Part I

I sat at the back porch polishing one of my hunting boots. When forced to take up a hobby by the Capitol, I had naturally chosen hunting. Now they weren't going to let me off into the woods, but what harm was their in honing my 'natural' skills with a bow and arrow on a range right? Not that I was going to complain if they built me an archery range. Gave me something to do when it was too cold to sneak into the forest. If I even had any time for that anymore. When I wasn't walking around half asleep all day from my sleepless nights, I was being primped and pampered by my prep team for one interview or another. Today is the day I leave for the Victory Tour. How can I face the parents of the children I killed. How could I face Rue's family. And weeks alone with Haymitch? I wish I could pass.

Haymitch had become insufferable since I won.

"Don't know how you did it Sweetheart. Cold Ditzy Bitch is gonna be the latest trend in the Capitol."

"Next years Games are gonna be even more unbearable with you as a mentor as well. Your advice will be to shoot the damn Gamemakers."

Haymitch be damned.

I finished polishing my boot and sat back admiring my work. I was doing everything I could to take my mind off the fact that soon a car would come collect me to take me to the train. But I was slowly running out of things to do. So I waited.

Soon Haymitch was sitting on the porch with me. He sat there in silence. We had nothing to say, so we said nothing. That's one thing I did like about Haymitch. No awkward silences.

About a minute before the car was meant to arrive, he finally spoke. "If I can give you one word of advice as your mentor for your Victory Tour; it's don't take anything the districts say to heart. Its human instinct to survive. You were the best out of a bad bunch."

I nod. Well that was the closest to a compliment I had ever received from him.

The car pulls into my useless driveway. Even with my victors money, I couldn't afford a car. Even if I did want one. Which for clarity's sake, I didn't.

Haymitch and I both sat in the back of the car in silence as the peacekeeper drove us to the station. There at the platform was the sleek Capitol train all shiny steel and artificial curves. It made me think more about what I had been through the most. More than the dreams, more than the 'fan' letters I received from the Capitol's elite. This reminded me that my childhood was stolen. I might have survived. But I was no longer an innocent child. I was a murderer.

I boarded the train and stalked straight to my room. The first district I was to visit was District 11. I felt a knot in my stomach. The first people I'll face are Rue's family.

I lay on the bed trying to blank my mind. Naturally it didn't work. All I could think of was the song I sung to Rue as she took her final breath, wreathed in flowers.

"Deep in the meadow, under the willow
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes
And when again they open, the sun will rise.
Here it's safe, here it's warm
Here the daisies guard you from every harm
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you.
Deep in the meadow, hidden far away
A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray
Forget your woes and let your troubles lay
And when again it's morning, they'll wash away.
Here it's safe, here it's warm
Here the daisies guard you from every harm
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you."

I feel tears roll down my face, but I ignore them. They are of no importance. What is important is freedom. Maybe I should run away with Gale. We could go in the spring. Take our families. Perhaps there is more out there.

As my thoughts roll through my head I somehow manage to fall asleep.

When I open my eyes, I see my prep team whispering to one another.

"Do we wake her?" Venia says quietly. "She looks so adorable there curled up in a little ball."

"We should. I mean look at the state of her eyebrows! She would be so embarrassed to be seen in public with how disorderly they are." Octavia replied. Her green skin looking pale.

"Of course we do. Imagine how Effie would react if we let Katniss be seen like this?" Flavius remarked, walking towards me. I sit up before he has a chance to shake me awake. "Its okay." I smile at them. I get out of bed and let them wax and pluck me. They left my make – up 'Natural' which really meant they didn't use any garish colors. Finally they deemed me presentable enough for Cinna.

A minute or so after they left, Cinna entered. He had changed very little since I had last seen him, short cropped hair and a little gold eyeliner.

"Well Katniss, how are things?"

I shrug. "As good as can be expected, I suppose. Dealing with the usual Capital enforced tours." Other than Gale, Cinna was the only person I could be myself with. Like the first time I met him, I noticed his accent. It wasn't quite... Capitol.

"Cinna, I have meant to ask... where did you come from? You don't seem like you were from the Capitol."

Cinna smiled indulgently at her as he opened up a suitcase he had brought with him. "You are right, as usual. I'm not from the Capitol. I was born and raised in District 1. My father was a jeweler and my mother a furrier. They were my inspiration to get into fashion. I was very lucky. When I turned eighteen, I was at design school at the time, someone came from the Capitol looking for someone who would do well in their fashion school. As I wanted to follow in my mothers footsteps, naturally I was designing clothes already. I was an obvious choice."

I gave him an incredulous look when he said he was lucky. How could someone be lucky to go live in the Capitol? It seemed like it was worse than living in the Seam. As usual, Cinna read my mind.

"I say lucky, because once I finished design school, I would have been in the mines until my mother died. A child can not open a fresh business while their parent is still alive that runs the same business. My mother was very stubborn and refused to let anyone help her in her designs. It was the Capitol or the Pit."

I nod in understanding. I suppose if I had to choose between the Capitol or working in the coal mines, I would have taken the Capitol.

I look at the outfit Cinna has made for me. It looked not much different to what I wore right now. Dark flannel pants, a copper colored top and leather boots.

"I want the districts to see Katniss. Not the 74th Hunger Games victor. If they see you as you, there might be less animosity towards you."

That made sense. I put on the clothes as Cinna undoes the elaborate 'do the prep team had put me in and braids my hair like I normally wear it. I notice on close inspection the fabric is cut and sewn to flatter my figure, giving me more curves, yet still making me seem like myself.

"Thank you Cinna, I love it."

"I knew you would. That's why I made it for you." He smiles at me then leaves the room. I wait for a few minutes then leave my room as well. We were about half an hour away from District 11 and I could feel my heart beating in my chest. I walked into the dining cart of the train and Effie and Haymitch were already at the table. Haymitch was sipping a cup of tea, a sour look on his face,, while Effie just looked exasperated.

"Nice of you to finally join us, Sweetheart." Haymitch hissed out.

"Don't mind him. He has decided to go sober for the victory tour." Effie said in her usually bright voice. "Well we have big big big day ahead of us, so I recommend you eat fast, we will be in District 11 soon."

I nod and take a bit of buttered toast, absentmindedly chewing on it while I thought of what to say to the people of District 11. I'm sorry for your loss just didn't seem to cut it for me.

We slowly pull into the station and are driven straight to the Justice building. We were brought to a back entrance. And walked out the car. Effie was in a panic because we were five minutes late through no ones fault. She rushed us to the main door and we stood in silence until the doors were opened. I didn't expect cheers of greeting but the dead silence was deafening. I hear my own footsteps as I walk out onto the stage. I had expected someone else to speak before me, but I was obviously wrong. Effie clears her throat and gives me a very directed look. "Speak."