AN: STILL ALIVE!

I'm trying guys, really I am, sorry for the long pauses. This is going to have a few odder bits that will be explained better. Hope you all like them ^_^ One thing that had gotten me stuck along the way was the Abridged ep where they said that an all Senzu Bean diet made you lactate. Kinda rough one to roll with, but when bouncing ideas off my mate Avalon I eventually said 'fuck it' and embraced the madness of it all.

Legendary Warrior

Chapter Two: Back off, he's taken!

"NARUTO!"

The boy stopped his flight half way to the box, looking back up to his Lord. "Yes Lord Popo?"

The odd man standing on the carpet gave him the same, piercingly flat look. "What was the first thing I taught you?"

"Never put your dick in crazy!"

Popo's unnerving smile grew slightly, "Of course, but what was the first rule of fighting I taught you?"

"Stop fucking around and just do it!"

"And what did you do?"

His face fell a bit, "Fucked around and didn't do it..."

"Right. Don't do it again."

He gave that same, odd, salute, his right fist over his heart, "Yes Lord Popo!"

It looked like they were to be done, the odd black man casting his unblinking stare back to the arena, before looking at Naruto out of the corner of his eye, a small smirk playing across his lips. "But when do you break the rule?"

Naruto's own roguish grin formed, "Only when you are relentlessly mocking them." He gave a two finger salute before moving back to the box.

Popo looked to those around them, still staring in dumb silence at the duo, "I love that boy..."

The contestants present, as well as those around him traced his lazy arc wearily, just as the young blond touched down did the spell seem to break.

At least for one person.

"Booya motherfuckers! I'm RICH!"

That shook the others out of their stunned silences, eyes locking onto the resident 'crazy' of the arena, a certain Special Jonin.

"You made fun of me! You thought I was crazy! 'Oh Anko, there is no such thing as an invisible tower with gods at the top that made the kid disappear!' Who's laughing now BITCHES!"

Several people began to edge away from her...at least before two were pulled into rough headlocks, her rather prominent breasts, the two Jonin looking up at her, one blushing the other tired of her friend's antics.

"Oh, look at that miss 'He'll never beat Neji!', never mind that he farted and beat your brat. He turned that kid inside out! And don't look at me like that beard boy! This is the most you are getting from the girls! Especially after all the shit you talk about bedding Kurenai."

Said red eyed Jonin glared at him over her friends breasts, "You what?"

"Um..."

"Hell, the kid there could probably beat you like you owed him money...wonder if he'd be up for a little fun after this..."

Both Asuma and Kurenai looked at her flatly, no longer struggling, "Pedo."

She looked at the two in shock, "You're kidding right? Look at that! You could grind meat on those abs! You cant honestly look at that and don't want a slice!"

Kurenai wouldn't dignify that with a response...though she did blush.

Hard.

Anko could only grin at her rather 'cat lady' like friend before looking back at the arena, something catching out of her eye.

"A..Asuma...Are you blushing?"

"IWASN'TTHINKINGABOUTHISEYES! I mean...What?"

"NARUTO!"

He let out a sigh quickly side-steping a purple and blond missile, sending her straight into the arms of Shino.

Bugs scattered.

There was a lot of screaming.

"What the fucking hell!?"

He quirked an eyebrow at her, "What? You startled me."

"Startled you!?"

"You. Startled. Me. Be glad your still alive, if I'd felt some killing intent there would likely be a new crater in this little country."

The surrounding people gave him a rather confused, if fearful, look. "A...crater?"

"Yup!"

She promptly put that to the back of her mind, though a part of her was screaming that that should have been something to focus on. "Never mind that! Why did you dodge at all! Most guys would love a hot girl leaping into his arms."

He gave her a dull look. "You were little ditz-y missile aiming at the small of my back."

She let out a huff and stuck her nose up, "With the way you handled Neji you could have caught me!"

"Could have, didn't. Besides, I'm taken."

