To Live and Let Go

Summary: Logan Mitchell had been brought up in a home where falling in love with someone of the same gender was wrong. But looking over towards the person lying next to him, he forgot all about everything that his parents drilled into his head at a young age. Because falling in love with the person that was in the same bed as him felt right.

Pairing: Jagan

Rating: T; for mild sexual actions. Kissing. And talk of sex.

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or anything else that you may recognize. I only own the plot and any OCs that may be added.

A/N: So, I've actually had the idea for the dream written down for about five months now. And it was originally gonna be its own story, but I thought up this idea and I couldn't just let go of it. So, I decided to put them both together. I hope you guys like it. :)

Here ya go! :D

Logan Mitchell had been brought up in a home where falling in love with someone of the same gender was wrong. But looking over towards the person lying next to him, he forgot all about everything that his parents drilled into his head at a young age.

There was no doubt in his mind that love was a major part in the fact that he didn't care about what his parents told him. But he knew that part of it was the fact that he loved the feeling of rebelling against what his parents said; and if that meant defying everything that they believed in… Well, let's just say, Logan didn't care. Because falling in love with the person that was in the same bed as him felt right.

It didn't feel like a sin. Well, okay; maybe it did. But that was part of it feeling right because everything with this man felt right. It never once felt wrong, even the first time that they met; when James had practically demanded Logan go on a date with him. Logan had been nervous, having still lived with his parents at the time, but once he was actually out on the date with him James had showed him a good time. Which had resulted in Logan agreeing on a second date.

Thinking back to the first time that Logan had actually talked to James got him smiling, remembering how nervous he had been.

Logan had been sitting by himself at one of the tables at the small coffee shop that was only a block down from his house. It was something that Logan had grown accustomed to, knowing that James Diamond always came in on his way to work.

He had known who James was for a few years now, knowing everything about his daily routine. Most would say that Logan was somewhat of a stalker; Logan would argue that it was just plain coincidence that he knew so much about someone that he hadn't even said one word to.

Logan noticed as soon as James entered the establishment today would be different than any other. On a normal day, James would barely acknowledge him, sending only a glace and a nod in his direction before walking up to the counter and ordering his coffee. Today, however, James didn't look his way before heading towards the counter.

Logan thought that maybe James had realized how crazy he was and decided that Logan wasn't worthy of the little acknowledgement that he had been giving. But as soon as James got his coffee, he headed towards Logan's table, not bothering to look up from the cup in his hand.

As soon as James reached the table, he lifted his head and stared straight at Logan's face while he began talking. "How about you and I go on a date sometime?"

It had been said as a suggestion, with underlying hope within the words, but Logan knew that it was more of a demand than anything. Logan had been warned about guys like him, and knew that they were persuasive and refused to take no for an answer.

"But…I'm a boy…" It was barely above a whisper, but the smirk of James' face told Logan that he had heard him.

"No problem." James stated nonchalantly, changing the smirk on his face to a small smile. "Gender has nothing to do with love, right?"

"Love?" Logan's eyes widened, unsure of just what James was talking about. There couldn't be love in the situation if they had never talked to each other before, right?

"Yep."

"But..." Logan stopped, wondering exactly what he was going to say. "I thought you just wanted a date…"

"I do, but love's got something to do with it. Right?"

"I – I guess."

"So, what do you say?"

Logan didn't answer for a while, unsure of what to say. Despite what James said about love having to do with it and gender having nothing to do with love, Logan knew that it was just a date. Dates didn't necessarily mean that love needed to be involved. And there was no guarantee that James really wanted anything other than a friend to hang out with.

But. What if James thought that he was a stalker, just like everyone else? What if James wanted to beat Logan up for knowing everything about his daily routine?

Deciding that he sucked at saying 'no' to anyone, Logan looked up at James and nodded. "O-okay."

"Great!" James' face broke out into a wide smile, deciding that Logan's nervousness was James' favorite thing – Logan knew that because later that night, James had mentioned it. "I'll just pick you up here at 7 tonight!"

"Tonight?" That made Logan nervous. His parents would be home tonight, and if Logan said that he needed to be somewhere that late at night, they'd ask questions. But even so, Logan knew that – whether it had to do with something Logan refused to acknowledge at the moment or not – he wasn't about to say no to the brunet standing in front of him; whatever to keep that smile on his face.

