a/n: Has anyone noticed how Gintoki's hair is tied on Tsukuyo's pinky finger in episode 261? It's very similar to the 'oath of eternal love' that Suzuran and Maizou exchanged with each other. Perhaps Sunrise is trying to imply something... :P

What I love about the GinTsu pairing is that both of them are mature, competent, and fully independent characters who have their own agenda in the show. Neither of them particularly need to be in a relationship (nor do I see it happening anytime soon), but they just happen to have this cute little chemistry together.

The story takes place shortly after the "Courtesan of a Nation" Arc - and I've watched it about 134123412 times. It seriously blows my mind how Sorachi can come up with fantastic plots. I hope you enjoy my little oneshot. :)

-x-

:i: :i: :i:

-x-

Sakata Gintoki was many things, depending on which angle you chose to analyze him from. Suppose you were his landlady, Otose - you would say that he was a good for nothing slacker who never paid the rent on time.

Or suppose you were one of his underlings - then you would say that he was unreliable and a complete cheapskate when it came to paying your salary, but at the end of the day he was someone you looked up to and found admirable, because he lived his life the way he wanted to without regrets.

Tsukuyo was neither of those things. It was hard to explain exactly what he was to her. Rather, she categorized him according to the emotions he evoked in her.

He made her feel protected.

(Hey... Get your hands off her. Get your stinkin' hands off this woman.)

He made her feel like a girl again.

(You have a pretty face... and a clean soul.)

He made her feel as if her resolve could break at any moment.

(Don't be joking! You think I'll leave a girl behind in a nest of sleazy men?)

He brought out so many emotions she thought had previously been hidden from her. Irritation - embarrassment - reassurement - aggravation -

- and attraction.

The first time she had seen him, something in her bones told her that he was about to change her life for the better. It was a hunch that proved to be true.

She fell for him, hard. Innately, she trusted him because he was strong and had the capability of fighting for those who couldn't fight on their own. She recognized his strength, and began to rely on him, in her own way.

It was as if she had spent an entire lifetime without knowing the value of true love between a man and a woman. Now, when it was was hitting her all at once, she had no idea what to do with her feelings. And so, she locked them up deep inside her heart, never intending to reveal them.

-x-

They cremate Suzuran and Maizou and bury the ashes in a graveyard under an old cherry tree next to each other. Tsukuyo is the last one to leave the grave after they burn the incense, paying her respects to the deceased.

At the memorial service, Gintoki pours himself a drink. Yoshiwara being a city of excess consumption, it doesn't skimp on refreshments.

Tsukuyo doesn't indulge in the sake; instead, she smokes her tobacco pipe. Fortunately, he doesn't mind the smell. It's a small, simple thing she likes about him.

Neither Shinpachi nor Kagura are here; it seemed that Gintoki was the only one who felt like going. The two become comfortably situated in a quiet corner that is reserved for mourners. Hinowa is out, comforting others with her golden smile and warm eyes.

He finishes the first cup of alcohol quickly, and refills it quickly. He downs the second one as fast as the first.

She knows something is strange, but she doesn't know exactly what it is; can't pinpoint her finger on it. Tsukuyo knows that Gintoki is not a man to speak about his problems openly - something that she herself had in common with him. Or perhaps it wasn't a problem in the first place, and maybe he just likes free booze. Tsukuyo wouldn't be surprised.

A third cup is poured, and although she thinks she is being silly, Tsukuyo lowers her pipe, a little concerned.

He tilts his head back, and the strong alcohol goes down his throat easily.

"This is good," Gintoki murmurs. His eyes are deeply thoughtful - and it intrigues her. Tsukuyo is beginning to realize that this is a side that doesn't come out often - if ever.

"Ne, Gintoki - " she starts off, unsure of what she wants to ask. Her words are clumsy and unlady-like; her accent is identical to the prostitutes in Yoshiwara. On any other day she would not care, as her kunai said all that needed to be said.

But today is different, for some reason. She doesn't know why - but it is.

"Hm?" he says as if he's stuck in another place. Yoshiwara isn't registering in his head - and Tsukuyo wonders if it's because of the alcohol.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he says. "Perfectly fine. I was just thinking about Shoyou-sensei... "

She looks at him with her blue eyes, puffing smoke through her pipe.

