Ask the whole student body of McKinley High School to describe her and they will all probably tell you the same thing.
Kitty Wilde is a bitch.
When everyone calls you a bitch there's nothing more to do except embrace it. So that's exactly what Kitty does. She can admit that she's a bitch, but at least she gets what she wants when she wants it. People fear her and therefore respect her. What more could she ask for?
Some people might say she's just an insecure girl hiding behind a perfect facade when her home life is anything but pleasing. Those people are wrong. Kitty Wilde has nothing to be depressed about. She's the only child of two christian parents with high paying jobs, she's captain of the cheerios, and all the guys in school would do anything to date her.
Girls would kill to have her life.
Then she gets dumped by Jake Puckerman for Marley freaking Rose and her perfect facade starts to crack a bit. Someone is better than her. Someone doesn't want her. She's lost the boy for the first time.
Suddenly, she doesn't feel so perfect anymore, but she pushes a nerd in the hallway and shoots a few insults to random girls and just like that, she's back to not caring. Kitty Wilde isn't one to get her heart broken. She's the one that does the heartbreaking.
That's never going to change.
It's not like she wants Jake back because she doesn't. But she figures knocking Marley down a few pegs every once in a while won't hurt. So she encourages Marley to puke up her food and cuts her clothes so they fit a little tighter that way the girl thinks she's gaining more weight than she really is. Marley did say she wanted to be skinnier, so Kitty thought she should give the girl a few incentives to do so.
When Marley faints on stage during sectionals, a little bit of guilt starts to seep through the cracks in those walls Kitty has up. She knows what it's like to want to change everything about yourself. Marley and her aren't really any different even though to the outside world Marley represents everything pure and sweet and Kitty is just the bitch in this story.
She goes back into the choir room when Marley is there alone, waiting for the nurse and sipping on a juice box. There's no right way to go about this and Kitty's never really felt obligated to give an apology so she decides to get it over with before anyone else comes to check on her.
"I'm sorry."
"You're apologizing to me?" Marley questions and when her voice cracks and her eyes water, Kitty's heart aches a little for the girl. "Why?"
"Because as much as neither of us want you to end up like your mom," Kitty explains with her hands folded on her lap. "I shouldn't have encouraged you to throw up or not eat. It was wrong and I'm sorry."
"It's mostly my fault, though." Marley sniffles. "I should have known better."
"We all have insecurities." She tells her, a hint of sadness in her eyes. "Some of us are just better at hiding them."
Marley looks at her with a face full of questions and Kitty wonders if she's thinking about that time she told her she used to make herself throw up too. But Kitty's not ready to answer those questions, hell, apologizing is enough for one day. She's never been one to show vulnerablility, never shows weakness, or any other emotion besides overall bitchiness. Something tells her Marley won't mention this moment to anyone, though.
She leaves Marley alone in the choir room and doesn't look back, not even once.
RKRKRK
"It's always going to be those two together, you know."
She's at her locker putting away all her books and getting her bag ready for cheerios practice when Ryder comes up to her.
"What are you talking about, Bieber?"
Seriously, can he not randomly come up to her at her locker and start talking nonsense? She has things to do and constantly rolling her eyes at all those idiots in glee club gave her a headache.
"Jake and Marley." He explains. "I see how you look at them and I just hope you know they aren't breaking up any time soon. Even if they do, they'll always love each other."
"Nothing like your first love, right?" She laughs sarcastically. "They're unforgettable and unbeatable."
"Jake loves Marley." He says and she wonders if he's trying to convince himself and not her. "They aren't going to break up because you want them to."
"You would know, right?" She crosses her arms and takes a step closer to him. Seriously, she's over the whole Jarley relationship and Jake in general. So sue her if she rolls her eyes or makes gagging noises whenever they kiss or give eacher lovey dovey glances. "You've kissed Marley on more than one occassion and she still rather be with Jake so save me the lecture and take a good look in the mirror."
"I'm just trying to look out for you." His eyes are soft, but the fact that he's pitying her and thinks she needs to be told what to do makes her want to push him away.
"I can take care of myself, Ryder." She argues. "As for Jake and Marley? They can continue being the disgustingly adorable yet boring couple they are. I couldn't care less."
