It was a quiet day at CONTROL HQ. Too quiet. Well, maybe not, but you get the picture.
Nothing was going on in the world of espionage. The agency was, in a word, dead. Chief was
sitting at his desk as usual, but this morning he was drumming his fingers on the desk in boredom.
Larrabee would ask him if their was anything to do every few minutes, and every few moments he
was greeted by the unpleasant sound of Chief bellowing, "No! Of course not! There wasn't
anything to do five minutes ago, and there still is nothing to do!"
"Sorry, Chief," replied Larrabee, sounding a bit like a wounded puppy.
"And don't apologize!" Chief yelled.
"Sorry."
Chief banged his head against his desk. This was going to be one long day.
And it was about to get longer. At that moment, Agent 86, aka Maxwell Smart, entered the room.
"Good Morning, Chief," he called cheerily as he leaned over his boss' desk. Inevitably, about 500
sheets of carefully organized paper fluttered to the floor as he did so.
Chief rolled his eyes. Max was wondering why Chief had such an odd look on his face when he
noticed the pile of papers at his feet. Sheepishly, he leaned over and picked up as many as he
could in one armful. "Sorry about that, Chief," he muttered. Chief was about to bang his head
against the desk again when a lovely brunette in an attractive blouse and miniskirt walked into the
room. "Good Morning, Chief," she said in her sweet female voice. Her bright blue eyes flashed
coaxingly as she shifted her gaze to Max.
The bumbling agent was of course oblivious to her attentions and merely turned to his boss
asking, "So what's our assignment today, Chief?"
"What would be your reaction if I told you that you have no assignment today?" began Chief in
annoyance.
Max's countenance suddenly gained a schoolboyish grin. "Whoopie! A holiday! What's the
occasion?"
"Chief's saying that we don't have an assignment because there aren't any," patiently explained
the curvaceous female who was known only as Agent 99.
"Oh, of course!" exclaimed Agent 86. "I knew that! I was just testing him."
At that instant, Chief leapt up from his desk and threw his hands up in the air. "That's it! I quit! I
can't handle this anymore! Any sane man would've left his job ages ago, but even an insane one
like me isn't stupid!" And with that, he swiftly exited the room.
Max scratched his head. "Hmm, that's funny. I've never seen Chief that way before. Must have
been the coffee. I told Larrabee it was burned!"
99 sighed and gave a knowing look to Larrabee.
.Get Smart
In the Mood for KAOS
99 hurried after Chief as he exited the building. "Chief, wait!" Chief obligingly stopped and turned
to face his lovely employee. "I know that Max is annoying and about the slowest spy in the
agency next to Larrabee," she began with a sweet smile on her face, "but you can't leave us now
with no supervisor and no one to turn to." She flashed her baby blues pleadingly at her boss.
Chief sighed deeply. "You're right, 99. CONTROL needs a temporary manager while I'm on
vacation.
Agent 99 breathed a sigh of relief. "So you're not leaving CONTROL? You're just taking a short
little trip? Oh, Chief, I could hug you!" She embraced the elderly gentleman and kissed him fondly
on the cheek.
Chief reddened considerably at this display of emotion of the part of his staff member. "Uh, well,
it's not exactly a short trip," he ventured timidly, "I was planning to leave for at least a month
since nothing is going on around here. KAOS must be inoperative or something."
99's face altered considerably, though she tried to hide her disappointment and concern. "Oh, well
that's fine as long as we have a worthy substitute in your stead. Who did you have in mind?"
"You're not going to believe this . . ." trailed off her companion.
"Sure I will, I'll believe almost anything." Her face twisted in embarrassment at how naive her
statement had sounded. "That is, unless Max asks me."
"Does anyone take that man seriously?" asked Chief, throwing up his hands. "Well, anyway, I'm
leaving CONTROL under the complete jurisdiction of . . ." He took a deep breath and said
speedily, "Maxwellsmart."
"Who?"
"MAXWELL SMART!" bellowed Chief.
"You called?" asked a familiarly annoying voice.
"I daren't look," murmured Chief, as 99 turned towards her partner.
"But what if something important should come up while you're away," 99 continued, completely
ignoring Smart's presence. "Do you really think he could handle it?"