"I was sorry to hear what happened to him," she said softly.

"At least you understand," he said.

One perfect and beautiful cherry blossom petal floats lazily on the top of the alcohol, and Gintoki stares at this little marvel of perfection for a while, as if he's going to find an answer in the depth of his cup. Then he turns his head to hers, red eyes reaching blue.

Although she's been trained all her life to conceal her body language, blushing is an involuntary action. She can't help it; and so she covers her girlish embarrassment with annoyance.

"What?"

No answer. He plucks the petal from his drink, downs it with relative ease, and then sets the cup aside.

"Gintoki... ?"

"Can I ask you a personal question?" he asks.

"Sure, I guess."

"Are you in love with anyone?"

"Wh-what? Why would you ask me that?" Never would she have suspected Gin to ask her a question like that anytime soon.

"Sentimental reasons, I suppose," he said. "Not everyday where you see a couple die together on the same night."

"Are you in love with someone, then?" Tsukuyo counters, before he can interrogate her.

"Maybe I am," he said, eyebrows quirked and a sly grin on his face. "What's it to ya?"

"Nothing. I don't give a damn either way," she said in a voice that she hopes is nonchalant. Inside, however, her heart drops a little bit. She thinks to herself, Oh, so that's how it is.

His grin widens a little further. It annoys her - as if he knows what she's thinking.

Even so, why should she care? She'll move on. No big deal. People like her aren't supposed to fall in love anyway.

What he does next is something she doesn't expect, though. He leans over her, closer than ever, and before she can say anything - he kisses her, brushing his lips over hers.

She's so shocked that even her customary response to hurt him isn't coming.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Red isn't the right word to describe her face that moment. It's more a burgundy shade.

As usual, he doesn't answer her question. Instead, he chuckles. "You're not a very good liar, Tsukuyo."

"I - " She looks away, flustered. "... You knew? About... my feelings... for you?"

"Don't be naive," he replies.

"You're drunk," is the best she can do, accusing him in an effort to pretend it never happened.

"No," he corrected her. "Merely tipsy, but not intoxicated. You're just as beautiful now as you were before I was drinking."

"But - I'm not beautiful - "

He only replied to that with another kiss, and it convinces her that this reality is true. The smell of his hair and the coppery tang of alcohol lingers on her tongue. Her bones melded into his body with longing, sweetly intoxicating. Tsukuyo is the kind of girl who can't accept compliments or confessions, but kissing him comes so naturally to her - as if she was born to do this.

-x-

They're not a couple who indulges in "I love you"s or hand holding. In fact, after they leave the funeral service, they awkwardly bid goodbye without so much of an exchange of phone numbers or promises to contact each other later.

Hinowa tactfully keeps her silence on the matter, which Tsukuyo is eternally grateful. Because even though Hinowa's stuck in a wheelchair, Tsukuyo is convinced that she's omniscient, especially when it comes to Tsukuyo's (non-existent) love life.

-x-

Their first date, she tries to find something appropriate to wear. Hinowa buys her black thongs and stripper heels for the occasion.

Needless to say, Tsukuyo stopped taking Hinowa's suggestions seriously.

She ended up in her usual work outfit, her black kimono with the orange maple leaves. Gintoki isn't impressed.

"Are you really that boring? I might as well end up dating a man! Oi!"

"What about yourself! You're dressed in the same thing! And why did you bring your wooden sword?"

"It's obligatory! The manga-ka is too lazy to draw me in different outfits so I'm obligated to wear the same thing! But girls are different!"

"How is it different?! The only outfit I own other than this is my courtesan costume!"

"You're really not an ordinary woman, are you?"

She counters that with "Well, you're not an ordinary man, either! Why would you even be interested in liking the Courtesan of Death - I scare off everyone!"

Suddenly, Gintoki sighs. "I give up. It's fine. Let's just go and forget this ever happened."

It's the first time he's given up in a fight so fast. Tsukuyo's head was curiously devoid of further insults to throw at him.

-x-

My Neighbor Pedoro was one of those cinematography masterpieces where it could evoke all sorts of emotions from the audience.