She leaves him standing there as she slams her locker closed and makes her way towards the football field for cheerios practice.
RKRKRK
Marley relapses when her mom can't afford therapy sessions and she eventually has to stop going. Jake finds her throwing up during lunch in the girls bathroom and she tries to deny it, saying she just didn't feel good but everyone knows it's a lie. She's getting skinnier again, her eyes are dull, and her smile has a little less shine now.
Kitty is more than familiar with the symptoms of bulimia. You have to be when you've worked so hard to hide them. Marley will get better at hiding it, though. (The same way Kitty did.)
The thing is, everyone blames her for Marley's eating disorder even though this time she has nothing to do with it. Maybe she's the reason it started but she's not the reason why its continued. However, she does her best to hold her ground in glee club when everyone throws harsh words her way, especially Jake.
"I can't believe this," She overhears him say during glee club when Marley's been sent home for the day. He's totally pissed and his eyes are bloodshot which is completely understandable.
"Not really," She feels the need to mention when no one else starts to talk. "I mean, kissing a girl and telling her that she's pretty isn't going to magically make her stop shoving her fingers down her throat. Marley needs actual help."
"Well not everyone can afford therapy sessions, Kitty." He glares at her. "Some of us actually have to work for our money."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Ok, it's no secret she's spoiled. She doesn't have to work when her parents are fully capable of providing for her. Jake doesn't need to throw that in her face though.
"This is your fucking fault!" Jake yells, ignoring Mr. Shue's warnings to stop yelling while everyone else in glee club watches in silence. "You're the one that put this idea in her head."
"Hey, I'm not the only one making fun of her mom all the time." She argues. "I've apologized to Marley so whatever she does now has nothing to do with me."
"Whatever, Kitty." Jake shakes his head at her. "You've always been a bitch to her."
"I'm a bitch to everyone."
"That doesn't make it right." Jake says back. "Marley doesn't deserve to feel this way about herself. You shouldn't have to put her down to make yourself feel good."
She's done arguing with him and it's not like anyone in the damn glee club is going to defend her. Everyone's been team Marley from day one and they always will be. Even now, when Marley herself doesn't blame her.
"Fuck you, Jake." She mutters without meaning to. "I'm out of here."
She walks out of glee club with her eyes burning from holding back tears as she makes her way to her car. Kitty can't tell you how many minutes pass as she sits there in the parking lot, the sounds of her crying filling the car when she hears a tap at her window.
"Ugh, what?" She grumbles, wiping at her eyes roughly.
"Want to let me in?" Ryder asks with a dopey smile. "Please?"
She unlocks the door and watches as he goes to sit next to her in the passenger seat. "You're lucky you're cute."
"Why is that?" He laughs.
"Because if you were anyone else from glee club, I'd tell you to fuck off." She tells him.
"They're not that bad," He says. "We all have our moments, but deep down we care about each other."
"Ugh," She wipes the tears from the corners of her eyes. "Spare me the 'glee club is a family' speech, Ryder."
He just smiles at her, not saying anything else as he stays sitting beside her. There's nothing but silence in her car except for the occasional sound of her sniffling a bit. Then she finds herself asking him, "How do you do it?"
"Do what?" Ryder asks her, handing her a tissue from her glove compartment. She thinks its funny how he has no problem making himself comfortable in her car.
"Stay so happy when the girl you like is in love with someone else?" She explains. "Stay so happy when you have football and glee and school and parents stressing you out?"
"Who says I'm happy?" He asks her and it makes her wonder if he's just like the rest of them. Covering up his insecurities and hiding behind a dopey smile that could melt any girls heart.
"You always seem like you are."
"I try not to let anything get to me." He tells her, wiping a tear from underneath her eye with the pad of his thumb. "Everything happens for a reason so when you accept that things become a whole lot easier."
"So basically," She wants to clarify. "You have to learn not to give a shit."
"That's not exactly what I'm getting at." Ryder laughs. "I mean, nothing is as bad as it seems. Just roll with the punches."
She smiles through her tears as his hand cups her cheek, feeling for the first time in a long time that someone is on her side and understands her. "Sounds easy enough."
"It seems like you've got the whole not caring thing down pact."
