Autumn

This is where change occurs. The change of the hot burning days that consume a person will fade into the dull continuous days of autumn. Each day, a new shade would appear, a new and different image would be painted when each time the sun rose. Change was so subtle at first it is hardly noticeable until it is too late. The once full trees of life would be barren before a soul knew it.

Sakura wasn't sure when it started. Really she had no idea why her own subconscious was out to get her. She just knew she didn't feel safe when sleeping over at Keiki's. It wasn't that he was a threat to her but instead it was the other way around.

She was a threat to him.

Over the years the seasoned leaf-nin heard stories of night terrors. That her fellow war-veterans and other shinobis would wake up screaming in the night. They would lash out fighting any living thing that was in arms reach. Hell, it didn't even need to be living just a phantom image left over from a blood soak history.

She would see the victims of these terrors in her office. Wives who had bruises on their necks, broken bones, and even stabs wounds would sometimes appear in her office. Sakura would treat them silently and hope that they would live through the next horrible night.

Sakura just never thought she'll be having them.

There were nights she awoke kunai drawn ready for an enemy who wasn't there. She would be soaked in her own sweat and breathing heavily until the rush of fear left her. There were other nights the pink hair woman woke up crying unable to remember why. The worse nights, she found her bed in shreds and her own fist bloody without any memory of it.

It was why she stopped staying the night at Keiki's.

She wouldn't subject him to that.

She wouldn't hurt him.

A few months had passed since they moved their relationship to the 'next level' as Naruto called it. And, not once had she allowed herself to actually sleep, the one time she did…

It made her sick just thinking about it.

She had awaked with her kunai just inches from his throat with her body straddling his dangerously. It never occurred to her that she would ever feel threatened by him but somehow, someway she was. Sluggishly and painfully she inched herself away from his unsuspecting form and fled.

Since then Sakura had waited for him to fall asleep first and in the night she vanished. When he asked her why, Sakura made up one lie after another; the hospital, work, "ninja-stuff" or anything that came to mind. The medic opted for sleeping during the day at her apartment on those nights or at the cots offered at the hospital.

It is why she was currently in her tight spot right now.

Unwilling to admit defeat to her dreams Sakura's odd sleeping habit had her in a tough spot. The fall's sun felt so warm on her cheeks that she thought it had been a good idea to sit and read under a grand oak tree. In an attempt to 'get fresh air' she had told herself, Sakura settled right into one of the more comfortable roots and began to read.

The wind felt so calming and the sun breaking through the leaves so warming that she had drifted off to sleep right there.

Little did she know she had a witness to this open display of weakness.

OoooOooooO

Sasuke hadn't known what to do with his fast approaching second year anniversary. His return was actually less than what he was expecting. The expectations he had set on Konoha's hate, Naruto's annoyance, and Sakura's over clinglingness had fallen far sort of the actual mark.

Sure Konoha still distrusted him but they did not hate him.

Sure Naruto was annoying but with an actual focus in life, he was the best friend he claimed himself to be in their childhood days.

And begrudgingly Sakura had matured passed her need for protection, passed her onesided love of him, and directed her clingy behavior towards her odango idiot.

So why did he feel so empty? Sasuke gritted his teeth a moment. He was not empty. He just didn't expect Sakura to 'love him as a friend' and for a reason he couldn't even phantom why that bothered him. That was the closest kind of confession he had gotten out of her in the last year, now that apparently she was over avoiding him.

What bothered him most was that he wanted more and why did he want more?

Of course, he could see she wasn't happy with the odango idiot. He wasn't an idiot, and wasn't a stalker (ignoring what Naruto said just a week ago). It wasn't his fault he would happen to be on a morning run and spot an escaping pink hair nin fleeing the little shack the odango idiot owned.

On more than one late night morning.

For over a month.

That was not stalking.

Breathing out an irritated sigh, Sasuke stopped when he saw the image before him. Curled up in the protective roots of the oak, Sakura slept. Her body was folded cautiously but naturally. There was a slight moving of her chest that signaled sleep.

And for some reason still unknown to him Sasuke was shocked still. His mouth felt dry as he watched the sun spots dance over her form. The way she looked so innocent, not the foul mouth, hot tempered, dangerous ninja she had become. Licking his lips he took a few steps towards her unsure of his actual intent or even his actions.

