Road to Recovery, a harry potter fanfic

Written for Nayla (The Original Horcrux) and Rish (Starlight Moon Princess)

Road To Recovery

I'm holding on to all I think is safe; It seems I found the road to nowhere; And I'm trying to escape

Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy was addicted to self-harm.

It started in such a weird way, to him at least; he was only eleven years old, suffering from his mother physical and mental abuse for four years. The razor had been in his trunk, incase he hit puberty and suddenly needed to shave. The eleven-year-old knew that he wouldn't need to, but when you're that age logic don't sink in. You just want to be grown up.

So he had taken one of his father's disposable razors and packed it in his trunk.

The first night he self harmed was December 13th 2017 and he was in his best friends house since his parents were gone on a trip for Christmas; his friend, Albus Potter, had gone to get a shower and Scorpius was left in his room with all the privacy to just think.

And think he did. He thought about his mother and all the pain she had put him through, he thought about all the bruises that lay over his body. He thought about how much life had just sucked.

He wasn't planning on hurting himself… No. He had just kicked his trunk and caused it to fall over and the razor to come out.

He had looked at it for what seemed like forever. What seemed like eons, but was only a few minutes. He picked the razor up and pressed in against his arm; lightly at first, afraid of the pain to come, he hated pain. But he soon found that this kind of pain… This was welcomed; it made him feel better, maybe even happy.

He pressed it against his forearm again, this time pressing harder, hard enough to draw a thin line of blood.

He smiled as all of his pent-up emotions flowed away with the blood.

Once the blood clotted he looked at his arm, thinking of making another slit when he heard a shocked gasp, which was followed by, "Scor? What the bloody hell are you doing?"

His cutting wasn't that bad at first, even though his best friend knew about it he had assured him that it wasn't serious and he was okay. He didn't want to stop, which at the age of eleven, scared the young boy shitless.

At first, he would only cut when his emotions were just too much for him to handle. But then, in April of 2018 his mother had gone off the deep end and killed his father.

Following the death of his dad, the one person, besides his sisters, that he was close to in his family was the fact that Scorpius was going through puberty. And while his friends were looking at the girls they liked, noticing how their boobs were growing and how tight their asses were, he was looking at the boys and how good they looked with an adorable five o'clock shadow.

Scorpius, at twelve years old, didn't know what it meant to be gay, as many kids his age did not. So he hid his feelings for as long as he could and eventually his life began to look up a little.

When he was fifteen he got with Lily Potter, which was, where it started all to go downhill again. For one, she was his best friends sister, but the main part was she was only thirteen. The two had shared many passionate nights together but Scorpius found himself not feeling a thing. He had no emotional connection with the young girl, but the adrenaline he got from the sex was beyond anything he ever felt without a razor in his hand.

But when Lily fell ill Scorpius had lost that release and had began to pick up the habit of cutting again. However he would not just cut, but burn himself as well.

The pure pain Scorpius felt from the end of a scorching lighter was his way of punishing himself. This punishment could be because of anything, but mostly it was for two reasons. One; Less than an O on a test. Two; Getting aroused at thinking about boys.

When Scorpius would wake up in the middle of the night after orgasming in his sleep from a very erotic dream about someone fucking him in his tight ass, he would go to the bathroom with his lighter and a marker.

He would cast a silencing charm, magically lock the door, and strip himself naked. With the marker he would write 'faggot' or another discussing slur on his penis and he would burn the spot with the lighter. His screams would fill the room and his tears would flow like a river but the dreams would still not go away. He still hadn't learned his lesson.

He kept doing that for three weeks; and once he stopped he could barely go to the bathroom without being in complete pain. Luckily for him, Albus had noticed.

"Scor! I'm worried!" He had said, with tears in his emerald-green eyes. Scorpius hated to make his best friend cry. But he hated him even more for being openly gay, and being okay with it.

"I'm fine!" Scorpius had retorted but Albus wasn't going to stand for that, Scorpius wouldn't get away with it as easy as that.

