Always

Hey guys! This story is set after Tony and Ziva have their argument at the crime scene. When Tony says they must have different interpretations of, "you are not alone." I hope to see a similar scene in the season finale! Please review! All feedback is appreciated!

I am re-posting the first few chapters in an easier to read format! Enjoy!

Tony opened the door to his apartment and sat his takeout on the counter. He had thought about Ziva and her revelation all the way home. All day actually. He thought of how she said she felt alone in Isreal. How he wished he could've been there for her like he wanted to. Maybe she wouldn't have been so vulnerable to have slept with Adam. He could've caught her before she fell so low.

All the sudden, he didn't feel like eating. Didn't feel like watching a movie or catching up on the news. He knew he couldn't move on with his evening, or with his life without straightening this out with Ziva. They had only talked about it for a moment, but he was still simmering, coming down from the anger that had boiled inside him after their short talk. He was also hurt. He felt that if he meant something to Ziva, she would've known she wasn't alone, and she would let him be there for her. Always.

Why did he feel so strongly about this, so betrayed? He had to remember for a moment that Ziva was just a coworker. She wasn't his lover, his girlfriend. She meant so much to him that even thinking the word girlfriend made him laugh. Although he and Ziva had grown very close over the years, they were still just team mates and friends. He had no right to be jealous or even angry, because he never really told Ziva how he felt. He had shown her so many times in the last six months, but maybe she needed something more literal. Or maybe, she would always shut him out.

Ziva felt like she had betrayed Tony. She should've told him before they went to Berlin about Adam. His words that she had forgotten back then were all she could think about now.

"At lo levad."

"You are not alone."

She believed him when he said it, and she knew this deep down. But Tony was her coworker and put himself in danger daily for her. They had such an easy relationship but she feared that now she had messed it up for good. She had just about talked herself into calling him and pleading with him to forgive her, when he knocked violently on her door. She knew it was him, because he always knew when she needed him, and he was always there.

Ziva Opened the door to find Tony still wearing the suit he wore to work looking distraught. That was the only way she could describe him.

"Tony, come in, I was just about to call you." She said as she opened the door to allow him in.

But Tony didn't move. He stood there with his arms on either side of the door frame and his head leaning on his right arm. Tony had mentally practiced this moment on the way over. He knew exactly what he wanted to say. But now that Ziva stood in front of him looking as sad as he felt, he wasn't sure if he could do what he came here to do.

"Tony, please, I need to talk to you." Ziva said motioning for Tony to enter.

Tony's head shot up. "You need to talk to me Ziva, really? After all these months of me talking and you shutting me out, you need to talk to me?" He said furiously, voice breaking, exposing his emotional state.

Ziva was taken back by his tone. She knew he was angry but hadn't realized until this moment how truly hurt he was. He had told her after her father died that he would do anything and be anything she needed, all she had to do was speak the words. The man in front of her now seemed so different, and she knew it was her fault entirely.

"Well then, Tony, say what you came here to say." Ziva said, dreading whatever words were to leave his lips next.

Tony's head shot up at her words and his anger was renewed. "Ziva", he said pushing past her into the apartment, "why, I need to know why."

"Why what Tony? What are you talking about?" She said, closing the door, thankful that he had come in.

"Oh come on Ziva, I can pour my heart out to you, but you are a closed book. Not just closed but locked up tight. I don't intend to make a fool of myself tonight, like I have on so many other occasions." He said leaning against the wall.

Ziva knew the times he referred to, he was always letting her know that he was there for her, but she never let him know where she stood. She guessed that the years of not knowing and her choosing another man over him in her weakest moment had contributed to him reaching this point.

"What is this really about,Tony? Just be out with it so we can move past this." Ziva said, feeling some irritation herself, now.

Tony felt the flames overtake his sense of compassion for her, he was burning with anger, hurt, distrust, and worst of all a broken heart.

The moment Tony had realized that Ziva had slept with Adam, an intense and undefined pain had coursed through his body. He had no name for it. It started in the pit of his stomach and slowly spread itself through his legs all the way down to his toes. Then it came back up and he felt it in his fingers, up his arms, to his shoulders and head. The pain had come to rest in his chest and hadn't moved for hours.

Heartache. He had a name for it standing here in front of Ziva, his heart was aching so bad he feared she might be the death of him.

