I feel bad for writing this because there's stuff I need to catch up with here on FFN and I have homework to do and I am clearly not doing any of those things. Nonetheless, late night inspiration struck and I felt the need to write this...

I'll let you read before I go off on a tangent of my personal feelings regarding this fic and other things - but I highly recommend that you read those after you finish reading the story itself.

When I was a little girl, I had always kind of assumed that Link and I were meant to be. After all, we lived in such a tiny village – the only other boy close to my age was Fado… and for some reason, I had never ever been able to imagine him as anything other than a brother. I don't know why Link was so special… but I just always knew that he was the one for me.

Maybe it was stupid of me to think he felt the same.

… Maybe he did at first… But after… after the whole Twilight incident, he was different. And I knew why.

Before the children and I returned to the village from Kakariko, I had decided I would visit him at Castle Town, see how he was doing after all of the chaos was over and done with. He would have been with Telma and her friends, I was sure, so I made for the bar that the kindly woman owned… But on my way, I had heard the laughter that had made my heart soar since I was a child. I don't know why it had me so skittish – only that it sent me into an alcove filled with cats. I only peered past the corner, catching sight of Link walking by with an exotically beautiful, tall woman. I'd never seen a person look like her…

But more than that, the way Link looked at her…

Before my mother died, she had always told me that before two people could get married, they had to make sure they were the best of friends. After all, a married couple had to be there for each other through any sort of situation, good or bad. And at that moment, seeing Link and this strange woman I'd never seen before… I realized I was not the best friend that would become his spouse. In fact, I could never claim to be his best friend - Fado was his best friend. I was simply a dear friend… but this woman… This strange woman I had never seen before. She was the single greatest and best friend that Link would ever have.

I left Castle Town after that, never stopping by to see Link as I had planned. I was heartbroken and angry. I tried to rationalize it all. I had only been seeing things; I had an overactive imagination. Link and that woman weren't anything. But the more I tried to rationalize it as something it wasn't, the more upset I became.

I hated that woman for a while. Who was she? And how had she, in the span of a few months, manage to become closer to Link than I had, when I had known him since we were still in diapers? Was she some Gerudo temptress trying to seduce him? Or maybe some foreign diplomat that Princess Zelda had wanted him to charm? I didn't know… I didn't want to know. But then I just became so tired of being upset all of the time. I loved Link… and even if he didn't love me, my greatest desire should be for him to be happy… if that meant he was happiest with someone else, then I shouldn't stand in the way. I should be happy for him as well.

I was completely prepared for him to return to the village with that tall, foreign woman on his arm; both of them beaming happily. I wasn't at all prepared to see a dull eyed Link arrive back at the village alone.

He put on the façade well – that mask of contentment, of a job well done. He was happy to see everyone, that was true… but something about him almost seemed broken… and I was the only one who seemed to notice it. Maybe it was because I was the only one who'd taken the time to recognize all of his facial tics; to recognize when his silence was because he had nothing to say versus when he simply didn't want to say anything.

It had always seemed like he didn't want to say anything anymore…

When he had left again, I can't say I was surprised. We didn't talk much when he came back, and the few times we did, it hadn't been with the same warm closeness we had had before. His mind had always seemed focused on something else… And I wondered if it was the woman. It was a silly question; of course it was that woman.

The day before he had left again, I had found him by the river during the twilight hours. He didn't noticed me; he didn't notice how I heard him say so sadly, "Why didn't you let me go with you?"

He would come back from his journey years later, looking so much older than I remembered. The dull look in his eyes never quite went away, but he had become so much better at hiding it. He had come back, I realized, to move on with his life. He went back to the ranch, fell back in to older habits while showing newer ones too. He'd taken over Colin's training, even started giving Talo some lessons…

He talked to me again. He spoke with the same warmness that I had remembered from so long ago.

A year after he'd returned, it was decided that we were going to be married. I was blinded with happiness, so see my childhood dream about to come true. I ignored his complete, grim silence during the twilight hours; how his kisses seemed half-hearted at times; how, despite his renewed warmness towards me, it was never quite the same way it used to be.

It was only a few months after we were married that I finally began to open my eyes to it. One twilight, when he had gone into his somber mood, I had finally asked, "Who was that woman with the flaming hair in Castle Town?"

The question had knocked him out of whatever state he was in as he looked at me with stupefied eyes… but the shock did not last. He had begun to look at me as if he had been hurting somehow.

He wouldn't answer me until weeks later, during another twilight. "Her name was- is - Midna."

"How did you know her?" I asked.

"She helped me find you and the kids all those years ago… She helped me in some of the darkest moments of my life…"

"You still love her."

"I'll never see her again."

I took note of how he danced around the statement.

I was angry… but I know he was trying. He was trying so hard to move on; he had married me, after all… But then why, why did I still see him staring out at the twilight… and why did I sometimes hear him in his sleep mumble her name or ask, "Why didn't you let me go with you?"

To say our marriage was unhappy wouldn't be completely false… but we did have our moments… And the children brought us closer… But there was still always a gap between us, a distance that had once never been there, but now could never be mended…

I would always be second best. I could never be Midna – the woman who had fought with Link, been through a journey I couldn't possibly imagine with him… And a part of me hated myself for it.

I am not Midna. I never will be Midna. I am Ilia. I will always be Ilia. Second in Link's heart.

First off, I don't like Ilia. I have never liked Ilia. Something about her general design puts me off, and I wasn't a huge fan of her characterization either. What's even worse is that I realize my reasons for not liking her aren't very good. As a person, she is a genuinely good hearted, if not a bit temperamental when it comes to things she's passionate about. So when I wrote this, I had to get over a lot of my general dislike for her since I had decided to do this from first person POV. It should be noted, I'm not a huge fan of 1st person either, but seeing as Ilia and her feelings were the focal point of this fic, I felt it was the better option.

Despite all of that general dislike going on, I felt the need to write this. In case you haven't noticed, I ship MidLink and and reasonably upset that it isn't canon. The ending of Twilight Princess absolutely infuriating me because Link and Midna would never, ever, ever be able to see each other again - not even as just friends. But I'm going on the Midlink boat here, so I'm under the assumption that Link and Midna totally were in love - though I'm of the general belief that Link wasn't quite aware of it until it was too late. Whatever the case, it's safe to say that IliaLink is canon... and if I follow my Midlink tendencies, the end result leaves a rather depressing story for Ilia. Now I know it's also perfectly possibly for people to move on and so on and so forth, but it works the other way too - some people try to move on and they just can't (please see "every single member of my family and why it has completely turned me off to the notion of romance in my life" ). And that's basically what I wanted to write...

So yes. Depressing and whatnot. This was mostly written to get it out of my system more than anything else, and like most of my emotion fueled and not-thought-out-completely work, I'm not really happy with this at all. I didn't challenge myself at all when I wrote this, either - I wasn't trying new things or improving upon issues I know have with my writing (sense of place anyone?). Maybe one day, if I'm feeling inspired, I'll go back and get into some more details and work out kinks... but seeing as how TP is my least favorite Zelda game (though I do love them all) and I'm still not overly fond of Ilia, I doubt it. :/