That may have been more shocking than seeing him fly…

She gave her fellow blond a nervous look, "Um….Naruto...I know you like Sakura and all...but thinking your going out doesn't really mean you are going out..."

Naruto gave her a long, hard look before his face split in a massive grin, "Y-You think I want to date...Sakura? PPPFFFFFTTTTTT HAHAHAHAAAAAHAHHAAHAAAHAHAAA!" The teen dropped heavenly to his knees, his arms wrapped around his midsection as his laughter shook him to his core.

Those gathered watched in utter confusion. This was Naruto, the one forever screaming about being, one; would be Hokage, and two; loved Sakura. After a few long moments of this, the boy falling to his side as his laughter continued, Ino stormed up to him and made to kick him in the ribs to force him to stop. "STOP LAUGHING AT MY FRIEND!"

His hand lashed out, iron fingers gripping her ankle and suddenly she found her world upside down, looking into his eyes as he now stood. His voice hard and mocking, "Ha...Ha...Ha..."

Her hands scrambled to her skirt to keep herself modest, "N-N-N-N-Naruto!? Put me down right now!"

He grinned, one that decidedly lacked any mirth, it was mostly showing teeth. Hefting her higher as though she weighed nothing. "Listen up Ino, and all you other girls suddenly wanting a piece of Awesome. I've got a girl! I've actually got two girls! They are the two most beautiful, most powerful, women in the universe. So if you are thinking I'm going to be distracted by a bit of flesh the answer to that is...only if they want me to be."

Her fear had been building until the end of that little speech, only to suddenly peter out, "What?"

He dropped her, earning a yelp of pain and a dull groan.

"I didn't stutter. Lord Beerus and Arma are the only women for me. Unless they are wanting a bit of extra fun, with how long they have been around I wouldn't fault them."

Shikamaru just looked at him as though he'd sprouted an extra head, "N-Naruto...you said…LORD Beerus...so...wouldn't that be a man?"

Naruto's grin just grew, "She took the name of her father when he retired, as well as his title."

"Lord?"

He chuckled again, "Yes, Lord Beerus...'

His grin turned savage, "...The God of Destruction."

A loud sneeze caused the hanging cloth of the little stand to suddenly blow out, followed promptly being sucked back as a sniffle followed.

A rather jovial voice echoed from the stall, "Oh my...that was rather impressive Lord Beerus...you almost spilled your lunch..."

A distinctly non-threatening growl was the answer, "It's certainly a good thing that it didn't...I would hate to destroy this establishment after it came so highly recommended."

"You mean that you would hate to crush Naruto-kun's heart by doing so, especially when he hasn't had a chance to have a bowl in several years..."

For those walking by they would see some rather...peculiar things...namely what looked to be a woman with rather...odd...hair sitting next to what looked to be a small child. Both wearing rather bizarre clothing.

The taller of the two, especially if one took into account her long hair that stood in a seemingly gravity defying vertical style. Her clothing was what looked to be a long maroon dress, one with an odd black tabard with yellow highlights. A rather odd staff was propped up on the counter next to her as she held a pair of chopsticks in one hand and a bowl of ramen in the other.

Oh...and her skin was blue…With a large, matching ring floating around her neck...not a necklace... a huge hoop...

Her companion, the 'child' looked rather normal at first glance, if one were to ignore the rather odd choice in clothing...Pale skin that had something of an odd tint to it, her ears being slightly pointed, as she kicked her little legs and dug into her own bowl.

Her outfit however...that would give anyone pause…

Baggy blue hakama that stopped about mid angle, but didn't look to be tied or with socks, instead just showing skin. Simple brown boots with gold rings around them. Her belt being a darker blue sash with a cloth not unlike her companion's tabard in color, but it only went from the belt down to her knee. She had gold bracelets at her wrists, more gold rings around her biceps, and a gold collar-like necklace with matching cuffs on her pointed ears. However, it was the top that would give many pause, it just being a simple circle of cloth that went just low enough to cover her chest, but leave her ribs and belly exposed. The cloth being largely black, but trimmed in white with blue bars radiating out and around a little orange diamond. She had short cropped purple hair with a gold clip to keep it out of her hair.