What an idiot, the thought hit him. She could get hurt. Anyone could attack her.

I could attack her right now; snap her slender little neck right here.

His eyes darted around to make sure no one else was here. Enemy or friend, Sasuke just wasn't sure what he was looking for as he approached.

Dead to the world Sakura just slept even as he knelt beside her. A pale hand moved to brush some of the oak leaves that had fallen into her hair. Still she did not wake. Slender fingers barely touched her cheek outlining her defined features, and still she did not wake. Even as a callous thumb touched her lips gently parting them unsurely, she did not wake.

And then he heard it, softer than any whisper.

It crushed what little soul he had left. In a flash he was gone as sleepy green eyes opened. She would see nothing. She would know nothing.

Because he was a coward, he was a selfish coward, but he would keep that whisper to himself knowing what she dreamt of.

Knowing who she dreamt of.

'Sasuke-kun' rang in his ears on his run home.

OooooOooooO

One month later

Sakura sighed for the nth time as she stared up at the walls of Konoha. She had a mission, one that involved the bird-boy Uchiha. It was a mission she really wanted to refuse. A mission that would lead to more personal problems than it was worth in her mind.

The pink hair woman stared down at her hand and looked at the tiny sliver band that decorated her finger.

Groaning out loud she wondered if this was Tsunade's sick joke about her current relationship. The woman was a natural sadist, Sakura reasoned and thought back to the conversation with Keiki the night before.

"Keiki I have to go on mission." Sakura leaned against the door frame of his bedroom. She had planned to spend the evening with him but first she had to clear the air. Guilt for actions not yet committed was really playing with her heart and mind.

Brown eyes blinking at her, he titled his head to the side, "how long…and how serious?"

Inhaling deeply, "Very serious I can't tell you all the details but it's A-class and I'll be going with…Sasuke." Sakura waited a moment before continuing, "It's under cover so there may be a chance that….."

That what? Sakura asked herself? That she'll end up cheating on him? Her stomach twisted in pre-guilt.

"You two will be playing at being a couple I take it…?" Sakura darted her eyes up to look directly into those rich chocolate eyes she loved.

"Yes…and it may….it may not be as easy as flashing sliver bands." Sakura really hated this. She really, really hated this. Keiki was a good guy. He was a decent guy.

Sakura watched him look away for a moment his fist balling before relaxing the tension away. "Do what you have to Sakura. I just ask that you don't enjoy it."

With that, Sakura spent the night trying to ease her own guilt and prove to her boyfriend of half a year that she loved him- not the Uchiha. Whatever the mission called for she would have to follow through but Keiki was right, she didn't have to enjoy it. No she wouldn't enjoy it!

But when Sasuke appeared, dressed in plain civilian clothes and moving as if he was just a normal man, her heart stopped. She stared at his appearance, his dark blue shirt hung loosely around his body and he donned on something like from his early years with a wide tall circular collar. His white gi-style pants pillowed as he took his time. Sakura didn't doubt he had weapons stored in the billowy clothes but for the most part he looked like a harmless handsome young man.

As for Sakura, she stuck to her classic color scheme of red and white as well. Her dress was fashioned from her past as well. It was long with one high slit on her right and underneath was a pair of black leggings. Her typical ninja shoes were replaced with simple walking sandals.

When he approached, Sasuke was smiling. The bastard was smiling right at her and held out his hand.

Sakura nearly punched him right then and there. In a shaky attempt to play along she took his hand and let him half drag her out to the road leading north. Green eyes watched his back as he pulled her along the road.

She wouldn't enjoy this.

She promised herself she wouldn't enjoy this lie.

Her eyes dropped down to their hands, the sliver bands reflecting the morning's light so painfully beautiful to her eyes.

She promised Keiki she wouldn't enjoy this mission.

And for the first time in her life, Sakura felt like she might break a most precious promise.

OoooOooooO

Sasuke wasn't sure what he was playing with this mission. He didn't plan to smile at her, he didn't plan to take her hand, and most of all he didn't plan anything. The feeling of her hand in his though was doing something to his head that he really didn't understand. Instead he tugged her along like a rag doll until Sakura would have enough and demand her hand back.

But that was over an hour ago, and she wasn't screaming at him to let her hand go. The stupid girl of a woman was walking side by side with him now, hands linked with a stupid happy smile on her face.

Really he didn't understand anything about this girl.