"I care a lot, actually." She admits quietly, then adds, "Sometimes I just want to disappear."
"I'd miss you too much," He smiles when she rolls her eyes. "Who else is going to criticise my clothes, hair, and song choices in glee club?"
"That is true." She smiles.
Kitty likes that he doesn't judge her or make a big deal about her breakdown. Very few people have seen her cry like this and instead of babying her, Ryder jokes around. He's nothing but himself, a big goof ball. "How are you getting home?"
"Walking, I guess." He tells her and for some reason that makes her feel bad. She's never cared how he's gotten home before but she feels like she owes him for this moment shared between them.
"I can drive you," Kitty offers. "Just tell me where to go."
They spend the drive to his house laughing and singing which she never does. She prefers to drive in silence and try to untangle all the thoughts she has. When he gets out of her car, he makes his way to his porch before he turns aroud and waves goodbye to her. It makes her smile the whole way home.
RKRKRK
For weeks she watches him watch Marley who watches Jake. It's an endless cycle really of those three and she wonders where exactly she fits in with all of that. Kitty is definitely over her so called ex-boyfriend, if you can even call Jake that. Maybe that means she isn't a part of that love triangle after all. She doesn't understand how Ryder can tell her to get over Jake and Marley being together but obviously can't do it himself.
It's slightly pathetic if she's being honest.
So, she decides to confront of him about it. If he can give her a pep talk, she can give him one. That's why she waits in front of his locker in between third and fourth period for him to come by and switch his books like he does every day. (Not that she stalks him or anything. His locker is just right across from hers so she notices these things, ok?)
He smiles when he sees her standing there which is not the usual reaction she gets when people see her waiting specifically for them. It's usually a cringe or flinch she's met with. Then again, no one has ever seen her cry like he has. She moves over so he can open his locker and waits for him to focus his attention on her. "What is so special about Marley Rose anyway?"
"Are we seriously doing this right now?" He chuckles, obviously uncomfortable.
"Really," She adds sarcastically. "I want to know. Is it her sweet, innocent nature? Her baby face that just pulls you right in?"
"Why do you want to know?" He asks, avoiding every one of her questions with some of his own.
"I just want to warn you really." She shrugs her shoulders. "You do know that with Marley's unfortunate genetics her family will probably resemble everyone in that movie 'Big Momma's House'. Well, without all the black people and cross dressing."
"Kitty," He shakes his head at her like she's being ridiculous. Which she is.
"Ok, but seriously." She laughs. "This really attractive football player with delicious bieber hair once told me that Jake and Marley are always going to love each other. Basically, he told me to just let them be. But, lately this guy has been making googoo eyes at said girl, which is so stupid considering he could have any girl he wants."
"Really, now?" He raises his eyebrows at her with a teasing smile on his lips.
"I just want this guy to know that he should take his own advice and stop trailing after Marley like a lost puppy. He needs to move on, don't you think? It's kind of pathetic, the way he's acting,
and I'm getting annoyed." She continues.
"I think you're right." Ryder smiles down at her and she hopes, really does, that he's telling the truth. Maybe he will move on for once. "I'll let this guy know he needs to stop pining after someone who doesn't want him."
"Good," She bites her lip before turning to walk down the hall to her next class, swaying her hips a little more than usual since it's obvious he's still watching her. Then when she finally turns back around and catches his eye she shouts back at him. "And Ryder? The guy we were talking about is you. Just an FYI."
She hears him laugh from all the way down the hall before she enters her classroom.
RKRKRK
The weekend comes and instead of staying home alone all day, Kitty decides to head out to school and enjoy the gym. It's open every saturday for any athletes to get some extra training done, but it's usually empty except for the occasional meathead trying to bulk up before summer. She throws on her yoga pants and a tank and walks the whole way there.
Her headphones are in her ear on full blast and the treadmill is on its fastest setting when she feels someone tap on her shoulder. She's ready to rip one of these meat heads a new one when she pauses her music. When she turns her head, she sees it's Ryder and hates herself for smiling way too wide.
"Mind if I join you?" He smiles and she has no shame in admitting she checks him out in his gym shorts and sleeveless white tank.
"I don't own the gym, Ryder." She laughs, putting her music back on. "You can do what you want."
