Twist and Bend

-Itachi was born a girl-

I. Itachi learned the sacred art of camoflage at a young age.

Meaning:

His father wanted a son.

Not a daughter, no matter how talented she was.

Not a daughter, no matter how intelligent she was.

NOT a daughter, no matter how strong she was, brave she was, beautiful she was.

He did NOT want a daughter.

So Itachi learned to be a son.

She wore masculine clothing and said "Boku" instead of "Watashi", bound her breasts and kept her eyes up level with her father's shoulders. Her exception was her hair, the one thing that kept her, her.

And it stayed long and conspicuous, while the rest of her hid inside of a boy's body, just barely enough to keep up the facade.

II. Itachi learned to endure at a young age.

Meaning:

Itachi was not a masculine girl.

She was delicate and bird-boned, swearing they were hollow.

She was pale and pretty, meant to be kept in a case and become a housewife.

She was better at running than she was at fighting. She was better at hiding than she was at defending.

She was NOT masculine. But she learned to be that way.

She twisted and bent her fragile bones until they snapped and became stronger, tore and ripped and shredded her tiny muscles until they doubled in on themselves, defining beneath her pale, war-torn flesh.

She tied up her silky hair and gritted her teeth and forced herself to look the boys at school in the eye and forced herself to say "Ore" instead of "Watashi" and forced herself to grin and bear it even when she felt violated by the crudest of remarks that escaped the lips of the males in her class.

And, really, why did they need to be so subjective towards females? They weren't all so delicate, so paper-thin, so fragile.

The best example was sitting right there.

III. Itachi learned to sacrifice at a young age.

Meaning:

He was there, standing, proud and grinning with his messy curls and freckled skin, his muscles defined and strong. The perfect example of a male, of masculinity.

And there she was, thin and waifish with railroad wrists and pink lips, head ducked low. The perfect example of a daughter her father didn't want.

But the reason she was ducking her head low as she had never allowed herself to before was because she was blushing profusely, gripping her wrist tightly where Shisui's fingertips had brushed it not moments ago.

Because she couldn't like Shisui.

Because she couldn't love Shisui.

Because she was supposed to be a boy.

And if there was anything her father hated more than his first-born feminized mistake, it was homosexuality, even homosexuality that didn't exist. That wasn't there.

So she smiled and introduced herself.

Boku wa...

Uchiha Itachi desu...

Namae wa...

...?

And it sounded so wrong on her gentle tongue. She wanted desperately to be that girl, who brought Shisui obento to share and acted cute to get her way.

"Atashi wa..."

"Anata o..."

"Daisuki desu yo...Shisui-kun."

But it wasn't that way.

So those words went to waste while they went out to be men and train and fight and learn to kill, when all Itachi wanted to do was learn to love.

Herself, mostly.

IV. Itachi learned not to cry at a young age.

Meaning:

When the first cramps hit after she became adolescent, she bit her lip and wore dark pants.

Meaning:

When the first school dance came and people wondered who she would ask, she shook her head and said she was busy.

Meaning:

When Shisui told her about his girlfriend, she grinned and said, like a boy would, "Don't get her knocked up! Inuzuka women are trouble." Just like he had heard somebody else say before.

Meaning:

When she got home, she stared in the mirror with a knife to her thin wrist and dared herself to cry.

After the first few slices, she taught herself better than to shed a tear, no matter what time of month it was, no matter what was going on at school, no matter who Shisui was fucking because it wasn't you. It wasn't you dancing with Shisui. It wasn't you complaining about cramps and eating chocolate obsessively and ranting to your mother about how hard it was to be a girl. And it certainly wasn't you raking your nails across Shisui's back and whispering that you loved him because MEN DIDN'T DO THAT.

Men didn't do that.

And you didn't do that either.

But you weren't a man.

You weren't a girl.

You weren't even wanted.

What were you?

V. Itachi learned to give up at a young age.

Meaning:

When Shisui commented that she looked like a girl, she retorted that he probably fucked like a girl.

Meaning:

When Shisui laughed and said Itachi must've been on his period, she rolled her eyes and went back to sharpening her kunai.

Meaning:

When Shisui asked if Itachi ever kissed a girl, Itachi choked out a sob and left.

And then Itachi went to the onsen, hoping nobody she knew would be there.

He removed his shirt.

She undid the bandages around her breasts.

He unbuttoned his pants.

She pinned up her hair.

He washed the dirt and grime of a boy's life from his skin.

She stepped slowly into the steaming water.

And froze when somebody gasped his...her name.

"Itachi? What are you doing in the girl's bath?! Pervert!"

And the girl she knew to be Inuzuka Hana (Shisui's girlfriend, no less) ran out to get the attendant, but when she came back, the attendant scolded Hana for going to such lengths to make fun of somebody and returned to the lobby. And Itachi cried silent tears because she didn't have a knife to stop herself. And she ducked her head low and pulled her knees to her chest as she heard Hana's friends come in and collectively gasp, because a man was not supposed to be in the girl's onsen.

A man was not supposed to cry either.

And a man was not supposed to give up.

But she wasn't a man.

She wasn't even a boy.

She was a girl.

A mistake.

-o-

I. Itachi learned to move on at a young age.

Meaning:

Word got out the next day that she was parading herself around as a boy.

Which translated to:

She's a crossdressing freak. Everybody point and laugh.

Which translated to:

What the Hell, dude? We thought you were a guy!

Which translated to:

I knew it! I just knew it!

But if Itachi learned anything at a young age, it was men do not give up.

And, even though she wasn't a man, there were certain things she could not forget.

Like men were not supposed to give up and let everybody get them down.

And they were supposed to be strong.

But she was also a girl. And that meant she could be beautiful while doing it.

So she donned a dress the next day, a black silky dress that showed off the calves that could outrun most of the boys yet stand stronger than most of the girls. That showed off the arms that were defined yet still so, so gentle and so, so bird-boned. Show off the shoulders that sloped gently and glinted with the purest, most beautiful of pale yet held more weight that anyone ever thought.

And she kept her chin up high and let her hair out of its ponytail and painted her nails to match her dress and walked straight up to Uchiha Shisui and said:

"Watashi wa anata o daisuki desu yo. Watashi to dansu ni ittekuremasen ka?"

And Shisui froze. And he glanced at Inuzuka Hana, who told everybody she knew to tell everybody they knew that Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Fugaku's acclaimed son, was a girl.

And he looked back at Itachi, who held no shame in her eyes, even though without a doubt she was even more ridiculed and hated now more than ever.

And he smirked.

"Daisuki. Dansu o iku, ne?"

-o-