The old witch told them that they would have eyes on them as soon as they left Konoha. So they had to play the part of a happily married couple until the mission was complete. The sooner they found these drug traffickers the sooner he could stop smiling and go back to his normal status quo.

His eyes drifted discreetly to the woman next to him, who for all intensive purposes was day dreaming and watching the forest scenery. They would have to camp in five hours and hopefully get some rest before making it to the small city located on the boarders of Fire and Earth. There he would get some peace from this little play of theirs.

The thought of her carrying the Uchiha name made the man balk mentally for a moment.

Yet he couldn't erase the smile from his mind, or how the ring looked on her finger.

His mind was playing tricks on him because he took an instant to picture in his clan's traditional clothing. The dark colors wouldn't look good on her, he reasoned. Instead it would be a soft baby blue that would match her hair; the fan would be printed large on her back. Her hair would have grown out by then too; long lush pink locks would be swept into a side-pony tail. It was at that point he crushed the image in his mind's eye and threw it out.

It was pointless because she would never marry him in the first place. All of this was an act, a lie, a way to kill the bad guys and that was it.

Plus there was that idiotic odango maker as well.

Exhaling a mental sigh he continued down the road not speaking a word to the clueless fake-wife of his.

OooOoo

Sakura should have known better, Sasuke be a happily conversationalist on this trip? Hell would freeze over first. The nin had to amuse herself by taking time to smell the flowers and enjoying the non-hurried pace they both had set early on.

Fall had just started to move in and all the leaves were changing colors. It really was a beautiful time to set out on a mission to the northern boarders of Fire Country. Even as they set up camp when the sun started to droop behind the trees Sakura was thankful. The tricky part of their mission wouldn't be until they got to the city. In that time she could relax and treat this like a vacation.

The chores were said without muttering a word to each other. Sasuke would double check the area for trouble and she would start the fire and get dinner started. When he would come back they would eat dinner and she would take the first watch. Half way through the night she would wake him and get some sleep herself.

What she didn't expect was the odd line of questioning over dinner. That was not their 'usual' way of doing things, her and Naruto? Yes. But her and Sasuke? Hell really was freezing over.

"Sakura." Sasuke spoke softly as he sat by her. His eyes stared intensively into the fire.

"Hmm?" Mouth full of food Sakura looked over at him with one pink eyebrow raised.

"…." For a moment Sakura thought she imagined him calling her name, " I was wondering what changed your mind."

In a massive gulp Sakura finished her food. "What do you mean changed my mind?"

"For the last two years you have either yelled at me, ignored me, or put on some fake nicey nice act when you couldn't do the first two. I want to know what has changed." Sasuke shifted his glaze to her and her world suddenly became smaller.

"…it hasn't changed Sasuke. I just…I just got over all of it." She drew in a deep breath feeling like he wasn't happy with such a simple answer. "I got over it, my anger at you, my hurt feelings…..even my romantic love for you.

"I grew up Sasuke. I'm not the same weak little girl who spent our first missions chasing after you so you would notice me. I wanted to be of use, so I trained. I tossed away all my fashionable clothes, I got scars, I fought my own battles and you know what? It felt pretty damn good. I became renown, I became famous, not because of my clan but because of who I was. That….now that feels good. To know that I had a place in this world that I made." She smiled at him a moment before continuing.

"So when you came home, without me or Naruto dragging you back…it just hurt. I get your reasons…or at least I tried to. I won't ever fully understand you like Naruto, and I know that. I was just still hurt you could just come home and you weren't coming home for us. Me and Naruto, so I did the only thing I could do at the time. I ran away from you." Sakura just sighed and frowned at herself. Resting her chin in the palm of her hand Sakura titled her head to the side in thought of her actions.

"And then….I realized I really missed you. So I couldn't be petty anymore. That I still love you and that you are one of the most precious people in my life. Still. Even after you insult me, or how you are glaring at me right now, or just being next to me. I missed all of that. So once I got passed my hurt feelings…I guess I was actually able to sit next to you without trying to murder you. Funny how that works huh?" The young woman grinned at him, she laughed when she saw the look of confusion on her teammates face.

"Hn."

"So that's all I get after pouring my heart out to you? God you are such a bastard." Sakura just rolled her eyes and finished her dinner. Calmly though, she placed her hand on his shoulder and gave him the warmest smile she could muster.

