Title: I'm Feeling Lucky
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Disclaimer: They do not belong to me. 90% of Season Three wouldn't have happened if that had been the case.
Summary: I am not impressed by the Glee writers this season. In all honesty, I'm hardly ever impressed by them. This will be a series of 'what if' drabbles.

Dear Kurt

The letters stood out on the page. It indicated how far I had gotten in the process of trying to explain myself, my actions, my thoughts – such as they were.

Dear Kurt

I hadn't gotten very far at all. I could sing my feelings out, but my reputation for choosing patently inappropriate or awful songs was well deserved.

Dear Kurt

Kurt never had that trouble. He still doesn't – as far as I know. But I don't know anything anymore.

Dear Kurt,

Please forgive me. I love you. I can't imagine loving anyone but you. It meant nothing. I just missed you so much . . .

Letter after letter began in futility. Flowers sent – as though a bouquet or potted plant could make up for betrayal. Phone calls never picked up, messages never answered. A picture sent to me of Kurt happy with some other man—someone who deserved him. You never deserved him will never deserve him again look at how happy he is-

I snapped awake and sat up in my bed. I didn't hear anything in the house – not surprising, considering that my parents only deigned to show their faces when it would assist in their business ventures and Cooper had found a steady role on some sitcom. No noises, nothing to explain what had woken me up, aside from that dream.

I glanced at the date on my clock radio and felt my heart jump. October 1, 2012. I pinched my arm viciously and the pain convinced me that I was, indeed, conscious.

October 1, 2012. The day I messaged Eli the first time.

I haven't done it. The thought jarred everything else from my head. I HAVEN'T DONE IT!

I pulled my laptop out, booted it up. Went to Facebook (the spawn of all evils), checked my messages, my friends requests, everything.

Eli wasn't on there. I immediately locked my profile down before sitting back with a sigh.

I HADN'T DONE IT!

The biggest mistake of my life to date had not occurred – and I wouldn't let it.

Grabbing my cell, I texted a quick message to Kurt. Had the wrst dream evr babe. I fucked evrythin up b/c I was missing you. Love you so much.

Yes, it hurt that I didn't get to talk to him very much – but his internship would be horrendously time-consuming. The fact he even landed it spoke to his innate talent and determination to succeed.

I could be supportive of that. I could give him that time to grow.

I could even give that time to myself. Relationships had to be nurtured on both sides. I couldn't keep expecting him to make me happy without me ever saying what my needs are. God. I pulled the same stunt with him at the end of the last school year and almost drove him completely away.

Before Kurt came tiptoeing into my life, I was Blaine Anderson. I knew what that meant. I knew who I was. And I could still keep discovering what that will mean for me in the future. Kurt was such a big part of my life, but I couldn't continue to define myself solely by him.

It wouldn't be fair to him and it hadn't been fair to me.

God, I can't believe I forgot all of that.

My phone buzzed. 2am – he must be working late (or early) on some task for his boss.

Subconscious is a bitch. Love you too. Cant wait to see you Mr. President!

A big grin split my face. So he had gotten that message. Maybe I could take one teensy leaf from that dream and go surprise him a couple of weeks early.

Don't work too hard. XO

I put my phone up, double checked my alarm (and the date, just to be sure), and laid back down to get some sleep.

Dear God or whoever you are, thank you for that warning. I'm definitely heeding it.

/end/