"Men!" Shepard slammed her glass against the table, causing most of its contents to slosh over the rim, though she didn't seem to notice. "I am so done with… men… and their promishes… prom—" She peered into her drink, an oracle seeking a vision in its carbonated, alcoholic depths, and hiccupped before continuing. "Promishes!" she declared triumphantly. "Stupid fucking promishes that don't mean anything. Well, I, for one," there was a brief pause as she drained the entirety in a practiced swallow, "am done. Done with promishes. Done with men." The empty glass joined the row of others on her table.

Tali made a sympathetic huff, finishing up the dregs of her own drink and sliding the straw out of the port in her mouthpiece. "Did you know… that Kal'Reeger hasn't messaged me once, since I've been back on board the Normandy? Not once."

"At least he didn't yell at you for dying and for not contacting him the second you were resurrected."

"True."

"And, he also didn't go find someone else and get her fucking pregnant because he couldn't wait six fucking months while you were being held in lockdown for trying to keep the fucking Reapers from fucking invading. Fuck." She slumped back against her chair, limbs relaxed.

"Also, true." Tali stopped toying with the end of her straw, her head tilting slightly to one side. "Keelah, Shepard, you really know how to pick them, don't you?"

"Apparently." Shepard waved her hand blearily, ordering them another round that came almost immediately. "But, it doesn't matter anymore. Because I am done. Done, done, done. Tomorrow, I am going to go buy myself some bright pink vibrating thingamajig with eighteen speed settings that is ribbed for my pleasure and then there will be no need for men." She seized her next drink and raised the glass high. "To the pleasure rod that will live in my drawer and be physhically incapable of ruining my life!" Shepard downed the ryncol with gusto.

"Hear, hear! To the best nerve stim program that credits can buy!" Tali joined her, draining her own glass in a handful of long pulls through her straw.

Garrus gave a quiet, awkward chuckle, forgotten, from the back corner of the semi-circular booth. "Why do I feel like I shouldn't be sitting at this table?"

"Don't be silly, Garrush," Shepard slurred, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and dragging him into her side with a hard tug. "You don't count."

"Wow, thanks." He gave a dry hum of amusement.

"Oh, don't be that way." Shepard let her head fall to rest against his shoulder for a moment before tilting her face up to meet his eyes. She blinked at him in mock seriousness, her pupils wide, as her fingers crept up to pat the side of his jaw before tracing lightly over the contours of his mandibles. "You aren't like them." She scrunched up her face in concentration and solemnly booped his nasal ridges with the tip of her finger in time with her words. "Not. Kaidan. Not. Jacob. Just. Lovely. Garrush."

"Shepard?"

"Yesh?"

"You're drunk."

Her head lolled back. "No. Not drunk." She gave his nasal ridges one final poke. "Smashed."

Garrus chuckled. "Are you ready to head back yet? I think Tali's finally hit her limit." He gestured with one hand at Tali, who was now slumped over the table, her head resting on her arms and emitting soft, modulated snores.

Shepard sat forward just enough to reach her glass, giving the dregs at the bottom a look that was halfway between a pout and a frown. "I s'ppose so," she said with a heavy sigh, draining the few drops that remained.

They shuffled inelegantly out of the booth, Shepard nearly toppling out after Garrus. After a few minutes, as Garrus attempted, unsuccessfully, to wake Tali, and Shepard attempted, also unsuccessfully, to remain upright while unsupported, they were on their way with Tali cradled in Garrus' arms and Shepard staggering along beside him with one arm looped around his waist for balance. The walk back to the Normandy was slow, their progress impeded by Shepard's propensity to fall into fits of giggles punctuated by stretches of profound moroseness. She was silent otherwise, seemingly content to follow along as they collectively stumbled through the Normandy's outer doors.

"You going to be okay to make it up to your cabin?" Garrus asked as they waited for the decontamination cycle to finish.

"Hmmm?" Shepard swayed against him. "Oh. Yeah. 'M totally fine." Her words were careful and deliberate, as though she was trying too hard to pronounce each one clearly. "You take Tali. I'll just go… this way." She released her hold on him and promptly walked straight into the inner doors that hadn't yet opened. "Ow! Son of a—who put these here?"

At that, the doors slid open, and Shepard hit the deck, face first, landing on the floor with a loud thud.

