HYPER'S FANFIC SHOWDOWN 2013

by HyperInuyasha

Prologue

The city of Bismark, a sea of pink buildings, is deserted. However, seventeen souls from various places are atop Bismark's library, baffled. None of them know how they got there, and half of them had no idea who everybody else was. The winds blew around them as they share greetings and accusations among each other. However, withstanding the wind, there is one person who knew the truth.

Unfortunately, this person happens to be an asshole. "Hello, guys! I am HyperInuyasha, author of dumb fanfics across categories that suit my fancies, and I've managed to bring you all to this story for a special event!"

A yellow, grumpy rat, Pikachu, smacks himself in the face with his paw. "Damn it, I knew it was you, Hyper. Why the hell are we here..." He then glances at everybody who isn't featured in my Super Smash Brothers stories (aka half of them). "...and who the hell are those guys?"

"...Rude..." a girl, the pink-sweatered hikikomori Madotsuki, murmurs.

"All will be answered in due time... for now, why don't you introduce yourselves?" Hyper shoves a microphone into the hands of Meta Knight, a short, spherical knight. "Give a brief description of yourself, as well as the stories you've appeared in - be sure to pass it around!"

Meta Knight paused a bit to collect his confused thoughts before speaking into the mic. "I am Meta Knight, character from the Kirby series, and apparently, a very high tier fighter in Super Smash Brothers. I happen to be a main character in most of yo-"

"Shh, refer to me in third person!"

"...er, I happen to be a main character in most of Hyper's Super Smash Brothers fanfics. Okay Fox, I'll pass this to you..."

A bipedal fox eagerly took the microphone. "Yo! I'm Fox, and I may be an idiot, but I'm an idiot that knows how to pilot planes and drive - neat, huh? I was in..." he looks at Meta Knight and Pikachu. "...I'm usually with them! Yeah!"

Pikachu groaned and starts his turn. "I'm Pikachu, and I'm usually nice, unless, you piss me the hell off. I'm a main character for Hyper's stupid "Trapped in a Mansion" stories, "Attack of Giygas", and "The War Against Giygas". ...Now can you tell me why we're here?"

"Nope!" the author says cheerfully. "Now, pass the mic already!"

A bipedal blue bird is next to talk, giving everybody around him a look. "My name is Falco, and I'm like Fox in every way, except I'm less stupid. Thankfully, I'm only a main character in only one of this jerk's stories - "The Normals.""

A Lucario (who, for the uninformed, is a Steel/Fighting Pokemon that's pretty damn cool) took the microphone. "Um, I'm Lucario, and I was one of the main characters in "The Normals". ...Hyper, why is this city desola-"

"Next person!" Hyper shouts.

"Hey, I'm King Dedede!" a rotund penguin in a robe said into the microphone. "I was also main character in "The Normals" - the experience wasn't fun." he frowns. "But hey, I'm still alive, and I'm still better than Kirby!"

A robot fumbles with his arms in his attempt to hold the mic. Upon having dropped it several times, he decides to just use his built-in one. "I AM ROB, ALSO KNOWN TO SOME AS THE ANCIENT MINISTER, ADMINISTRATOR OVER THE SMASHERS. I'M A SUPPORTING CHARACTER IN ALL OF HYPER'S SUPER SMASH BROTHERS STORIES."

A twitchy green plumber bends over and picks up the dropped microphone. "Er... I'm-a Luigi and I was in "Diary of... a Loser" and "A Shopping Trip"... can I-a go home?"

Hyper gestures to him to just pass it on.

Madotsuki takes the microphone, moving the list of people away from those in Super Smash Bros fanfics. "I am Madotsuki. I was in "Yume Who", "The Bowling Tourney", and "Three Friends and a Rollercoaster..." um... I sleep a lot and... here, you have it..."

A smiling blonde girl takes over. "Hey, I'm Urotsuki, and I kill people for fun~! I have my own story called "Diary of a Psychopath" and I star in all of the Yume 2kki one-shots Hyper has!" Instead of passing the microphone, she throws it.

