May 2012

None of the New Directions make any mention of Blaine's past. Sure, they all treat him a bit more gently, but they say nothing about what he'd told them, for which he is grateful.

Things are finally getting back to normal in Blaine's life. Cooper had returned to LA, but now calls Blaine weekly. Blaine chuckles slightly at this – now the tables are turned and Cooper is the one desperately trying to contact the other. They have brief, impersonal conversations, but it's something.

Blaine sometimes catches Kurt looking at him as if he wants to say something, but doesn't know how. He isn't sure if he wants Kurt to say it or not.

Blaine has precalculus with Tina and Kurt. This week has been stressful, what with AP exams and practice for nationals. He is sitting in his seat between his two friends, trying to do his work. But the page seems to be swimming before his eyes and he feels a headache like none that he has experienced in over a year. The lights are too bright, and the tapping of Kurt's pen is far too loud. The scratch of the chalk across the chalkboard threatens to split Blaine's skull.

With a moan, he drops his head and begins rubbing his temples.

Kurt is the first to notice. "Blaine, are you okay?" But even that whisper is too loud for Blaine. He shakes his head and raises a hand.

"Can I – can I go to the nurse?" he asks quietly when the teacher calls on him.

She gives him a doubtful look. She thinks he is faking. "Is it an emergency, Blaine?"

He can only manage to nod his head. Kurt speaks up for him. "He has a, uh, a condition. He really does need to get to the nurse." Tina nods fervently in agreement.

The teacher sighs. "Fine, Blaine, pack up your things."

Kurt makes to follow Blaine as he shuffles out of the classroom, but his teacher fixes him with such a glare that he sinks right back into his seat.

Blaine is thankful that classes are in session and the hallways are, for once, silent. He enters the nurse's office, and the bright lights hits him like a truck. The nurse, a kindly woman in her late 20s named Jenn, immediately senses something is wrong and guides the boy to one of the cots. "What's wrong, honey?"

"Headache … lights too bright," he murmurs. Understanding, she turns off the lights and brings a curtain around the bed to try to muffle the noise. "What's your name?"

"Blaine – Blaine Anderson. Can I have some Advil or something?"

Jenn looks sympathetically down at the boy on her cot. "We need parents' permission to distribute any drugs at school. Let me just check your file to see if your parents signed the consent form at the beginning of the year," she says in a soft voice.

Blaine's heart drops. His file probably has a big red flashing light on it that screams "No drugs!"

Jenn comes back a moment later with a concerned expression on her face. "I'm sorry, Blaine. We don't have permission to give you anything, and I can't get a hold of your parents. I can give you some water and let you stay here for the rest of the period to see if that helps."

Blaine had known that that would be the answer, so he nods and tries to find a comfortable position on the bed. Jenn watches sadly as the poor boy tries to fight the pain.

He finally falls into a shallow sleep and Jenn lets him sleep through the last two classes of the day. She wakes him when the final bell rings. "Are you feeling better, Blaine?"

"A bit," he lies. He grabs his bag and walks over to the choir room. It probably isn't a good idea to go to glee practice, but he really shouldn't be driving right now, either.

When Blaine walks into the classroom a few minutes after everyone else, Kurt notices him wince at the lights and shouts. He walks over to Blaine and takes his bag. Blaine doesn't protest as Kurt leads him to their chairs.

Tina and Mike come over to check up on Blaine when he sits down. "Are you feeling better?" Tina asks. She looks like she's ready to cry.

Blaine hesitates – and then shakes his head no.

"What happened?" Kurt asks quietly.

Blaine takes a deep breath before beginning to explain in as few words as possible. "I still get pretty bad headaches from time to time."

"Why?" Mike asked.

"Brain injury. From being hit in the head so many times after the dance at my old school."

The three fall silent. Blaine is only opening up like this because he is in too much pain to care.

"Can't they give you a Tylenol or something?" Kurt asks.

Blaine almost laughs when he shakes his head. "No, I'm not allowed near any drugs anymore."

Kurt opens his mouth to ask what Blaine means by this, but Mr. Schuester comes into the room, followed closely by an excited Ms. Pillsbury, clapping his hands excitedly to call them all to attention.

Kurt notices Blaine's wince and raises his hand. "Mr. Schuester, Blaine's got a really bad headache. Can I drive him home?"

"No, Kurt, it's fine. I've had to deal with these for a few years now," Blaine says quietly, putting a hand on his boyfriend's thigh and squeezing lightly.

"You know," Finn says, "I've got some Tylenol in my locker for after tough games and stuff. Do you want some?"

Blaine notices Ms. Pillsbury tense up from her corner of the room.