She didn't move.

Garrus bit back a laugh, trying to keep his mandibles from flaring and failing. "That would be a 'no' then."

"My facesh hurtsh."

"I'd imagine it does."

Shepard rolled over awkwardly with more flailing than was necessary before settling on her back and staring up at him. "Who made the floor so hard?"

Garrus shifted the quarian in his arms into a more comfortable position. "Tell you what… you stay here while I take Tali back to her quarters and then I'll come back for you."

"Ohhhhhkay."

oOoOo

She hadn't moved by the time he'd returned, still gazing up at the ceiling, although she did turn her head to smile at him and gave him an clumsy wave when she recognized that he was standing over her.

"Heyyyy, you came back!"

"Of course I came back. Don't I always?" He held out a hand to her, which took her several tries before she managed to grasp it in her own and he hauled her to her feet.

"You do." She kept her hand in his. "You always do." Shepard sagged against his side as he steered her towards the elevator. "Don't know what I ever did to deserve you."

The elevator doors hissed open and the two of them lurched haphazardly inside, Garrus' balance thrown off by Shepard's lack of coordination. As he keyed in the code for her quarters, Shepard took the opportunity to slide over so that she was facing him, twining her arms around his neck and burying her face into his chest. She murmured something, but it was too quiet and muffled for him to hear.

"Sorry, I missed that."

Shepard turned her head, her cheek still pressed against his chest as the elevator began to move. "You're too good to me."

Garrus let his back rest against the wall to support them both. "Nah. While I'm fully prepared to admit to being utterly amazing, I don't think you give yourself enough credit." He hesitatingly wrapped his arms around her small form in return and gave her a light squeeze. "Come on, I've seen what you can do with that rifle of yours." He paused, his eyes gleaming. "Almost as good as me."

She snorted. "You wish, Vakarian."

The elevator chimed softly and the doors opened. Shepard was silent as they took the few steps to her door, and she raised her hand, poised to swipe it over the access panel, before slowly letting it drop.

"You okay?" Garrus asked.

"Been better. You wanna come in for a drink?"

"Normally, yes; but, I think you should probably get some rest."

"You're probably right." She ran her hands over her face, rubbing her eyes wearily, but made no move to open the door.

"Shepard?" Garrus' subvocals resonated with concern. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Her gaze had drifted towards the floor. "I don't know. Maybe. Yeah."

"Then, maybe I will come in. Just for a bit. No drinks though. Deal?"

"Deal." She looked back up, the steely line of her shoulders relaxing ever so slightly as she finally placed her hand over the red access panel, leaning against it for longer than was necessary. The glowing light blinked green and the doors slid open.

With Garrus' assistance, they made their way over to the couch in the corner of her cabin, and she pulled him down with her as she flopped down onto it. She sat sideways next to him, her legs sprawled over the tops of his thighs, as she curled herself against his torso. It was a long time before she spoke, and Garrus allowed himself the luxury of threading his talons through the tangles in her hair. It was a rare moment to see her so unguarded—mostly due to the alcohol, no doubt—and he didn't want to waste it. As the minutes crawled by in a comfortable lull, he almost thought she'd fallen asleep.

"Garrus?" she said at last. "Is there something wrong with me?"

The question hadn't been what he'd been expecting. "Something wrong with you? I don't know what you—"

She cut him off before he could finish, her words surprisingly articulate though still minutely slurred. Her biotics were burning off the alcohol in her system, metabolizing it at a far more rapid rate than a non-biotic ever could. "If there is, you can tell me. You're the best friend I've got, so I'd rather hear it from you than from someone else. I'm not afraid of the truth—you know that—so, just… tell it like it is."

"Is this still about Jacob?" He couldn't help the rush of anger the seared the edges of his subharmonics into a low, heated rumble.

"Not just him," she mumbled, rubbing at her eyes again. "It's everyone. Before him it was Kaidan. Before Kaidan, it was Derricks. Before him, it was… I don't fucking know anymore." Shepard sat up, sliding her legs off of Garrus'. "Every guy I've ever dated has broken things off. Cheated. Left. Given me that 'it's not you, it's me' bullshit."

Garrus listened quietly, sliding his hands down into his lap to keep himself from running them through her hair again.

Shepard sighed, pulling her legs into her chest and winding her arms around them. "I'm starting to think it is me."

