Disclaimer: Why do I always do this to myself? I know I know, I don't own anything of importance! Geez, why don't your just kick my lady balls harder?

AN1: Hi, peeps! I'm so sorry for the lateness of this update. RL is kicking me hard! But No worries, I'll give it my best to update quickly! I hope you still wanna read this crazy story. Oh? You don't? Well, too freaking boo. Here it is! :P Sorry about that. So, again, Alex the love of my life, thanks for being the best! If she wasn't in my life, you wouldn't be reading this, okay? MWAH!

Oh! before I forget, this story's timeline is cracked up beyond repair so it's all over the place but just bare with me. You love me don't you? *innocent smile* Oh, and the Golden Vag is a vamp! Enjoy!

...xxx...

5: Just Another KISS Meeting - Hauling Serious Ass for COCK

Kol starts pounding his customized gavel, "Order in the fucking court, bitches! Where the fuck is Golden Vag?!"

Rebekah scoffs, "I told you not to let that useless twat join."

Kol rolls his eyes in response. There's no way, in any universe, his sister is right. He refuses to believe that. Nope, no way. He's always right. He's fucking Kol Mikaelson. Truth! "Whatever! Moving fucking on, we need to move serious ass for COCK but first, raise your right hand for our KISS pledge."

"Forever will I ship Klaroline. Always will I defend this ship till my dying breath. Haters can kiss my gorgeous ass. Always and forever. Hail Klaroline!"

"Before we proceed, Damon my fangirl bro here, has made a wonderful video." He puts his arm around Damon. "I've watched it like infinity and beyond and I still creycrey for realsie! The beauty of Klaroline! OH FUCKING GOD! FEEELS! Goddamnit! I can't! Just play the damn thing. Hold me, Number Two." Kol buries his head in the nook of Damon's neck.

The sweet soft strumming of guitar strings filled the room. Quick flashes of Klaus and then Caroline.

I'm gonna wear you down

I'm gonna make you see

Various clips of Klaus looking at Caroline as if she's the only precious thing in the entire universe. As if she's the answer to all the unanswered questions.

I'm gonna start a fire

You're gonna feel the heat

Images of Klaus flashing Caroline his gorgeous smile and Caroline smiling back.

Come on, come on

Into my arms

Come on, come on

Give into me

Flashes of them dancing at the Mikaelson's Ball. Nobody else matters but them.

I'll use my lips, I'll use my arms

Come on, come on, come on

Klaus taking Caroline's hand in his, pulling her within his embrace as he whispers something softly in her ear.

"Perhaps one day, love." Then everything fades to black.

Give in to me

Every single KISS member is shaking with feels and clapping the genius of Damon's video.

"Goddamnit! Fucking feels! Every fucking time!" Kol wipes the tears running down his cheeks. He pats Damon's arm with utmost pride and happiness. "This wonderful piece of Klaroline tribute needs to be rewarded. My kinky witch, do your awesome juju and give Number Two his surprise."

Bonnie chants some weird ass Latin sentences and then the door opens to reveal no other than...

Damon's eyes widen in tearful amazement. He looks to Kol and then to the open door then to Kol again. Kol just gives him a smirk and nods.

"ALARIC! LET ME LOVE YOU SO HARD!" Damon vamp speeds to Alaric, tackling the not-dead-at-the-moment vampire hunter to the floor. Tears are running down his face, sobbing in Alaric's chest.

Alaric just chuckles. "I guess you miss me, huh, buddy?" He strokes Damon's hair and plants a soft kiss on top of his head.

Everybody in the room is just in totes 'awww moment' now because hello, Team Badass anyone? And who fucking didn't cry when Alaric had to die because of a certain fucking bitch. No one, that's for sure! And of course, the moment is ruined when that certain bitch enters the scene.

"Oh, Alaric, you're dead, right? How are you here?" Elena looks confuse as ever.

"Holy fuck! This bitch sure can ruin a moment! I can't with you. Can we just kick her out? Or just kick her ass? Totes can do it with just my pinky finger!" Rebekah yells, cracking her knuckles and ready to beat the living crap out of the doppelganger.

"Stefan, tongue the bitch out of her, please." Kol huffs. Stefan waste no time kissing the hell out of Rebekah. Temporary peace, thank fuck. The Mikaelson tendency to kill people who annoy them sometimes interferes with the peace. Innocent until proven guilty, right? Not fucked up until fucked in the ass or something like that.

