Set straight after 14x19 'Born Psychopath' and containing spoilers so please don't read if you haven't see it. I don't want to be responsible for ruining an SVU storyline for you. It's just the aftermath of said storyline but still I've read stuff without a warning and been annoyed so please don't unless you want to of course!

Also as per usual none of them are mine they all belong to NBC and Dick Wolf. I just like to borrow them for fun.

They will not go away. They just keep creeping back in. I'm working on Rizzles but these two will not go away. I'm literally falling asleep writing stories for them in my head!

I wasn't going to make this into a multi-chapter, but oddly enough this chapter has come to a natural end but I feel like I could keep writing more for this one. My other Olivia/Amanda stuff has been one-shot. Let me know if you think this could keep going. I value what you guys have to say.

This is rated M for a few bad words and the possibility of moving it along with these two.

It had been the day from hell. The 1-6, apart from Amaro who was heading home with his family decided to head to Maguire's and work it off with some games of pool and a few beers.

Munch came back with two pitchers, 4 glasses and an orange juice for the Captain.

"Man I cannot understand that shit. I just can't. As I said earlier if he'd lived in the projects he'd been in the system by now" Fin said, the anger evident in his voice.

Everyone around the table nodded. They'd all met Henry, they all knew the story. The fact they knew the family were relatively good people didn't make it any less horrifying.

"Definitely one of the most disturbing cases I've seen" Cragen said after a mouthful of his drink. He wasn't normally one to voice his opinion on these things but this case had gotten under all their skins.

Each of the other 4 detectives took a glass and Fin filled them from the pitcher.

Amanda shivered as she thought back to the look in Henry's eyes in the kitchen as he told her she was pretty. It freaked her out completely. It also brought back memories of her old captain. The words he had used the night he'd try to attack her were similar 'You're so pretty Mandy'. But the look of depravity in both their eyes was similar when they said it.

Munch had asked Amanda something but she was lost in thought. It was only when Olivia tipped her on the shoulder that she heard her name. She nodded and smiled at Olivia to indicate she was okay when she gave her a concerned look.

"Rollins, did you get much from the kid when you were interviewing him? Amaro said he thought he had him worked out but then said he realised he was way off more than once"

"Naw I didn't get much from him. Dr. Wong did all the groundwork. He admitted everything he'd done, but we knew it all at that stage".

"Ah to have the power of a psychic if one was to believe in such things" Munch lamented. "At least then we could get these psychopaths before they made their next move"

"Yeah but they're gona always have to make a move first" Fin said.

They all nodded, all familiar with the horrors they'd seen that were that first and sometimes last move.

"He was just a kid" Olivia shook her head as she said it.

"Yes he was detective. But he was a very disturbed kid". Cragen knew this one was going to get in on his senior detective. Cases involving kids always got in on Olivia. But this one in particular was going to be hard. They'd had a handful of cases where the kid was the perpetrator of the crime. And each time Olivia had tried to see the good in them, sometimes she'd even found it. This time they were all clutching at straws when it came to seeing the good in Henry. No one could.

Munch and Fin decided it was time to show off their darts skills as they made their way towards the back of the bar. The Captain had gone to ring Nick to make sure he took a few days and did his mandatory debrief and evaluations before he returned to duty.

Amanda and Olivia sat across the table from one another talking about anything but the case. It ranged from what perfume Olivia was wearing to the top Amanda had on last week to the new law passed on using cell phones while driving to why they'd taken popcorn out of the vending machines. It was all very banal but neither woman was willing to go back to that dark place, neither wanted to be in that mind frame anymore, even though talking about it was the only way to banish the demons. Eventually the guys re-joined them at the table and began to argue about Charlie Sheen, how he was probably quite a nice guy and how the media, in Munch's eyes, were making him out to be far worse than he was. Olivia rolled her eyes. Much more of that and she'd have to drink a pitcher all of her own to forget this entire week, but this conversation in particular.

She looked at over at the 1-6's other female detective and saw a very distracted look on her face. Amanda Rollins was physically here; mentally she was a long way away. Olivia reached her hand to her left to squeeze the blonde's arm making her jump

"Hey. You ok?"

"Sorry I've gotta go"

The guys hollered "Goodnight" at the back of the retreating figure but Olivia knew that look, had seen it before in Elliot and knew it meant trouble. She said her goodbyes and followed hot on the blonde's heels.

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Olivia spotted the blonde on the opposite side of the street as she walked out of the bar. She was backed up against a wall, bent double, looking like she was trying to catch her breath.

Olivia crossed and was beside her in 30 seconds.

"Rollins?" She realised Amanda was having a panic attack as soon as she reached her.

"Rollins, look up at me." She didn't do as instructed so Olivia hunkered down in front of her so she was looking up into her eyes.