"Thanks." He smiles. "I think."
She feels him watching her every once in a while and it makes her feel even more hot and flushed. She's not dumb, it's obvious he finds her attractive. (Who wouldn't?) And it's also obvious that she finds him attractive since she's had no problem telling him as much. A few moments pass and then she notices his lips moving and takes out her headphones. "What?"
"Do you want to go somewhere after this?" He rolls his eyes at her which makes her laugh since she's the one always doing it to him.
"Like, together?"
"Yes, together." He stops his machine and dries his face with a towel, then he goes over and stops her own machine. "Did you drive here?"
"I walked," She tells him, taking the towel he hands to her and wiping her neck.
"Good," He starts to leave the gym and she follows after him. "Then I can drive us to Breadstixx to get something to eat."
"Ew, I hate that place." She crinkles her nose, getting into the passenger seat of his small beat up car. "But I guess if you're paying..."
"Of course I am," Ryder smiles and she tries to ignore the voice in her head telling her this sounds suspiciously like a date. Because it's not. She's hungry and he's hungry so they are going to eat at the same time at the same place. And he's paying. That's all.
How they go from having one meal at breadstixx, to getting slushies from the gas station, to watching a movie at his place she has no idea. But when he drops her off at her house that night, she makes it to her porch before turning around and waving goodbye to him.
That night while she's alone in her room, staring at her ceiling and thinking of him, she makes up her mind that she's going to have sex with him. It won't complicate anything because they aren't friends at all. They've only hung out a few times and they're both single so it just makes sense for them to hook up at least once. (Well, it makes sense at the moment.)
RKRKRK
Kitty's never had a problem getting what she wants and that includes guys. With Jake it was so easy. All she had to do was bat her eyes and show a little leg and he was putty in her hands. She doesn't want a relationship, God no. She just wants to have a some fun and Ryder seems like the best choice.
So she makes sure they partner up for glee rehearsal that way she can make excuses to touch him. And she puts more lip gloss on then usual. And compliments him more than she's ever done since they've met. She's not even embarrassed to say she walked to school to make sure he'd offer her a ride. So when glee club ends she purposely walks in front of him and Sam so he can see that her car isn't in the parking lot.
"Kitty!" He calls after her and she bites her lip to keep from smirking. "Kitty!"
He jogs to catch up to her and she smiles up at him. "You're walking home?"
"Yeah," She answers. "I forgot to fill up my gas tank yesterday so no gas means no car."
"Sucks," He tells her. "I'll give you a ride."
Maybe it's the fact that she wants to seduce him, but that simple sentence makes her warm all over. It makes her want to lean up and whisper in his ear, I hope you will. Instead she settles for,"Thanks, Ryder."
They talk about glee club, laugh, sing a little, and Ryder even admits that he thinks Tina can be bitchier than Kitty when she feels like it which she finds pretty hilarious. Before she even realizes they're parked in front of her house and she has to think fast.
"Come inside," She tells him, getting out of his car. "My parents aren't home and I want to show you something."
"Uh, sure." He seems hesitant but he still follows Kitty into her house and up to her room. Then she's closing her door shut and leans back against it as he sits on her bed, waiting.
"Do you think I'm sexy?"
"What?" He laughs and she crosses her arms because laughing? Not appreciated. "Oh, you're serious? Then, uh, I guess so."
"You guess so?"
"I don't understand what's going on here?"
She should have known he wouldn't be as easy as the others. He looks so clueless and it's annoying and cute at the same time. "We're both sexy, single, sophomores. My parents aren't home and there's a perfectly good bed right here. We should put it to good use. Don't you think?"
"Uh," He stutters and she rolls her eyes.
"You're stalling." She moves so she's sitting next to him on her bed, her lips inches from his. "Stop being so shy and go for what you want, Ryder. Aren't you tired of always being the good guy?"
That's all it takes, her egging him on and telling him to go for what he really wants, for him to tug her towards him by the back of her neck and press his lips against hers. Her hands grip his shoulders as their lips move against each others and then he's moving them to lay down with him between her legs.
She wants him so much it's crazy and she thinks (only for a split second) that she doesn't just mean in a sexual way. Maybe they could be something more than what they are now, just two people seeking comfort in all the wrong ways. But when his tongue enters her mouth to massage her own, she can't seem to care. Her only focus is to get him undressed so they can both do what they know is going to happen.