Really, it hardly looked proper on one so young...but in a ninja village...they had seen weirder.

Like two men in green spandex body suits…

The girl flushed hotly as she looked up at her companion, "That's not true Arma! You know I don't care a single bit about this stupid planet...I'd destroy it in an instant if Naruto didn't care so much about the people here..."

Arma let out a high pitched giggle, her hand coming up to cover her mouth in a decidedly feminine manner, "Of course Lord Beerus...forgive me for speaking out of turn..."

A teenage brunette behind the counter just looked from one odd girl to another...of course they knew Naruto...who else would have brought such characters here...but to threaten their stand? "S-So...you two know Naruto-kun?"

The two give the girl something of an evil eye, such familiarity… "Yes, we know Naruto quite well...but what is he to you?"

The teen felt herself start to sweat under the intense stare of the little girl. "W-Well Naruto has been coming here since he was a child, he's our top customer...something like my little brother! Yeah...brother! No threat there! NOPE!"

A second or two longer of staring the girl went back to her bowl, quickly picking out a cut of pork and tearing into it with a decidedly unladylike flair, unlike her larger companion.

"See to it that that is all he is to you...unless you are very...very...nice…"

The ramen waitress felt a cold sweat break out, "Y-yes Ma'am..."

Arma just waved her hand a bit, a rather dismissive gesture, "Pay her no mind young one, Naruto-kun is her first boyfriend, she's going to be rather protective of him...territorial if you will."

"ARMA!"

"Now if you could tell me, what is this delightful meat called?"

She looked at the little girl and chucked a bit, the tension draining somewhat, "That's chashu pork, a marinated and braised pork we use in he ramen! It's Naruto's favorite!"

The little girl felt her anger drain as she blushed a bit, poking her own fillet 'Naruto's favorite…'

"I see! And this funny looking little thing with the spiral?

That made the brunette grin, "I think you already know the name of that!" That earned the girl a rather confused look from the pair. Ayame waited a moment longer before dropping the bomb, "That's Naruto!"

Beerus spit a mouthful of noodles and soup, covering Arma and making the normally composed woman frown. "Really Lord Beerus...Really..." The girl had the good grace to scratch her chin, more than a little ashamed at what she had done. Arma took up that odd staff and tapped it on the ground, a small circle of light forming under her stool before it rose over her body, cleaning it of the mess. "Now...you said that this was Naruto?"

It had taken almost everything she had not to laugh at first, now she was more shocked at seeing the effects of that jutsu...what she wouldn't give for that after a day of hard work… "Y-yes...Sorry, Naruto-kun's name has two meanings...one is Maelstrom...the other is...well...fishcake..."

Arma just looked at her for a long moment before a sharp snort echoed through the stand, "Oh my...I'm sure he loved that when he was younger..." the two 'older' girls chuckled at that while Beerus had both hands over her mouth trying not to laugh.

Ayame's laugh froze in her throat however as she looked to the girl, who seemingly lost the battle with her laughter.

The girl was...changing….

Her skin was taking on a decidedly darker tint...at first she thought it was going to be a tan...but it was...purple…

She had purple skin.

PURPLE!

She watched as the girl started to laugh uncontrollably, quite over the top really, mouth agape as she almost fell off her stool.

Given the changes she was going through...Ayame was shocked she didn't…

She sprouted almost a full foot, still short, but by no means the child she had portrayed herself to be at first. Her ears grew to quite a height, almost reaching the top of Arma's head even as they shifted fro the side of her head more to the top.

