Stupid genius.

Special thanks to Hudine, for helping me with grammar, being Beta and teaching me.

Author note: well this is my first, ever made story in public, it's a lot of mess, well, and my grammar is killing some readers, I'm originally not from anything near English so please do forgive me,

Disclaimer: one time I read in Disclaimer thingy: I do not own anything. ... Well, I own a lot of things, but nothing from Doctor who, just idea of this story.

It was just the beginning of spring, when John found himself deep in thoughts. He was in his cabinet, rethinking everything that happened last five years. He had some tests to prepare and some research to go through, but his mind just didn't seem to get to it. It drifted away as soon as it had the chance, he knew he had to solve this, either he won't be able to finish any of his work, and god he knew he had plenty. Who knew that human "boring" life could be so busy.

All this time he would just try to brush these thoughts out of his head, literally going with his hand through his thick hair, he knew he probably looked like a mess. How much he didn't want this, it had to be done, for better or worse.

He took his mobile, his fingers were fast as he typed the message. He stopped only shortly before sending it. With a deep breath, he pressed the button.

Rose was in her bed. Listening to music, nothing particular, just something to set her mind off. To be honest, she hated day offs, everything about it just gave her more time to think, and she was really trying not to. The past five years she has managed to schedule her life so, that she barely ever stoped, and her senses in every way were busy.

But not today. Nothing happened, no alien invasion, Torchwood was well managed, all paperwork was done. Pete, Jackie and Tony were on a trip, so she was left alone in the city with nothing to do.

Her mind was racing a thousand miles per hour, and she knew sooner or later it won't take a good end. Back in the day, in her universe she would go out with her mates, chips, shopping, but now after everything she had seen it didn't seem that tempting to her at all. And to be honest, she didn't have any friends.

There was John of course, but she avoided him as much as it was considered to be polite, she didn't mind him or anything, it's just that every time she met him, it was all... Pain...

Chips, ships sounded good, she wouldn't go shopping, as that seemed to be too human for her, and she just didn't see anything interesting about that, but she could always do with chips.

At first, in this universe, she would wander around trying to find differences in this London, but now she hated it, she hated this world, these people, it just physically felt wrong, sometimes it would feel so sickening she could throw up.

Chips, yes chips were the thing she wanted.

She dragged herself out of the bed.

After what felt like hours she was finally ready and heading for the door, when she heard message on her phone.

John was waiting for Rose in a cafe, at a table nearby the window; he hadn't seen her for two weeks. He liked to think it was because they lived in a different part of town, they had different jobs; she worked for Torchwood, He was Physic Teacher in a University, they mostly didn't have time to meet, they both had different lives. But he knew better than that, it was hard for both of them, he knew he only reminded Rose of the Doctor, and, well, he loved her with all his heart, but he knew she would never be able to return the feelings, well not at least in the same scale. So it seemed like they always had some other things to do, of course they knew, they were avoiding each other, but it seems like they both felt better that way. Just pretending it was fine.

John did everything he had ever wanted, what the Doctor dreamed to have, John led a simple life, a simple human life, and that was the beauty of it, he wasn't responsible about anything, only his own life. He could be just another John Smith, without the weight of the universe on his shoulders, without the decisions the Doctor had to make every day. John didn't have to run. And the truth is he didn't want to. He didn't need to; he had nothing to run from.

Straight at the beginning he knew Rose cold never cope with the simple life, the life he dreamed about. After adventures she had, she just couldn't go back to normal life, and he couldn't ask her to do that.

He also knew they would never have anything more, even if they worked on that together, even if he would be more like the Doctor. He loved her, of course he did, and she knew that, but he also knew it wasn't mutual. All though he looked like the Doctor, he had his memories, his mind, he was a different person. Her heart belonged to the Doctor and no matter what he would do, he wasn't him. It wasn't the memories or experience what she loved about the Doctor, it was himself.

So they lived separate lives, without feeling responsible for each other. They had the talk one day after The Bad Wolf Bay. He was his own person, and she was not responsible about him. It was not her fault he was there, and she was stuck with him in the same universe.

