Showertime.

Erza Scarlet stood between a blistering inferno of a fiery hell and a chilling icy wave. That's right, she stood between Natsu and Gray as they both showered.

Natsu had his shower on at full temperature causing large amount of steam and was hot enough to leave red marks where it splashed on Erza's pale skin. Yeah, it was that hot.

Gray, on the other hand, had his on at the lowest possible temperature, it might even be lower than that straying into the minus's, though how he had done that was beyond the realms of human understanding, and it caused some minor frost-nip, the beginnings of frostbite, where it splashed Erza's pale skin. Yeah, it was that cold.

Erza herself was fine with this situation, it was always like this, and instead continued washing in her own moderate temperature shower.

"Oi, Fire-brain, stop splashing everywhere!" Gray complained as more blisteringly hot water splashed him.

"Me splashing, it's you who's splashing Popsicle" Natsu shot back flipping Gray off behind Erza's back. The reason why he did it behind the redheads back was because if she caught him swearing she'd probably punch him… again.

This was a common scene for the three, showering in the communal showers at Magnolia's public baths together. The owners were quite happy to close off an entire communal shower just for them, well after Erza 'convinced' them that was, and they'd been doing this for the past few years, or rather Erza 'convinced' the both of them too, Erza could be very 'convincing' when she tried and often even when she wasn't trying, so it was a fairly common scene.

"Me splashing? How am I splashing? You're the one who's splashing" Gray growled, glaring at Natsu.

"I'm not splashing icebox."

They glared at each other while Erza simply ignored it, if it got out of hand she would step in, until then she was enjoying her shower far too much.

"Bring it on then!" they both shouted and charged…

"AHHHHHH!"

…and promptly jumped back as they were subjected to Erza's shower.

"Too Hot!/So Cold!" the two boys had very different opinions on Erza's moderate temperature shower, but both complained loudly.

"How can you stand that heat?" Gray asked turning his temperature knob even further down, how was it not broken yet, in an attempt to soothe his blistering red skin.

"S-so cold" Natsu on the other hand wasn't so literate and was instead rubbing his arms while lying on the tiled floor.

Seeing Natsy debilitated Gray grinned in victory "Ha, I win."

"What are you talking about, you win, yeah right!" Natsu was immediately up again at the sound of a challenge.

"Of course I win, fire-brain, you couldn't even stand in that shower for a second, so I win."

"O-oh yeah, I can stand in it for ages" now Natsu was slightly worried, going from just off of the sun level heat to freezing cold, i.e. moderately warm, water in such a short space of time had nearly killed him, but... "Fine, it's a challenge" and he stepped forwards his body immediately tensing up as the freezing cold water, i.e. moderately warm, rained down upon him.

Gray blinked, was Natsu really that stupid, but then clenched his teeth. Now way he was going to lose to Natsu and he too stepped forwards, immediately flinching as the burning hot, i.e. moderately warm, water scorched his skin.

They both lasted fifteen seconds before they screamed like little girls and rushed to their own blistering hot and icy cold showers respectively, whimpering like kicked puppies as they lay near unconscious on the floor.

"Honestly you two" she gave them each an annoyed stare in turn "It's okay to challenge yourselves sometimes, but don't overdo it, okay?" she gave them a sisterly smile.

Neither one of them noticed too lost in their own pain.

"Ahh, dammit" Natsu cursed rubbing his arms and struggling up, trying to make his water hotter "It burns, why does cold burn? Ahhh!"

Gray on the other hand was trying desperately to take of his clothes, despite being in the shower and not wearing any, it was the natural thing to do. For once he wasn't trying to take them off out of habit but instead to cool himself down.

Erza scowled at them and shook her head, ignoring the both of them again, at least she did until she spied a yellowish liquid out of the corner of her eyes "Natsu, don't urinate in the shower!"

"Huh?" Natsu glanced at her, not stopping "Why not?"