"Clothes." She pants when his lips move down to trail along her neck. Her head falls back to give him more access and he bites lightly, soothing the skin with his tongue afterwards. "Off."
She likes that he takes orders so well, tearing off his shirt and unbuckling his jeans without protest. Kitty smirks as she slides her hands slowly down his bare chest, scratching lightly before dipping into the waist band of his boxers.
"Kitty," He groans when she grasps him lightly, barely moving her hand. His cheeks are flushed and the shy look in his eye does even more to turn her on. (Go figure.)
"I want to make you feel good." She whispers in his ear and it's nothing if not the truth. He's spent far too much time hung up on a girl that he's admitted himself is always going to love someone else. And as much as she doesn't want to admit it, Jake breaking up with her hurt her more than she's let on. They both need this. They deserve it.
He tugs her cheerios uniform up over her head and pushes her skirt down as her hand works his length, careful to move slowly so this thing between them isn't over before it begins. Then he's unclasping her bra, pulling it down her shoulders and taking her breasts in his hands.
"Ryder!" She moans when he pulls her panties straight off her hips and places his tongue on her without warning. He bites and licks and sucks, her hands having no choice but to let go of his length to grip the sheets beneath her. He hums against her clit and she wants to grind her hips against him, but he puts his arm over her, holding her in place. When she comes for the first time on his tongue it's with his name on her lips and her hands in his hair.
"Condom?" His voice breaks her out of her haze, a bright white dancing behind her eyelids. She shakes her head, wets her lips, and points towards her drawer. Vaguely, she hears the sound of him opening the foil and placing the condom on himself. When she meets his eyes and sees the darkened black pupils it makes her shiver and wonder if her gaze mirrors his own.
He strokes himself twice before pressing against her, holding back from giving her what she really wants. She's never been one to beg, for anything, but the words leave her lips without warning. "Please. Don't tease me, Ry."
RKRKRK
When she goes back to school, it's as if nothing ever happened and she is perfectly fine with things staying that way. She's had one time only hookups before. She knows how this goes. Well, she would be fine if she could just get Ryder off her mind. Before, when she barely knew him she admitted he was cute but didn't pay too much attention to his charm and good looks. Now, that they've had sex and actually talked, he's all Kitty can think about.
But, relationships are so overrated and she's got better things to occupy her time with. So, she throws herself into practicing for the cheerios, determined to lose those five extra pounds Coach Sylvester has been bugging her about.
"If you want to stay captain, you got to stay in tip top shape, Kitty." Coach tells her one day after practice. "Can't have my girls looking flabby on game days. Tone it up!"
And she tries, she really does. After school she goes to the gym and works out for an hour, even asks her dad to invest in an elyptical machine for the house, drinks all the shakes Coach recommends, and does basically everything she can to gauruntee she'll lose weight. Too bad it's never enough. Everyday she goes home and eats nothing but salad and drinks nothing but water. Everyday she spends two hours using her new elyptical machine. Everyday she goes home and stands on her bathroom scale, watches as it reads the same numbers every time and wonders if her eyes are just playing tricks on her. (They've done it before.)
"Fuck!" She cries in frustrastion, covering her face in her hands and willing herself not to cry. It's been a week and she's barely lost a pound. She's tired, sweaty, and so damn hungry. But Kitty's not supposed to cry. She's supposed to be strong. Strong when she's home alone for days at a time. Strong when everyone thinks she's a bitch. Strong enough to lose weight without hurting herself.
She hasn't forced herself to throw up in over three months and she refuses to do it now. But then there's that voice in the back of her head, telling her she'll lose her spot on the cheerios if she doesn't lose those five pounds and she starts to think maybe just one more time.
Afterwards, when she's brushed her teeth three times to get the smell of vomit off her breath, she lays in bed and cries. It's not like her parents are home to hear her. And even if they were, it's not like they'd care.
