Casually updates story after about two years

So this is an update of my original story – who wants to be a vampinaire, if you're a new reader then hello, thank you for clicking on my story I hope you have a nic- OH NO THERES A GIANT UNICORN BEHIND YOU THROWING FIRE BALLS DUCK ! ! ! !

And if you're a returning reader then yes I haven't updated in two years… why… im lazy as fuck and enjoy Netflix very, very much…

PLEASE REVIEW….IT HONESTLY MEANS A LOT I GET SO HAPPY MAKE ME SMILE PLEASEEEEE!

Who wants to be a vampinaire

''hello vampire world, I am the very sexy Emmett Cullen, we are here with the Denali family and are about to start round 2. Let's begin.'' Emmett swooped down and stood by the table the Denalis stood at. '' Hello there Tanya, are you ready for your five questions?''

''I guess I am…'' Tanya looked uncertain as she stood up from her previous slouching position.

''Carlisle dresses up as a woman named Taquisha, true or false?''

''False.''

''Why is it false?''

''The woman he dresses up as is named Edward.'' She glanced over at Edward with an apologetic look.

''Correct, how many times a day does Alice sniff her toes?''

''Seven.''

''How many scars does Jasper have on his ballsack?''

''nine?''

''Wrong….42….how many times has Edward licked Esme's nipple whilst Carlisle was twerking in the kitchen? ''

''4.''

''no, none you weirdo….'' Emmett gave her a confused look before turning and facing the camera.

''Okay, after this short commercial break round 3 for Garrett.''

Jacob came onto the screen dressed in an Elsa costume ''LET IT GO, LET IT GO…CARNT HOLD IT ANYMORE, LET IT GO, LET IT GO, THAT PERFECT BLADDER IS GONE…'' He whips out his cock and lifts up his leg like a dog before pissing fucking everywhere up a tree….

Across the bottom in small font says 'Jacob did not know this was being recorded, this in no advert and entirely for your amusement. '

Edward sat with his back to the camera, Jasper wandered on screen dressed like a princess; he raised his arms outwards before falling. ''Oh no, I'm a falling princess catch me prince.''

Edward wanders over to Princess Jasper, bends his knees slightly and reaches a hand down to help her up, Jasper reaches up smiling then frowns as Edward whacks her hand away.

Edward turns to raise the camera ''There are unfriendly people in the world who will laugh when you fall down and not raise a hand to help you. If this happens to you then you must probably be a loner with no friends…if you are being pushed down and laying helpless on the floor….then please send in videos, you're probably quite funny.'' The next adverts come on.

Carlisle is wearing only a manikini; he has his hair sprayed pastel pink and light pink heat-shaped sunglasses on.

Ooo, eee, oooh'a'hah

Ting tang, walla walla, bing bang,

Ooo, eee, oooh'a'hah

Ting tang, walla walla, bing bang.

He started to sing the witch doctor but Edward dragged him off.

Esme came on screen apologising about her husband's outburst explaining a patient he saw today injected him in the arm with crazyshit with fear….self-defence….she didn't like needles….random….

The next advert came on and it was Renesmee, Jasper, Rosalie, Esme and Eleazar dressed up as a fifties family sitting around a fifties themed circular table. They all had bowls of cereal in front of them except Renesmee and Eleazar.

''What's for breakfast honey?'' Eleazar said looking at skit wife Esme grinning widely for her acting roll.

''Vampire cereal.'' Her gleeful voice stated as she poured fang shaped oat chunks into the empty bowls. She then pours blood on top rather then milk.

''Delicious.'' Renesmee said, Rosalie and Jasper smiling intensely in the background.

The game show music started up again indicating the adverts where finished.

OKAY THAT'S IT FOR NOW, PLEASEEEEEEEEE REVIEW I WILL REVIEW ONE OF YOUR TWILIGHT STORIES BACK, THANK YOU FOR READING AND IF YOU HAVE AN IDEA FOR AN ADVERT THEN PLEASE LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS OR THROUGH PM, I MIGHT USE IT IF FUNNY ENOUGH. AND ALSO WHEN CARLISLE GOT INECTED I KNOW VAMPIRES CARNT BUT THIS STORY IS FUCKING CRAZY NOW ITS JUST CRAZIER…..ANYWAYS REVIEW ACTUALLY MEANS SO MUCH.