Chapter Six-Did you see that?

I remember the first time I saw a dead body. No, wait; correction, the body of a person that had just been murdered in cold blood. Of course I had seen a dead body before; it's called a funeral in case you were wondering.

Anyway, I go off topic.

The first time I saw a person murdered in front of me was Charity Burbage. Do you remember that? It was all over the Daily Prophet; the fact that she'd gone missing and that it was Death Eaters who were suspected I mean but nobody except a select few witnessed her murder. I scorn this now, how privileged did we think we were?

I read the article; it almost made me want to laugh if I'm honest. They were so close to the truth and they didn't even know it.

The muggle studies teacher from Hogwarts; that's how she was described, a gentle unassuming woman who got herself captured by Death Eaters. She didn't even fight or try to evade them apparently.

Did you know that? That part wasn't in the papers. She was in her house drinking tea, it sounds like a joke but it isn't, and when they burst in she calmly told them that she had known they would come for her and that her death would be an example to everyone of the monstrous actions they were performing.

She made herself a martyr by using her words; I don't think she raised her wand once.

Then, of course, just simply had to make an example out of her by suspending her in mid-air above a table of Death Eaters none of whom cared if she lived or died.

Except me, as cliché as it might sound to you now.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't care about her but I was selfish enough to know that if she was murdered in front of me it would change everything.

And it did.

It meant that I was really one of them. That I would sit and watch as somebody killed her and then that disgusting snake ate her body and I would say nothing.

I did nothing and there was nothing I could have done at least, that was what I told myself those sleepless nights afterwards when I lay tossing and turning in my bed, her image refusing to leave my mind.

She died and I was there, silent and unmoving. Sitting at that table, waiting for my orders but unable to keep her silent scream from ringing in my ears.

It was that night that I was told I would have to kill Dumbledore. That same night, with Charity Burbage asking for Snape's help, knowing it would never come, still fresh in my mind.

"You know what it is I ask of you Draco", he had hissed.

"I do", I had arrogantly replied.

We both know I had no fucking idea what it meant.

And I screwed it all up. As I sit here and tell you my story, whether you are still reading or just flicking through the pages now is irrelevant, all of these memories come rushing back. Some of them suffocate me to the point that my hand shakes so badly I have to stop. Others are a mere blip in my mind, a blip that causes a sudden shortness of breath and then is gone as quickly as it came.

But back to the point in hand, read on if you think you are able to stomach how sickening things are about to get. Try not to hate me for what I did to you.

"I did warn you", she was smirking at me and I was ready to thump her so hard that the idiotic smirk fell off her face and slipped onto the floor where I could crush it under my foot.

"I know you did", I was slumped in the safe confines of the Slytherin Common Room, my head held in my hands and I still couldn't bring myself to look at her as she kneeled at my feet.

I had told Pansy the edited version as soon as she had informed me, upon returning from Hogsmeade, of the story that was making its way around the school. Blaise was in the hospital wing after being found knocked out in McGonagall's office, with no evidence as to what had happened.

People were speculating that it had had something to do with Crabbe and Goyle who had been seen skulking away from the same place moments before Blaise had been discovered.

At this moment in time they were shooting me furtive glances from across the room but they knew better than to try and speak to me. Especially since I think I may have just killed them if they had tried.

Nobody had mentioned anything to me of Granger so I assumed nobody had seen her make her way back to her Common Room from the seventh floor.

Pansy of course had no idea of the aftermath of...I don't even want to mention it.

"So he raped her?" She said it in such a matter-of-fact voice. I knew immediately that even if Blaise had been able to get that far she wouldn't have cared one bit, she would have been delighted.

"No, he didn't get that far", I replied, finally heaving myself up from the seat and moving towards the fireplace, turning my back on her in the process.

"So, you rescued her?" She spat out the words with anger and bitter resentment.

"You would rather it had happened to you so I could rescue you?" I spat back, glaring at her, "Maybe I'll arrange that with Blaise?"

She shrank back from my glare and dropped her gaze to the floor, "No...I".

