When did it come to this?

I am a god. I do not concern myself with the affairs of mortals; such trivialities are of no worth to me. However, even a god is not immune to the eternal affliction known as boredom. Thousands of years, tens of thousands even, will wear down even the most mentally powerful of us, deities such as myself included.

I am a god, and if gods have one duty, it is to watch over the world of men. One such as myself would no doubt find it eternally amusing to watch humans go about their lives, oblivious to concepts such as bonds, the finality of life, and the world outside of their individual bubbles of awareness. My only bond was severed eons ago; that which connected me to my former lover, Izanagi. My own mortal thread was snipped all too early, and my fool of a husband chased after me, only to turn away in abject horror upon regarding my true form, an action which enraged me to no end – I, the almighty Izanami, felt true emotion for the first time in my timeless existence, and I chased after him as far as the accursed rock with which he sealed off the underworld in which I resided would allow.

Certainly, this action too set the dark recesses of my heart aflame, and I set a curse upon Izanagi's children, the ones known as "humanity" – each day, I would cut short the lives of one thousand of their kind, but of course my husband loved his children more than he did his own divine existence, and he vowed to give life to fifteen hundred more. For certain, his love for me was still there, and mine for him, but neither of us could bear to forgive the other – and so our eternal conflict wore on, and eventually it gave way to boredom.

An eternal boredom at that, mitigated only slightly and even more occasionally by the amusement and pleasure gained from gazing upon the plane of men. Over time, this ageless and timeless curse ate away at my heart, and what emotions I may once have felt gave way to an endless void, a heartless pit in place of where a heart should be.

Of course, no physical prison could contain me, and after some time – an endless, eternal time – I freed myself from my dark prison, but what hatred and love I felt for my husband had long since vanished. Now, I simply felt nothing; after all, what more COULD I feel?

After gaining my freedom, I made my home deep in what was once the land of my birth, crafting a human appearance for myself and settling in a place surrounded by mountains – all in an effort to alleviate the boredom which constantly gnawed at me. Of course, there were far too few humans in the area, and the local animals lacked sufficient sentience, so I was still not satisfied – but then, was I ever? Had I ever been? I suppose the answer to that question – if there even was a question at all – was "no," and it would remain that way for some time. As for whether it was days, years, eons, seconds, not even I could say.

I know not when it was that the first true human settlements appeared in the area, but after some time I began seeing them sprout up all across the land, my own home included. Suddenly, my once boring life of solitude was permeated by the sounds, smells, and sights of life, as humans from all corners of the land lived in harmony with nature, then later subdued it and bent it to their will.

In every era, no matter the time, there were always those who stood out from the rest, those who carried a certain "potential" – I lost count of the times I spent with them, those who could perceive me on a different level from the others, those who knew I was no mere human, as I made myself appear. They imparted to me stories of their lives, of their families and friends, and I in turn imparted tales of my own life, tales which wove their way into the cultures of those who heard them and became the stuff of legend – although I suppose that such a transfiguration was highly appropriate considering the subject matter.

However, nothing stayed the same for too long, and those with whom I had become acquainted inevitably passed on, leaving their progeny, and their progeny's progeny, in their place – yet another lesson for me on the transience of human life. My own existence was ageless and timeless, while those of the humans with whom I made my acquaintance were as fleeting as the journey of a leaf from the branch to the ground below – uncertain, easily affected by external factors, and ultimately ending. Attachment was a mistake I made all too often, in a hasty effort to forget my own boredom – and a mistake I learned quickly not to make.

Years passed – many, many years – and the march of civilization around me progressed ever onwards. The humans around me learned to build increasingly more complex structures, and the quality of life steadily improved over the years. Humans became more worldly as well, more capable of reason and logic – and in time, my existence as a deity was forgotten, leaving me to live out my unending future among humans who knew not my true worth.

Oh well, this too could be fun, in its own way.

Perhaps it was time for a little game.

By this time, the land I called my home had been developed into what would by today's standards be called a quiet countryside village. The locals called it "Yasoinaba," and despite not being as large or populous as some of the larger cities in the land, Yasoinaba had everything one could ever need – a booming agricultural industry, plenty of shops, a moderately-sized educational institution, and there were even plans to begin building a rather large super-store in the area – "Junes," they called it.

Here in Yasoinaba, the community was close-knit, and interpersonal relationships were not hard to find.

It would be a perfect setting for my little diversion.

The purpose of this... "experiment" would be to determine humankind's true wishes. I had overseen human development for centuries upon centuries, for millennia upon millennia, and despite the manifold positive changes I had seen effected in civilization, not even I could read the minds of humans, and what fun was a play when the actors' motives were hidden?