"Amanda its Olivia. Breath with me" She started to inhale and exhale slowly to try and show Amanda what she meant.

It took a minute for Amanda to even register Olivia's presence as she became unsteadier on her feet, her head spinning. Olivia put her hands on Amanda's hips as she pulled herself up and forced the blonde to stand straight, making it easier for them both to get air into their lungs.

"Rollins, look up!" Olivia's voice was controlled and commanding.

She felt the blue eyes meet hers and she reiterated "Breath with me"

Amanda began to copy Olivia's breathing as she repeated "in" and "out" slowly. It took her a few minutes to regulate her breathing but eventually Amanda came back to herself and her legs steadied.

She looked into Olivia's eyes and saw an understanding that said 'don't worry, been there done that'. It comforted her and she was finally able to say what had been bothering her so much in the bar.

"He's 10 and he's locked up. What am I so scared of?"

"It's ok, I get it." Olivia squeezed Amanda's elbow. Amanda brought her hand up to cover Olivia's where it was squeezing.

"He actually scared me Liv."

"He scared all of us".

"He killed a dog he almost killed his sister, he shot Nick for God sake. What makes a kid like that?"

"I don't know Amanda, I really don't. I've asked George so many times 'why?'. Most of the time he has a medical answer that satisfies the detective in me. But there was never an answer that satisfied me as a human being with emotions".

Amanda nodded. She noticed Olivia's fingers had intertwined with hers and were holding hers tighter, the cold chill in the air caused her to shiver. She turned into Olivia's body and felt Olivia's arms slip around her shoulders. She knew they both needed this, to feel another person, another person who knew what was going on and just cared enough to be there in that moment. She slipped her arms around Olivia's waist and pulled her in tight against her, trying to block out the world, just for a few minutes.

She spoke into Olivia's shoulder: "I wanted to punch him. Taking his statement I wanted to stand up and punch him. What makes a grown woman want to punch a kid? What kind of person does that make me?"

Olivia held on tight as she whispered into Amanda's ear. "It makes you human". She gently ran her hand over Amanda's silky hair, stroking her hand along her head, neck and back. The warmth was so comforting that both were reluctant to pull away.

They stood there for a long time just holding one another. They didn't see their Captain walk out of the bar. He spotted the two detectives and smiled to himself. His main concern was how Olivia was going to get through the night. And if it was in Detective Rollin's arms it was fine by him. Codes of Conduct be damned. They'd all seen too much in this job not to grab happiness when it was there to take and hold on tight with both hands.

Olivia pulled back and looked at Amanda, fear still present in both their eyes.

"I've a bottle of white wine in my fridge waiting for me, I hadn't planned on coming to Maguire's tonight. Do you fancy joining me?" She figured they might as well be scared together as alone.

"Yeah sounds good". Amanda stuck her hand out and hailed a cab. Olivia gave her address and they chatted all the way back to Olivia's apartment about sociopaths and psychopaths and the different kinds they had come across, not referencing any one case in particular since they were still technically in a public place. The taxi driver was relieved when he dropped them off. He didn't want to hear anymore of that conversation.

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They took a seat at on the sofa and placed their glasses on the coffee table.

"Does it get easier?"

Olivia thought for a minute; "Not easier, you just get used to it. That sounds impossible. And all of the guys will tell you a case involving a kid will get you every time"

"Even if you don't have any of your own?"

Olivia paused for a minute as she thought of Calvin.

"Yeah even when you don't have of your own"

"I don't think if I stick at this job I could have any of my own. I'd be too afraid they'd turn out like Henry"

"You'd make a great Mum Amanda, don't think that"

"With my genes? They'd probably end up a cross of my Dad and Kim. And a bit of my addictive personality thrown in for good measure". The sadness in Amanda's eyes was unmistakable. Olivia had seen it in her own face a million times when she looked in the mirror. Would any child of hers turn out to be like her father?

"I get it, believe me"

"Screwy family?"

Olivia wasn't sure how much she wanted to share but then she realised the alcohol had been talking and dictating some of her actions so far so she could blame it on that tomorrow.

"Rapist father, alcoholic mother. And I'm a product of rapist father who turned said mother into an alcoholic

Amanda turned to look at Olivia, her eyes wide. But it wasn't shock it was concern.

"Jesus Liv" she reached a hand out and rested it on Olivia's knee. Olivia covered it with her own "That must have been hell on you. How do you do this job given all that's involved?"

"Suppose it's to catch evil like my father and lock them up" Olivia didn't really want to expand and she knew Amanda wouldn't push.

"I suppose we all have something that motivates us to do this job. For me it was my ex captain. And Henry." She shuddered "Well the look in his eyes brought that night back full force smack in my face"

Olivia recalled what Amanda had told her before about her captain trying it on.

