haha i bet u thought i forgot about this

no i just had horrendous art block that lasted for like 3 weeks

fish puns are fucking hard

== Aradia: Glub With A Princess

I sigh quietly, pushing myself away from my desk for a few seconds to collect my thoughts. I have a paper due tomorrow, and I really need to get it finished, but I'm so not into it. The words just kind of shuffle around my brain and I don't really know how to get them onto the page.

So instead I just kind of lean back into my chair and quietly let the ghosts emerge from the floorboards, whispering around me, curling around my outstretched fingers. It makes me feel better to allow them around me, to let them talk to me with quiet voices, all so different but tinged with a hollowness that's stayed with me from birth.

The curse of being a lowblood.

I don't really think of it as being a curse; I have access to an entire realm of people that most trolls never even think of. Humans and trolls that have been dead for years, decades, centuries, and sometimes I get to talk with them, quick bursts of two or three sentences that comfort me and tell me a little more about our history.

I'm pulled back to the mortal realm by the soft sound of my pesterchum alert, which makes my eyes flick open, the ghosts that have lazily curled up around me rapidly vanishing. I push my chair forward, bringing up my chat and sighing a little as I see the messages pop up.

condesceCuller [CC] started pestering apocalypseArisen [AA]

CC: )(ey Aradia, I t)(ink we need to talk.

Well, I guess so.

Though there's a lot of things I would probably need to talk to her about.

AA: i guess s0
AA: ab0ut what in particular
CC: Sollux, actshelly.
CC: But not in t)(e context you probubbly assume.

Well, that means the second context I immediately assume is probably the one she's getting at.

AA: the fact that hes acting 0dd and 0ut 0f character
AA: the fact that hes been av0iding b0th 0f us
AA: 0r the fact that hes been c0nveniently busy f0r m0st 0f the past few m0nths
CC: All of it.
CC: It's fis)(y as s)(ell.
CC: T)(ere's somet)(ing going on, and we bot)( minnow it.
AA: yes i kn0w
AA: d0 y0u have an idea
AA: because i have my 0wn the0ries but id like t0 hear y0urs
CC: I )(ave a couple.
CC: T)(e most "obvious" answer would be t) (e was c)(eating on one or bot)( of us.
CC: But of course )(e knows betta t)(an t)(at.
AA: 0f c0urse
AA: d0 y0u have an0ther idea 0r
CC: I )(ave one but I don't reely want it to be true.
AA: alright
AA: i think hes g0tten taken in by a highbl00d and he's hiding it s0 he w0nt hurt us
AA: ive been able t0 stay away fr0m it but many 0f my friends have been victimized by them
AA: i w0uld h0pe n0t but it seems t0 fit with h0w hes been acting

I really hope not.

Sollux is so important to me, and if he was being hurt by someone, and I had been letting that happen, even implicitly, I would hate it. I would be upset, angry, and so much more at both whoever was hurting him and myself.

But it's a distinct possibility. The way troll society works, it's almost likely; Sollux is so low on the spectrum that almost anyone could take him and they would be completely within their legal boundaries. And if he wanted to stay alive, he'd just have to do whatever they asked.

It's fucked up, but it's reality.

CC: Yes.
CC: T)(at's what I was t)(inking too.
CC: ... I mig)(t have an idea w)(o's taken )(im, too…
AA: im all ears
CC: I'm wondering…
CC: I'm wondering if my lusus cod )(ave anyt)(ing to do wit)( this.

My heart stops.

Of course. It would make sense; the inability to tell anyone what was going on, the way he's closed in on himself, the way he'll cancel plans without notice. It could all easily be explained if he was the Condesce's slave.

I don't want it to be happening, and I desperately don't want to have to consider this as a legitimate possibility, but here I am, thinking about exactly what I'm going to have to do to get him the fuck back.

I swear to everything holy. And more than one unholy thing.

AA: that w0uld make unf0rtunate sense
CC: Yes. It would.
AA: and please d0nt take 0ffense
AA: but if that bitch has t0uched him
AA: i will fucking break her
CC: No offense taken.
CC: I agree wit)( you.
CC: And if s)(e reely does )(ave )(im…
AA: i will tear her apart
AA: and paint her hive with her bl00d
CC: … yes.
CC: Me too.
AA: were clearly g0ing t0 have t0 make s0me kind 0f alliance
AA: i hate y0ur fucking guts but i l0ve s0llux m0re
CC: T)(e eeling is mutual.
CC: I'll glub with you tomorrow and we can come up wit)( a plan.
CC: Maybe I can go talk to )(er and try to get )(er to tail me w)(at's reely going on, and we can go from t)(ere.
CC: After all, we could be completely wrong!
AA: i supp0se

We could be. And I hope to god we are.

But the sinking feeling in my stomach, the way my heart stopped when she introduced the idea, the way the pieces clicked into place, tells me that we're completely right. That we're going to have to battle The Condesce, the person who literally holds the troll side of Alterniearth in her hands, who could probably stomp us out like bugs if we didn't have a rock-solid defence plan - and who very might do it anyway.

It makes my head swim to even start to acknowledge it.

AA: i h0pe we are
AA: f0r all 0ur sakes

Those sentences seem so heavy. Too heavy for someone just getting ready to graduate high school, for someone whose biggest problem is generally the fact that they're getting a B in a class instead of an A.

After-school activity: freeing my matesprit from the ruler of Alterniearth.

CC: I'll sea you tomorrow.
CC: It s)(ould be not)(ing, )(e may just need some space.
AA: maybe
AA: g00dnight feferi
CC: Goodnight!

condesceCuller [CC] stopped pestering apocalypseArisen [AA]

I let myself sink back into my chair, closing my eyes against the tears that threaten to rise up and overwhelm me. I don't want to lose my matesprit. I don't want to lose him to a woman that doesn't fucking care about anyone but herself, I don't want to lose him to the darkness that is PTSD-induced depression, I don't want to lose him to his own mind.

And I know, I just know, that if I do nothing, he will be lost. Because he can't tell me what's going on, for whatever reason - be it self-induced or forced by outside pressure- and I can't help him until I know exactly what's going on.

I'm at a complete loss.

I haven't been this incredibly helpless since… well, since the incident.

I look back at my computer, at the still-unfinished paper, and reach forward to switch off the screen, getting out of my chair and curling up in bed, pulling the covers over my head and cocooning me in warmth.

I'll think about it tomorrow.