Before the object struck a boy wearing a hat, a white haired girl catches it. "I'm Sabitsuki, and look, I may be pretty hardcore and violent, but I'm not as nuts as smiley over there." she points at Urotsuki, who offers a weak wave. "I'm in "The Bowling Tourney" and all those other .flow stories. Here, take the damn mike, Smile." she offered the microphone to a raven haired boy with an unsettling grin.

"Thanks, sweetheart."

"Oh, shut up~."

"K. I'm Smile, and I'm in "The Bowling Tourney", "Disagreements", and "The Rusted Arm of Justice"; with my girlfriend, Sabi."

Most of the people present goes d'aaaw, prompting Sabitsuki to curse at them while blushing.

In the adorable confusion, a tall, nearly bald boy with a green jacket, leaned over and picked the microphone out of Sabitsuki's hands with his teeth. Upon noticing, everybody could only watch as the boy devours the microphone. "Delicious! Tastes static-y!"

A shorter boy with only three hairs growing out of his head groans. "Ed, you idiot!"

"Huh? Oh right! I am Ed, and I always hang out with Double D and Eddy because they're my bestest friends!"

More d'aaws as the short boy reaches his hand into Ed's gaping maw to pull out the lost device.

Making a disgusted look, he successfully pulls his (drool covered) arm out with the microphone. "Right... I'm Eddy, and I'm the king at scams! ...I sorta gave that up awhile ago, but ya know, it sounds cool. I'm in "EdManji", "Hide and Seek", "MonopolEd", "Fallen Eds", "Ed's Dumb Story as Written by Ed" and "Ed's Stupid Gravy Quest"."

"Those aren't the real names of the last two." Hyper whispered.

"Whatever." he tosses the microphone over to the hat wearing boy from earlier.

"I'm... uh... Eddward, but you can call me Edd, or, Double D. I unfortunately have to spend my accursed days in Hyper's fanfictions - but at least I'm with my companions. I'm sure that I'm in all the ones mentioned by Eddy except for Edmanji and..." his eyes look at everybody else appraisingly. "...My, it's quite intimidating up here."

"Why are we even on top of a building, anyway?" Lucario asks while raising his arm, which the author promptly ignores because he's a scumbag.

The last person, a monochrome-looking baseball player, takes the mike. "I am the Batter, and I am on a holy mission to purify the world of specters. I am in "Three Friends and a Rollercoaster", "Father and Daughter", "Stress", and "OFF: The Unflattering Rewrite"."

Hyper claps his hands together, smiling. "That's the last person! Now, what do you guys think of each other?"

The characters all exchange looks with varying emotions, afraid stares at the more intimidating people, curious stares at some of the more oddball ones. Eventually, all eyes chose to look at Hyper, still seeking answers as to why they were all there.

"...Well, I hope that you all hate each other because..." thunder dramatically claps in the distance as Hyper makes the most anime pose you could think of, "...you will all participate in a death match against each other!"

A silence goes over the characters.

"...Excuse me?" a completely shocked Eddward said, breaking the silence.

"What." Madotsuki said.

Dedede had his mouth wide open for a few seconds before speaking. "Why would you do this?"

"Why?" Hyper chuckled. "Because I can!"

Before everybody could maul the dumb as shit writer, they hear something revving: a chainsaw. They look over to Urotsuki, who was holding the malicious tool, giving everybody a wide smile. "Now this is an idea I can get behind."

Hyper frowns. "Um, I didn't even explain the rule ye-"

Ed, who spent the past while thinking, produces a light bulb above his head, a realization striking him. "Oh, I've seen a death match in Space Roman Gladiator #3! Okay, I'll be Space Caeser, and I will toss your salads!"

"No, Ed!" Eddy and Double D screamed.

"Oh goddamnit." Hyper said as the fighting begins.

"...tsk... taste my purificatory wrath, blonde devil!" the Batter screeched, ignoring the gash at his side.

"You want to bring it, big guy?" Falco (who had a bruise on his face given by Ed) says, raising his fists, "You chose the wrong person to mess with!"

"...Maybe I should stop writing about crazy people..." Hyper mused. "...Well... we should probably cut to a commercial while I deal with this..."

