He gathered a breath as his fist curled, rose, and then paused just before making contact with the wooden door. It hovered there searching for an excuse to knock before the air left him in a measured breath and his fist dropped. He looked up, willing himself to stay even. He would not knock, he would not cry, he would simply walk away.

But a tear made its way down his cheek in spite of all the promises he made and he wiped at it quickly, clearing it away with resolve. He broke another promise by remaining right where he stood, arguing with himself on her empty doorstep.

Promise breaking wasn't typical of his nature, but it was the behavior of addicts and Tenzin was afflicted with one of the strongest addictions on record. It was an addiction to the first promise he made; it was the intoxication provided by her scent and her touch and often just by her presence. It was undeniable and it was pulling him under.

He was drowning in a sea of uncertainty and of paths not taken. In an effort to live again he immersed himself in a late night walk, only to surface at her door.

Six minutes passed as he stood there, wanting more than anything to knock and see her face, but he knew that once this door was opened it would never close again. He knew he couldn't resist stepping inside and he knew, with absolute certainty, that he must do just that. But the sound of the door creaking open made the decision for him and her solemn face appeared in the doorway.

She was dressed for bed and her eyes met his briefly before looking away. She leaned against the doorframe and sighed wistfully.

"You knew I was out here," he asserted softly and she nodded, biting her lip while keeping her eyes trained on the ground before her.

"I've been standing on the other side of this door, same as you," she told him quietly.

"Same as me?"

"Trying to decide if I should open it or not," she explained, glancing at him.

Her eyes went back to the ground and he swallowed, "you opened it."

She was nodding, looking distant when she said, "you have to go home, Tenzin."

He nodded in agreement, "I know."

His hand came up and ran down his face with a heavy sigh, "I know," he repeated, but neither of them moved an inch. They stood apart for several minutes in complete silence as their minds worked overtime.

Lin's head rested against the doorframe and she rolled her neck, catching Tenzin's eye. They stared at one another with desperate honesty and a look of resignation crossed her face.

Without a word she pushed away from the doorframe and pulled the door open further, offering him entry. He stepped forward silently and let the door close behind them.

It was a step forward, but still they existed in tentative silence. Their quiet battle of self-restraint had moved indoors and the enclosed space was somehow making their resolve lessen with each passing second.

Lin stood along the wall inside her front door, heart pounding. She knew why he was here; it was obvious by the mix of guilt and desire that played across his features when their eyes met. They'd barely spoken a word, they hadn't even touched, but she was already wet at the sight of him standing before her; attempting to control himself.

She shook her head to clear her thoughts, "do you want some tea?"

"No," he replied in a whisper. His own head shook and he looked up at the ceiling in exasperation, scoffing, "what am I doing here? I shouldn't be here."

"So go," Lin returned instantly.

"You see, I can't do that either," he explained quickly with a hint of madness in his voice.

She shrugged with feigned indifference, recalling exactly why this shouldn't happen. It hurt too badly. She pushed off the wall with an annoyed sigh and began walking deeper into the house with finality, leaving him alone to let himself out.

But he caught her wrist and she paused, turning to face him with a shuddering breath, "Tenzin we really shouldn't," she whispered, inches away from his mouth.

They both seemed to be moving forward despite their efforts to stay apart. It was an out of body experience and their minds watched like protesting bystanders as crimes of the heart unfolded.

"No, you're right," he replied, though his mouth was brushing hers as he spoke, "we really shouldn't."

Up until the moment her lips parted he was sure that he was not going to do this. But part they did, and his head swam at the sensation of her tongue in his mouth. His hands ran up her arms and her neck until they framed either side of her face and his fingers curled in her hair as they exchanged heated breaths. They broke away reluctantly, her upper lip tugging at his lower one as they parted. She didn't go far; they both let out a long sigh at the small release of tension and their foreheads rested against one another.

Tenzin's eyes closed and he moved lightly so that his lips brushed over hers again, and then her cheek, finding his way to her neck where he inhaled the scent of her and his eyes clouded over with emotion. He had never felt this type of longing before, or the fulfillment the taste of her skin provided.

In the early days when they were steady and sure, their attraction waxed and waned as a matter of course. Now, the opposite was true. They were so full of pent up emotion that it spilled over, breaking the dam of their willpower and driving their lust for one another to the highest possible level.

It was frustrating and Tenzin expressed this by grumbling against her neck, "I want you so badly right now."