For example...

Tsukuyo: apathetic. (It reminded her of the lolita films Yoshiwara showed once in a blue moon.)

Gintoki: crying. (Big messy sobs that attracted the glares from everyone around them.)

"Pedoro! Please lend me your strength! It's urgent! My little sister got herself lost and she must be alone crying! Please, Pedoro!"

"Huh? Did you call the cops or something?"

"Please, Pedoro!"

"Cause the phone company stopped my phone."

"Please, Pedoro."

"But you know, you guys go 'Pedoro, Pedoro' when you have problems. But a while ago, you knocked on my door and just ran for it. I know everything! Oi!"

"Shut up, Pedoro!"

"Eh? What do you want? What did you just say?"

Tsukuyo sighed, not knowing whether she had missed something tragic or she was being obtuse. Gintoki sniffed.

"I hope your snot doesn't end up in the popcorn," she said in a low voice. "How old are you, 12?"

"Shut up," he sniffed. "Can't hear what you're saying over your sobbing. I can't hear a thing!"

She sighed again and passed him a hankerchief.

-x-

The dango shop they enter is a little hole in the wall, with an old man behind the counter and a crazy server girl with spiral glasses.

"Ah, Gintoki! How nice to meet you."

"Yo. I brought you a new customer today."

"Oh? She's beautiful," the old man says, pushing up his glasses. "Is this your girlfriend, Gin? It's about time - "

"No, she's my concubine," Gintoki corrected, pointing his thumb to Tsukuyo.

Her response is to throw her weapon of choice near his shoulder.

"... So, what would you like to order?"

"T-two dango sticks, please," Gintoki rasps out, lying on the ground.

-x-

When they reach the elevator that takes her to the bottom of Yoshiwara, he stands at the edge of Edo. For her first date, it hadn't seemed intimidating at all - they were the same person; they talked the same way. For all her girlish anticipation and nervousness, she hadn't acted strangely at all.

Even if she was in love with this man, he'd reassured her that nothing much would change - except that he knew her feelings and she knew his.

And anyways, did it really make a difference? They knew they had a special chemistry all along.

"Gintoki... " she starts off, and again, her words come out awkward and jumbled. She's inarticulate, and it manifests into a pretty shade of pink on her face.

He makes it easy for her. "Yeah?"

"Thank you... for everything."

"Aa."

She's too embarrassed to repeat the events of what happened last time, so she darts up to him - quickly, so that no one can see her - and kisses him on the cheek.

"I had a good time," she mumbles, as if it's a secret she doesn't want anyone to repeat.

He smiles. "You're really cute. When you're not a drunk terminator, that is."

-x-

The second date, she dresses in a shorter kimono; the cornflower blue color brings out her eyes. Her hair is tied up beautifully in a simple bun with one of Hinowa's special ornaments.

They don't call her beautiful without good reason.

"H-How is it?" she asks.

"Umm... Good. It looks good," he says. If Tsukuyo was more perceptive, she would have seen that he was pointedly avoiding eye contact in an obvious attempt to conceal his pleased reaction. But then again, she was looking at her shoes as if they were infinitesimally more more interesting than him.

"Ah - thank you."

There's an awkward pause before she blurts out something utterly random: "I feel naked without my kunai, but Hinowa wouldn't let me take them."

"..."

"Hey! You never know!" Tsukuyo said, peeved. "What if some robber happens to mug us in the middle of nowhere?"

"Oi! Says the woman who's even more dangerous drunk!"

"What, so if we're in danger we're going to go to a bar? What's up with that logic?"

"The same could be said for you! Why do you even need a kunai on a date?"

Hinowa gracefully interrupts the two, wheeling herself in between them. "Arara? With all this arguing, you'll turn into an old married couple."

Gintoki and Tsukuyo point at each other and yell at the same time, "Are you kidding? Who'd want to marry someone like them?!"

-x-

On the third date, she invites him on a picnic to watch the cherry blossoms in the park. Normally, something like that was best enjoyed with alcohol, but Gintoki flatly refused, telling her that he'd rather commit seppuku than to share drinks with her.