Before Blaine can answer, Ms. Pillsbury speaks up. "Finn, you're not supposed to have any sort of medication in the school outside of the nurse's office."

"Then why doesn't he go to the nurse?" Finn says.

"I already went," Blaine admits, feeling every pair of eyes on him. "But they can't – won't give me anything."

"Why not?" Finn just keeps pushing. Even Kurt knows that this is a sensitive topic, or at least, Blaine assumes that's what Kurt is thinking from the way his hand is tightening over Blaine's.

"My parents won't let them. They're … afraid." Blaine takes a deep breath. He knew he was going to have to tell them sooner or later, and the opportunity seems to be presenting itself now.

Ms. Pillsbury senses what Blaine is about to do, and jumps in. "Blaine, you must be feeling just awful right now. I can drive you home so no one else has to miss practice."

"No, it's okay Ms. Pillsbury. I think I'm ready."

Will makes the connection from the exchange. Blaine can't have drugs. Emma has read Blaine's records, she knows the secrets of his past. She said that he tried to kill himself once. The shock registers on his face, and Blaine knows that he knows now, too.

The rest of the glee club, however, is still in the dark. Including Kurt. "What's going on, Blaine?" he asks timidly.

"There was a lot more to the stuff that I told you guys earlier. About my past." Talking about this is taking Blaine's attention off of his splitting headache. It's actually helping to dull the pain. "After the stuff that happened at my old school. I, uh, well my family is pretty detached – we don't like to talk about emotions. And Cooper was off in LA and not returning my calls. My one friend from my old school – his family was so ashamed that they moved at the beginning of the summer. Then I transferred to Dalton and I had all these friends but I had to lie to them about everything. Every night, I kept reliving those few moments I could remember from the dance. And my headaches were a lot more frequent then, so I wasn't doing too well in my classes. I got really fed up with it all one day, this was in the fall of my freshman year at Dalton, and I just...stopped. I stopped trying. I had a bunch of extra painkillers from when I was first released from the hospital, so I just downed the entire bottle."

The room was silent.

"So now, my parents don't let me really take any drugs – except the ones that I really have to. No one in my house takes anything. Well, if my parents do, I guess they keep them at the office." Blaine leaves out the sleeping pills that he knows his father keeps in the medicine cabinet.

Blaine can hear Tina sniffling from beside him, and is almost tempted to laugh.

After a few minutes of silence – which feel like hours – Kurt speaks up. "Why did you never tell me any of this?"

"I wasn't ready before. It was all too … raw. But there is nothing that could make me want to do that ever again," he says, the last part just for Kurt.

Now that Blaine is done talking, the pain in his head comes back full force. Usually, he just waits a headache out. They really aren't that bad anymore.

"Why?" Blaine suddenly hears a voice ask from across the classroom. It is the last person he would have expected, but somehow it makes perfect sense. Santana.

"Why what? Why did I try to kill myself?"

The way that he says it so casually hurts Kurt so much.

"I don't know if I necessarily wanted to die, I just wanted to go to a place where I didn't have to feel anything. I hated keeping everything bottled up." It occurs to Blaine as he says these words out loud that that's exactly what he did once the dust settled. He kept everything bottled up, and didn't even acknowledge his past in the privacy of his own mind.

The headache is receding a bit, and Blaine can feel a wave of tiredness crashing over him.

"Hey," Kurt says quietly, "do you want me to give you a ride home now?"

Blaine can barely nod.

"I'm going to take him home," Kurt says to Mr. Schuester. Will only nods.

Neither boy looks back at the classroom. Blaine feels a bit bad, burdening them all with his shit. But inside, he feels lighter than he has felt since before the dance.

Before they walk down the hallway, Kurt stops Blaine and faces him. Blaine is worried for a moment. Is Kurt pissed that he never told him this?

"Blaine Anderson," Kurt begins, taking both of Blaine's hands in his, "I am so proud of you. I love you so much and I don't want you to feel like you ever have to keep anything like that from me ever again."

"I know," Blaine whispers.

Kurt leans forward and gently places a kiss on Blaine's lips. Blaine smiles, more genuinely than he has in weeks, and Kurt begins leading him to the parking lot again.

Blaine falls asleep moments after sitting down in Kurt's car and doesn't hear his phone ringing, nor does he see Cooper's name on the screen. But when Blaine wakes up hours later, in his own bed, he pulls out his phone and dials Cooper's number.

It stops on the third ring.

"Hello?"

a/n: well, that's the end of it. Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing! I hope you enjoyed it. I will be posting some more stuff here that's already published on tumblr and some other new stuff, too, so keep on the lookout for all that. As always, my tumblr url is my-own-patronus.