They have never put it into words, why they wouldn't work, he knew why and so did she, they understood each other so well, that it really didn't need any explanation, he knew how things were standing, and he knew they wouldn't change. They just met now and then, they talked about their lives, and about life before he happened. Before his birth, as they were joking. It was because he still had memories, the ones he got from the Doctor, he wasn't the same man anymore but they still sheared 900 hundred years long memories. For Rose it was refreshing to listen to those old Time Lord stories. She did miss it, life with the Doctor, but mostly she missed the Alien himself. John loved this other life too, he loved the life of the Doctor, but he would never change his current one, he was happy. He never thought that he was left behind. He thought he had been given a chance Doctor never had, and he was happy about it.

But somehow he just couldn't help the thought, that despite his brilliant brain, the Doctor was an Idiot. This peaceful life without running, had taught him a lot, it made him to change the values of his previous beliefs, and he could see more clearly now what a mistake the Doctor had made. He even considered, the Doctor was selfish. Maybe the Doctor didn't think so, but John had the time to put all these things together, The Doctor never had the time or wish to stop and think, but he made a decision thinking about himself, about his own hearts, ignoring the reality, he was afraid of feelings. John understood his choices, but he also knew why they were wrong.

At the beginning he was thinking the same way the Doctor did. The Doctor had made the right choice, leaving Rose behind in safety, sacrifice his own happiness for her; he would do exactly the same. She deserved happiness and safety, she was too precious for universe who was too demanding, too cruel. However, with time, John realized what a huge mistake Doctor had made. Rose could never be happy, not truly happy without the Doctor. And God, he knew she'd tried. She tried to live the life he wanted her to have, but he saw under that smile, the shine in her eyes was gone. And he knew the Doctor made this choice because he couldn't have her forever, and he couldn't bare the thought to see her die.

That was the reason he was here, sitting in café near Baker Street, waiting for Rose. This was kind of their place, where they both usually met, when he was around, and she did have time. Needles to say, they preferred this place not because of the good food, it actually wasn't that special here, but they both loved Sherlock Holmes, and this was the nearest place to Baker street where you could eat. There weren't stories of Sherlock Holmes in this universe, but at least the street gave them similarity of their lost home.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when the doors of the café opened, and he saw a young blonde walking in, he would say that she was about 19 years old, if he didn't know better. This stung in his eyes, he knew her, and knew it shouldn't be so, he has had his suspicions for a while now, but he never had courage to say it out loud; he didn't want to give her false hopes, and to tell the truth, he wasn't ready himself, to give up on "them". But now it was different, it has been five years, and nothing he secretly hoped had changed. Not Roses looks, not their relationship.

"Hey!" Rose greeted him with a cheeky grin, and sat down opposite him. Just like a good old friend, who just happened to be on the same part of town and popped in to say hello, like their lives would be just so simple, Rose never liked to complicate anything, and that was one of the things he loved about her. There were never awkwardness between them. Just like those friends who doesn't meet for years, but when they do, nothing between them has changed, that was his relationship with her.

She was wearing casual sky blue shirt, with skinny black jeans and sneakers. Even though she could afford everything she ever wanted now, being the daughter of Pete Tyler did give her status and money, but her taste never got expensive, what couldn't be said about Jacky. Rose always looked simple and natural, beautiful and always ready to run. As she would hope, that someone one day would sweep her of the planet, and she would be ready to run around the stars.

"You're improving," she commented on his appearance, dragging him out of his thoughts "I have never seen you wearing a T-shirt. Makes me think what you're up to" John smiled like a maniac, and in a response Rose giggled a little.

"Well, and you, Rose Tyler, you look beautiful as ever, which is one of the reasons I wanted to see you today." He replied, slightly looking out of the window, he knew that this is going to be hard, for him and for her. He needed a little time, to gather his thoughts. He had to say it right, it wasn't something he could just bubble out, and he needed to prepare himself, for her reaction, and his own feelings. This wasn't something he wanted to do, but maybe he was more the Doctor when it came to Rose.