"You just weren't thinking, yea I know. This was all part of the plan remember", I turned my gaze back to the fire.

"I know Draco, I know. So what happens now?" She stood and moved slowly towards me, watching for any sudden movements since I was so unstable in her eyes. She rubbed her hands over my back after deciding I wasn't about to hit her anytime soon.

"You get the fuck off me and we all try to move on", I replied shrugging out of her grasp and making my way up to my dormitory.

In truth, I had mentally decided to leave Granger to recover after what had happened. I didn't think she would be in any position to be fucked over by me. True, she was in a very vulnerable situation and by her own decision she was choosing to handle it alone but I didn't think I could have gotten anywhere even if I had tried.

I'm not going to bore you with the details of trying to kill Dumbledore, the Katie Bell incident happened about two weeks after this. You know the drill, I got to use the imperius curse on Madam Rosmerta and I slipped Katie the necklace but of course Dumbledore never got it.

"What the fuck Draco?"

"Fuck off Blaise, I don't need you anywhere near me right now", I growled back at him.

We were sitting at Breakfast after hearing about the Golden Trio stumbling upon Katie's cursed body on the way back from Hogsmeade.

So far, nobody had been pointing fingers in my direction; excepting Blaise and the odd glare from Snape.

"How is this any way to go about killing him?"

I glared at him, "I don't hear you coming up with any better ideas?"

He shrugged back at me. He had never quite forgiven me for not allowing him to go further with Granger than I had. He wasn't angry about me hitting him, he was angry about the double standard. He had told me himself, why let him loose if there was going to be limitations and in a way of thinking he was right.

Why tell him he could attack her and then say he could only attack her a little bit?

He had a point, not that I was about to admit that.

"I told you I would hit anyone who stood in my way and you stood in my way", I had said as soon as he had recovered consciousness in the hospital wing.

Now though, it meant that he was more than willing to leave me to suffer the mission alone. He didn't trust me as much as he had now, because I had proved to him that I was not to be trusted. I could easily say one thing and mean another.

In my opinion, he was jealous that he couldn't think of anything better.

"I'm still working on the cabinet alright; I'm trying to kill Dumbledore the only way I know how..."

"Bullshit", he whispered angrily, "Your heart isn't in it at all and you know it. What's changed Malfoy hmm?"

I tried not to let my gaze wander over to Granger but it did and he saw it.

She was sitting apart from her friends just ever so slightly so as not to be noticeable and her food remained untouched in front of her. She was broken, anyone could have seen that but her friends were so incredibly stupid that they looked at her but they didn't really see her.

I saw her and I could've sworn that without looking up or even acknowledging that she saw me looking at her, she tensed under my gaze.

"I don't fucking believe this. Your plan to wreck the mudblood's life is bleeding in to what you're actually supposed to be doing", Blaise began to laugh mockingly after following my gaze over to the Gryffindor table.

I got to my feet, "You know nothing Zabini. I'm the one he entrusted this mission to not you".

His laughing stopped abruptly as he got to his feet, squaring up to me easily.

"You think you're so fucking superior. Seeing you brought down a peg or two well that would just be peachy from where I'm standing, so keep doing what you're doing. Continue to screw up and when you fail and you will fail, I'll be there to pick up the pieces", he smirked at me.

I was breathing heavily knowing that more and more eyes were beginning to fall on us.

"You want to make an enemy out of me Zabini? Go ahead, I'll be your worst fucking nightmare and when I succeed in getting this cabinet to work, you'll be the first casualty".

With that I strode out of the Great Hall, balling my hands in to fists to keep from turning around and punching him hard in the gut and watching all the air wheeze out of him.

I wasn't surprised in all honesty, Blaise and I had been pitted against each other since we were children and it was only natural that he would be jealous that Voldemort picked me over him.

I'm not embracing my arrogant side either when I say this; I was always smarter than Blaise and more willing to use my cunning than my brawn. He had a horrible habit, as what had happened to Granger would testify to, of allowing his temper to run away with him and become deaf to what he had been asked to do in the first place.