RKRKRK
Kitty doesn't know what to expect when she finds Ryder standing on her porch with two slushies in his hands and a smile on his face. It's been a little over two weeks since their little hook up or whatever, and unlike most guys he doesn't look upset at her for avoiding him for so long. No one in glee club woul suspect a thing considering nothing has changed in his attitude towards her. Their lingering glances go unnoticed, thankfully. He just stands there with that goofy smile on his face so she has no choice but to ask him, "You gonna talk?"
"Right," He fumbles, thrusting a slushie towards her before walking passed her into her house. "I bought you a slushie."
"Why?" She questions, looking at the frozen drink as if she's never seen it before.
"Because I wanted to do something nice for you." He laughs. "It's not that big of a deal."
"Is this your way of saying 'thank you for having sex with me'?" She raises her eyebrows at him and then takes a long sip of the drink.
"You didn't do me any favors, Kitty." He tells her, shoving his hands into his jean pockets. "I've never had a problem getting girls."
Shit, she knows that. He's been with his fair share of cheerios before and they talk, ok? She'd heard all about his sexual endeavors before they even got together. (And was not disappointed at all.)
"Calm down, Lynn." She rolls her eyes, placing her slushie on the counter beside her. "It was a joke."
"Well," He says, licking his lips. "I just wanted to drop by and see how you were doing since you've been avoiding me."
"I appreciate it." She says with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.
"So, I'll be going." It's more of a question and she can see in his eyes that he wants her to make him stay. Suddenly, she can't think of a good reason for him not to. Something deep inside her awakens and she instantly wants him. Like a flick of a switch.
"You coming or what?" She walks towards her bedroom, looking at him over her shoulder.
"Huh?"
"Let's have sex." She says, dragging out the words to make him fumble a bit.
Immediately, she takes off her shirt and pushes her jeans off her hips when he finally enters her room. Laughing as he just stands there in shock. Then, with a shrug of his shoulders, he slams the door shut before he takes off his shirt and tosses it in her face, earning a girly giggle from the so called bitch.
He unbuckles his belt, taking off his jeans before pressing against her and meeting her lips in a heated open mouthed kiss. Their tongues battle for dominance as he backs her up into the door of her bedroom, trailing his hand down to her panties and rubbing tight circles. She gasps and tosses her head back, spreading her legs a little wider.
He loves to tease her like this, touching her over her underwear but never going beneath them. Well, she thinks, two can play at that game. She turns them so he's the one with his back against the door, leaving kisses and bites down his chest before tugging down his boxers and licking her lips.
Kitty flashes him a mishievious smile, biting on her bottom lip as his hands go to thread through her long blonde hair. She loves doing this, loves how powerful she feels as he comes apart for her. It's as if Ryder has no control and yet she has all of it. So she kisses the tip of his length then licks a slow stripe starting at the base.
"Fuck, Kitty." He groans, hitting his head against the hard door when she takes most of him into her mouth, her hand working the rest.
He returns the favor. (And then some.)
RKRKRK
It's dark outside her window and she doesn't know what time it is and yet couldn't care less. Her parents are still at work and probably will be for a few more hours which is why laying awake, staring out her window isn't a strange thing for her. The only difference is tonight there's someone else sharing her bed with her, comforting her and taking her away from the loneliness without even realizing.
She's holding on to him so tight she should feel embarassed but there's no one to judge her in this empty house. No one to call her out on showing her vulnerablity. They're both naked under the blankets, legs tangled together, and nothing but his deep breathing is filling the room. Something about him, and them as a whole, feels different and it scares her.
Suddenly, he's blinking his eyes open and smiling at her. He doesn't even know how much he's helping her with just that simple action. "You ok?"
"Can't sleep." She whispers and suddenly him being awake right now makes everything too real. "I think I like you too much."
He chuckles softly and places a kiss on top of her head, lingering for a moment. "I think I like you too much, too."
It's quiet for a moment, his arm around her as she snuggles into his bare chest. It's far more intimate than she's ever been with someone. "Is that a bad thing?"
"I don't know." He admits. "It's late. You should sleep."
"I can't." She hates how small her voice sounds, hates the way it cracks and tears form in the corners of her eyes. "Keep talking to me."
"Ok," He rubs the tips of his fangers down her arm, trying to soothe her. "I've always wanted to talk to you but I thought you'd shoot me down. Sometimes I think this has to be a dream. That there's no way you'd ever be with a guy like me.