"Okay," Albus had said calmly which slightly worried Scorpius to what he might do. "Then take off your shirt."

Needless to say when Scorpius did Albus was shocked at the state of his chest which was covered in parallel lines going over his whole torso, some scars, some healing cuts, some fresh cuts, and even some infected ones.

Albus had felt horrible for ignoring the warning signs; the long sleeves in warm weather, the sleeping with a shirt, and the withdrawal from him and his other friends. He had ignored everything because he had believed that his friend wasn't lying when he told him he was fine. He wasn't sure if he could ever forgive himself.

And he didn't even know the worst part. Yet.

It was safe to say that when Albus found out that Scorpius had burned himself there for such a silly reason he was furious.

No, furious was an understatement.

"Scorpius!" he yelled with wide eyes that got darker by the minute. Scorpius was turned back to him, however there was a mirror on the wall of the bathroom so Albus could see Scorpius perfectly. "What the fuck did you do?"

"Al?" Scorpius asked turning around completely forgetting he was naked. "What are you doing spying on me getting a shower?"

"I came in here to use the loo! I didn't even know you were here!" Albus explained, not taking his eyes off of Scorpius' burnt flesh causing Scorpius to frown and try to cover himself up, causing a shot of pain to go right through him and he groaned.

Albus walked over to his friend and said in a very stern voice. "Let me see."

Scorpius looked at Albus like he had twenty heads. "No way in hell!"

"It's not up for discussion, Scorpius Malfoy," Albus said sternly looking his friend in the eyes. "Now sit down and uncover yourself or so help me god I will make you sit."

Scorpius just looked at his best friend with wide eyes. He wasn't afraid of him, he trusted him with his life, he was afraid of what might happen if he had Albus looking at him there. And god forbid if he touched him. Nevertheless he sat and removed his hands giving Albus complete control over him and letting him see all there was to see.

Albus knelt and wordlessly summoned a burn salve, which caused Scorpius to whine in protest. "Al, please don't… I'll do it…"

"Would you rather me get Lyra to do it?" was Albus' only reply, waiting for the other boy to relax before he applied the cream gaining a content sigh from Scorpius.

Albus looked up into his best friends eyes (after washing his hands) and seriously and sternly said, "I don't know what to do with this information, Scor." He sighed but continued. "So I'll give you the rules; if you don't want me to tell dad or Lyra you have to consent to nightly body inspections and if I see another burn on you, I won't only go to Lyra or dad, I'll do it to myself."

"Al…"

"No," Albus said cutting him off, "if you burn, so will I. I'm hoping it will give you an incentive not to do it. There's enough damage in and on you now." He paused and moved closer to the boy, "Now about the 'being gay is unnatural thing.'" He said before he brushed his lips against Scorpius' cautiously at first but once he didn't freak out he continued his experiment.

"Did that feel unnatural?" Albus asked once he pulled away. "Does that feel like something that's wrong? Fuck what other people think, Scor! How do it feel?"

"Amazing," Scorpius whispered with tears in his eyes. "It felt like the best thing in the world."

Albus nodded with a smile. "Do you want me to do it again?"

"Yes," Scorpius breathed but then shook his head. "But everything I've grown up to believe…"

"Doesn't matter," Albus said with a sigh. "You're mother is gone, your aunt will never be let out of Azkaban again, and your dad would have been okay with it." Albus grabbed his hand pulling the boy closer to him so they could share a long passionate kiss.

"I love you, Scorpius Malfoy," Albus whispered when he pulled away from him. "And I will help you through this addiction."

The best thing was; that Scorpius actually believed him. He was his knight in shining armour.

Sad eyes follow me; But I still believe there's something left for me; So please come stay with me; 'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me

Camp Potter; First Aid; Forgive me; Damage; Warning signs; "If I burn, so will you."- Emilie Autumn, "If I Burn"; Lessons learned; Addiction