He had been waiting years to finally become someone important and unfortunately, as a result of my extracurricular activities, and the fact that he was getting even closer to the issue than he realised, he was fast becoming a major problem.

Soon he would begin to think there was more to me and Granger than there actually was.

Soon he would realise she was constantly in my mind.

Constantly.

No, stop now.

I pulled myself to an abrupt halt on the first floor, leaning against the wall and clenching my fists tight, closing my eyes and willing images of her broken face at breakfast to disappear.

"Draco?"

My reverie was broken at the incessant whine that was her voice.

"What do you want Pansy?" I asked without opening my eyes or removing myself from the wall.

"Are you alright?"

I sighed, "Tell the teachers that I'm sick and I've gone back to my Dormitory to sleep it off". I pushed myself off the wall and began walking in the other direction.

"I don't want to be disturbed" and without even turning I knew she had opened her mouth to protest, "And yes I mean by you too".

I decided the only place I could go would be the Room of Requirement, the Cabinet would take over all of my thoughts and for once I wouldn't have to think about her.

Unfortunately, the cabinet didn't want to co-operate.

The spells I was reciting were doing nothing and I was running out of ideas. I hadn't the guts to shove another bird into the cabinet and watch as it died inside.

It was needless and not out of mercy for a bloody bird but because every time I realised the bird had actually died, I felt like going out and killing something out of sheer frustration.

But now, this feeling of dejection that was seeping through my bones was just...more disappointing than anything else.

Eventually, after what felt like the 500th attempt I decided that it wasn't going to work, nothing was going to work.

He had entrusted this to me and I couldn't even do it. Dumbledore was still alive, unless my prayers had been answered and he was currently lying dead in his office which was doubtful and the stupid cabinet just wouldn't work for me no matter what I did.

The only thing I could console myself with was that even if Blaise had been chosen, there was no way he would be able to figure this out either, since intelligence wasn't on his side.

I'm not sure how long I remained on the floor next to the Cabinet but I realised after a few hours of moping that it wasn't going to get me anywhere.

It wasn't until I actually left the Room that I really began to panic. I was screwed, completely and utterly screwed. Voldemort could murder my family, he could torture and murder me but it would make no difference I had still not done what he had asked me to do.

Slowly, the realisation of all of it hit me. The realisation of what he was really asking me to do. Snape had been right; he really didn't consider what our actions might cost us.

I was ruining everything for myself. I lifted my sleeve and stared at the revolting mark on my arm. All that it meant to me now was failure. I wasn't living up to what it was supposed to represent and part of me realised I never would because if my heart wasn't in it now, would it ever be?

I slid down onto the floor, I was spending a lot of time down there these days, and pulled my knees up to my chest resting my elbows on them and putting my head into my hands.

"Draco?"

The difference in her tone compared to another girl hit me like a ton of bricks. There was no incessant whining or high pitched deafening piercing wailing; instead when I heard her voice it was like all the tension in my shoulders just eased.

"Are you alright?"

I didn't look up as for the second time today; I was asked if I was alright. I couldn't even open my eyes or lift my head to look at her.

"What do you want Granger?"

She didn't answer and I wondered if she had left but instead after a few more seconds, I felt her body slide down the wall next to me.

Eventually after a few minutes of silence she finally spoke.

"I don't know what's wrong with me", she began and I couldn't help but scoff.

"Nobody is ever going to know the answer to that Granger, sorry".

She said nothing but continued as if I hadn't spoken, "I keep seeking you out. Ever since...the incident with...you know, well", she sighed heavily, "I keep wanting to talk to you and I can't figure out why. I mean, I'm supposed to hate you and then you go and save me and find out I can't stop thinking about you. How ludicrous is that? I must be going mad and I'm rambling now but with you I can't seem to help it. My brain freezes and I can't engage with anything because even your proximity is putting me off right now. You're the reason I can't focus and it's not because I was attacked which is what the reason really should be. But it isn't...it's you".