"Never forget you are loved Sasuke. Okay?" Cautiously she placed a feather light kiss on his cheek. "I love you, Naruto loves you, and even Kakashi-sensei loves you. I wish I could have told you that….that night because I think you forget it a lot. So do us all a favor, and never forget again?" She didn't wait for a response before retreating her to bed roll and curling up for the night.

She had ended the conversation before he got a chance to reply.

Her heart couldn't take another rejection, even if it was in a form of a 'thank you'.

OoooOoooO

The mission was progressing slowly but surely as time went on. They arrived at the city late the second day and set about their cover. Due to Sakura's unusual pink hair she had performed a genjitsu on herself to change the color to a dull strawberry blonde. It made her fit in and blends within the city, as for Sasuke there really wasn't anything unusual or noticeable about his looks other than he was sinfully handsome.

Sakura had the nerve to tell him to dull his looks by having a huge fake nose.

His prompt reply was the middle finger which caused her to fall over laughing.

Really, Sasuke thought bitterly as he made his way to the inn, she hung out with Naruto too much.

After the confession by the camp fire Sasuke was looking at her differently though. He watched her easy going movements with a critical eye. The 'love' she spoke of was something of a family bond. It was sweet, he noted in the way she looked at him. It was kind, as he noted she would do things for him without asking. Sakura would get breakfast ready and have it on the table before he came back from the morning patrol of the village. She would make sure their supplies stocked before either of them left for information gathering. This love she had for him while not endless it had a lot of patience. She wouldn't press him for conversation; instead Sakura gave him room to breathe and let him come to her. She (now) wouldn't snap at him for doing things 'his way' which often meant stalking out into the night and doing it by himself. She gave him space but wait for him to come back with a smile before softly saying 'welcome back'.

To which he would mentally reply, 'good to be back'.

She was nothing like Karin, he reasoned one night staring at her still form in the bed they shared. She didn't smother him with endless coos of affection and false idolizations. Sakura, he realized, had grown up and he had missed all of it. The pink hair girl was no longer the same bratty twit who cried instead of fought. She was her own woman and in that sense grew beyond him.

She didn't need him.

And that thought made him sick to his stomach.

As if unsure he watched her sleep, his eyes drifting back to the sliver band on her finger. The woman before him curled around her pillows slightly, her eyebrow's furrowing as she dreamed. Her short fake blonde hair fanned out but a few strands stuck to her face as sweat dripped from her brow. And for the first time since this mission started, he wondered what she was dreaming of.

Why did she have that pained look on her face?

And for the first time he didn't ask himself why he cared.

He just cared.

Breathing out a heavy sigh he moved to brush the sticky strands away from her face, and almost instantly she calmed. His touch was light as his rough fingers touched her face amazed at the instant transformation. Even more slowly, he pulled her sleeping form into his. Sasuke curled a possessive hand around her before pressing his front to her back. The black hair nin rested his forehead against her shoulder before tangling his legs with hers.

He promised himself it would just be for tonight. That he would separate himself before she woke. That it was his touch that calmed her restless soul. That she needed him still.

And if this is what she needed? Who was he to deny his teammate rest from unwanted nightmares?

Plus, if they were being watched they were husband and wife.

Too bad he had gotten pretty good at lying to himself too.

OoooOoooO

The days of their mission blended into one another. Two weeks had passed and Sasuke knew the drug dealers were on their scent. He had pulled Sakura into a narrow ally way of the city pinning her to the wall, his face dangerous close to hers.

"Play along…they are watching us." His voice hissed giving her a warning before meeting her lips. At first, he thought she was going to kill him. They had agreed that unless the situation called for it no public displays of anything. So when she responded to the kiss his gut clenched for some unknown reason. There was a fire in him that was starting to burn and she stroked it with her response.

Sakura's slender but muscular form pressed up against his. Her fingers dug into the dark blue fabric of his shoulder to pull him closer and the kiss deepens. His tongue fought for entrance, demanded control in the heated moment but she wasn't one to give so easily.

His hands trailed down her sides, feeling her warm body under them. Without thinking, he grinded against her, hands clenching at her hips in an effort to keep her pressed firmly against him. To any on looker, it would seem like a frisky young couple getting into a mischievous moment.

To him? He completely forgot about the eyes that were on them, instead the fire in the pit of his stomach spread to the rest of his body. It wasn't until Sakura yanked his hair back, lips bruised and cheeks flushed did he find some sort of grounding.