"Sh! The Fates might hear and punish me." Chief looked about himself in paranoia. "Nothing has
happened for a week. I really think that KAOS has dissolved."
"But what will become of our jobs!" complained 99. "The whole purpose of CONTROL is to
stop KAOS!"
"How should I know?" demanded Chief as he turned to leave. "I'm not the one writing this
thing!"
Realizing that her boss was trying to make a quick getaway before informing Max of his
newfound responsibilities, 99 tapped Chief on the shoulder and pointed to the 47th greatest agent
in the world, who was busily counting the fuzzes on his shoelaces. Chief understood the gesture
and waited for 99 to get the idiot's attention.
"Hello, Max!" she chirped as though she had just noticed he was there.
Max jumped a mile. "Who landed?" he asked in confusion.
99 ignored him and continued. "Chief has something important to tell you." She placed an arm on
his shoulder and nudged her boss.
"Oh, ahem." Chief cleared his throat.
"MaximgoingonvacationandleavingyouinchargeofCONTROL."
"What?" 99 and Max asked in unison.
Chief tried to repeat the fateful mandate, but words failed him. He just couldn't bring himself to
say it again.
Suddenly, a light dawned on Max. "Chief, don't tell me that you're going on vacation and leaving
me in charge of CONTROL."
Chief dreaded to answer in the affirmative, so he merely nodded. 99 removed her arm from Max's
shoulder and cringed at the remark she was certain would follow.
"Oh, well why didn't you say so!" exclaimed Agent 86.
99 and Chief blinked in disbelief. "He didn't say it," muttered Chief in near delirium, "he didn't
say it! I must really be going mad! I need to leave RIGHT NOW!" He scurried off toward the
parking lot.
99 turned to Max. "Why didn't you say it?"
Max blinked stupidly. "Say what?"
"'I asked you not to tell me that.'"
"Tell you what? 99, you're not making any sense today. I think you need a vacation."
99 fought the urge to clobber him. "Yes, boss," she said between clenched teeth.
"I like that: 'boss,' It has a nice ring to it." Maxwell wagged his head in satisfaction. "Come
along, Agent 99, we must see what my other minions are up to." He sauntered back into the
building.
99 trudged after him, wondering what it ever was that she saw in him.
Nothing was going on in the world of espionage. The agency was, in a word, dead. Chief was
sitting at his desk as usual, but this morning he was drumming his fingers on the desk in boredom.
Larrabee would ask him if their was anything to do every few minutes, and every few moments he
was greeted by the unpleasant sound of Chief bellowing, "No! Of course not! There wasn't
anything to do five minutes ago, and there still is nothing to do!"
"Sorry, Chief," replied Larrabee, sounding a bit like a wounded puppy.
"And don't apologize!" Chief yelled.
"Sorry."
Chief banged his head against his desk. This was going to be one long day.
And it was about to get longer. At that moment, Agent 86, aka Maxwell Smart, entered the room.
"Good Morning, Chief," he called cheerily as he leaned over his boss' desk. Inevitably, about 500
sheets of carefully organized paper fluttered to the floor as he did so.
Chief rolled his eyes. Max was wondering why Chief had such an odd look on his face when he
noticed the pile of papers at his feet. Sheepishly, he leaned over and picked up as many as he
could in one armful. "Sorry about that, Chief," he muttered. Chief was about to bang his head
against the desk again when a lovely brunette in an attractive blouse and miniskirt walked into the
room. "Good Morning, Chief," she said in her sweet female voice. Her bright blue eyes flashed
coaxingly as she shifted her gaze to Max.
The bumbling agent was of course oblivious to her attentions and merely turned to his boss
asking, "So what's our assignment today, Chief?"
"What would be your reaction if I told you that you have no assignment today?" began Chief in
annoyance.
Max's countenance suddenly gained a schoolboyish grin. "Whoopie! A holiday! What's the
occasion?"
"Chief's saying that we don't have an assignment because there aren't any," patiently explained
the curvaceous female who was known only as Agent 99.
"Oh, of course!" exclaimed Agent 86. "I knew that! I was just testing him."
At that instant, Chief leapt up from his desk and threw his hands up in the air. "That's it! I quit! I
can't handle this anymore! Any sane man would've left his job ages ago, but even an insane one
like me isn't stupid!" And with that, he swiftly exited the room.
