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Where's Tori.

Chapter 17 – Finally the answer.

Jade's POV

It's been almost 7 months since that first session with Dr. Dana. Although very skeptical at first, I have to admit she's done wonders with Tori, not to mention myself. It was hard in those sessions sometimes, very hard. With care and over a good many sessions, she got Tori to tell her whole story. She wisely had Tori tell the story in small parts. She would have Tori talk about an aspect of her captivity and we would work on how to cope with its negative effects.

Still it was hard, just having to hear how he violated my Tori, over and over. The story of how he raped her the first day he took her, was hardest of all. We were in therapy just over a month when she had Tori talk about that. I was amazed how she could calmly sit there and tell her story. Though about 2/3' of the way through it she simply broke down in long painful sobs. I tried everything I could, to try and keep it together for Tori while she told the story. I needed to comfort her and stay strong for her. I didn't last long, before crying myself.

Though she hadn't said it up to this point, she truly was afraid that I wouldn't want her anymore. Deep down she was terrified that I would reject her as she had been despoiled, so to speak. Even though I had reassured her a hundred times before that revelation came out, it still was very much a fear for her. That after sleeping with her, I would reject her like a body rejects an organ as not compatible. The doctor said at that point some fears, like plants, can have very deep roots. Pulling them out completely can take time and effort.

There were other issues of course, but that was one of Tori's most formable ones. There was of course my own issues, I needed to deal with. I've managed to stay sober and have slowly been working out my issues. Some of my fears were almost the same as Tori. My fear that she wouldn't want me anymore. Slowly I've been coming to terms with my guilt and anger.

Neither of us is out of the woods yet, not by a longshot. She still has nightmares, at least one to two a week. That's a significant improvement over nearly every night. The doctor tells me they may never go away completely. We haven't made love yet. Over frequent years of abuse and rape, she's gotten very afraid of sex. It had become something horribly unpleasant in that time. My reaction to sex was just the opposite; though I craved it constantly, it eventually became a meaningless and hollow thing.

She wants to be with me I can feel it, but she isn't ready. I told her that when you're ready just to let me know. I still call her Vega the majority of the time, but one day when Tori was using the bathroom during a session Dana suggested I start calling her Lover. Just as a playful pet name, to help her identify herself as being your lover again. It would build up her confidence at the same time.

Off the subject of us, I read the book as the Dr. had suggested. Turns out it was a real good book and since it helped Tori so much, I decided to make it my next directing job. Next year I will be producing and directing an adaptation of One day in the life of Ivan Denisevitch. I've wanted to direct a serious drama in any case. My first directing credit was a horror film and it did great. I want to surprise people by going in a totally different direction. I'm going to film in Russia next summer, but will be sure to take Tori and little Jade along. We'll make it a working vacation. In any case, I have no intention of being away from my girls for any length of time.

Speaking of girls, Little Jade is adjusting very well. We did decide to have her see a child psychologist to help her adjust and deal with any issues she may have. She's attending the same private school as Beck and Cat's daughter Chloe. Though Chloe is a grade ahead of Little Jade, they are now the best of friends.

I've begun the process of adopting Little Jade and the final court hearing is in a few weeks. We've already gotten her fathers, parental rights terminated. Speaking of the devil incarnate, we got extremely lucky. The man who held Tori captive, plead guilty to about 20 charges of rape, assault, kidnapping and was sentenced to life without parole. He was originally charged with many more counts but pled guilty to 20. I have no idea why he took the plea deal. So we managed to avoid a trial in which Tori or Little Jade needed to testify. I can't tell you much of a relief it was to both of us to hear that.

Tori has slowly gotten back into music as part of her recovery. I had a studio built in our home for her to work in. Using the binder of songs she wrote, she has begun to record some of the songs she and Andre think are the best. He is helping to produce her album. She plans on making it a double album, with one disk being her normal pop dance songs. The other disk will be more ballad's and tunes she wrote some her real dark times. She's got about 6 songs in the can already and there is already interest from several record labels.

It's good to see her at work in the studio again. I can tell singing and recording been very therapeutic for her. Some days I'll just sit behind the sound engineer and quietly watch her work. I see her come alive when she sings again, I love it. Even little Jade enjoys watching her mommy work. She has proudly usurped my position of #1 Tori Vega fan. I even had a t shirt made up for her, so she can proclaim it to all. It is her favorite shirt.

That brings us up to today, I am sitting in the back of a rather large luxury Yacht that I have rented for 3 weeks. It has a full queen size bed in our stateroom and every amenity one could want. We even have a small crew to operate the vessel. At present are somewhere between St. Thomas and St. Martin. Though we've been doing rather well in our recovery, I realized that Tori and I havent' had too much of the way of Alone time. So I planned this vacation for the both of us.

Little Jade at present is in New York City, visiting Tori's dad, stepmom and brother. She's having a wonderful time in the Big Apple. I arranged the whole thing as a surprise for both Tori and little Jade. She's wanted to visit Grandpa Vega and mommies brother so one day at dinner I dropped the bomb.

"Hey LJ how would you like to visit Grandpa Vega in New York on winter break." I said between bites of salad.