"It's not you." The certainty in his subharmonics was a dull thrum beneath his words.

Her chin was resting on the tops of her knees, but she angled her head to one side to look at him. "Then why do they all leave?"

"Maybe they can't handle the fact that you're as strong as you are, that the mission always has to come first." He edged closer to her again, placing an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into him. She nestled against his side as the purring rumble in his chest dropped into the registers commonly used for comfort and reassurance. "Maybe they can't see you for who you are, or wanted you to be something else. Maybe you've just had the bad luck of picking the wrong type of men."

Shepard made a noise that was almost a laugh. "Story of my life. The 'wrong' type is my type, evidently."

"Then change your type. What do you want, Shepard?"

"What do I want?" Her fingers were fiddling absently with the edge of his shirt. "I don't know."

"Just throw it out there. Come on."

"Fine. There has to be some kind of physical attraction—"

Garrus let out a huff of laughter. "I would hope so."

"Shut up. Do you want me to do this or not?" Shepard's forehead crinkled into a frown, but the upturned twitch at the corner of her mouth gave away her amusement.

"Sorry, go ahead." He was still grinning, his mandibles loose and relaxed.

She thought for a minute and then shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. I can't break it down into a bunch of desirable traits. I just want… a partner, I guess. Someone to unwind with at the end of a shitty day. Someone who understands what it's like out there. I don't want to do the casual fuck on shore leave to blow off steam anymore."

"So, you want a mate."

"What?" She lifted her head from the side of his arm to meet his eyes. "No! I just want something a little more… constant. Reliable. Steady."

"Right. A mate."

Shepard grimaced. "That sounds so formal. And scary. But, fine. I guess that's sort of… an accurate term. But, it's not like I have time to find someone like that, even if we make it out of this war. Everything's going to shit, Garrus… Earth, Palaven…" She sighed, tightening in on herself. "I doubt even Thessia is going to be able to hold out for much longer." Her head dropped back against his shoulder as she curled in even closer to his side. "I don't want to be alone in all of this. Is that selfish?"

His talons crept up to gently stroke her hair once more. "No," he murmured, his voice low and soft, "I don't think that's selfish at all."

A comfortable silence settled in around them and neither of them spoke, both lost in their thoughts.

"Garrus?"

"Yeah?" His mandibles fluttered against her hair; his head had unconsciously drooped to rest against the top of hers.

"You're my best friend, you know that, right?"

He hummed in agreement, a teasing note in his undertone. "Well, someone has to look out for you."

She laughed, her breath warm against the fabric of his shirt "Why can't I find someone like you? Then everything would be perfect."

Garrus grew still, hoping that the sudden hammering of his heart wasn't going to give him away. He tightened his throat, reining in the subharmonic burst of emotion threatening to shake the solidity of his words. "Technically, you do have me."

"I meant… as more than a friend." The confession tumbled out as her eyes slid across his face and then down into her own lap, her cheeks flushing pink. "But, I know you don't feel that way about me, and that's okay. I care about you too much to want to lose what we have, so just forget I said anything. I don't know what I'd do without you and, if things got weird, and you—" She was babbling, twisting the bottom of his shirt into knots of fabric between her agitated fingers.

Garrus was too stunned to respond. His mandibles had gone completely slack.

"—so I should probably just shut up because I'm making things worse and—fuck—now this is awkward, isn't it? Shit." Her tirade finished, she hazarded a glance up at him.

He cleared his throat with a low rumble, hoping his voice would sound steadier than his thoughts, which were currently in a free fall dive; like the Mako tumbling end over end after yet another of Shepard's reckless maneuvers.

"Garrus?" She tried to pull away, but he kept his arm firmly clasped around her shoulders."Say something… please? Tell me I didn't just fuck this up, too…"

"Why," he finally managed to stumble out, "do you think that there's no way that I could feel that way about you?"

Shepard's cheeks turned even pinker, if that was possible. "I, uh, overheard you talking to Kelly. Not long after we picked you up on Omega. You said you… fuck, this is embarrassing…" She groaned. "You said you weren't into humans at all and that, erm, you liked your women tough and hard and—I can't believe I'm even saying this to you—and… angular, like any good turian woman would be." Shepard buried her face in his shoulder. "Can I die now? Can we blame this on those flaming ryncol shooters and forget this ever happened?"