"A guy like you?" She wonders out loud.
"Too nice." He laughs.
"I never thought you'd be with a girl like me." She admits. "Too mean."
"I guess we're both full of surprises." He says and she can just make out a hint of his smile in the darkness of her room. "Now, tell me something. Something you've never told anyone else."
"There's a lot of things I never told anyone. My life's not an open book." She whispers.
"It doesn't have to be." He reassures her. "Whatever and whenever you feel like opening up is up to you."
"Sometimes I don't feel good enough." She says quietly, hoping that if he doesn't hear her say the words she can just take them back.
"Good enough for who?" He asks, pulling her closer to him.
"Everyone. My parents. I don't know." A stray tear falls down her cheek but she wipes it away quickly with her hand. She wants to tell him everything. She needs to let it out and he won't be the one to judge her. He's proven that. "I made myself throw up last week."
"Kitty." He says her name softly, but he's not upset with her. He's not even disappointed. Maybe just sad.
"I hadn't done it in like three months." She whispers, more tears falling down her cheeks that he can probably feel as her head rests against his chest.
"You've done it before." He says it softly, not as a question, but as a statement. As if he's now realizing just how damaged she is. Now he sees how she's just like everyone else. The perfect Kitty Wilde is nothing special, instead she is just another girl.
"I don't remember when it started." She explains. "No one ever really caught on."
"But you stopped, right?"
"I did." She answers simply. "But, Coach Sylvester wanted me to lose five pounds or else I'd lose my spot on the cheerios and I was trying so hard, working out, eating right, trying to do it the healthy way. But nothing was working and I was just so stressed out, Ryder. "
"It's ok." He soothes her. "We all have setbacks. It helps to talk about it and you know I'm here for you."
"I don't know why." She finally looks up at him, meets his warm eyes as he wipes her tears with the pads of his thumbs.
"Because even Kitty Wilde needs someone to lean on every once in a while." He says and she realizes that he's absolutely right.
She doesn't know when she falls asleep exactly but she knows it's because of Ryder, his fingertips trailing up and down her spine and his breathing beneath her ear. Kitty feels weightless as she lays in that bed with him, a real smile on her face for the first time in who knows how long. She doesn't know exactly what's happening with her and Ryder but she's going to hold on to it for as long as she can.
RKRKRK
Maybe it's the fact that she let herself get way too vulnerable with Ryder or that she feels herself going soft for him with each passing day. But, she actually finds herself smiling (Smiling!) at him when he sings or dances in glee, makes a joke that isn't even that funny, or when she stares at him in the hallway when he hasn't had time to notice her yet. Honestly, it's a strange feeling for her, this bubbly and giddy thing that's going on deep inside of her at the mere mention of his name.
That's why she amps up the bitchiness for a day just to prove to herself that she's not some insecure, lovesick, little girl. She's got it all and everone needs to rememeber her superiority, ok?
"Why don't you make like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz and get yourself a brain?" She tells Brittany during an early morning cheerio practice when the girl accidentally steps on her toe.
"Good job hiding how bored you are with your relationship. Hope it's fun being stuck on first base." She tells Jake when he passes her in the hallway with his hand intertwined with Marley's.
"That hair cut makes your head look like a penis." She tells a random girl in the hallway bragging about her short new hair style.
It's safe to say that mostly everyone avoids her for the day and yet she doesn't mind at all. Putting people in their place is what she does best. (Actually, pushing people away is what she does best.) Kitty Wilde is a name no one in this school will ever forget along with the infamous Quinn Fabray and Santana Lopez.
However, word must get around about bitch Kitty making a return without any warning because when she goes out to her car at the end of the day, Ryder is leaning against it with his arms crossed. Go figure, he's going to try and talk some sense into her.
"Come here to punish me?" Kitty teases with raised eyebrows as she unlocks the car doors and sits inside.
He smirks, ignoring her question and going to sit in the passenger seat. "What's with the extra dose of bitchiness today?"
"What?" She turns to face him for a few seconds as she drives towards his house.
"Don't play dumb, Kitty." He laughs with a shake of his head. "You're a bitch but today you basically chewed everyones head off."
"Well, everyone was being annoying today." She shrugs. "Are you trying to change me or something? Make my heart swell three more sizes like the grinch?"