So instead, she packs an assortment of baked goods for his sweet tooth.

"I didn't make them," she states flatly when she passes the basket to him when he looks at it with concern. She's a bad cook; Hinowa is the one who usually prepares their meals. Hesitantly, he chews a mouthful of strawberry cake, and then slowly but surely, his mouth quirks up in an appreciative smile.

"Not bad," he says. "Are you sure you didn't make them?" he teased her playfully.

"Positive," Tsukuyo replied in the same deadpan voice.

"You're not a very cute broad, aren't you? You can't cook, you hate puff-puff action, you're a tsundere - "

"Shut up," she said.

A bit of frosting inadvertantly made its way to his upper lip. Even though she was initially relaxed with her pipe in her mouth, that particular detail started to drive her a little... antsy.

Her mind wondered what it would be like to lick it off.

'Woah... snap out of it, Tsukuyo!' she thought to herself. 'That's a thousand years too early for that!'

Still.

It bugged her.

"You've got something right there," she said bluntly, and before Gintoki could say anything, her fingers wiped away the mess as quick as lightning.

"Um... I could have done that myself..."

"Shut up. It was annoying me."

"Okay, if you say so."

He worked his way through the muffins before noticing she hadn't eaten anything.

"You're not getting anything?"

"No."

"Why not? Don't tell me you've poisoned some of these - "

"I haven't. I just don't like sugary things."

"You're not on a diet, are you? Last time I saw, you needed to gain some weight."

"Don't be a moron," Tsukuyo snorted. "I'm not addicted to strawberry milk like you."

"What do you have against strawberry milk? Calcium is good for everyone. Even old hags could use calcium in their diet."

"... Who are you calling an old hag?"

-x-

In between the fourth date (a bonfire festival) and the fifth date (Aliens vs. Yakuza 2), Gintoki paid her an unexpected visit.

In his rare gestures of gift-giving, he had brought her some mitarashi dango. Tsukuyo, on the other hand, was in the middle of finishing her paperwork for the Hyakka.

"Try this." Gintoki said.

"I hate sweets," she said, pipe in mouth, ink brush in hand. "You know that, Gintoki."

"Blasphemy. I brought this all the way from the surface," he replied. "Remember the place we went after My Neighbor Pedoro?"

"Oh, yeah," Tsukuyo answered him vaguely, still concentrating on paperwork. "I remember that."

"You liked it, remember?" he said coaxingly.

"Still not interested."

"Tsukky, you're going to eat this."

She gave him a look that clearly said, Over my dead body.

Wrong response, he thought to himself. Always up for a challenge, he scooted all the way towards her.

With a practiced motion, he brushed his lips over her neck, breathing in her scent. He with no little satisfaction observed her hand becoming still, paperwork beginning to be forgotten. Wrestling with her little bit, he found himself in a compromising position with her, yet he was pleased to see that she wasn't inclined to beat him up yet.

"You haven't eaten the entire day, haven't you?" he said softly. "You need to stop working so hard. Take a rest."

"I... can't..." she replied weakly, her breath becoming shallow. He was on top of her, setting her heart into overdrive.

When had her room been so warm? She vaguely remembered opening the windows for some fresh air...

"At least have a snack," he said. He plucked the warm dango off the wooden skewer and gently pushed the soft dumpling into her mouth.

She chewed and swallowed, not without difficulty. "Can I finish my paperwork now?"

"No," he said.

"But - "

He kissed her shoulder. "Don't be so boring," he said, his voice lower and huskier than she was used to hearing.

"I... "

Her mind was of the inclination to push him off. Her body begged to differ. A strange heat was pooling in her belly, and she realized belatedly that her back was arched, anticipating his touch.

"Gin... toki..."

Traitorous body, she thought to herself wryly. His ministrations were gentle and sensual, hands caressing her sides. He unfastened her obi with his quick and clever fingers. Her kimono fell off her shoulders easily, leaving her breasts exposed.

His lips grazed the crook of her neck, electrifying her. She couldn't help but let out a small moan.

"That feels good," Tsukuyo said, brushing her fingers through his hair. She then nibbled his ear, and was pleased to hear a groan from her lover.