Before she could answer I glanced at Tori who narrowed her eyes suspiciously at me.

"CAN I? I'd love too. Grandpa Vega said I could ride in a real squad car." LJ squealed in Joy.

A smile came to my face. "Good, because you're leaving on Friday."

"JADE!" Tori suddenly barked out. She sounded a bit annoyed that I was going to send our child on vacation without telling her first.

My smile turned into a smirk as I looked over at rather stunned looking Tori. "Don't you like surprise's Vega?"

Her mouth hung open as if she was lost for something to say. At this point I pulled out a large picture from the folder I on the table behind me and slid it over to Tori.

She glanced at the picture looking rather puzzled. "You're sending her to New York on a Boat?"

I rolled my eyes which did nothing to improve Tori's mood. "First of all lover it's not a boat, it is a Yacht. That is called the Medusa, it's a 200' motor yacht, bar, living room, full sized galley, huge master stateroom, and a full crew to run it. Starting on Saturday it will be our home for the next 3 weeks as we sail the Caribbean.

As I expected her mouth opened further but no sound came out of it. I love the look of shock and surprise that comes across Tori's face, those times I really manage to surprise her. Tori, still looking rather shocked, looked to the photo and then back to me.

"It is called a vacation lover, you, me, romantic locales all alone for 3 weeks. Unless you don't want too, I think I still have Gwen's phone number around here somewhere." I said, my voice trailing off at the end. Ok that was a bit mean of me to say, but I'm still Jade after all.

"Can I speak with you in private, dear." It was the way she said "dear" in that icy tone of voice ,that I know I pissed her off with the Gwen reference. She was my last fuck buddy before Tori came back.

"Why certainly." I said quickly as I got up.

I had gotten several feet out onto the patio when I heard the door close behind me. I was beginning to regret my little Gwen crack. Sometimes my love of shocking people, really goes against my better judgment.

I fully expected the slap I received a moment later, as I turned around.

For a moment Tori just stood there seething as I rubbed my cheek. "OK, I deserved that."

"Are you ever going to mention that whore again Jade?" Judging by the look of hatred on Tori's face, I'd better not do that again.

I could say two things at this point.

"Which whore?" or "NO"

Saying "which whore" would be much more funny and shocking but would get me another slap in the face and at least 2 nights in the guest bedroom. But ultimately it would hurt Tori, even more than I've already done so. By this point I had really begun to regret my wisecrack.

I felt a huge surge of remorse, as I looked down in shame. "No." I said quietly. "Sorry about that, Tori. I just say things sometimes."

After what felt like an eternity, she put her finger under my chin and pulled it up to look at me. A smile returned to her face. "Jade I love you, you're my best friend, soul mate, and mother to my child. I'll say I even missed those horrible wisecracks which piss me off beyond belief. But please don't ever mention that girl again, it hurts my feelings. So why don't you stop being a gank and go back to being wonderful Jade, then tell me all about the lovely romantic vacation you have cooked up for me."

I took Tori's hand and began to explain our vacation. "I rented out a 200 foot Yacht called the Medusa. It can hold up to twelve guests, but there will only be just us. It has a crew of 14 to run the vessel. It has huge master stateroom with queen sized bed, a full galley, huge living room with big screen satellite tv, every luxury you could possibly think of. We will board the vessel in San Juan Puerto Rico, and then we will leisurely cruise down the Caribbean. We can stop by St. Kitts, St. Barts, Guadeloupe, Barbados, where ever we want to go. We have the vessel for 3 weeks. I've arranged for Little Jade to stay with your father for 2 weeks and your sister for one week."

As I waited for Tori's reaction, I could see her step closer to me. A smile grew on her face as she took her hands and put them around my neck. "So you've gotten rid of the child and are going to take me away on a long romantic cruise?"

A puzzled look came to my face. "I think that's what I just said."

Tori then just kissed me and hugged me tight. "Thank you baby. I love it already."

We've been at sea for 4 days now. We spent the last two in St. Thomas and are now slowly cruising towards St. Maartin. Judging by all the shopping Tori had done in the last two days, I think I'm going to need a bigger boat.

Its night time now and I'm sitting on a deck chair on the very back of the Yacht. Tori is in our stateroom, reading in bed. She retained her habit of reading all the time. She usually reads for a half an hour before bed, mostly romance novels. Me, I've just been sitting there watching all the stars hanging above. It's all so beautiful and quiet and my mind is absorbed in the moment.

My eyes drift up to the constellation Orion, its one of the few that I know. There he is, a lonely hunter, forever in the sky, hunting what ever he's supposed to be hunting. I know how he feels, hunting for something endlessly. Never sure if you're going to find it.

"Jade, I'm ready." Tori sings out in a melodious tone of voice, pulling me out of my thoughts.

Quickly standing up and spinning around, I was struck by what I saw. At first I had no idea what the meaning of the words "I'm ready." Seeing her left no doubt in my mind what she meant.

Tori was standing there, in the open patio doors between the deck and the large living room. She was clothed in only a white silken robe, tied just lose enough to give me a nice view down between her breasts and below. Her hair and make up were done perfectly. I can't ever remember her looking more beautiful in my life. I was totally blown away.