"Is that gonna be a problem?"

"N-no, no problem."

"Perfect!"

Later that night, Logan had no doubt had the best night of his life. Well, aside from all the other nights that he had spent with James. But he figured, that had to do with the fact that ever since he met James, he had been falling in love with him more and more every day.

Logan reached a hand out, running it over the side of James' face as he smiled at the memories of last night. It hadn't been the first time that they had sex, but it had been their one year anniversary and they had said 'I love you' to each other for the first time. And the sex had been different, drawn out and somehow more passionate than usual. But no matter how different it was, there was no doubt in Logan's mind that the two of them enjoyed it very much.

It hadn't surprised Logan that they had waited to say those three little words. Sure, he knew that James had been trying really hard to actually say the for the past couple months; having been hurt by someone before made it hard for James to trust someone enough to fall for them. But Logan hadn't wanted to rush things, and waiting for the anniversary made it all the more special and knew that it had been the right time to say it last night.

But even having had sex before and saying 'I love you' last night, Logan's face heated up when his gaze drifted downward, noticing that the blankets had been kicked off of James in the middle of the night, leaving him exposed for everyone who came into the room to see. Luckily, it was only Logan who was in the room.

Deciding that he needed to get out of bed and get washed up, Logan slowly slipped out of underneath the covers and out of bed. Being as quiet as he possibly could, he made his way over to the bathroom that was connected to the bedroom and quietly closed the door behind him.

He quickly turned on the shower water, making sure that the water wasn't too hot or too cold, before going over to the sink and brushing his teeth. He made his way over to the shower, stripping off James' pajama pants that he had put on before falling asleep last night, and got under the water. He let the water run down his body for a couple minutes, enjoying the warmth of the water before reaching to grab the soap that James used.

Once he finished rinsing the soap off of his body, he felt two arms encircle his waist from behind. He jump at the initial shock, not having heard the door open or James make his way over to the shower. But as soon as the shock wore off, he turned around and placed a chaste kiss to James lips.

Mumbling against James' lips, Logan greeted James with a simple "Morning."

James didn't seem to be in the mood for talking, having grabbed Logan's face with both of his hands and pressed another kiss to his lips. Pulling away from Logan's lips, James reached down and grabbed the soap. He quickly popped the cap and squeezed a fair amount onto the palm of his hand before rubbing his hands together. He reached out and started lathering up Logan's body as quickly as he could, in order to be finished before they could get caught up in each other.

Logan returned the favor before the both of them took turns washing the other's hair. When they were finished, James turned the water off and grabbed two towels; one for Logan and the other for him. They dried off, walking back into the bedroom to grab a pair of clothes for the day.

But as James turned so his back was facing Logan, Logan got distracted and watched the contours of James' back as he bent down to grab a pair of pants from the bottom drawer. He stared until James turned around and sent him a smirk – as if saying that James knew what Logan had been doing – making his face turn red in embarrassment, turning his head away in hopes of James not seeing the redness that enveloped his face.

"God, I love it when you blush like that, Logan." James whispered, taking the few steps towards Logan that separated them.

Wrapping his arms around Logan's waist, James placed a couple kisses on the back of Logan's neck. Logan tilted his head, giving James better access to his neck, while one of his hands shot up into James' hair, grabbing onto a handful to keep his knees from giving way.

"What were you thinking about this morning, when you were too busy to notice that I was awake?" James' voice was barely a whisper, his breath ghosting against Logan's ear; which made a shiver wrack throughout his body.

"T-the first day we officially met." Logan eyes fluttered shut at the feel of James' lips back on his neck, James sucking at a random spot on his neck. "How I was glad that I didn't say 'no' to that date."

"Yeah?" He pulled back a second, before leaning back in to bite at the same spot that he had previously been sucking at. "Why are you glad that you didn't say 'no'?"

They hadn't said 'I love you' to each other yet; but they had been seeing each other now for almost a year, and even though Logan was ready to say those three words, he was nervous. James hadn't said it yet, and although it seemed like James did love him, he didn't want to ruin anything or make things awkward by saying it before James did. Even with all that being said, the three words that he was nervous about saying slipped passed his lips faster than he could stop them.

