Characters: TenII, Jenny, Ten/Donna

Disclaimer: is it worth trying to bargain with the sunshine? No? Worth a try, surely.

A/N: yes this book actually exists - I easily found it on Amazon. It is by Vicki Lewis Thompson.

A/N2: written in order to wish tkelparis a very Happy Birthday! I sort of nicked your prompt you posted and turned it around slightly. I might do it properly one day. You might also be able to recognise the input I received from my menfolk when I mentioned the plot synopsis to them (causing me to laugh a great deal at their indignation!); so thank you for that. :D

Amour and Armored

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Jonathan walked into the library and instantly scowled at Jenny. "What on Earth are you reading?" he demanded in mocking tones.

She blushed and cautiously lowered the book in her hands. "Nothing," she insisted.

"That is not nothing," he claimed as he crossed the room in order to wrench the book out of her hands; and then read the title as well as the blurb on the back cover. "Jenny! How could you? This is merely romantic rubbish!" He then gazed critically at the cover again. "Nerd In Shining Armor, really?! I ask you. Did you choose it because the girl on the cover is blonde like you?"

"No," she defended herself. "That has nothing to do with it. And if you look carefully, her hair is mainly ginger; only her fringe is blonde. I just liked the idea of the love interest being a nerd, that's all. Now give it back!"

She took a swipe at him to try and retrieve the book, but he used his extra height to his advantage, and held the book aloft.

"You're not having it back," he teased, "not until you tell me who you think the nerd reminds you off."

Jenny continued to jump about trying to grab the book out of his hand as he casually swopped hands to hold it out of her reach. Eventually she gave up her polite assault, and hit him hard in the crown jewels. Inevitably he crumpled and she easily picked up the book.

"Thanks," she huffed; and went to walk away.

"What did you do that for?!" he wheezed out from his curled up position on the library rug.

"To get my book back from you. D'uh!" she ridiculed him. "You should know better than to steal people's things."

"I'm telling Dad," he griped. "He needs to know you fight so dirty."

Jenny was not intimidated. "Good! Tell him, and I'll tell Mum. She told me not to let you get away with bullying me."

Jonathan scowled in frustration, this time. "She didn't mean you should physically assault me though. You might have ruined me for life!" He held his groin in emphasis as the pain continued to make him feel sick. Even rocking himself didn't help to ease the deep-rooted ache off.

But his words couldn't deter her resolve. "From what Dad says, you use that part of your body far too often as it is," she retorted, pointing a finger towards said part.

"Bloody frigid women," he angrily mumbled to himself.

"You're just jealous because I have no interest in such things," she retorted.

"Not interested?" he queried. "How can you say that when you are reading such hogwash about…" He peered at the cover of the book. "What was his name again?"

"Never you mind," she spat as she pushed the book further away from his gaze. "Genevieve loves Jackson Farley for who he is."

Jonathan was not so certain. "Sure she did, after she wanted to shag whatshisface."

"Nick," she reluctantly supplied.

"Well, let's have a look at this literary masterpiece," he requested as he held out his hand.

Reluctantly, she handed it over.

Opening the book at an early random page, he read out: "Because it suited her goal, she didn't begrudge him a peek down her blouse, either, although her mama would claim sexual harassment for sure, but it wasn't, not with Nick. Nick didn't have to harass anybody. He was gorgeous, rich and single. And wounded." Jonathan immediate burst into a laugh. "He'd certainly be wounded if Dad ever got his hands on him for doing that to you. Claim sexual harassment indeed! Mum would do an awful lot more than 'claim' him. He'd never eat normal food again without the aid of a straw."

Jenny laughed too at that image.

"Let's see if I can find a description of this poor sap Jackson," he said to himself as he flicked the pages. "Ah yes! Glasses, 'dark hair standing out in sixty-eleven directions' apparently; no mean feat that when it doesn't exist; and tall, very tall, with no fashion sense. Now who does that remind us of?" he continued to mock. "Nope, can't think of any Dad... I mean man at all. And get this; he can fly an aeroplane after using a bog standard computer flight simulator! When was this published…?"

That was it, Jonathan couldn't hold in his mirth any longer, and he roared with laughter.

The Doctor appeared in the doorway, keen to know what was causing such merriment. "What's the matter, Jenny? Is Jonathan making fun of you?" he asked when he saw her scowl.

"No, he's taking the mick out of the book I'm reading," she answered.

"You have got to hear this, Dad," Jonathan guffawed. "This bloke in this book is a computer software programmer from 2003, and it claims he could use his knowledge from an ordinary flight simulator to fly a real plane!"

"No!" the Doctor exclaimed. "In 2003?! That's impossible."

"Didn't that bloke in the film Flight of the Phoenix fly a plane, and he designed Airfix models," Donna suggested from behind the Doctor.

He inevitably smirked and pulled her forward. "No love. He was an aeromodeller designer; a very different thing, and he still would not have been able to fly an aeroplane. There's no way such a basic flight simulator would have helped."

"What book is it?" Donna asked as she peered at it sitting in Jonathan's hands.

He immediately held it up. "A load of codswallop about some chav falling for a nerd after the hunk has dumped her in the middle of the ocean."

"Oh of course," Donna remarked sarcastically. "That happens to all of us."

Jenny's cheeks were flaming now with embarrassment from all this attention. "You fell for Dad after you were dumped, Mum."

Donna baulked at that. "Are you saying I'm a chav?! Because I'll have you know that… Okay, I wasn't the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, but I wasn't a chav."

"And you are putting yourself down again," the Doctor admonished her. "You are and always have been exceptionally bright."

"Can you two turn the schmoozing down, please," Jonathan teased as they leant in to kiss each other. "We have the important matter of a crap book to deal with here."

"Jonathan!" Jenny cried out in indignation.

"Jenny, you have to admit, even as a pseudo sex manual it's crap. It's unrealistic by having a nerd who gets off with a beautiful woman because, aside from Dad, nerds can't be social with good-looking women," he complained. "Let alone end up having sex with them!"

"Says the sexpert!" Jenny grouched back.

"Compared to you I am!" he raged in return. "The stupid woman allows her boss to sexual harass her. What sort of example does that set young women?"

"Then you'd better find me a better example," she challenged him.

"I will!" he proclaimed. "We'll go and do that right now. I'm bound to have something in my bookcase."

"Fine!" she huffed.

"Fine!" he snorted as they glared at one another.

Then the pair of them stomped out in their quest.

"Well, I didn't have to say a word then, did I?" the Doctor commented, impressed with Jonathan's protectiveness of Jenny.

"No, you didn't," Donna agreed. "Did you erm… did you want me grab that copy of your book back?"

"Yes please," he replied as she bent to pick up Nerd In Shining Armor from the floor. "I have no idea where Jenny gets her reading tastes from."

"You don't?" Donna wondered, trying to look as innocent as she could. "I don't either," she stated and smiled knowingly at him before kissing his cheek.