Written on tumblr for a prompt using the word 'stifle'.

Pairing: Kadam, featuring Blaine (with spoilers for 4x22)
Genre: Angst
Rating: mature themes
Summary: Spoiler for 4x22- you know the one. This is how I feel it should go down.

Stifle

"It's going to be alright, Kurt."

Kurt nodded, but he wasn't sure if he believed it. How could he? It was the same thing everyone had told him when his mother was in the hospital. He didn't blame Adam for saying it- it was just what people said in situations like this - but he was more grateful for Adam's hand clasped around his and the way he rubbed his back between his shoulderblades all the way from the airport to the hospital in the cab despite the cabby giving him dirty looks through the rearview mirror at every traffic light. It was his touch that kept Kurt grounded, more than his words.

"I know this is something you need to do alone, but I'm right here, okay? I'm not going anywhere," Adam promised at the door to Burt's room. Kurt nodded again. It was all he could do not to break down again like he had at the phonecall, and again at the announcement that their flight was delayed, making them too late to see his father before the surgery. He pushed open the door and stepped inside.

The steady beeping of the heart monitor should have been calming, but the effect was lost as soon as Kurt pulled back the privacy drapes and looked into the face of his ex-boyfriend.

"Kurt!" Blaine exclaimed, his face lighting up as it always did when he saw him. That used to make Kurt feel good, made him feel wanted, but right now, it was just wrong. So wrong. Kurt was not who mattered in this place.

"Blaine," he brought out hoarsely, his voice rough from lack of use. "What are you doing here?"

Blaine smiled shyly. "I told you I'd look after him, Kurt. I told you. I looked up your flight on the internet and it said you were delayed so I came and sat with him. For you." He gave Kurt an expectant look. Kurt frowned. He couldn't believe Carole and Finn hadn't warned him. Did they even know? They were at home right now, trying to catch up on a little sleep now that the surgery was over and there was nothing they could do for Burt until he woke up from his drug-induced coma. He looked at his father. He was pale and tubes ran to and from his body like creeping vines circled around sleeping beauty's castle. It may have looked peaceful to some, but Kurt knew how his dad usually slept: snoring loudly, his feet propped up on their coffee table, remote control in his lap. It was a far cry from the proper way some nurse or other had arranged him on the pillows.

Kurt stepped closer, wanting to reach out to take his dad's hand, but Blaine mistook the gesture and took it instead, squeezing his palm against Kurt's in what he probably thought was a comforting way. Kurt had to stifle the urge to pull his hand back. "Could you-" he started, his voice cracking. He swallowed hard and started again. "Could you please go, Blaine? I need some time with my dad."

"Okay. Sure," Blaine said, and Kurt breathed out in relief. "But I have to ask you something first." Kurt shrugged vaguely, keeping his eyes on his father. Whatever Blaine wanted, he could have it as long as he left.

"Your father and I talked about this before he went under," Blaine started, and a chill ran down Kurt's spine. "I know it's maybe bad timing but with everything happening, I just couldn't wait. Stuff like this just makes you realise how much you've got to lose, you know?" Kurt didn't react. He already knew how much he had lost and how much was still in the balance- he didn't need Blaine to explain or confirm it. "So," Blaine continued, taking Kurt's silence as encouragement, "I got you this-" He took out a small red box from his pocket, not unlike the one Kurt had been presented with a little more than a year ago, and sank to his knees, keeping a tight hold on Kurt's hand.

"Kurt, I love you. Will you marry me?"

Kurt wondered if this was what it was like to have an outer-body experience. He felt like he had stepped outside of himself, looking down on his hand like it was someone else's. It took him a moment to force himself back into his body to control his vocal chords.

"You talked to my dad before the surgery?" he finally asked, not answering Blaine's question. Blaine nodded. "He encouraged me," he said. "Actually, he had a lot of great ideas about it. He said that I should take you to that Italian place you love so much, Maria's? So I could propose there. I thought your favourite place in Lima was Breadstixx, but he assured me it was something special and better than Breadstixx, so I made reservations for last night but then you weren't there-"

Kurt stared down at him, for a moment too shocked to speak. Then, very slowly, his mind caught up and he looked at his father, his heart clinching. Tears were starting to form in his eyes but he pushed them down for now. There was something he needed to do first.

One night a few weeks ago, Kurt had Skyped with his father and told him about Adam. He had been nervous at first, scared that Burt might take the age difference badly, but he reacted a lot differently than Kurt expected. As it turned out, Burt had a confession of his own to make- he knew what happened with Blaine. Finn had finally told him after Christmas, and Burt had been waiting for the right moment to ask his son about it without opening old wounds. It had been a good talk. Kurt had apologised for keeping the truth from his father, his dad had apologised for taking Blaine with him to New York (something he assured Kurt he would never have done if he had known), and after that Kurt had told him all about Adam and the Adam's Apples and Downton Abbey marathons and being snowed in. Burt had been happy and told him they needed to get to Lima in spring break so he could 'grill the new guy' and ask him embarassing questions about his intentions. The memory made Kurt smile a little before he remembered why he and Adam had ended up flying in the middle of the semester.

"Kurt?"

Blaine's voice brought him back to the present. Kurt focused on the boy kneeling before him.

"I can't do it, Blaine," he said quietly, thanking his dad for his silent support. Maria's was not his 'favourite Italian place'. It was a place Kurt loathed, and Burt knew it- they had been there when his parents told him his mom needed to be in the hospital for a while but everything would be okay. After his mom's death, Kurt had been unable to so much as smell Italian food for months, and he had never set foot into the restaurant ever again.

"But last year, when I gave you my promise ring-" Blaine started.

"You should go," Kurt interruped him. "I want to be with my dad now."

"You said your answer would be yes-" Blaine insisted, rising from his knees but not letting go of Kurt's hand just yet. "Don't throw away what we had- what we have together, I know you still love me. If you just let me show you…"

Kurt looked at Blaine and tried to see what he had seen back then, but it was gone. "Blaine, you should go," he said again. "I can't do this." The sight of his father empowered him. Burt would be so angry if he was awake right now.

He pulled his hand free and reached into his pocket, sliding his fingers over his phone, tapping the screen twice for speeddial. It took about fifteen seconds for the door to open and for Adam to step inside, phone in his hand and a concerned expression on his face. "Kurt, are you-?" he started.

Kurt, who stood with his back to the door, shook his head and reached behind him with his free hand, his palm open. Adam hurried to him and took his hand. The moment his boyfriend's fingers closed around his, Kurt closed his eyes in relief.

"You must be Blaine," he heard Adam say. Kurt kind of wanted to see the expression on Blaine's face, but not enough to actually open his eyes. "I think Kurt wants to be with his dad right now. Let's talk in the hall." There was nothing about Adam's voice that made it into anything less than a command. He wasn't asking nicely. Blaine didn't reply, but Kurt heard him move and a moment later, Adam squeezed his hand softly before letting go.

"After you," the Brit said, and Kurt heard the door open and close. Finally, he was alone with his dad.

"I love you, daddy," he whispered, taking his father's hand in his. "I'm here."

The End

Author's note: I'm sorry. I just had so many feels about the spoilers, and this had to be written. I hope you're okay.