"I love you"

The lips on Logan's neck froze, pulled away and stopped only a couple inches away from his ear. He felt teeth graze against his ear before he heard James' voice reply to what he said, and he wasn't expecting what he heard.

"I love you, too."

And just like that, Logan was turned around to face James and James' lips were colliding with his own in a much needed kiss, full of love. They pulled back after awhile, the need for air too great to ignore, but as soon as they could they dove right back into the kiss; James quickly swiping his tongue against the bottom of Logan's lips, asking for entry. Logan obliged, opening his mouth to allow James' tongue to slide in alongside his own and running against the roof of his mouth.

Somewhere in the middle of the kiss, though, the bedroom door flew open, revealing two very stunned people in the doorway. Logan pulled away, at the sound of the door hitting against the wall, and when he looked towards the doorway, he sprung back. It was shocking to see his parents in the house that he had bought when he moved out of their house, to afraid of bringing James there in fear of his parents finding out the truth as to why he spent most of his time with the same guy.

"Mom! Dad! What are you doing here?" Logan questioned, pulling his comforter off of his bed to pull around himself and James, to keep his parents from seeing anymore of them than they already had.

"We came to check up on you. You've disappeared pretty much the past week, and we were worried about you." His father spoke up, sending a glare towards James. "But we can see that you're busy. So, we'll just leave."

"No, wait!" Logan said, stepping forward and letting go of the blanket. "I need to tell you guys something."

He had been debating on whether or not he should tell his parents that he was gay, and he had finally decided that he should. But it was hard; knowing that your parents were homophobic and that their own son was gay… it was a little ironic, but it was completely difficult to tell them the truth. Which was why Logan had waited so long to tell them.

The looks on their faces told Logan that they already knew what he was going to say, and maybe that was a little reassuring – even though they had found out by walking in on him and James kissing. But that didn't make it any less difficult to day.

James felt the need to reach out and grab Logan's hand, but decided against it when Logan's father shot a glare his way at the tiny step forward that James took. So, instead, James shrunk back and sat down on the bed, pulling the blanket tighter around himself in case it decided to fall off his shoulders as he listened to the talk.

"Mom, dad… I – I'm gay." Logan looked down, unable to bear the sight of his parents' disappointed gazes. "A-and I know that you don't understand -"

"Oh, we understand perfectly fine. We understand that this thing" His father gestured towards James. "has you convinced that being with someone one the same sex is right."

"He has a name, dad." Logan responded with, ignoring everything else that his father said.

"Oh, I don't care." His father's gaze turned to him, sending his glare towards him in an authoritative way. "And you're moving out of this house and back into ours, obviously living on your own isn't what's best for you."

"Dad, I'm twenty-on years old. I don't think I need you telling me what to do." Logan said as calmly as he could.

He couldn't believe that his father was acting that way. He knew that his parents wouldn't take it too well, but he didn't think that they would try to take him away from his life and try to turn him into something that he's not.

Part of him wanted to give in to what his father was telling him, though, because he didn't want to lose his parents. He knew that this would be the last time that he'd see them, if he chose to stay with James and not go back with them. But the other part of him wanted to turn towards James and just kiss him in front of his parents.

He chose neither of those options, however; decided on sighing and turning towards the dresser to grab a pair of pants and a t-shirt of James'.

When he was dressed, he passed his parents to walk towards the kitchen in hopes of distracting him from the demanded stares that his parents' faces held. It wasn't that he didn't love them, because he did. But Logan didn't want to have to go on with his life as someone that he wasn't, which was why when he reached the kitchen he found himself saying something he'd never thought he'd have to ever say.

"I don't care what you want me to do. I am staying here, and if that means that I never get to see you guys again…then I guess I'll just have to live with that." Logan wasn't look at them when he said it; instead he was staring at the counter.

"Now, Logan, I don't think you're thinking clearly. Why don't you come with us to our house and we can think about this without being around someone that's gonna change your decision."

"Oh, you want me to not be around someone that's gonna change my decision?" Logan asked, clearly not being able to handle any of this anymore. "Well, how about you two leave also? I can't choose between someone I love and my own parents! It's not fair to ask me that. I love James. And if I have to choose between you two, I'm choosing him; because he's not asking me to pretend.