To that end, I resolved to plant three seeds in three individuals who possessed the "potential" seen in certain humans in the past – a seed of Emptiness, a seed of Despair, and a seed of Hope, representing humankind's desire for destruction, for stagnation, and for the truth respectively.

To facilitate the process, I assumed the position of an attendant at a gas station, where humans would come to procure fuel for their automobiles – quite the invention if I do say so myself, but that is beside the point. Such a locus would make for an ideal position from which to oversee the game's progression.

The first of these seeds, the seed of Emptiness, I planted within a young officer of the law. Even without being able to peer into his innermost thoughts, someone as ancient and wise as I could easily see what such an individual desired, and I made my choice to entrust humanity's desire for destruction to this child. I greeted him upon his arrival in Yasoinaba with a simple handshake – an ideal gesture with which to gauge a person's character and at the same time impart a small "spark," a jump-start to awaken the child's latent powers. How he would use these, of course, was up to him.

The second seed, that of Despair, I gave to a man who held sway over the minds of the people. The tendrils of love had hooked their claws into this man's heart, and his choice to allow them to decide his fate had led to his estrangement from the one to whom he had been joined, as well as a good degree of public exposure. Returning to Yasoinaba, the town of his birth, to excuse himself from the limelight, this man would make an ideal candidate to test humankind's desire for stagnation. To effect this, I greeted him the same as I greeted the previous child, with a handshake to awaken his potential and latent powers.

The third seed, however – that of Hope – proved to be a different matter entirely, as the vessel I ended up choosing to receive it was far unlike the previous two. He was far younger – still a mere student, learning the ways of the world – but there was something about him, something in his bearing, in the way his eyes gazed ever forward, that caught my eye in a way far unlike the previous two had. This child was no mere slave to society; he had no intention of giving into the flow of civilization and letting time and fate carry him along. At last, I thought, this game was getting interesting.

He first arrived in Yasoinaba on a cloudy Spring day in April, having been forced to move due to familial circumstances, from what I gathered – the automobile containing him also contained two individuals I deduced to be his uncle and cousin, from the familiar yet distant manner in which they addressed the youth in question. In any event, the uncle had stopped in at this gas station, the only one in Yasoinaba, to refuel his automobile after what had no doubt been a lengthy drive, and the cousin stepped out to use the restroom, a task with which I happily assisted her by pointing her in the proper direction... she must not have liked the analogy I used.

At any rate, I was now alone with the youth. The final player in my game was standing right there in front of me, so I decided to strike up conversation with him to gauge his character – small talk, about goings-on in Yasoinaba, about activities there were to be done, and about the inevitability of taking a part-time job to pass the time and earn money on the side. To seal the deal, I offered him a job at this gas station, extending my hand as a gesture of good will –

And he returned it.

The third seed was now in place; the game could finally begin in earnest.

The events that unfolded in the coming months were entirely outside of my predictions. The first player, the avatar of Emptiness, was among the first to discover the Midnight Channel, a world beyond the faces of televisions created and propagated by myself, and he used that world and his power to murder two women for no reason other than for kicks, and the second player, the avatar of Despair, took it upon himself to "save" future potential victims by throwing them into the very world that killed the first two, unknowingly endangering their lives and furthering the goals of the true murderer – however, each time he carried out his plans, he was stopped by the third player, the avatar of Hope, and his friends, each of them a would-be victim who faced their true self in the world beyond the televisions and gained the power to brave the hollow forest for themselves. Eventually, their struggle to reach out to the truth would lead them to face me in a battle that would decide the fate of humanity, but that is a story of its own.

Let us rewind the clock to a rainy day in late May. Not many of the local humans were out and about – rain was not as welcome a concept to them as it was to me – but there was one individual who stood there in front of the gas station where I was presently located, holding an umbrella and walking towards me with a fierce look of determination in his eyes. He was the child into whom I had planted the seed of Hope. His name, he informed me, was Yu Narukami, and he had come to take me up on my offer for a part-time job.

Well, this was certainly outside of my expectations. At any rate, I decided to oblige him, because I frankly had no reason to act otherwise. Perhaps this would alleviate my mind of the boredom which crept up on me while waiting for events to unfold. With as much fake eagerness as I could muster, I welcomed him to the Moel Gas Station, as it was called, and explained to him the duties he would be expected to perform – nothing too difficult, just filling up the automobiles' gas tanks, and if the customers called for it, washing the automobiles' windows. I had no doubt he could perform these tasks well, but for the first few days of his employment I decided to oversee his work nonetheless, and the more time I spent watching him, the more he ceased being just another player in my game and became something more... something that I found myself actively looking forward to experiencing each day he came to work.