Rose laughed through.

"Is that your reason to meet me?" she was asking teasing through laughter.

"Actually, yes," he said seriously, making the smile from Roses face fade. She knew the man opposite her too well to know that there was something he wanted to say, something important, maybe something she didn't want to hear.

Her thoughts went the uncomfortable path straight away, did he want to discuss the elephant that had been between them since day one? God, she hoped she was wrong! It was lovely like this, them being just friends, she knew it was five years since gone, but still she couldn't find to love the man, she didn't want their relationship to change, this was just so simple and nice, even though it pained her every time she had to look at his face, she loved him like a friend, and it pained her when he looked at her with pleading eyes, with hope to see something changing in her feelings, and it never did. She felt guilty about it every time she met him, but she just couldn't change her heart, if she could, she knew she would. But faking it wouldn't be fair to him either, so here she was looking at her fingers, ashamed, like a little child who has done something wrong.

"It's just that, you haven't changed at all, well your hair has, they are much longer now, love the hair by the way, " he said completely missing her discomfort, "but it's bothering me for years now, not your hair, mind me, but your looks, making me think that I have missed something. There's nothing wrong with your looks either," he bubbled out seeing the confusion in her face "but Rose, you are, what 28 years old? But look at you! You look exactly the same, as when you were 19. You're only thinner, I suppose it's because training and running, but still, that's not the point" He was trying hard to explain it all seriously, but he just babbled, all though he promised himself he wouldn't bubble, not about this. He took a deep breath to calm himself.

She didn't understand what he was trying to say, until now she was happy, that she didn't have to worry about her face getting older, she haven't noticed anything special. And actually she didn't have time to notice. She hasn't thought about her appearance since…. Well, really long time. And if someone ever said something about it, she would just reply, that she had good genes.

A waitress approached them. Rose gave her a warm smile, the girl has worked here for months now and knew both of them.

"Usual Miss?" she asked.

"Yes, please, and the same for John." Rose replied casually, actually she didn't want chips anymore, but she wanted to her to disappear as soon as possible, obviously John was trying to say something important, and she didn't want to wait.

The waitress turned around and went away, without further interruption, John continued.

"I know we haven't met for two weeks, and you definitely have a lot of things to tell me, and believe me so do I, actually got myself a girlfriend, it seems that I got over you." She smiled at this, Rose opened her mouth to ask something more about this Girlfriend, but John didn't let her. "No, don't interrupt me. The thing is, actually I don't think you should be here." he said looking into her eyes.

"What do you mean?" Rose didn't understand, he asked her to come here in the first place.

"I mean this world, not this café, you should be here in this café, or I couldn't tell you this,"

"Yeah, it's not like I chose to be here you know" she bit back, but John ignored it, and continued with what he had to say.

"Actually, I think, you cannot age, well, my eyes may be more human now, but I would haven't noticed any changes, and even with human eyes I would. We should of course take some tests first, to make sure" he trailed off, again, he was starting to bubble, he took a deep breath and continued: "what I'm trying to say is that for 5 years since the Doctor left us here, well to be exact in five minutes and thirty-nine seconds it will be exactly five years, you haven't changed, you look the same. He left us here to have a wonderful life together, left to die together, it was his gift to you, a man who could die with you and that was his mistake, because if you're not ageing, there's no point to all of this, not even considering the part where you would never love me. This is stupid for the ageing part, and for the part where he never stopped to think about you, what you want and how this will end, no matter if you get old or stay forever 19 years old." John took another breath before he continued. While Rose stared at him in complete shock. He could almost see how her brain was trying to work through the new information he just gave her.

"Well, at the start I was the happy one because I would have the women I love, well I thought so, not that I love you, I knew that I love you, but I thought that I will have you, and then I started to think it over, and you know I'm really fast at thinking, and it didn't take me 5 minutes to realize, it's never going to happen, I mean happy life with you" He looked at his hands, this was the part that hurt him. Ok, he had a girlfriend, but he knew quite well it was just to set his mind of things, maybe it was cruel to the poor girl, but she wasn't bad, maybe with time it will work out, but it wasn't the point at the moment.