She'd already unzipped his shirt, possessed by lust and a hidden energy for carnal activity. Embarrassment was quickly replaced by enthusiasm. Clothes had been tossed away carelessly, both eager to feel skin on skin.

Her senses were overloaded. She could hear his breath, see the look of lust in his eyes, taste the sweat on his skin, smell her arousal, touch his body. Part of her was drowning in him, part of her paralyzed by how much pleasure he was giving her.

Her legs instinctively wrapped around his. Taking that as an invitation, he pushed his cock into her.

"Ah!" she cried out. Too good. A delicious moan escaped from her.

A steady rhythm was built up slowly. Gintoki was in control, taking it slowly and sweetly before she begged him to thrust faster. He acquiesced, stroking her clitoris in between thrusts.

He uttered her name as if it was a mantra. She was driving him slowly insane, with her sighs of pleasure and lustful groans.

"You're going to make me cum if you keep making noises like that," he said.

"I'm sorry. I - ahhh - didn't mean it." Her mouth was closed, but mewls were escaping her throat. Her fingernails dug into his back, her body anxious for a release.

Her orgasm came faster than she expected, and her breath was cut short by how intense it was. Her back arched, her body tightened, and she saw stars in her eyes. Ecstasy flowed through her veins.

"Ah fuck, Tsukuyo, you're so hot..."

He came not a moment later, emptying himself inside her. After a few thrusts, he slid outside of her, kissing her tenderly as he did so.

"Thank you," he said affectionately. "Who knew that a virginal woman like you could be so wild in bed?"

"Shut up," she grumbled.

-x-

Morning came, finding Tsukuyo in bed with one white haired samurai and none of her paperwork finished.

"Ugh" she mumbled. She wasn't much of a morning person.

He's not helping the situation. "Ah, what was that? No 'Gin-san, that was great, we should do it in the morning?' "

Tsukuyo kicks him in the shin. "Don't have time," she mumbles. "I have to go patrol today."

She checks the clock - tch. There's not even time for a quick shower. She pulls on her clothes in a hurry, kisses Gintoki goodbye, and tells him that there might be leftover rice in the fridge downstairs.

When he finds himself downstairs, he's greeted cheerfully by Hinowa. She wheels herself and pours her and Gintoki a cup of tea.

He expected an interrogation.

Instead, she handed him coupons for their sex toy shop.

"Um - " he says awkwardly. "I don't think things are going that fast..." He has a hard time imagining Tsukuyo in chains and whips, even though the idea is appealing.

"Oh, Gin-san, just take them. (Tsukuyo always burns them, for some reason.) This'll be a secret between you and me."

Later, Tsukuyo finds a vibrator under her pillow the other day.

-x-

He migrates into her life, little by little. It scares her once she realizes it's been a while since that first kiss from Suzuran's memorial service. Neither of them have said the three words.

She's tried, but it just doesn't come so easily. Not even at the end of their lovemaking sessions. It would have came off as trite and awkward, not to mention it was one of the most common lies told in Yoshiwara. Tsukuyo supposes that she'll tell him when she lands in the hospital.

Unfortunately, the day comes sooner then she thought.

When she follows a lead and gets herself snared into gang of drug lords, she accidentally twists her ankle during one of her solo attacks. Not too soon after that, someone kicks her hard in the ribs, breaking two or three of them.

Tsukuyo coughs up blood. It's excruciating to move. She blinks, hazily, still determined in the end to finish off her enemy.

A kunai pierces her arm; she winces from the pain. Her left responds with deadly accuracy. Where was the Hyakka? she thought to herself. I have to warn someone... Anyone...

But finally, the pain is too much for her to handle, and she blacks out. The last thing she sees is a wooden sword, but naturally she doesn't remember that.

-x-

"You've got guts, tackling down Harusame's drug trafficking business by yourself," Gintoki tells her later, next to her hospital bed.

It's not a statement of admiration.

The look in his eyes is an undescribable mix of sheer fury and disappointment, as if she'd been the person who murdered Shoyou-sensei.

Even though Tsukuyo is bandaged with two of her ribs broken and a fractured arm, nothing pains her more than to know that Gintoki is angry at her.

"I'm sorry."

