Lame title is lame, had no idea what to name it! My first fanfic of USUK was fail ( hadn't uploaded it, and not sure if I should continue it or not xD ) I discontinued my second one,"Lullaby of an forgotten Dream" As I felt it was a little weird and I had no idea where i'm going with it.. And quite frankly i'm not sure where i'm going with this one xD any ideas? for some strange reason USUK is my OTP but every fanfic I write about them are lame orz.. Anyway I hope you like this chapter! Its a mixture of USUK/UKUS as I want the relationship to be a bit more realistic~ okay enough rambling i'm tired and I'm supposed to be up early tomorrow for a hospital appointment.. orzz byes~!

Arthur remembers the day like yesterday.. The day Alfred his beloved boyfriend decided to go to Afghanistan to war.. The neighbors must of thought there was a war in there house due to a lot of screaming from Arthur. He was furious with him, he threw everything he could find at Alfred; books, cups, vases, even something as draft as an remote control. It was a good thing Alfred was incredibly good at dodging otherwise he would of hurt his lover without intention too. Arthur sobbed in his boyfriends arms so devastated, so scared to lose his one and only piece of happiness. Alfred had always thought of others before himself. He was patriotic took pride and passion into his country. But Alfred was the kind of person who would do, then think about it later.. This frustrated Arthur a lot, he loves Alfred, but he couldn't stand how he makes rational choices without thinking it through.. Nevertheless he admired Alfred for his bravery and his compassion.. He was a hero

This was the day, the day Alfred is coming home. Arthur had awoken early couldn't handle the dispense anymore.. It was still dark but Arthur wanted to make sure he was on time. He had made himself a tea as always and some toast. He didn't eat much of the toast, he simply just nibbled on it. His stomach kept making twists and turns due to excitement and nervousness. Drinking the rest of his tea he decided to take a shower to calm himself down. It had been lonely without Alfred. Most nights he would just read a book or watch TV.. He kept avoiding to watch the news. Dreading to hear who has lose there life in battle.. His biggest fear was hearing Alfred name being called out.

The hot shower had eased his thoughts and calmed him down although something at the back of his mind niggled him..

' everything will be fine right?…'

' Things will be how they used to be..'

' We will be happy together again…..right?…"

He shook of the thoughts and cleaned himself and got out the shower, nothing would possible go wrong. He drew a big sigh and smiled lightly and got dressed. He didn't dress to formal because he wanted this day to be a as normal as possible the last thing he wanted was it to seem awkward. He put on his grey jeans with a white polo shirt and an cream coloured v neck sweater on top. Arthur paced around the house waiting for Alfred to text him to tell him his arrived at the airport. Arthur decided to sit down while he waited.

It was raining quite heavily. He didn't mind the rain, he found It comforting, but today he didn't find it comforting at all.. He found it haunting. Alfred didn't like the rain, he finds it gloomy. He always had preferred sunny hot days.. Arthur didn't like the fact it was raining on the day he was coming back.. It felt as if it was bad luck.. Nerves started to kick in more he kept trying to ring his phone, but there wasn't any signal picking it up. Standing up Arthur began to pace again. Tears started to form. He was getting worried as his thoughts began to wonder

'What if the aeroplane crashed!?'

'w-what if his been kidnapped by a terrorist?!'

He heart began to race as be began to panic.

"Ping!"

Arthur spun his head around to the source of the noise, it took him a moment to realize his phone was flashing. He quickly rushed over to his phone nearly falling over and grabbed it and opened his text

"I'm home babe J xx"

Tears ran down his face with relief. He quickly rubbed them and began to text back

"Welcome back, love.. I'm coming xxx"

As soon as the text was sent he quickly scrambled for his car keys and his wallet and headed out of the door. The drive itself was about twenty minutes which felt like hours.. But the wait was over, he couldn't get out the car fast enough almost forgetting to lock it.. He went in the airport feeling as if he had no control of gravity. He was light headed and sick with excitement. Arthur looked around where hundreds of people reunited with there love ones or said goodbyes..

'where is he?..' he swallowed nervously.. There where so many people rushing by nearly knocking him over.. He couldn't see where Alfred was.. Just as was just about to go insane he hears a familiar voice come up beside him.

"Hey artie.."

Arthur turned quickly to face the voice.

There he was standing with his sandy coloured rucksack strapped to his back. With his sack of clothes over his shoulder.. He truly looked like a marine. He was still in his army uniform with his jacket tied to his chest.. Arthur couldn't think of anything to say.. Or what to do he stared at his lover in front of him, who smiled tiredly.

"Alfred.." Arthur managed to whisper as he put his hands to his mouth feeling completely overwhelmed by his presents.

Alfred had dropped his bag to the floor and opened his arms to put them around his lover. But Arthur already beat him to it throwing his arms ( and himself ) around him tightly. No words where said just silent tears where shed.

What almost felt like eternally Arthur had broke the silences.

"I missed you… God, I bloody missed you.."

"And I missed you too… I've missed you so freaking much artie I ..I can't even explain!"

Arthur had pulled away from the hug to use his hands to hug Alfred face.

"we'll talk about when we get home okay?.. You look tired.."

Alfred nodded in agreement and smiled gently.

"I love you, babe.."

Arthur blushed.. Its been a long time since he heard him say that.. He had missed his charm very much..

" I love you too, love" Arthur echoed smiling at his lover.

