" Fuck!"

Dirk turned on his heel and threw his white knuckled fist at the hospital wall with all the momentum he could muster. It amounted to little more than what he was sure was a fractured knuckle and lots of pain, but he didn't even care. The pain in his hand and the cool feel of the stone against his forehead gave him something else to think about. It helped him force the tears and bile back down his throat.

He was dimly aware of patients and doctors passing by, giving him concerned and weirded out glances. Other people, having a good day, going about their normal lives, completely unaware that he was standing there, trying to control the pain of his broken heart. It was almost as ironic as the bright sunshine the beamed blindingly outside the hospital windows.

" Yo, bro." Dirk recognized Dave's voice, but didn't move. He had the feeling if he moved he would lose hold of the butterfly net that he held his emotions in so precariously.

" Bro, either get the fuck out of here, or put a smile on your face and go congratulate Janey. She just popped out a kid. Least you could do is go see her." With that, he turned and cooly strided away.

Dirk ground his teeth together for a second, realizing Dave was right. Janey was his friend. Well, she had been. He didn't really know where they stood now. He was still trying to grasp the idea that his friend just gave birth to the guy he'd been in love with since forever's baby.

Dirk bit his tongue hard so he wouldn't scream.

All this time. All this time. Everyone had known but him. Everyone had known he'd loved Jake. It's not like Dirk kept it a secret, hell, if there had been any kind of subtlety in his courting, Jake wouldn't have picked up what he took for dim, foggy signals, even though they were loud, clear calls, oblivious and innocent as the man was.

Or at least, Dirk had thought he was innocent. Innocent of crime, of the ability to betray his loved ones. Boy, had Dirk been shocked when he and Jake had been cruising along, hanging, having a good time, and Jake suddenly got a call from a very noisy Janey, shouting that the baby was on the way. Dirk had heard everything she said, and thought of it as nothing but a friend telling her close buddy to come be with her when she needed support, until Jake tried to calm her down, and she lost her temper and screamed, " It's your baby! Get your tan rear over here now!" into the receiver.

And now here they all were. Janey and Jake had a baby boy. And Dirk, Dirk had nothing. Not now.

With a deep, steadying breath, he lifted his head and readjusted himself before heading to Janey's room.

Everyone was crowded around her, cooing and laughing. In her arms was a little blue blanket bundle. He could see a tuff of dark hair poking out. They all looked at him, all of them but Jake, whose eyes were glued to the baby, when he entered. He could feel them all tense, but he walked forward without a sound, to Janey's side.

She looked up at him, the baby in her arms, his love at her side. With the last remaining bit of his heart, he gave her a small smile and gentle words, " He's cute."

The atmosphere relaxed again into the noisy, chattering swarm, and Janey smiled a relieved smile. " Wanna hold him? His name's John."

He handed the baby to him, and he panicked a little until he adjusted the baby the best he could. He was so small he was afraid he would break him if he held him too tightly.

" John, huh?" Dirk looked down at the baby, and the baby stared up at him with big, round eyes. The warmth drained from his face when he took a good look at the baby's features. Their faces were almost mirror images. There was no chance he wasn't Jake's.

He handed the baby back to his mother, and felt for the first time, Jake's gaze on him. He swallowed. " Congrats, Janey." Then turned around and left. He felt stares on him as he went, but he didn't care. He'd done all that he could have, all that he should have, and more than they deserved. But the fact still remained that their futures were going to be vastly different now. They weren't going to be four pals anymore. Things were far too complicated.

He strode down the lamented hallway, keeping his head down and his shoulders in his pockets. He just was to sit in his car and cry. To cry all the jagged, broken pieces of his shattered heart out, then go to a bar and lick his wounds and drown his sorrows. Maybe forget his world had stopped for a little while.

He reached the parking lot, when he heard heavy footsteps running towards him from behind.

" Dirk! Wait up!"

Dirk's eyes widened and he froze midstep. Jake was chasing him. After everything that had happened today, Jake was coming after him.

The gall.

Dirk waited until Jake had caught up to him, his heart's pieces doing what they had known to do in life, to throb and beat fast. Dirk hated that his heart still did flip flops after all this. It was like his heart didn't realize that its being broke into little pieces was the fault of the person that still made it race.

Jake was slightly out of breath when he caught up. " Dirk." He put a hand on his shoulder to steady himself, but Dirk shook him off and took a step away. Jake's mood grew sullen with the physical rejection.

Dirk refused to look at him. He looked towards his car silently.

Jake stood up to his full height. The silence around them weighed a ton.

" Will you let me explain, Dirk?" Dirk swallowed heavily. Jake's voice was pleading. That sultry, accented, familiar tone, begging him like he was still innocent and had a right to.

Oh, but god, Dirk wanted to. He wanted Jake to pull some miraculous excuse out of the air that would make everything alright again. He wanted to pull Jake to his chest, and breath in his musk and kiss him and hold him and for him to tell him everything was alright and that he loved him too and that he was sorry.

But that would never happen. Knocking up a mutual friend wasn't a 'oops, my bad' kind of thing. They had a baby now. As if cheating wasn't bad enough. Dirk ground his teeth together to stop his jaw from trembling.

" No." He finally muttered.

He turned away and walked to his car.