His confession bordered on whining, it was needy and urgent and she responded by running her fingertips along his side, reaching down to slide her hand across the fabric that stretched around his erection, "then show me."

He pulled back, meeting her eyes and her challenge with a soft kiss. His hands wandered down, lifting her nightshirt carefully to caress her stomach, stretching his thumb so that it grazed the underside of her breast. His hands lingered here, loathe to move away from the feeling of her skin beneath his palms. Eventually he relented and his hands dipped low, loosening the string of her pants.

She continued to kiss his grateful mouth as he worked to slacken the drawstring. When the knot was out he pulled back and brought one hand up to cup her face affectionately as the other disappeared beneath the cloth of her pants. Lin leaned into his touch, brushing her lips against his open palm and kissing each of his fingers lightly, allowing the tips of them to enter her pouting mouth.

When his fingers found her wetness and began moving back and forth she let out a long, low breath and he mimicked her as if her pleasure was his own. In a way, the feel of her sex against his hand and her reaction to his touch was far more erotic than any other stimulation he desired.

She pushed closer to him, instinctively looking for something solid to grind against and he relieved her by removing his hands from her momentarily in order to lift her to straddle him. He steadied her against the wall as they kissed, slow and appreciative.

It was nothing like last time.

It had been a little over a week since their initial lapse in morality, which played itself out in the middle of the afternoon on a desk in an explosion of repressed feeling. The guilt had been gnawing at them both since, but the desire for a second encounter overpowered any good intentions either had for their first indiscretion to be their last.

This time they wanted to savor the moment and so they worked in light touches and cottony soft sighs. Tenzin moved slowly as he carried her to her bedroom, feeling her fingers trace the line of his tattoos along the back of his neck gently.

He settled her onto the bed, ready to climb over her when she sat up and pulled him toward her. He crawled onto the bed before her and her hands moved up to undo the button along his chest that held his robes in place. She pushed the saffron fabric down along his right arm, her mouth trailing kisses just behind until she reached the inside of his elbow.

She moved slow and purposefully, making it clear to him that she intended to appreciate each second of their time together. He ran a hand along her slender neck, catching the collar of her nightshirt with his finger and undoing the top button. Her undid the second and then the third, moving in to kiss her where the buttons had once been. They undressed one another as if slowly unraveling a mystery, curiously trying to solve the case of what had gone wrong years ago.

Tenzin's mouth moved to Lin's collarbone, kissing her fondly along the oft-admired line of her structure. She smiled at the sensation and lay back, urging him to climb over her.

Their eyes met, honest and intimate. Tenzin reached down to guide himself inside her, losing sight only when his eyes fluttered at the sensation. He leaned in to kiss her as his body pushed into her and she hummed against his mouth, shifting her hips against his anxiously.

He responded in kind, increasing his speed and kissing her harder, only to pull back and catch her eyes again, "I love you."

For an instant she looked as if she might cry, but instead she angled her head up to kiss him. They clung to each other, a tight friction building in the miniscule space between their bodies. Their mouths met and missed as Tenzin moved in and out of her, until finally he gave up and buried his face in her neck.

"Lin…." He panted just at her ear, "I-"

He felt her kiss his temple and her hips rose in silent permission, tensing and releasing her muscles until he had no choice but to come. He finished with a quiet moan, appropriate of their understated tryst.

His guilt, once lost in the moment, came rushing back along with the cool air that brushed his back. He rolled off of her and though the physical itch had been scratched, emotion held him in place. His hand slid over her abdomen to encircle her waist, which was damp with perspiration.

It was a moment before Lin turned onto her side and huddled against him, seeking his warmth again. They held onto each other as naked as their feelings, admitting silently that their coupling had done little to relieve the real storm brewing between them. It was undeniable now. This was not an accident, this was not a single incident to be forgotten, this was a solid pattern they were doomed to repeat.

"We should probably talk about this," she mumbled against his chest.

"Let's talk in the morning," Tenzin whispered.

Lin looked up, confused, "you should probably go." Her voice was unsteady, begging to be countered.

"Not yet," he returned.

He wasn't ready to go. Reflecting on their evening, Tenzin realized this only came to pass because he was always being made to leave her before he was ready. It was his biggest regret and redemption lay curled in his arms. The answers, if any existed, weren't easy. Tonight, he was content to hold her to him and push reality out until morning.

He wasn't ready to go. Not yet. Maybe not ever.