This was of course highly irregular – when was the last time I felt this way about a mere human? When did I last feel stirrings in the void where what passed for a heart had once been?

…No. A god such as I should not be feeling such human emotions as this. I must stifle my heart and continue on – it would not be conducive to the progression of my game were I to favor one of the players.

And yet there was just something about him, some indefinable quality he possessed that constantly drew me back to him. On days when he did not come to work, I went about my duties as usual, but there was always something that felt missing, as if he had become an integral part of my life.

Surely, I hadn't felt like this for countless eons, ever since my husband Izanagi long ago... no, did I even harbor such feelings towards him? This child's words and actions evoked in me emotions I felt not myself capable of.

Was this –

Was this love? No, surely such a state was impossible for a god such as myself – but what if it was? What would that mean for the game's progress? By now, the actions of the avatar of Emptiness had shown themselves to be the most prolific, inspiring the avatar of Despair to take action when he otherwise would not have; my choice was thus clear, but when it came time to act according to humanity's wishes, would I be able to bring myself to all but end humanity in its current state to fulfill what I perceived as their true desire if it meant ending this child's life as well?

I honestly did not think myself to be capable. I was in love with this child, a human, and one of the game's players at that, and such an emotional attachment would surely render further developments in the game pointless. Something had to be done. I had to determine where my heart truly lay, and I would need to come to terms with whatever I deemed to be the result, no matter what the ramifications may be – and one method came to mind over all others.

I awoke the next morning in my small apartment that I had rented throughout the course of my stay in the human world, sunlight streaming through the slitted blinds. Next to me, the young man with whom my heart was so preoccupied lay, the sensations from our night of passion still running through my body, and the memories of the emotions I had felt still fresh in my mind. I never thought I would ever find myself experiencing such worldly pleasures, but I now knew for certain.

I loved this child, more than anything to which I had ever felt attachment in my eternal lifetime. I knew now that I would never be able to live another day without him, such was the degree to which his existence had entrenched itself in my heart – and that was why the truth of what had to be done was all the more bittersweet. Humanity had spoken, and the wish they expressed was to turn away eternally from the truth and be reduced to Shadows, living forever in the fog of illusions. This was the result my game had been moving towards from the beginning, and I had an obligation to see it through.

I left a small note on the bedside table, informing him of my true feelings and of the fact that we would never meet again… or so I thought, but somewhere deep down inside of me, I knew that he would reach the truth eventually, and the day came when he sought me out for what I truly was, as the mastermind behind everything that had happened in the previous year. Of course, despite having an obligation to strike him down, and he to do the same, neither of us could so easily dismiss the feelings we had for each other, which made our inevitable confrontation all the more painful. He sought out the truth without hesitation, and I responded by plucking the lives of each and every one of his friends in front of his eyes, one by one – but him, though, I was hesitant to end. I could not so easily turn a deaf ear to the desperate cries of my own heart. At the same time, I could not bear to see him suffer so, having just witnessed the loss of his dear friends.

No matter how many times I turned it over in my head, I could not bring myself to deliver the finishing blow. I knew that there was only one way in which this could end, and it would result in pain and heartbreak for the both of us.

With tears streaming down my face, something I had long felt myself incapable of, I showed myself to him in the form he had come to love, and made one last plea to him – to end my life, so that he may be happy, and that I would not have to suffer any longer. He of course pleaded with me to reconsider, that there had to be another way, but I believe that we both knew that the truth could not be found as long as I continued to exist, and after what might as well have been five eternities of anguish, he finally came to terms with what had to be done, and I closed my eyes so that I not have to face the imminent separation from my beloved.

I took a breath, felt the blade of coldest steel pierce my heart –

And it was over.

As my consciousness slipped away, I could hear the cries of his friends as they returned to the mortal plane, and I knew that he could now be happy – but deep down, I knew that the void left by our parting from each other would be long in healing.

Life in Yomi, in the underworld, was no easy life. A land of perpetual darkness, with my only companions being lesser spirits of the dead; hardly enough to fill the emptiness that had persisted since my "death" at the hands of my beloved. I knew not how many years had passed, but surely it could not have been any shorter than the entirety of my life up until this point, such was the degree of my despair – until a familiar presence snapped me out of my depression.

I had not dared to presume that he would ever end up here upon his death – he must have elected to come here of his own free will. I could not see him, nor could I hear him, but nonetheless I knew he was there.

Tears I long thought had dried up began to well anew in my eyes.

"I have come for you, my love," he spoke, reaching out his arms to me.

I turned towards his presence. "It has been far too long, my dearest," I called back, taking him in my arms and holding him close.

No longer would we be separated, I knew. It had been a long, thorny road, but at last we were reunited, and we had all of eternity to catch up.