"Because it's impolite, especially when you're with other people" she scowled. Natsu really needed to learn some delicacy, Erza never realised that she had taught him all the delicacy he had, i.e. none at all, he got all of that from her.

Gray grinned, it was always fun to see Erza angry at someone not him "Yeah Natsu, it's disgusting."

"Didn't you do it in the bath yesterday?" Natsu wondered out loud.

Erza twitched, she had been in that bath with Natsu and Gray.

"Well yeah but it's different" Gray argued.

"Peeing in the bath is even more disgusting! Especially when there are other people in it!" Erza shouted smacking Gray upside the head and sending him flying into the tiled wall.

Natsu suppressed his giggles as he watched Gray take a beating, he didn't want to draw Erza's attention to him after all.

Eventually everything returned to normal, except the Gray shaped imprint in the wall, but Natsu had found something to interest him. Erza, normally not very interesting, terrifying but not interesting, or rather in between Erza's legs.

Erza, as usual, couldn't care less and ignored, if she even realised, his stare and where it was.

Natsu glanced down, then looked back at Erza, then glanced down, then looked back "Hey Gray?" he asked quietly behind Erza's back, truly believing that the red haired girl couldn't hear him. Gray gave him a half scowl that asked 'What?' "How come Erza doesn't have a cock?"

"Natsu language" Erza snapped, but it lacked any bite. Igneel had taught Natsu many things, unfortunately it seemed the dragon hadn't really cared for politeness so what a different parent would call a pee-pee Igneel called a cock, similarly a bum-bum became an arse, and Natsu, not knowing about things such as manners or bad language, followed Igneel's example.

Gray shook his head, only Natsu could ask such a stupid question, he barely even heard Erza complaining about Natsu's language, she did it all the time, Igneel was very fond of swearing and Erza hadn't yet crushed Natsu's use of it "Cause she's a girl, moron."

"What's that got to do with anything?" Natsu said glaring at Gray, he wasn't a moron, he just didn't get it. The reason he hadn't asked earlier was that it hadn't occurred to him, he had seen Erza naked more times than he could count and never once cared that she didn't have a cock, or rather didn't notice, only now did he realise that fact. And he wasn't a moron remember… Yeah, real believable.

The ice-make mage growled, how could Natsu be so stupid "Girls don't have… bits" he decided was a safe term to use. That wouldn't get him beat up by Erza he was certain, and unlike Natsu he didn't have the defence of 'But that's what my dad called them'.

"EH!?" ignoring Natsu's surprise Gray went back to washing.

After five minutes Natsu called again"Hey Gray?"

He growled and shifted to look behind Erza again where Natsu was waiting "What is it?"

"How come Erza has hair down there?"

Gray blinked once, then twice, then a third time "Erza has hair down there?" he stepped forwards and took a look himself and yes there was a small red patch of hair down there "Wow" he said moving back to where Erza, they believed, couldn't hear them "She really does… I wonder why?"

Erza was twitching a bit, now bathing with Natsu and Gray was fine, being stared at by Natsu and Gray while naked was fine, but them talking about that, said that making her feel rather self-conscious, no one had explained such things to her yet, was making her a bit nervous/annoyed/utterly pissed off.

"Hehe" Natsu chuckled "Erza's hairy" he teased, noticing the red-heads now red face "Hairy Erza, Hairy Erza" he continued louder and louder, not sensing his impending doom until it was nearly upon him.

Gray bit back a laugh, then felt ice cubes drop down his spine when he saw the look of dark murder on Erza's face, he turned to run… but didn't make it very far.

Five minutes later Erza was now done with her refreshing shower and took her leave, skirting carefully around the large pool of watery blood but other ignoring the spot where she had left her two younger brother figures lying on the tiled floor with a number of quite serious injuries.

After that Natsu and Gray stopped showering with Erza growing incredibly scared whenever the subject was brought up. And Erza always wondered why.

Another Fairy Tail one-shot, the idea just occurred to me and wouldn't leave me alone till I wrote it.

Read, review (only if you want to) and enjoy.