She was breathing rapidly and I was finally able to lift my head and look at her.

"Granger, I...wait, who did that to you?"

The question which came unbidden out of my mouth caught me off guard as well as her. But I couldn't help myself, on the left side of her neck were four perfectly spaced round bruises that were turning yellow but I could tell they had once been purple.

"What?" She whispered in reply.

I touched one of the marks lightly with my fingertips but her disbelieving look threw me off balance.

"Who did it?" I asked again this time more forcefully and allowing the full force of my possessiveness to take hold. I was determined to find out who had hurt her and hurt them in response. The fact that I should have been repulsed by these feelings didn't dawn on me.

"Draco", she said quietly, "You did this to me".

I didn't answer at first until it began to come back to me, kissing her and then grabbing her throat out of panic. I had hurt her, I had bruised her and I had left her with marks that seemed to be refusing to fade.

"I...I did", I said solemnly leaning my head back against the wall and sighing again, "I did that to you".

"Yes, you did this to me. Even more reason for me to hate you and yet...I can't get you out of my head", she sighed and leaned her head back against the wall in imitation of me.

"Granger, you're only too glad to have me in your head. It's the best thing in there", I replied trying to return to my scathing self.

"You say things like that but I know you don't mean that. I know that I'm in your head", she replied slowly as if she was thinking carefully about each word, taking a risk that she was right and my hesitation to reply proved her correct on that score.

So I did the only thing I felt like doing in that moment. I took her marked neck lightly in my right hand, placing my fingertips over the bruised spots and pulled her head into mine.

My lips brushed hers lightly, testing the waters to see if she was going to reject the advance. My mind went blank as I prepared to pull away but strangely enough I felt her respond to my touch.

Her lips answered mine with an urgency I didn't know she possessed until eventually I pushed my tongue deep into her mouth and revelled in the moan that emitted from deep within in her throat.

I held her neck roughly but only so I could press her closer to me and allow the full scale of what I was doing to wash over me. My hand remained on her neck and I felt her hand come up to hold my arm, her fingers pressing down as the kiss became more heated. I slipped my hand down to brush her breast and growled involuntarily when she moaned under my touch.

"Hermione, what the fuck are you doing?"

We broke apart and she turned her head to see Ron standing behind her. I smiled despite myself as she stood to her feet and faced Ron in utter shock.

"What did you see?"

"Eh well you kissing Malfoy for a start, what the fuck is going on?" He replied.

I stood to my feet and inwardly shamed myself for what I was about to do, this would mark her more than those stupid bruises on her neck.

"Thanks Weasley for finally interrupting, I was wondering how long you would take to say something. I didn't want to have to do that any longer than I had to", I said brushing my clothes off and assuming my best smirk.

"You...you knew he was there?" She whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

I forced myself to meet her gaze before dropping the bombshell, "Of course I knew he was there, you think I did that because I wanted to? It's about time you stop lying to Weasley. What was it you said just moments before; I can't get you out of my head?"

She gasped as the tears slid down her face.

"Yes Granger, as much as you want to believe that you are in my head I'm sorry to say that you only wish you were", I smirked.

"You bastard", she whispered.

"Yes, I am a bastard, congratulations for finally realising it. Good luck Weasley and remember, if you failed to hear her moan for me, she wanted it and despite what's happened here she still wants it and I'm fine with letting that torture you while she hates herself".

With that, I walked off in the opposite direction leaving Weasley to begin shouting at her after all I had said.

I hadn't gone far, I could still hear them yelling at each other, when I had to once again stop and catch my breath.

I had had no idea Ron had been there, I had wanted to kiss her more badly than I was willing to admit. No, I had wanted to do more than kiss her. I had wanted to possess her.

I had wanted to love her.

Fuck, I was in deep shit now.

I had no idea in that moment of turmoil that my ex best friend was silently watching me laughing to himself that he had found the one weakness I wouldn't be able to cope with having.

Blaise had figured out what would be my downfall.

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