"No, you're not," he said. "Do you know how much people care for you? You could have asked for backup."

Do you even know much I love you?

On principle, he won't tell her to quit her job. He respects her entirely too much for that. But he's angry enough to stop visiting her after the first time she wakes up.

"Tsukky, he's just angry because he was scared of losing you," Kagura told her.

She spends the next month doing nothing of importance; waiting for her body to recover completely is a boring and tedious process. In the meantime, she trains new Hyakka recruits, observes them while on patrol in the city, and occasionally helps Hinowa out in her shop.

Gintoki never comes to see her anymore. Tsukuyo doesn't blame him.

-x-

Life without him isn't the same.

Some days she considers burning the small collection of Shonen JUMP that's lying in the corner of her room. But whenever she got close to actually doing it...

Well. It just never happened.

-x-

"Welcome to Hinowa's Heavenly Goods, how may I help you... ?"

Her voice trails off when she realizes that Gintoki is standing there. In the shop. Holding a box of lubricated condoms.

If there's a time where she truly wants to die right there and then, it's now.

"Yo. I was looking for a Courtesan of Death. Do you know where I can find someone like that?"

Tsukuyo's eyes widen a bit. Stupidly, she replies, "I'm sorry, but we don't sell that here - "

Her hand accidentally knocks a piece of merchadise off the counter. Flustered, Tsukuyo picks it up.

"Ah, that's too bad. I was hoping I could talk to her."

Biting her lip, Tsukuyo looks at the ground. "I can take a message, if you want."

"Okay," he said agreeably. "Well tell her that I want to meet her at Yorozuya's. I'll be expecting her soon."

"When?"

"Oh, whenever she's ready," Gintoki says, waving his hand carelessly. "Send my regards, okay?"

-x-

She stood in front of his front door, mentally debating whether to ring the bell.

If she rang the door, then it could ruin any chance of future reconciliation. Goodbye, Sakata Gintoki. No more sex, no more late night kisses, no more sly grins and littering of Shonen JUMPs in her room, no more begging for chocolate parfaits or strawberry cakes.

If she just went home right now, she could try again tomorrow. No need to do it right now.

Tsukuyo, don't be a coward, a voice in her reasons.

She sucks in a nervous breath. Funny, how she could kill some of the most dangerous men on the planet with such grace and ease, but it was so hard to admit that she needed Gintoki back into her life.

Just do it.

She pressed the doorbell.

It slides open. He's in the middle of picking his nose.

"Oh, it's you. What do you want?"

"Hey... I'm here to make a request for Yorozuya."

"Ah, is that so? Well, come on in."

The flutter of his cologne tickled her nose. Suddenly all those tiny, miniscule details came rushing back to her - his sinewy muscles on his back, his wild and untamed hair, his hands on her body... a fleeting desire crept into her blood.

"So, what's the problem?"

"Well, you see, there's this man that I love, but I hurt him rather badly. I didn't know what to do at first. After all, he was the first person whom I fell in love with."

"And so, what happened?"

"I distanced myself, thinking it was over. But then when I tried to live without him, I couldn't. I missed being together with him. I liked the way he could make me laugh. I liked the way he would kiss my shoulder. I liked the way he could make me feel alive."

"I screwed up, and I don't know what to do."

Slowly, he smiles. "Well, the answer's easy, isn't it? Go back to him. Chances are, he probably still loves you."

"... Gintoki. You stupid man."

"Stubborn woman," he rebukes her gently.

Tsukuyo drinks in the perfection of this moment. She places her soft hands on his cheek and sifts her finger through his hair. Then, she kisses him, full and hard.

It was wet and sloppy and fierce, but wonderful in every imaginable way.

-x-

"You guys ought to get married," Hinowa suggests gently, right before they depart on their fifth date.

"Maybe" is what both of them say, this time.

-x-

the end

-x-

A/N: I hope this compensates for me not finishing the third chapter of "I'll Hold You In The Dark". Because frankly, that story of mine sucks.

Muses on the GinTsu pairing: I think even Sorachi-sensei supports it.

Reviews would be extremely appreciated. :) Please tell me what you like, dislike, or want to see in the future.