"I'm gay. And if you can't accept that, then I think it's time you two leave."

"Fine, but don't come to us when you heartbroken over something that he does."

As if he knew that he was being talked about, James walked into the room and started talking. "With all due respect, sir, I won't break his heart. Not intentionally, at least. I love him, just as much as he loves me. And I don't plan on hurting him in any way."

Logan's parents didn't even look James' way as he spoke, only looking towards Logan as if he was the one speaking. But they didn't acknowledge what was being said, either.

"Okay, mom, dad. I think it's time to go. Obviously you can't accept the fact that I love James and James loves me. So, you aren't welcome here."

At that last sentence, Logan's voice broke; the first time since his parents showed up that James realized just how much it hurt Logan to be unaccepted by his parents. It showed just how much Logan hoped – even though he knew that his parents wouldn't – that he would be accepted by them. And having to kick his parents out of his own home because they were being rude and homophobic, was something that Logan never imagined he'd have to do; but here he was, doing just that.

XxX

Logan's parents left, leaving Logan and James in the kitchen to think about what had just happened. Logan was the first person to break the silence, a sob escaping his mouth as he tried desperately to hold them in. James was at his side immediately, pulling Logan into his arms to comfort him.

"Shh, it's gonna be okay." James whispered, placing a kiss to the top of Logan's head.

Logan clung to James, grabbing handfuls of his shirt to keep him from leaving. He couldn't handle James leaving now that he didn't have his parents to make sure he was alright. He wouldn't have been able to handle James leaving him anyways, but now that he didn't have anyone else… He couldn't even imagine it.

After a couple minutes, the two of the slide down against the counter to sit on the floor, James pulling Logan onto his lap to pull him closer. James knew that Logan needed the reassurance that he wasn't gonna be leaving, and he didn't want to break the silence, so the closeness was the only way to make sure that Logan knew that James wasn't leaving him.

Logan's sobs slowed, only occasionally making an appearance as Logan tried his best to calm down. It wasn't until twenty minutes after his parents left, that Logan finally was able to calm down enough to talk.

"I am so sorry that my parents said that." It was said barely above a whisper, but James was able to hear it due to the closeness of the two.

"Logan, don't apologize for your parents. It's them that need to apologize and accept the fact that it's the twenty-first century; not everyone is straight or afraid to show their true self."

"I know, but they still shouldn't have said that. It was rude and wrong of them to say that, especially with you in the same house." Logan said, playing with the hem of James shirt.

"That's true, but it's not your fault. You did the right thing, even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment. I promise everything is gonna be better from now on." James whispered, placing another kiss to the top of Logan's head. "Now, let's go and get something for lunch; I'm hungry and I could really use some sunlight."

"Okay"

XxX

Later that day, when they were getting ready to go to bed, Logan stopped in the middle of the room and stared at James, who was already underneath the covers. He had been trying really hard to keep from falling apart again all day; and if it hadn't been for James who was always trying to get him to laugh, Logan probably would have been locked up all day, crying his eyes out.

But somehow, he had someone in his life that made sure he wasn't so pathetic. Someone who was looking out for him and made sure that Logan lived life to the fullest. Someone who he loved and who loved him back. Someone who taught him how to live. Someone who taught him how to let go of everything that didn't make him happy. And someone he was able to crawl into bed with and be held by until he fell asleep.

And honestly, he wouldn't have asked for anything more.

"Thank you" Logan whispered, not moving from his spot.

"For what?" James cocked his head to the side, confused as to what Logan meant.

"For being there for me." Logan finally took those extra steps to reach the bed; and crawled into the bed, leaning over James to place a kiss to James' lips. "And for loving me for me."

"Hey, no need to thank me. It's kind of hard not to fall for you, especially when you've got those dimples." That caused a blush to creep onto Logan's face. "And when you blush like that."

A/N: Well. It's not as long as I really wanted it to be. But I think it's okay. It came out differently than I wanted also, I actually started this as smut – which I wanted to put in it, but I couldn't after I put Logan's parents in there – but ended up with Logan telling his parents that he didn't want to pretend anymore. Or something like that.

And… I hope you guys liked it. It's been awhile since I wrote a one shot, so I wanted to do that. But I don't know if it was as good it could have been.