"Because, even with his memories and way of thinking, I was a different man, I am a different man; I could never be the Doctor. My life was intended to be different, without threat in it, without responsibility as the last Time Lord, even if I felt the same for you I was not him, and I will never be," he said it like an apology. She wanted to stop him, this wasn't all his fault, it was hers, she was the one who couldn't love him back, even if he were more like the Doctor, she just couldn't, he was John and he was perfect being like this, he shouldn't apologies for not being someone else, she wanted to say this but he didn't let her, and continued, without giving her a chance to say anything.

"He thought that you are going to fall for me, that you're going to see me as his regeneration, just the new, new, new Doctor, and you will, with time, fall for me. As you did when he regenerated the first time. Same man, even the same looks, the only difference I could die with you. Happily ever after for you, that's all he wanted, he loved you so much, that he didn't care about his own feelings, he just wanted to see you happy" He smiled at this. "So he decided, it won't be a problem for you, and that was a reason good enough to break his own hearts, he wanted to give you forever with him, but without him." John sighed. This was hard to explain, the feelings he knew so well, but they didn't belong to him, maybe they did. But he was not in the situation. He wasn't sure the Doctor would have wanted him to tell this to Rose, but he did it for his own good, for all of them, and if he wouldn't be that stupid in the first place, he wouldn't have to.

"And he is like that, he sacrifices everything, not thinking about himself, you know it better than anyone else, he feels responsible for everyone he meets, and for you even more. Even though he is afraid to admit this, I know he loves you. He thought that you are going to age, and die, and he would have to live on, without you, it would be so much easier if he didn't care, but he did, he counted every touch you head, every look, he saved it in his memory and locked it away, because you're just a human, sooner or later you would vanish, and if he had let his feelings shown it would be even worse when you wouldn't be there anymore. Imagine, losing someone you love shortly after you finally knew how it is to touch them, to feel them, to love them, can you imagine how hard it would be for him? He would think that he hurt you, the Doctor knows you well enough to know, you would feel guilty for dying, for leaving him, and even if he has promised never to love another, which you wouldn't mind, all you would care about is for him to be happy, but he doesn't know that. In a way you are too good to be true. "

He knew this must be hard for her, but he wanted to say it all. He couldn't stop now, when he has already started. She had to know everything to understand. If he wanted to pull off what he intended, she shouldn't hold any grudge towards the Doctor.

"Worst is, after your death, he would have to force himself to live on. And he couldn't do that, because his hearts would be broken like they have never been before, well, there would be nothing left from them at that point, knowing his feelings toward you, "he said, getting flashbacks from painful memories. "He didn't know you for long, when his hearts were broken. It was the moment, he had to choose, you or the world. It was when you were trapped in dungeons at Cardiff. It was then when you told him - no, the first time you met. It was when you were cuffed at satellite five first time you were there. It was when Margaret treated him with your life. It was when he sent you back home, from the satellite 5 second time you were there, to save you, of course he wanted to do that, he was saving you, he always wanted to keep you safe, you were all he had. But in that moment, when the TARDIS disappeared with you in it, he thought, that he lost you that he won't ever see you again, and that he is going to die, without you. It broke him, actually I missed that time, when he thought you were dead, he didn't speak with anyone, even Jack was shocked to see Doctor in a state like that. There was only a shell left of him, angry and dangerous."