The rather cute button nose she had had lengthened a bit into more of a snout even as a long, purple tail sprouted from her bottom. Her eyes were now a striking gold, similar to what she had before, but now taking up the whole of her eye rather than the iris, and pupil becoming a sharp slit

Overall her body got leaner with the increase, looking far more like a seasoned kunoichi rather than the petite girl that was once before her...yet that wasn't the most startling change.

The girl was STACKED!

The once small child, and still rather petite...cat person? Had...filled out...rather extensively in places. Her once trim hips now full and round and a generous bust causing that odd circle of cloth to just barely cover her modesty.

The underboob was real!

Ayame looked at herself and deflated a bit...she wasn't flat by any means...but this was...disheartening. She cast a stealthy eye to Arma and noted that she was rather modest in the bust department...but that could have also been her height as well...on a smaller frame they would probably be much more impressive.

While the chef-in-training felt she had been stealthy Arma sent a violet eye her way with a small smile, one she seemed quite fond of considering how easy it came to her, "You really shouldn't worry about that my dear, you are far from lacking in that department...in the case of Lord Beerus she actually quite dislikes them, hence the human forms she tends to favor."

That gave the teen a start, "S-She does? But...don't most girls want them...you know...big...like that?"

Arma reached out one foot, an abnormally long shoe prodding Beerus in the ribs a few times before she chuckled and turned back to her meal, "Some think so, until they actually have them...they can cause a good bit of pain, and tend to get in the way at the best of times. Further, when one lives such a long time, sagging can become quite the issue...Right Lord Beerus."

The laughter stopped abruptly, as the now very feline girl rose, her tail lashing about as her eye twitched alarmingly, "Arma...what lies are you telling now..."

The blue skinned women just smiled, "I tell no lies Lord Beerus, just making the young lady aware that one's breasts are not always the boon that some would believe. You yourself have complained often...oh! A seafood ramen...that sounds just delightful, I'll take it!"

Ayame nodded and relayed the order to her father, the man being wise enough to stay in the back to avoid...well...all of that.

Beerus grumbled for a moment before sitting and looking down...her bust being almost all of what she could see. She took a deep breath and for a moment nothing happened, then slowly her features returned to 'normal'. "In her own way she's not wrong. Imagine trying to eat around those...it's a nightmare!"

"And they get in the way of your fun time with Naruto."

"There is tha-ARMA!"

The blue skinned beauty just smiled as she awaited her meal, it was far to easy to mess with her charge…

"Naruto...are you high?"

He gave the boy a flat look, "Not at the moment, no."

"A God of Destruction...is your girlfriend."

"THE God of Destruction, and her hot teacher."

That gave the Nara a pause, Gods had teachers? "You know how unbelievable that is...right?"

"Fuck if I care if you believe me or not, it's the truth. Look at me...I'm older. I can fly. I bitch slapped Neji all around the arena. I died in t-"

"You DIED!?"

Much to their surprise, it was Shino that shouted that one…

"Um...yeah...Lord Popo's training is not for the faint of heart. King Yama owed him one, so I went to visit some people that they used to know and trained some under them. Got sent back and that piqued the interest of my girls, and we spent the rest of that time in the Time Chamber."

Those in the box slumped to their seats. None of that could be true...could it? Shino looked at the blond over his glasses, "Time Chamber?"

"Yeah, cool place, though almost a literal hell on earth...one day is an entire year there. An infinite white void of changing gravity, temperature and pressure. It was intense...Hey, any idea where the pink eye twins are? Seems they would have been here."

Shika just let his shoulders slump, "He hasn't shown yet, let me guess, you want to fight him?"

"Meh...he wouldn't be much of a challenge now...Honestly I rather fight Le-" The blond's eyes widened for moment before smacking himself in the head. "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stu-Where is Lee? I've got something for him."