"….Inn?" She asked in a hushed voice her eyes not meeting his.

A jerky nod later, the two separated themselves and two whisked themselves back to their current temporary home. Sakura didn't look at him as she escaped into the bathroom and he wondered what the fuck he was doing.

oooOoooO

Sakura let the cold shower wash away the heat that was burning her from the inside out. How did Sasuke know how to kiss like that? Why did she let him kiss her like that?!

Sakura rested her forehead against the off white titles of the shower. She promised herself she wouldn't enjoy any of this but as the mission went on; her own defector of a heart loved every moment of it. She knew Sasuke had taken up cuddling at night now and she hadn't stopped him. Instead she finally found some ounce of peace from her dreams.

Unlike with Keiki, Sakura hadn't had one night terror since sleeping with the Uchiha.

And today's kiss? It just burned her to her core, and she just couldn't lie to herself. She wanted more. She wanted to feel him against her, inside her, she wanted him to moan her name, and what scared her the most? She wanted to moan his.

Sakura almost blew their cover in that dirty ally, she wanted to moan Sasuke-kun over and over again until he dragged her back to the inn himself and had his way with her.

But that was putting the horse in front of the cart wasn't it? He wouldn't want to have his way with her, Sakura reasoned as she stepped out of the shower. He could barely look at her while she was awake. Maybe the night cuddling was all because of pity?

She dressed in her night shirt and boy cut shorts before opening the door. Either way, she would have to tell and break up Keiki.

Sakura steeled herself a moment, in reality the relationship wasn't working out. She knew that and he must know it too. It was time to end the relationship, tell Naruto he was right, and move on from there. Loathing admitting it, the leaf-nin may still be in love with the stoic Uchiha. Her mind flashed to a conversation she had with him a month before the mission.

"You still love him don't you?" He turned to look at her from his spot in the bed.

"…him? You know this doesn't really count as normal pillow talk…" Sakura deflected the question nervously as she looked over at him. Why couldn't he just fall asleep already so she could escape?

Lifting up onto one elbow the man stared down at her. "The Uchiha. You still love him." It wasn't a question. It was a fact; Sakura looked up at the sweet odango seller.

"if…If I said yes I did?" Sakura could only wait for his reaction.

"Then I guess I better try harder to show I'm the better man then." He smiled down at her before leaning in for a kiss.

"Keiki…" She moved to stop him, "There is no need to prove yourself. I love him but….not like that. You know I can't love him like that anymore."

The man paused looking down at her for a long moment, "Sakura…you shouldn't really lie to yourself. It isn't really attractive."

And when her eyes met Sasuke's in the darkness of their shared room, she knew Keiki was right. She was just lying to herself.

He stood with his eyes still filled with the same fire she had in her own. The dangerous ninja in front of her removed his shirt slowly as he moved towards her. Before she could even blink his lips were pressed to hers again. He stole all the air out of her lungs before moving to the sweet spot behind her ear.

This time she did moan his name as her fingers clawed into his bare shoulders.

In the morning, Sakura hoped as she gave into the pleasures of the night, she would forgive herself.

And as an afterthought, she hoped Keiki would forgive her too.

Winter:

The cold sweeps in freezing the world in place over night. Nothing seems to change in the dead land of ice and snow. The world remains unmoving, uncaring, and unchanging. It is in the endless darkness of winter that one can only hope to see the light of spring so that life can start once again

.

Notes: This chapter and the next are the hardest ones to write. I was struggling with the idea of Sakura and Sasuke sleeping together like this but I decided to do it.

The relationship between Keiki and Sakura was already falling apart, but that doesn't justify her actions. The fall out of course will be seen in the next chapter.

At this point though, Sakura finally admits to lying to herself and that she has always been (at least for the last year) romantically in love with Sasuke.

As for Sasuke, he is dealing with the reality shock that Sakura isn't a 'girl' anymore. That she is indeed a woman and has to struggle with the fact she may or may not need him anymore. He is more or less trying to prove to her that she needs him – while ignoring the fact that he needs her just as much.

Please review! There are only two more chapters left. Let me know if you are enjoying it or not! It means a lot to me.

Small note: I'll most likely go through at this point and start editing.
Small note 2: Winter should be up in the next week or so.