scented oil. He scowled at the girl, but she just giggled at him. "You're up next, good-looking!"

"…the one and only—even in an army of millions—the dashing Captain of the Five-Hundred-First—Clone Captain Rex!" There was a deafening roar from the crowd and annoying-oil-girl gave him a shunt towards the steps.

He was out of options.

Rex gulped. No question about it: he'd take Geonosis any day of the week.