ADVERTISEMENT - DO NOT IMITATE THESE RIDICULOUS CRACK STUNTS AT HOME, YOU BASTARDS

Two Toad boys sat down on the sidewalk, the hot sun bearing down on them and draining them of their sweat. However, the heat wasn't their biggest concern. You see, these two boys happened to be... bored.

"...Man, I wish something cool can happen. Bowser hasn't, like, kidnapped the princess in like, a month!"

"Did you-a say you were-a bored?" a voice said from who-knows-where. Then, a warp pipe rose out of the ground in front of the boys and out jumped the red-capped crusader...

"Mario!" the two boys said simultaneously.

"Hello! I'm-a here with something to-a sa-" Suddenly, a magical space rift opened up behind Mario and out came Link. Before Mario could react, Link launched his sword at him, sending the plumber into a convenient wall and knocking him out cold.

"I'll be telling them, Mario." Link said. "Now kids, on Ju-"

With no apparent entrance, Pikachu suddenly rocketed in with a skull-bash, ricocheting Link into an also convenient lamp post, which still conveniently knocked him out as well. "Okay, listen here, you little shits-"

An Arwing flew overhead. The Pokémon looked up in alarm as Fox dropped down and punted him into the distance with a single kick. "Sorry!" Fox called out apologetically. He looked down onto the children, to deliver the same message everybody was trying to deliver. But... "...What was I supposed to say again?"

Then a Warp Star crashed into Fox, blasting him into space. Kirby hopped down from the remains of his Warp Star, cheerfully waving. "Hi! I'm here to tell you tha-"

Another ship flew through the air and this time, Samus Aran fell from the sky. She kicked Kirby into the air and fired a missile into his face, making the puffball fly through the air. "Okay, I'm only going to say this once. On June 11-"

She yelped as she was picked up by Donkey Kong. The ape placed her into one of those barrels that blast people around and she got blasted up toward the sun. Donkey Kong turned around and looked at the two boys, who were now fearful of what else to come. The ape glanced around to make sure that no one was going to jump him, leaned in toward the boys, and said:

"New Super Smash Brothers trailer. Coming June 11th."

Then Donkey Kong made some ape-y noises, grabbed a vine that conveniently came down from the sky and swung away to who-the-fuck-cares.

Yoshi walked onto the scene, looking at the destruction around the two starstruck boys with worry. "...Was I too late?"

END OF ADVERTISEMENT

Everybody is now alive and well, but now, they were giving each other glares (most of them directed at Urotsuki and Ed). Hyper put away his case of Phoenix Downs and Hi Potions before saying, "Okay, now, if you all calm down for a damn minute, I'll tell you the rules to this game."

"BY ALL MEANS." ROB (who had tape all over him), responds.

"Right. Anyway, you are all here in Bismark, or, Zone 2, of the game, OFF, where the Batter hails. While the place does seem deserted now, trust me, it will change over time.

"Since it would be too time-consuming and weird to constantly switch point of views between sixteen people, I decided to put you all into teams of two."

"Teams?" says Meta Knight, raising his eyebrow.

"Yeah, teams."

"Ha, well that makes things easier." Eddy said. He turns to look at Ed. "You're on my team, Ed!"

"Er, hold on... What I forgot to mention was that I've already chosen your teams! It'll be great, it's the perfect opportunity to make new friends!"

Half of the people present groan.

"While I'm at it..." Hyper pulled out a list, "...I might as well announce the teams right now. First off is Team Second Banana, made up of Falco and Luigi!"

"Hey, I'm no second banana!" an annoyed Falco growls.

Luigi however just hung his head, a bit forlorn. "Seems about-a right..."

"Secondly, we have Team Probable Sociopaths, with the Batter and Smile!"

"Damn. I wanted to be with Sabi." Smile says.

The Batter looks at Hyper with apprehension. "Sociopath? I am no sociopath. I am -"

"Yeah yeah, you're a holy warrior, Lil' Slugger, purification in progress and all that sick noise. Anyway, the next team on the list is Team Stoic, consisting of Madotsuki and ROB!"

ROB turns his head toward Madotsuki. "IT WILL BE NICE WORKING WITH YOU."

Madotsuki nodded her head in response. "You too."

"The next team is Team Smartass, with Pikachu and Edd!"