"Why were you going to call me, Ziva?" He asked meeting her eyes for the first time, just briefly before darting back around the room.

"I was going to call and tell you how sorry I am." She said staring into his eyes, trying to force him to make eye contact again.

"Sorry for what, Ziva? You are allowed to do whatever you choose with whomever you choose, there's no need to answer to me for it." He said looking past her, taking a step backwards defensively.

Ziva could tell what he was trying to do, building up his walls so that he couldn't be hurt but whatever she said, but Ziva was determined.

"Tony, please look at me." She pleaded, noting that their easy eye contact was all but nonexistent tonight.

Tony obliged, and looked her square in the eye. He didn't want his eyes to betray his emotions, but Ziva knew him so well already, he doubted if it truly made any difference.

"I am sorry that I didn't allow you to be there for me, sorry that I took your words for granted, I know I am never truly alone thanks to you, and I am so thankful to have you in my life." Ziva had walked over to him and touched his chest while she talked.

"I appreciate that, Ziva. I'm sure I will forgive you. But for now I need to know if I mean anything to you. I was so jealous, so hurt when I found out what you did, but I realized that I am nothing to you. I am just a coworker, am I right?" He said, staring intently into her face to gauge her reaction.

Her face twisted in pain when she heard this. "Just a coworker, Tony? After all we have been through together, you can say that to me?" She said, feeling her checks flush with anger.

"Then what, Ziva? What am I to you? How is it rational that I get insanely jealous when I hear of you being with another man? Why is it that I hope every day you will not meet someone and be happy with him? Why does my heart stop when you enter a room after all these years? I tell you often that I am here for you, but you push me away. And worse than that, you never give me anything in return that makes me think you may feel the same." Tony didn't want to say these next words, but they were eating at him. "Ziva, either we settle this and agree to be honest about the status of our relationship, or I have to go. I cannot stay here with you like this anymore. I will make some calls and transfer out to LA or something. I can't do this with you anymore."

Tony turned around to walk out of the apartment and felt Ziva close behind.

"Stay." She whispered to his back.

"Tony, please stay." She said, louder this time, yearning for him to turn around.

Tony didn't stop, but continued out the door and she followed him.

"Not enough, Ziva" he said, walking toward the hallway now.

"Tony, I need you! Please stay!" She said willing him to understand.

Tony turned at these words, more angered than ever. " You need me, Ziva? Well what about what I need. It's still not enough." He spit out, approaching the elevator now.

He heard her slide down the wall and begin to cry. Not just cry, actually, she was sobbing, sitting on the floor, elbows on knees, head tucked into her arms.

"Tony, please stay. I love you." She said, grasping at the only words she had left. The truest words she had ever spoken to him. " I love you, Tony."

He turned around, he couldn't stand to see her in pain but he had to be strong. "Ziva, that was never the question." He hated being so cruel to her in a time of need, but he knew if he did not make her say it, admit her true feelings, right now, they may live the next eight years in the same misery as the last. Tony grabbed her hand and pulled her up.

"How do you love me?" Tony whispered with his mouth so close to hers.

In response, Ziva pulled back and searched his eyes deeply. She saw his love for her, beneath the pain, disappointment, betrayal, all caused by her actions. Could she let go? Could she trust him with her heart? She knew the answer, but didn't trust herself. The last thing she wanted was to loose Tony. She loved him.

Tony wanted nothing more than to hold on to his resolve, to hurt her by walking out when she needed his comfort the most. This would make her understand that he was not willing to live in limbo anymore. That she had to make a choice. Prove her feeling for him, or see him walk out of her life for good. They might still be coworkers, but Tony had decided that if Ziva could not be real with him tonight, when he needed her to, that he would finally let her go and move on.

"Tony, I don't view you as a coworker, or even just a friend, even though you are my closest friend. I know I am not good at showing it." She managed the words through her tears.

"Ziva, just tell me." He demanded softly.

"Tony, I am in love with you. I want you to stay. In my life. Always. "

With that, Tony was satisfied and felt the events of the day become blurry in the sharp focus of her words to him. They were all that mattered. She was in love with him, and had finally admitted it.

He wiped the tears from her face and said, "Ziva I'm in love with you too and I want to stay with you."

He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her lips and they both instantly hungered for more.

But Tony pulled back and whispered, "Always."