Kelly…

Garrus had to suppress a shudder as the memories of that conversation and the events that had preceded it all came flooding back. She'd been insufferable; cornering him at every opportunity, with attempts at flirting that had only grown bolder with time. It figured that Shepard would have to have heard the tail end of his final, desperate attempt to rebuff the yeoman's advances. Shepard's puzzling behaviour over the following weeks and months suddenly made a hell of a lot more sense than it had at the time…

"Shepard?"

"What?"

"Look at me."

She burrowed her face more tightly into the loose folds of his shirt. "Nope. Drunk."

"Nice try, but I know you aren't drunk any more. I've had more than enough opportunities to watch your metabolism in action."

"Would you settle for catastrophically stupid then?" She still refused to meet his eyes.

"Shepard, I'm serious. Look at me. Trust me." He carefully hooked a bent talon under her chin and eased her face up. "I didn't mean what I said."

She blinked at him, her jaw clenching in the way she always looked when she was trying to put on a brave face; projecting a calm mask for her to hide behind. He remembered the way it had cracked and shattered on Horizon.

"You don't have to lie." She managed to sound like her words didn't matter, although her eyes betrayed the falsehood. "It's all right. You aren't going to hurt my feelings or anything. I came to terms with everything a long time ago and—"

"Stop. Please." He brushed the pad of his finger across her lips and she froze, staring at him. "It's not a lie. I didn't mean that—any of it. I was just trying to get Kelly to back off… you know what she's like."

"Insane?" Shepard murmured.

Garrus let out a relieved laugh. "Exactly."

Her hand crept up to touch his as he tentatively caressed down the line of her temple, to her cheek bone, to her jaw. She shivered. "So, what you're saying is, all this time…?"

He nodded, leaning in a little closer, so that he could feel the warmth of her breath against his face. "Yes, all this time. But, you were with Kaidan, then Jacob… I figured you'd never even thought of me as more than just a friend."

"You're all I've ever wanted," she whispered.

"Likewise." He pressed his mouth against hers in a slow kiss that deepened quickly, dragging him under as desire sparked up to settle in the spines of his fringe. Her lips were incredibly soft, her tongue even more so, as she explored the edges of his mouth before taking the tip of his tongue between her lips and sucking lightly. His arms had dropped to her waist as he struggled to pull her closer, and they both moaned in concert as she responded by throwing one of her legs over him and moving to straddle herself across his lap. The pressure from her body, the pleasant weight of her that was now resting snuggly against the plates that protected his groin… it was better than he'd ever imagined, and there had been many, many nights spent fantasizing about a scenario just like this one.

"Tell me this is really happening," Shepard said, her words a gasp between the kisses and light bites that she was feathering down one side of his jaw.

Her fingers were tracing a circular pattern on the sensitive hide below his fringe, and he could scarcely string together the words to say something more than a rumbled hum of pleasure and desperate want. "Spirits, you feel so good." He was already swelling, his plates pushing apart to allow his erection to emerge, and the sharp burst of feral need that surged through him made him groan; his hands were on her hips, pressing her even more firmly against his hardness. "Shepard," he panted, grazing his teeth along the column of her neck as his tongue darted out to savour the taste of her skin, "If you want to stop, you need to tell me now. Otherwise, I… I…" His words trailed off as Shepard sat up, rocking back in his lap; his talons clenching rhythmically against the curve of her waist.

She seized the sides of his face in both hands and drew him in for a bruising kiss. "Don't stop." There was a fierceness in her heated whisper that sent molten sparks through his veins.

"I won't. I can't…" His subvocals drowned out his murmured words in a trilling vibration, husky and rough.

Somehow, his shirt came off, as did hers, and Garrus was vaguely aware of practically tearing it in his eagerness to remove it. He worshiped every inch of bare skin she revealed with his tongue, his breath, his teeth. All the vids he had watched in the guilty darkness of his cot hadn't prepared him for this degree of intoxication; her scent and her warmth… the way her deft fingers were exploring every crevice between his plating. He was drowning in her, drinking her in as his parched heart wept with the unspoken words that he had never even dared to whisper within the recesses of his own mind.

"Garrus… I want…" Shepard nipped along the thinner skin of his throat as she continued to grind against him. "I need you, please."