The boy looks down at the Pikachu, with lots of questions he wanted to ask running through his head, such as how Pokemon inherit their powers, and how a Pichu could just spontaneously metamorphosize into a Pikachu.

The Pokémon stared back, mainly looking at his hat. "Stop looking at me, sock-head."

Edd makes a little gasp. "Why, I never..."

"Then, we have Eddy and Sabitsuki making up Team Awesome!"

The two teens look at each other. "Do you have a spare pipe?" Eddy asked, pointing at the steel pipe tucked under Sabitsuki's arm.

"No. I'll find you one though, shorty."

This made Eddy snap. "Don't call me short!"

"Ah, I can just feel the tension in the air already. Next is Lucario and Urotsuki, of Team All-Seeing!"

Urotsuki scans Lucario with curious eyes. "Hey... are you capable of breaking bones?"

"Er... yes?" he answers the crazy girl.

"Perfect, I like you already~!"

"Second to last is Meta Knight and Ed, of Team Powerhouse!"

"Nice to meet you, young man." Meta Knight said, offering a handshake to the tall kid.

However, Ed was too busy staring at the sword in the knight's other hand. "...Is your sword made of buttered toast?"

"...No, I'm afraid not." With that comment, Meta Knight was already forming doubts.

"Lastly, we have Team Nincompoop!"

King Dedede and Fox had already figured out that they were the last team. Dedede however wasn't expecting the stupid name. "Do we really have to be Team Nincompoop?"

"Yep!"

"Aw, cheer up, Dedede!" Fox slings a friendly arm around his teammate's shoulder. "We can both be nincompoops!"

"...Yay..." Meanwhile, deep down, Dedede cried.

"Alright, is that everybody? Good." Hyper said before continuing on with the rules. "Now, as I said, it's a fight to the death; the team that remains in the end wins! As long as one person from your team is still alive by the end, your team still wins!

"Now, I'm aware that some of you don't have weapons or fighting skills..." Edd and Eddy nod. "To make things fair, I've hidden some weapons around Bismark that is accessible to everyone; the teams that contains the more weaker fighters will start out close to where a weapon can be found, to make things fair. Now, you don't necessarily have to kill to survive, either." A quarter of the fighters looked relieved. "As I mentioned earlier, the battlefield will change, and, if the changes happen to kill everybody else but your team survives, your team will win."

The Batter, being a part of this game world, was curious. "What changes are these?"

"Oh, you'll see. Now, any questions before we begin?"

"I do." Double D says with a raised arm. "I'm rather concerned about, well, you know, dying."

Hyper pointed at the box of items behind him. "I'll bring you back the same way as I did earlier."

Double D was about to question him how it's possible to raise the dead, but decided that since everything else makes no sense, he might as well roll with it.

"Anybody else?"

"Y-yeah." Luigi spoke out. "I have-a two questions: What if we-a don't want to-a participate?"

"Then I'll throw the coward off the building." Hyper answers plainly. "What about your second question?"

"...Never mind..."

"Anyone else? No? Good!" Hyper looks over the combatants. Half of them looked confident and willing to fight, while the other half looked frightened but tried to muster up whatever courage they had. "Let's start this thing!"

Then, beams of light shot down from the sky, engulfing each team. Then, the shafts of light begin to reappear around different parts of Bismark, redistributing the fighters. The author smiles as the rays crash down. He took out a folding chair and lays down on it, holding a pair of binoculars in one hand and a megaphone in the other.

"Let the games begin!" he shouted into the megaphone as the lights began to fade.

Author's Note: For the Summer, I wanted to write a crossover thing, with all the characters I frequently write about hanging out, drinking coffee, getting stuck in an elevator, whatever. At the same time, I wanted to write something with Madotsuki, Sabitsuki, and Urotsuki fighting, to honor The Bowling Tourney, which was published last year. So, I decided to combine both ideas to bring this monstrosity. Hooray! This story will have eight chapters, counting this prologue and an epilogue, and hopefully, it won't take months to complete.

Hmm. It's sad that the first story the Eds are appearing in after a year and a half is centered around a death match. Oh well. Anyway, tell me your thoughts on this bullshit in a review, because that would be appreciated.