Kol points at Elena, "You! Tardiness is not fucking acceptable. You fucking thank Klaroline cause we need to haul ass or I would have let Sister Bitch on your ass faster than.."

"But you sai-" Elena interrupts. She knows she can always get her way.

Kol bitch-slaps her so hard she twirls around, she does three complete rotations. Jeremy does a fist pump and Bonnie laughs out loud. Damon just hugs Alaric more and Alaric chuckles. Rebekah and Stefan still making out. "How many fucking times will I have to repeat this shit?! No fucking one interrupts the captain while he is fucking speaking. GOD!" Kol takes a deep breath, goes into zen mode and back to his cheery self. "Okay bitches, since we are all here. Let's proceed with 'Operation Movie-esque'!"

Elena rubs her bruised cheek but takes her seat. Rebekah and Stefan stops making out. Bonnie and Jeremy have their Klaroline game faces on. Alaric carries Damon, sits beside Stefan while keeping Damon in his lap.

"We need romantic movie gestures for this op. Number Two and I already picked the one from The Wedding Singer where Adam Sandler sings to Drew Berrymore on the plane and I have the perfect song for Papa H to sing. And before you ask, yes, the Originals have sextastic singing voices. We could sing your underwear off every time. Though I would really like to hear suggestion from KISS." Kol begins.

"Oh! There's this one bit from Love Actually! Totally fucking sweet and so what Klaus would say to Caroline." Stefan suggests.

"I love that movie! Too sweet for words." Alaric agrees and everyone looks at him funny because the vampire hunter doesn't look like a romantic movie type. "What? The caretaker guy in the afterlife only has romantic flicks in blu ray."

"Noted. And you need a codename now that you're in KISS."

"Badass Bud!" Of course, Damon will name Alaric that.

"Badass Bud, it is! So, what more?"

"We can make Caroline order a pizza and get Klaus dressed as a delivery pizza guy..." Elena says.

Everyone looks at her with a 'what the fuck are you smokin' look.

"And when Caroline answers the door pays for the pizza she'll say, 'Here's your tip'. Then Klaus will say, 'No, let me give you a tip.' She'll pull him inside and then they'll have sex. Or he can be a plumber and say, 'I can unclog your pipes for you'..." She continues.

"Elena stop sprouting cliche cheesy porn plots! Jenna told you to get rid of your collection and just read some smutty fanfictions to get your imagination going and the plots are fucking better!" Jeremy screams at her. He saw his sister's collection a few years back and fuck. It's not even the good kind of porn!

But since she's a conceited little bitch, she just continues to suggest other porn plots. "Oh! He can be a delivery guy and say, 'I've got a special package for you'. Or he can be an electrician! Or a pool boy though Caroline doesn't have a pool. Stable boy! We can…" She drops to the floor after Alaric snaps her neck.

"God, was she always that annoying? I can't believe I went Giles on her ass. No, just no. Captain, please continue. When she wakes up, we'll be done." Alaric takes his seat again, returning Damon on his lap.

Everyone has a wide grin on their face when Elena drops to the floor.

"I knew I love you for a reason, Alaric!" Rebekah tries to kiss him on his cheek but Damon pushes her face away then buries his head deeper in the nook of Alaric's neck. "No! He's mine. Go back to Steffy. Mine!"

Alaric just chuckles, kissing Damon's forehead. "Of course, I'm yours, buddy."

"Oh, sweetheart, don't growl. My brother is just really protective of Alaric. Dalaric is not to be mess with." Stefan gently strokes Rebekah's cheek, effectively stopping her growling.

Kol can't stop the smile on his lips. "Aww, reel back the fluff bitches! There's a time for that later. Now back to business. Anymore non-porn suggestions?"

"We should totally go with the carnival scene from The Notebook where Noah climbs the ferris wheel to ask Allie out! I fucking love that movie but fuck, it makes me cry every fucking time." Jeremy shouts excitedly.

"That's a good one! I love that movie too especially when we re-enact their sex scene." Bonnie nudges Jeremy's side with a wicked grin on her face. "Captain, we can go 80's on this op. I love the one where Dobler went boombox over his head, total classic!"

"This is just another reason why I love you two so much! I think four would be enough, we have to secure the shit out of this okay. No fucking cat would ruin this. That'll be all. Hail Klaroline!"

"Hail Klaroline!"

They leave Elena laying on the floor.

...xxx...

Drop me a line! Or you know a declaration of undying love. I'm not picky!

XOXO, Lysa