The group shrugged before they all turned their eyes to stands, the blond doing them one better and floating up into the sky. After a few moments he spotted the bowl haired by, still in his crutches as he looked at Naruto with wide...somewhat familiar...eyes…

The blond, much to the further shock of the stadium, blurred out of sight only to appear in front of the green clad teen, the bowl cut almost falling if not for his sensei.

"Lee! There you are, eat this bean!"

The boy looked at the outstretched hand, a small green been in his palm.

"I...don't really think I want to..."

"Eat the bean!"

"No!"

"EAT THE FUCKING BEAN! You are the only one here that I consider to be a challenge right now, and I won't have you be a cripple when I could be fighting you!"

Lee looked at the blond in surprise, he thought that HE was the challenge? Not Neji, whom he had never beaten? He looked up at the older version of himself, only to see Gai looking surprisingly serious.

"Gai-sensei?"

"Lee-kun...Young Naruto is fully displaying his youth! DO NOT DENY HIM!"

"Okay...I'm not one to normally say this...but Gay."

The two looked at him in confusion before Lee tentatively took the bean. "Naruto-kun...thank you...but what do I do with it?"

"I already said eat the bean! Just ignore the taste. Takes a while to get used to it...hopefully you wont need to get used to them..." The boy gave something of a sour look, and turned a bit from the two, as though hiding something…

Lee looked a bit skittish but popped it into his mouth and started chewing, gagging a bit at the fishy taste before he swallowed. A few seconds past with nothing happening before Lee jerked upright, his already wide eyes going wider still. He looked at his arm in surprise and turned a bit, his back no longer in pain and his leg seeming to be fine!

Naruto grinned at the boy before his hand shot out, striking the cast on his arm and shattering it, earning a squawk from Gai before he saw that Lee was moving just fine. The bowl-cut teen looked at his leg before a wide grin formed and he struck the cast on his leg, turning it to dust and testing his range of movement.

"N-Naruto-kun...How...how did you do that?"

The blond smiled and patted the 'younger' boy on the shoulder, "Magic bean."

"What?"

"Huh?"

The two ninja just stared at him for a long moment before shaking their heads, "Naruto-kun, thank you! You...you gave me my dream back! If there is anyt-"

"Train. And train hard! You are the only one here I consider a challenge. Every other fool here relies on their chakra. Everyone but you. This power you see from me came just from raw training and harnessing that strength for my Ki. You...you are already well on your way there...you just need a bit of guidance."

He looked up to the now taller teen with wide, sparkling, eyes. "W-Will you teach me?"

That grin never left Naruto's face as he pat his shoulder reassuringly, "Fuck no!"

The crash of the two, and those listening, falling in shock made him bounce into the air. Taking that as his cue he moved back to the fighter's booth, his eyes searching for the fight that should be going on.

Only to get the announcement that they would be waiting for Sasuke, followed quickly by painted man forfeiting.

Fucking cowards…

His right eye twitching, Naruto saw Shikamaru about to follow suite and grabbed the dark haired boy by the back of his neck.

"Hey...what's up buddy!?"

Shika paled seeing the rage in his friend's eyes, "H-Hey...Naruto..."

"Thinking of giving up?"

"Giving up?"

"Throwin' your match?"

"Throwing my match?"

"Were you?!"

"..."

"…"

He took a breath. "Yes."

Naruto twitched harder before throwing the boy bodily into the arena before crossing his arms and watching the chaos unfold.

Popo looked down at the arena, being utterly fucking bored.

He drifted back toward the Kage booth, the act putting the gathered leaders, nobles and ninja on edge. "Maggots..."

Sarutobi looked up at the unsettling man with a bit of a dull look, though that didn't surprise anyone.

He called him a maggot...that's not going to get a favorable response from anyone…

"Yes Mister Popo?"

"What the hell are you doing here?"

That made the elderly leader sweat drop. "Observing the matches?"

"Wrong. One has not shown...another surrendered, yet you didn't kill him."

Both Kage look shocked at that, "Kill him!? He just didn't want to fight in a tournament!"