With a groan, he forced himself to push her up off his lap as they both frantically struggled to free themselves of their remaining clothing. He had barely managed to pull his trousers down past his spurs when she was pushing him back with a firm hand pressed to his carapace and climbing up to reclaim her previous position. Only, this time, her hand was wrapped around the length of him and the throb of his heart was like thunder in his ears.

He tried to go slow, to let her ease herself down on top of him as he forced the air from his lungs in short, desperate huffs, but it was too much. Too long, he'd wanted this for too long, and now she was here and his, and he thrust up into her wetness and heat with a hoarse moan of longing that he didn't even recognize as his own. He might have whimpered her name, but he was too far gone to know.

Words spilled from her lips, guttural and low; Garrus, more, harder, don't stop. As if he could. She was riding him, her body rising and falling as she braced herself against raised curve of his chest with her hands; a wave of motion, undulating like a current that was pulling him deeper out to sea. Her hair was damp around her temples; the tang of her sweat kissed with salt.

He swept the pad of his thumb along the peak of her sex in time with their movements, crooning his love for her in a language that transcended them both; one of shudders and gasps as the rhythmic slide and fall became more frantic.

"Shepard… I can't… I'm going to… Oh, Shepard…"

"Garrus… God, don't stop. Please, don't stop…"

Clutching at her hips, he rocked himself against her, burying himself as deeply as he could while his head fell down to rest in the crook of her shoulder. So close, he was so close, and the pressure building was almost painful as the edges of his vision went black. Just a few more seconds, not yet, not yet…

Shepard moaned, her breath rushing out of her in a cry as her back arched and she shook, quaking and tightening around him. She took him with her as she rode out her aftershocks; those last shallow movements pushing him to the brink and beyond as he spilled himself inside her in a sudden explosion of pleasure that rendered him incoherent for several minutes after.

Sprawled across his chest, Shepard nuzzled his mandibles affectionately. "Would it ruin everything to tell you that I've been imagining what that would be like since our time on the SR-1?"

Garrus gave a lazy chuckle, too sated to even consider moving. "No, but I wish I'd known sooner. We have a lot of time to make up for, I think."

"Better late than never though."

"Agreed." He kissed her gently—the blend of new and familiar, friendship and deeper attraction—feeling more wonderful than he could have ever hoped for. For the first time in a long while, he allowed himself to hope that they were going to succeed; that the Reapers could be fought, that they could be beaten back. "Although, I don't know if I need much motivation to make every moment count these days."

Shepard eased herself back with a mischievous smile. "Shall we continue making the rest of tonight count then?"

Garrus pretended to think, stretching languidly beneath her, even though she was surely noticing the fact that his body was rapidly preparing for round two. "I don't know… Are you still planning on buying… what was it again? A pink vibrating thing with eighteen speed settings? I don't know if I can compete with that."

"You're such an ass," she said, laughing as she accidentally wriggled against him in a way that left no doubt that she'd done it completely on purpose. "No, I think I can manage to hold off on my purchase. For now, anyway."

He stood up in a sudden motion that made her shriek and cling to his neck as he carried her over to the bed, before dropping her down and crawling up her body to pin her in place. "Is that a promise?" he asked, giving her a playful flare of his mandibles. "I thought you were done with men."

She shifted her hips to press more firmly against him, grinning when he couldn't hold back a gasp. "No, you don't count, remember?"

His voice hummed with laughter. "Right, I forgot. If only there was something I could do to change your mind about me…"

"I'm sure you can think of something. You're very creative." She swiveled and twisted, briefly driving the air from his lungs as she neatly reversed their positions to take control.

"I'm getting some ideas already." Garrus tugged her head down for a heated kiss.

She murmured her response against his mouth. "Mmmm… I wholeheartedly approve of said ideas."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

A/N: This story is a gift for PrincessStabbityStab, who I'm honoured to call a friend, who is one of the loveliest people ever, and who made me the cutest Garrus plushie in existence. I'm still squealing daily about how adorable he is, seriously. :D Pictures of him, and all of her other amazing plushies, can be found on her deviantArt: cciortan dot deviantart dot com

A giant squishy thank you to my beta, Josie Lange, for her speedy beta and helpful advice! Thank you to Letticiae, too, for bumbling through story ideas with me as I tried to get my muse rebooted and working again. :)