"He really got to you, the Captain I mean?"

"Yeah but you had similar happen to you undercover and you aren't half as nutty as I am about this case"

Olivia smiled "You're not nutty Amanda, you're just still a bit more hopeful than me. It's good to see. Some days when I wonder why I'm still doing what I do, you, Amaro and the rookies remind me there is hope. And putting the sons of bitches away for a long time helps too"

Amanda nodded agreeing with the last bit and held up her glass for a toast

"To locking up the sons of bitches"

Glasses clinked and Amanda finished off the last of her wine.

As Amanda went to stand the room began to spin a little bit. "Wow I have seriously had a bit too much to drink. Haven't drank like this since Kim wrecked my place and Fin took me out for the night". Bless him he watched me drink away my problems while he was on orange juice all night so he could drive me back to his"

Amanda realised she was waffling but it was because Olivia had gone quiet and was staring off into a place she couldn't see.

"Liv?"
"Hmm? Sorry yeah?"
"You ok?"
"Sorry yeah I'm ok, just started thinking too much"

Amanda sat back down beside her, slightly closer so she could put her arm around the taller detectives shoulders.

"Liv, I'm sorry, I dragged up too much. You didn't need that. It's been a long week."

"I did need to talk, I just don't think anyone but Elliot has ever known so much about my life and still wanted to be around me."

Olivia leaned in to Amanda's embrace. Her eyes were shut tight but a tear had escaped the corner of one.

Amanda saw it straight away as she was concentrating intently on the detectives every move.

"Oh hush babe, come 'ere". Amanda sat back into the cushions of the sofa and pulled Olivia with her. She wrapped her into a warm embrace and stroked her hair and back whispering soft reassuring words into her ear. She kissed her temple and felt Olivia relax into her arms. Olivia bent her legs up on to the sofa so she could curl right into Amanda. It felt like forever since she'd been held and actually wanted it."

Amanda slipped her arm under the detective's bent legs and brought them forward to put them across her own legs causing Olivia's head to lull gently on to her shoulder. She leaned in further and wiped the other tears that had now fallen and leaned in again to kiss her temple gently for reassurance. But this time Olivia moved her head and looked up just as Amanda moved in. They stopped frozen, looking at each other for a few moments, before Olivia leaned in and kissed Amanda's lips softly. She pulled back to look at the blonde who had ducked her head and was smiling shyly.

"I'm sorry" Olivia began to apologise just as the blonde looked up at her.

"No I'm actually not sorry, that felt so right." They laughed simultaneously and Amanda began to draw small circles on the base of Olivia's lower back.

"It did feel really right. But Liv I don't want this to ruin things. I love working with you and I love the challenge of SVU. Our conversation earlier might have lead you to believe I want out. But you guys have my back and it's something I've never experienced in either my personal or professional life before"

"I can be professional if you can"

"I can always be professional. I'm just not sure I could keep my hands off you in work if we started this"

"Ooh quick fumbles in the car between crime scenes, you do know how to woo a girl"

Olivia winked and they laughed together again, this time louder"

"Seriously Liv can we do this and be ok?"

Olivia thought about it for a while. She'd managed it before with Cassidy and Barba even though it hadn't lasted.

"I think so. I've done it before and there haven't been problems"

"You have?"

"Uhoh, I said too much"

Amanda slapped her on the arm and laughed "So go on then detective who has had the privilege of getting up this close and personal?"

"No one important" – she leaned in to kiss the blonde again, slightly more insistent as she slipped her tongue between the blondes slightly parted lips.

Amanda moaned into Olivia's mouth and put her hand at the nape of her neck to pull her in to delve deeper. She felt like she could gladly allow this woman to devour her whole.

Eventually when oxygen became a necessity they reluctantly pulled away. Olivia gazed into those beautiful blue eyes, which were dark with desire.

"I was gona say we should take this slow, but your hand has been rubbing my back so much that my skin is on fire and I'm so wet I'm not thinking about anything except you touching me"
Amanda moaned again, much longer and louder this time as she put her arms under the legs still across hers.

"Detective Benson you really know how to talk a girl into bed"

Olivia laughed as she felt Amanda swoop her up and into her arms.

She put her forehead against Amanda's gently. "You sure?"
"Kiss me again". Olivia leaned in and kissed and Amanda nodded as she spoke against Olivia lips, "I'm sure"

They walked towards the bedroom trying to miss every obstacle while continuing with soft persistent kisses.

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So should I keep going? Don't worry I won't if no one isn't interested. Don't like foisting this stuff on people just because I like writing these two together! And I'm not saying review or I won't give you anymore ;) I will but only if you want it! Thanks in advance for any feedback and I'm going back to Rizzles now, see where they've been and what they're planning next for me :)