But something in Alfred eyes didn't seem 'right'.. he figured it could be tiredness but something was missing.. He couldn't put his finger on it.. But Arthur felt something odd..

"Are you okay, love?.." Arthur asked worriedly..

"Yeah… why?.." Alfred answered.

Arthur shook his head

"Ah no reason, lets just go home yeah?.."

They arrived back to the house. At first Alfred stood a little confused due to not being in the house for a long time. Arthur had lead Alfred to the sofa while he took his stuff upstairs for him. His stuff where rather heavy, he wondered how Alfred carried this on his back most of the time.. He came back downstairs and into the living room where Alfred sat swaying.

"His so tired.." Arthur thought to himself.. The sight broke his heart.

His eyes kept fluttering trying to win the fight of sleep, but this was a fight he wasn't going to win.

"Love, you're so tired… you should go lay down.." Arthur stoked his face.

Alfred held Arthur's hand close to his face.

"Its been too long being without you.. I can't possible go sleep now"

Arthur smiled softly a little embarrassed, he'll have to get used to Alfred's sweetness.

"But you're here now.. I'm not going anywhere.. Lets both catch up on some sleep, I'm pretty tired too"

Alfred nodded and got up from the sofa a bit wobbly.

"what time did you get up?" Alfred yawned.

Arthur hesitated and wryly replied, " h-half past five.."

Alfred face changed to tired to compete astonished.

"Geez Arthur, you didn't have to get up THAT early!"

Arthur flinched a little. He knew Alfred wouldn't be happy with him waken up that early, he always had his heart in the right place. He wouldn't want him to go through all that trouble.

"I couldn't sleep!" Arthur protested. "Plus.. I just couldn't wait any longer.. Alfred sighed but smiled weakly. "Yeah same here.. I hardly slept a wink."

"That's why we should rest.." Arthur replies as they make there way upstairs. But the walk took longer then Arthur expected. Usually it takes just seconds to walk up the stairs, but not today. Alfred kept stopping for breaks. 'Was he really that tired?' Arthur had thought to himself. Something still seems not right. As they reached upstairs Alfred froze. Just stood there, Arthur's concerns got worse. "A-Alfred!?" Alfred jumped at Arthur's voice. "h-huh w-what?"

"Y-You're just standing there!" Arthur says in panic. "Are you feeling ill?.. W-what's the matter?"

"Chill babe, I'm okay.. Sorry.. I u-um just spaced out.."

Arthur didn't seem convince.

"Does the surrounding seem different?.. I haven't changed anything.."

Alfred shook his head. "No, I'm just.. I'm fine Artie don't worry…it's a little.. Overwhelming being back ya know?.. I-In a good way!.. I just need to get used to things again… sorry.. I'm not meaning to worry you.. I'm just tired.

Arthur sighed and rubbed his temples. "Sorry, its me I just want everything to be perfect like it used to be.." Arthur looked up at Alfred with glassy eyes. "I've been lonely,.. I need you"

He didn't quite know why his letting his emotions pour out over something so trivial, but he just couldn't help but feel as if something is wrong. He imagined Alfred to be more cheerful even though that's an overstatement. But Alfred was always cheerful despites his well being, he always was able to make a light of anything no matter what situation he was in. Arthur shook his thoughts and himself and Alfred had made there way into bed.

Alfred was out like a light in seconds. Arthur had not long after him had some shuteye. It wasn't a very long snooze, for Arthur that is. He had been disturbed by Alfred who was fidgeting in his sleep. Alfred also had been a bit of an fidget, but not so much as it woke him. While he was still asleep he studied Alfred closely. 'Maybe he was having a bad dream?' Arthur thought to himself. He couldn't bare to watch him anymore as his fidgeting had made him break out in cold sweat. Arthur shook his shoulder roughly to wake him.

It all happened so quickly, Alfred had awoke with a jolt and make a quick grab for Arthur's wrist. The tightness of Alfred's grip on his hand caused him to gasp but before he could say anymore another pain had taken over. Alfred had now twisted his wrist causing him collapse and yelp.

"Alfred! Stop it! what are you doing?!" Arthur screamed. This had seemed to make Alfred let go instantly, and saintly had returned. "Oh my God fuck!.. A-Arthur I-I-I'm s-so.." his sentences was broke off by his voice crackling. His shaky hands tangled his hair gripping tightly, he started to sob.

"Sorry…..sorry…sorry.."

Arthur had writ was still in pain, but luckily he could move it which indicated it wasn't broken. He made his was over to his sobbing husband gently putting his arms around him. Even the gentle touch had made Alfred jolt..

"Alfred tell me, w-what on earth is all this about?" he says with desperation and empathy.

With a bit of effort Alfred started explaining himself experiencing flashbacks of the battlefield, feeling anxious and how his dark thoughts of suicide had overwhelmed his mind.

Arthur's heart had felt as if it had been stabbed.. Seeing his boyfriend in his mess.

Shell shocked.

He continued to cry holding Arthur's hurt wrist to his face planting gentle kisses on it.

"I'm so…so…sorry.." he whispered. Arthur shook his head.

"No, don't be.. Its fine it doesn't even hurt anymore.." Arthur says cupping his face. Alfred bowed his head and also shook his.

"Not just that, …I'm sorry for failing you.."

Arthur had spent years and waiting for Alfred return. In need of his love, in need of his laugher… in need of 'him'.. He felt so selfish, wanting so much from him, when reality.. Alfred needed him.. More then anything..

And he had no idea how it felt to be "needed."