He sighs like she's being ridiculous and for a second she wants to leave him on the side of the road and just drive far, far away but then he says. "No, I like you just the way you are."
"Do you now, Bruno Mars?" She laughs glancing over at him in the passenger seat. "So the bitch act doesn't scare you?"
"No," Ryder answers quickly. "Because that's all it is. An act. I've seen the real you before."
That's what worries her. The fact that this boy who she barely knows anything about, knows so much about her. He doesn't judge her for what she's done either, or worse pity her once he found out the truth, which is that she's a sad, lonely, insecure girl. (Or she used to be. Not so much anymore with him around.)
"You've seen all of me." She means it in a flirty way, wants to tease him and make him want her. But, it can easily be seen as the truth because he has seen all of her. In every sense of the meaning.
"I guess I have." He says right before she pulls her car over to the side of the road because it's been far too long since they've kissed. She cups his face and pulls him towards her, begging him to open his mouth for her by dragging her tongue along his bottom lip once...twice...three times.
They end up making out in her car while pulled over at the side of the road for over an hour and then later, when she's eating dinner alone in her house it finally hits her.
She's already fallen for him.
RKRKRK
She doesn't know when Ryder Lynn became the reason she became a complete and utter sap, spouting shitty romantic lines she's only ever heard in Nicholas Sparks novels. Even with Jake, and other guys Kitty talked to, it was never like this.
The amount stares they get Monday morning when the two of them walk down the hallway hand in hand are unbelievable. She'd be a liar if she didn't admit to loving all the attention and whispers that focus solely on her. She likes that Ryder doesn't seem to mind, just holds her a little closer as they pass through the crowd of students before the first bell rings.
It's easy to ignore the questions like 'when did this happen?' or 'is this a trick or something?' when she doesn't exactly have the answers. Kitty herself doesn't know what to call this weird state they're in where they have sex and yet talk about feelings. Only one word comes to mind when she thinks about how much she actually likes him: scary.
RKRKRK
She's on his lap, straddling him but not moving at all while he stays inside her. Her hair is wild from his hands running through it and there are scratches on his chest from her raking her nails down it way too harshly. Her breathing is shallow and so is his, savoring the post-sex haze they always seem to fall in.
"I don't think staying like this is a good idea." He chuckles next to her ear as she places kisses down his neck, biting softly.
"Scared you'll want to go again?" She teases, moving off him reluctantly and moaning softly when he finally pulls out of her. With a smirk on her face, she moves her hands so they're draped around his neck.
He presses a lingering kiss to her lips before whispering, "Believe me. I will."
He'll never realize how much he's helped her along the way. The way he's privided that comfort and care most people would be too frightened to give her. God, why does she have to like him so much? It'll eventually end in disaster, she's sure of it, but it's strange and wild that waiting for it to come crashing down genuinely excites her.
"I'll probably break your heart." She bluntly says as he plays with the ends of her hair, meeting his eyes just once before flicking them back down to watch his hands.
"What if I break yours?" He asks her simply. He's always been the one to challenge her.
"You can't." It's a lie. He's far more capable of breaking her heart than she is of breaking his. Letting him know that just gives him more control over her and she's never not been the one in control.
"Then," He pauses for a moment, moving so she lays down with him on top of her this time. His breath fans across her cheeks as he whispers. "We're just going to have to trust each other."
She likes that he doesn't pressure her to label what it is they are. He doesn't demand she change or do something she doesn't want to. He's content letting her be Kitty Wilde, the bitch, the cheerio, the heartbreaker. Whoever she wants to be he accepts it.
The same way she accepts him for his dorky touchdown dances, goofy half smiles, and corny jokes. She'll get to know even those parts of him that he doesn't like himself, the same way he's found out about her insecurities and what makes her tick.
"Don't trust me." She says against his lips, knowing in her heart that her warning is a little too late. They're both in way too deep, so she might as well enjoy the ride.
They've got time to figure it out.
A/N: Yeah, so this was probably really OOC. Tell me what you think? More Ryder/Kitty? Yes? No? Also, I don't know when it happened but I maybe kinda sorta started liking the Marley/Kitty pairing. I'm a confused shipper.