The waitress came with chips, Rose looked away, hiding her eyes that were full of tears, and waited for her to leave the order and walk off. Obviously she noticed, and was standing there awkwardly

" Don't mind me, " Rose said with soft smile:" just some memories" it didn't look like she quite believed her excuse, but she understood the hint and left them. As soon as she was out of sight, John continued:" Think about it, if this already broke his hearts, how he could live if you died? He would never get over it. He just wouldn't be able to and he knew it when he left you here. Smallest things about you were affecting him so deeply, he couldn't cope. When he first lost you, for two years he was just moaning and crying, remembering you on every step, everything he did reminded him of you, everything he saw, so he built walls around his heart, again, and this time bigger than after the Time Aar, this was grief about losing love, more intimate, more personal, he just couldn't get over you. He tried, he tried everything he knew- running, new friends, new companions, but still he ended saying that no one can ever replace you, still he went to places where you have been with him, hoping that memories will help him. He just couldn't live on." He took Roses hands in his. "And another thing, no matter how much he wanted, he could never come closer to you, he could never change your relationship when you were with him. He had this silly, stupid rule, he could not fall in love with someone, even less for a human, he just couldn't, he didn't have time for it, no courage for it, and he could not afford it. The Doctor could not fall for someone so weak, but the thing is, he already had, he just realized that too late, and when he did, he had already lost you, and then you came back, only for him to lose you again. Before he could show you how he felt, because at that point, he knew he couldn't hold back anymore. But then I came around, and it was an answer to all- your happiness, his fear. So now it's easier for him to think that you are somewhere in parallel universe just living happy life without him, but he was so captured by his own feelings, and being noble, that he didn't see clearly, he didn't see that you would never love another man."

Rose was crying, the mask she wore every day for the last five years had fallen, and the pain she held in her heart for five years just flooded out with tears, but still he didn't let her speak, because he just wanted to get over with it, to get to the good part. Maybe he was speaking too fast, like always when he was eager, but he had lived with this suspicion so long, he just couldn't be gentle now, and even though he didn't want to see her cry, he had to finish.

"Because if you could ever fall so easy for someone, we, that is the Doctor, would never have fallen for you in the first place. Yeah, I know you have had your boyfriends, pretty boys; oh you have loads of them, but how many guys have you loved? You just don't throw your love around, because you see life forms for what they are. Your compassion is unthinkable. And you accept them, and you love them."

She was sobbing, and people looked at him with disapproval, but neither of them noticed it. "And if you ever had started to love me, like you love him, I, as the side of the Doctor would be disappointed, I know it, deep inside, maybe I am a different man, but partly I'm still him. I know him. It's just so you, Rose, you Love him, even if you know all the dark places in his soul, you just forgive him his mistakes, cause you really do love him, you don't judge him because he does something you don't like, you understand him, never judging just loving, you take the weight from his shoulders, and show him what he doesn't see, the good things he has done. You are his light." Rose was looking at the table, still crying, for the men she loved, for a friend who understood, and the fact she is never ever going to see the man she loved again. She felt sorry for herself, and John was making this all worse.

"Sometimes I think He has this desire to hurt himself, like a punishment for hundreds of things he has done and cannot forgive. Like leaving you, he possibly thought that he doesn't deserve nor you, nor such happiness," John said, "and another thing is, he didn't understand, our kiss, not the way you meant it." he added.

"Yeah! I know!" Rose was still crying, words catching in her throat. "Bu-but, I just kissed you goodbye, I knew you loved me like he did, but I would never have stayed with you, after all I went through, to get to him I didn't care about all these things he said. I knew that I cannot go on without him, and I felt so sorry for you, and then you said the words he couldn't say, I felt even worse, so I kissed you, I kissed you goodbye, but he just ran off. It's just so unfair! " She couldn't stop now, the tears were falling, without stop, after all these years, eventually she let it all out, all the pain she held inside.

"But it's not over, don't give up," John said with glee, completely ignoring her tears, he had more to say, and all though he was human now, he still wasn't good with human emotions sometimes, "you got me and I got a plan. Just like I said, you haven't aged, for 9 years, you haven't changed, at all, and I do have a theory, I just need to do some tests, and I think I am right, and I am always right about what I'm thinking, and if I am right, we should start to think a way how to get you back to him. Because I know the Doctor doesn't believe it, but he does deserve you. But maybe he don't, but I know that you deserve to be happy, and if he is your happiness, it's what you will get."