As my eyes greedily drank up her beauty, i found myself thinking she looked like some ancient Greek goddess. I was at a total loss for words.

She smiled and slowly walked up to me. Before she got within 5 feet of me, I could smell the perfume that clung to her body. It was the perfume that I loved on Tori most of all. Just that scent itself sent a tingle through my entire body. With each approaching step, my heart began to race faster.

A small gust of when lifter her hair for a moment as she came up to me. She then took her hand and cupped it on my cheek. Her touch felt like magic.

Her voice was soft and sweet. "I know you've been patient with me and I can't thank you enough. It's been so very long since I've been with you, a full ten years now. I feel that I'm ready to be with you now." Tori paused for a moment for a small kiss.

"Jade, I love you. I need to be with you. I need to feel like I'm a beautiful, attractive and loved woman again. I missed being with you so very badly. I need your touch, I need us to be lovers again. Only then will I truly feel like I've come home. Make love to me."

My brain stopped working at that point, I felt a rush of emotion like I've never felt before. Before I knew it a single tear ran down my cheek, followed by another. What I heard was so beautiful and touching I was quickly reduced to tears.

Tori looked concerned for a moment as she wiped my tears away. "Why are you crying Jade?"

"I…" Sniff "I…thought I'd never see this moment again. I was so broken without you Tori. I'm so happy that you still love me and want to be with me. You're so beautiful." I said now sobbing. Only Tori Vega could reduce me, Jade West, to a sobbing mess.

Tori pulled me into a tight hug until i stopped crying. Then she wiped my tears, took my hand and smiled. "Come on, make me feel special again. Because I plan to do the same for you."

Without another word, she led me back inside to our state room. She had soft romantic music playing. My tears had stopped but my heart was racing. I suddenly became very nervous, like it was my very first time.

Tori chuckled. "Come on baby, relax. It's like falling off a bike."

My eyebrow raised, upon hearing that. "Falling off a bike hurts you know."

That little remark broke the tension. A moment later she opened her robe and it fell silently to the floor.

I can't tell you how many times I had sex in the years that Tori was missing, but I can tell you how many times I made love, Zero. Tori slipped invitingly into the bed and I with her as our passions suddenly overcame us. For the first time in 10 years I was making love to Tori, my true love. As horrendously sappy as it sounds, it was beautiful and soul touching. Our bodies pressed against each other as our souls reconnected. As we continued to make love, I felt a huge hole inside of vanish. It was only then, did I realize how empty my heart and soul truly were without Tori.

It's hard for me to describe in words all that we did, it was as much emotional as physical. Such a simple act, as caressing the small of a woman's back is much easier to describe, than the myriad of feelings one feels when one does that simple action. Tori was as much affected as I was. I could feel the want and need as she poured kisses all across my pale naked form. I returned the favor when I spent half an hour just running my hands across her tanned body. Like I was reacquainting myself with her body. As we continued to make love, it almost became a playful competition to see who could pleasure the other more.

Each of us was determined to show, with our bodies just how much we had missed the other. I brought her to climax first, the deep moans coming from her was like music to my ears. The feeling that I felt, that we felt as we came together. She quickly returned the favor. We kept going until we had exhausted each other. Neither of us wanted to stop making love, but our bodies betrayed us by simply running out of steam.

As she finally collapsed into my arms, a huge smile on her face, I truly felt that my Tori had come back to me. I had more than made her feel special and beautiful and loved. For the first time since Tori came back I could see that beautiful light in her eyes reappear. My own heart and soul had finally begun to heal. We had made love, something that both of us badly needed and it was fucking increadable, to put it bluntly.

"I love you Jade." Tori murmured without opening her eyes.

"I love you too Tori." I said, planting a kiss on her head.

We both have a ways to go, but we were well on our way to healing ourselves. Our wedding is planned for next year, and then she'll be mine forever. I'll happily proclaim myself, to her hers forever as well. No one will ever separate us again.

That original message that Tori left me on that day so long ago. "Hey Honey, it's me. I just finished in studio for the day. I'm going to stop at the store to get milk on the way home. Love you.

It was a 6 second long message that was left in a voice mail, much like I'm sure thousands of were that day across the world I still have it on my phone. Why do you ask?

I keep it as a reminder. To remind me how precious Tori Vega is to me. How hollow and meaningless my life is without her. How I lost her once and by the grace of god was given back to me. It also reminds me that life is just as precious and we must cherish every moment of it. For none of us know what will happen next.

I hear Tori's breathing beginning to deepen as she drifts into sleep. I'll join her in a few moments and I know we will continue our lovemaking session in the morning. Heck, I supect, we won't even get out of our stateroom tommorrow.

For years I kept asking the question, "Where's Tori?"

I can finally sleep knowing the answer. "Sleeping naked in my arms, right where she belongs."

I'd like to thank everyone for reading and reviewing this story. It was a bit of a difficult one for me to write. So much angst and pain. But in the end, they finally made love and reconnected. Both well on their way to recovery.

My next story will be out soon. It involves a bet between Tori and Jade and weather or not they can stay out of each other's business.