Max scratched his head. "Hmm, that's funny. I've never seen Chief that way before. Must have
been the coffee. I told Larrabee it was burned!"
99 sighed and gave a knowing look to Larrabee.
.Get Smart
In the Mood for KAOS
99 hurried after Chief as he exited the building. "Chief, wait!" Chief obligingly stopped and turned
to face his lovely employee. "I know that Max is annoying and about the slowest spy in the
agency next to Larrabee," she began with a sweet smile on her face, "but you can't leave us now
with no supervisor and no one to turn to." She flashed her baby blues pleadingly at her boss.
Chief sighed deeply. "You're right, 99. CONTROL needs a temporary manager while I'm on
vacation.
Agent 99 breathed a sigh of relief. "So you're not leaving CONTROL? You're just taking a short
little trip? Oh, Chief, I could hug you!" She embraced the elderly gentleman and kissed him fondly
on the cheek.
Chief reddened considerably at this display of emotion of the part of his staff member. "Uh, well,
it's not exactly a short trip," he ventured timidly, "I was planning to leave for at least a month
since nothing is going on around here. KAOS must be inoperative or something."
99's face altered considerably, though she tried to hide her disappointment and concern. "Oh, well
that's fine as long as we have a worthy substitute in your stead. Who did you have in mind?"
"You're not going to believe this . . ." trailed off her companion.
"Sure I will, I'll believe almost anything." Her face twisted in embarrassment at how naive her
statement had sounded. "That is, unless Max asks me."
"Does anyone take that man seriously?" asked Chief, throwing up his hands. "Well, anyway, I'm
leaving CONTROL under the complete jurisdiction of . . ." He took a deep breath and said
speedily, "Maxwellsmart."
"Who?"
"MAXWELL SMART!" bellowed Chief.
"You called?" asked a familiarly annoying voice.
"I daren't look," murmured Chief, as 99 turned towards her partner.
"But what if something important should come up while you're away," 99 continued, completely
ignoring Smart's presence. "Do you really think he could handle it?"
"Sh! The Fates might hear and punish me." Chief looked about himself in paranoia. "Nothing has
happened for a week. I really think that KAOS has dissolved."
"But what will become of our jobs!" complained 99. "The whole purpose of CONTROL is to
stop KAOS!"
"How should I know?" demanded Chief as he turned to leave. "I'm not the one writing this
thing!"
Realizing that her boss was trying to make a quick getaway before informing Max of his
newfound responsibilities, 99 tapped Chief on the shoulder and pointed to the 47th greatest agent
in the world, who was busily counting the fuzzes on his shoelaces. Chief understood the gesture
and waited for 99 to get the idiot's attention.
"Hello, Max!" she chirped as though she had just noticed he was there.
Max jumped a mile. "Who landed?" he asked in confusion.
99 ignored him and continued. "Chief has something important to tell you." She placed an arm on
his shoulder and nudged her boss.
"Oh, ahem." Chief cleared his throat.
"MaximgoingonvacationandleavingyouinchargeofCONTROL."
"What?" 99 and Max asked in unison.
Chief tried to repeat the fateful mandate, but words failed him. He just couldn't bring himself to
say it again.
Suddenly, a light dawned on Max. "Chief, don't tell me that you're going on vacation and leaving
me in charge of CONTROL."
Chief dreaded to answer in the affirmative, so he merely nodded. 99 removed her arm from Max's
shoulder and cringed at the remark she was certain would follow.
"Oh, well why didn't you say so!" exclaimed Agent 86.
99 and Chief blinked in disbelief. "He didn't say it," muttered Chief in near delirium, "he didn't
say it! I must really be going mad! I need to leave RIGHT NOW!" He scurried off toward the
parking lot.
99 turned to Max. "Why didn't you say it?"
Max blinked stupidly. "Say what?"
"'I asked you not to tell me that.'"
"Tell you what? 99, you're not making any sense today. I think you need a vacation."
99 fought the urge to clobber him. "Yes, boss," she said between clenched teeth.
"I like that: 'boss,' It has a nice ring to it." Maxwell wagged his head in satisfaction. "Come
along, Agent 99, we must see what my other minions are up to." He sauntered back into the
building.
99 trudged after him, wondering what it ever was that she saw in him.