"Shut up maggots!"

Again, in unison, "Yes sir!"

They don't even know why they did it…

"This train wreck was supposed to be a simulation for war. What kind of war lets someone give up without a punishment?"

That made the two exchange long looks. Why were they going so lenient on them? The disguised Orochimaru smirked under his veil, he liked this creature...even if it scared him half to death...There was just some form of...darkness...inside it.

Sarutobi was again the one that answered. "They are still children, they are being trained, there is no need to be so harsh."

"Yeah no. These are soldiers. They die all the time. It's easy."

"Well...they shouldn't…."

"Probably shouldn't have a whole school for it then. My student will be fighting next. We made a deal."

That made the old man pause, "What could he have possibly offered you?"

"Entertainment."

The 'two' Kage twitched at that. "And what are you providing him?"

"Training, and any wish he wants."

That got Orochimaru's attention. "A wish?"

"Trust me, if he can keep me entertained for even one day it'll be worth it."

After a rather brilliant strategic match from two strong ninja the crowd was in much better spirits, their shock having worn off at the abrupt win from the Uzumaki.

Yet very few were actually happy about this.

"He...he gave up?"

While hidden, Shino's own face was marred with a frown. He agreed with Naruto, this was the boy's chance to show the world what he could do...and he gave up…

Worse, his insects were telling him that the moderators were praising him for this? Knowing when he was beat and surrendering?

Maybe it was the way his clan looked at things...considered to be some of the more ruthless Shinobi and Kunoichi in the elemental nations with the way they fought...but in any real situation giving up just made things a thousand times worse! Now he was a captor, a leak to village security, a hostage that would be used against his friends.

Assuming he wasn't just killed outright and the others now down a man, and suffering from the loss of a friend.

With all the trauma that entailed.

The bespectacled boy just adjusted his glasses slightly, a glare being sent to the puppet user. His chance that was robbed from him for this fool. He may not really like fighting, but he had prepared for a month with his clan…

This was horse shit…

the blond next to him snorted, "No shit..."

Had he said that out loud?

He noted the blond's grin widened as he spotted the swirl of sand appear in the ring.

He felt the tension rise a good bit for everyone involved, though one looked to be far happier at it than most others.

Genma let out a heavy sigh, this day was going to be a long one…With a quick hand sign his voice carried over the stadium.

"Sasuke Uchiha has one minute to show! If he has not arrived he will forfeit the match and we will move to round two!"

Gaara scowled at the Jonin proctor.

Then at the stands, searching for the Uchiha.

Then at Naruto, his eyes hardening at the grin the boy bore.

Then at a bird.

Fuck birds…

After the minute passed the redhead saw the oddly dressed blond teen lift into the air once more, not unlike how he would when using his sand.

The teen dropped down lightly, his grin only growing at the coming fight.

"Sasuke Uchiha, this is your last chance!"

Pause.

"Sasuke Uchiha is now disqualified from the Chunin Exams and a permanent note will be put in his record to reflect his missing status. The second round will now begin! Gaara of the Sand versus Naruto Uzumaki!" He looked to the two Genin, waiting for nods that didn't come, "BEGIN!"

The blond crossed his arms over his brad chest, much like he had done with Neji, "Well...normally I'd be ripping you apart for the whole 'ginger' thing, but that feels like low hanging fruit...so tell me, is that gourd compensating for something?"

The redhead just looked at his opponent in confusion. "Compensation for what?"

Naruto stared at him for a handful of seconds, "This is like insulting a kitchen sponge..." His deadpan was lost on no-one.

"Insults are pointless Uzumaki, Mother wants your blood…"

The blond scowled, "I said it already didn't I?"

Gaara's eyes widened in shock when a fist was planted in his gut, the sand not having time to react.

His eyes were still locked on the man across from him, who slowly faded out, to have his vision filled with the blond haired young man, "I'm spoken for."