Where Drakken learns more about weights and pulleys, and where a new show is born.

Hey everyone, I'm still alive and writing. But since I'm having a bit of trouble with the longer stories, I decided to play around a bit with a one-shot. I hope you enjoy it.

Contrary to popular believe, I still don't own Disney or any characters in the KP universe.

Special thanks to Slipgate for reviewing the story.

Drakken's worst day

"Ah, a new lair, a new start," Drakken said happily as he looked at the construction site that was to be his new lair.

Over the past few days, a HenchCo crew had worked hard (and at high cost) to build the new lair, which was supposed to withstand Lowardian attacks and keep pesky cheerleader heroines and their monkey-powered sidekicks out.

There was still quite some work to be done, but the structure was finally showing now. And before too long, the first machinery could be placed. Which, given their sizes, was a good idea to place early; it wouldn't be the first time that a wall had to be torn down again to make room for a ridiculously large super-villain apparatus.

Of course, a construction yard also brought a lot of clutter along with it, and not for the first time was Drakken annoyed at the messy and often unsafe situation that the workers left behind at the end of their shift.

His happy mood deteriorating as he tried to make his way past the jumble, the blue villain muttered to himself about the high price he paid for this pile of debris.

And then, as if to mock him, a brick fell right in front of Drakken. Jumping away, frantically looking around for who could have thrown the brick, Drakken noticed that the masons had left a large and overfilled barrel of bricks on a small plateau where they were building a wall. Clearly they thought it was much easier to leave the bricks overnight then having to haul them down now and back up in the morning. Apparently a brick had fallen from the pile on top of the barrel and nearly caved Drakken's head in.

"I'll show them," the villain growled angrily. "Shego, blast that barrel of bricks away, let them pick it all up in the morning."

When no response came, Drakken remembered that Shego was out on a short vacation, and wouldn't be back until the next day.

"Fine then, I'll do it myself." Drakken concentrated for a moment, and then several vines sprouted out of his neck, as well as a beautiful set of yellow flower petals.

"GHAAH! Why won't you stop doing that?" Drakken cried out as he ripped the petals away. Then he moved his vines up to knock over the barrel. But just as the vines touched the barrel, Drakken realized that it would probably take the masons most of the next morning to collect the bricks, and they were paid by the hour.

Taking a different approach, the villain decided that he would just lower the barrel to the ground. That way, the workers would have some extra work, but not too much that it would cost him, and he would have gotten his point across. Not to mention that it would alleviate the risk of more bricks falling.

However, when he tried to lift the barrel, Drakken noticed it was too heavy for his vines to lift up, which was fairly logical, as the plants were much better suited for pulling than for lifting.

"Different plan," Drakken said to himself and moved the vines even higher up, and then over an I-beam that would later be part of the ceiling.

Satisfied with his makeshift pulley, Drakken attached the vines to the barrel and started to lift it up a bit so he could move it away from the plateau. He realized his mistake when the barrel didn't move, but he started to dangle on his vines.

Muttering about lacking a proper pulley, Drakken summoned another vine and used that to attach himself to one of the concrete pipes that still had to be dug in as part of the sewage system.

This time he fared much better; the barrel slowly lifted up and moved to the side of the plateau. And while the vines stood taut with tension, Drakken remained in place and kept perfect control over the barrel.

But then, a few bricks fell off the top of the barrel, and even though they fell too far away to be a risk to Drakken, one of them hit the vine that he used to keep himself in place.

In a reflex, the vine jerked away, letting go of the pipe. Immediately, Drakken shot straight up, while the barrel above him began its equally quick descent.

Halfway, they met with a loud smack and a pained grunt, and then both continued in their respective directions.

The barrel hit the ground first, hard enough to crack the wood and spill its topmost bricks.

Drakken's momentum was enough to carry him all the way to the I-beam, which he hit with an almost tuned clang before falling down again on the now slack vine.

After a brief fall, the vine pulled taut again and Drakken jerked to a stop. However, with almost half its contents gone, the barrel below him had shed enough of its weight to be lighter than the villain again, and it slowly began to move upwards.

"No… No…" Drakken managed to say as he accelerated towards the barrel again, this time having to meet it from the other side. Another smack and groan occurred at the midway point, and a short fall later, Drakken lay on his back between the scattered bricks.

The barrel didn't have enough momentum to hit the I-beam as well, but when it came to a stop at the same time Drakken did, the bricks inside made a little hop inside the barrel before landing on its bottom again.

This proved to be too much for the already weakened barrel, and the bottom fell out, raining an unpleasant shower of bricks on the villain beneath it.

Drakken cried out in pain as several bricks pelted down on him and he tried to curl up in a fetal position. However, in doing so he forgot that he was still holding the barrel up with one of his vines.

As the vine let go in order to join the Doctor in his curled up position, the barrel hung suspended in the air for a moment, and then plunged down again. It hit Drakken full on, smashing the wood and knocking out the villain completely.

"Dr. D, I'm back. How's the building going?" Shego asked after she had landed the hover car. She noticed that the construction crew had not arrived yet, but that was to be expected, since it was still quite early in the morning.

What she did notice, however, was a pink sports car standing not too far away.

"Give me a break," the villainess growled as she flared up her plasma. "Don't those two have anything else to do?"

When she came closer, Shego saw Team Possible standing over Drakken, who was apparently unconscious on the ground.

"Hey!" Shego snapped, getting Kim and Ron's attention. "I know Dr. D is more capable now with his flower-power. But we haven't even started our plan yet."

The teens jumped up and turned to see the green-skinned villainess. "It's not what you think," Ron quickly said, already starting to back away.

"Really now?" Shego growled, green flames growing in intensity. "And what am I thinking then?"

"We found him like this," Kim explained, turning back to Drakken to continue the first aid she had been providing. "By the looks of it, he got in a fight with a barrel of bricks."

"It's true," Wade chimed in from the Kimmunicator. "I just downloaded the files from the security camera."

"Why do you even have that?" Ron asked. "It's not like there is anything worth stealing right now."

"Yeah, yeah," Shego muttered and doused her flames. Then she walked over to her employer. After all his injuries over the years that they had known each other, she had gotten quite a good eye for their intensity, and this time it seemed Drakken had come off relatively easy; many bruises and some cuts, but it didn't seem anything was broken.

"Well, uhm… thanks. I'll take it from here," the villainess said as she ushered the teens away. "We'll see you again when Drakken gets back on his feet, and after the lair is finished."

After checking over Drakken one more time, Kim nodded and walked off to her car. As Ron followed, he turned back to Shego. "Don't forget to make sure the ventilation shafts have a constant airflow. It's very annoying to crawl through fungus and cobwebs."

Ignoring the remark, Shego watched the teens drive, and then fly off. "So… there's a video of this."

"I don't understand what you're so angry about," Shego said with a big grin as she and Drakken walked out of Dementor's lair, carrying whatever it was that Drakken needed for his new plan. "We got enough money to pay off the construction of the new lair, and we didn't even have to fight Dementor to get this."

"I don't care," Drakken snapped as his ears still rung from the howling laughter inside the German villain's lair. "You had no right to send that video to WFV. Now I'm the laughing stock in the villain world."

"Believe me doc, you already were," Shego replied, her grin never leaving her face.

"What new obscure channel did you find now?" Kim asked her brothers, who seemed glued to the TV.

"This is amazing," Jim said.

"You've got to see this too," Tim added and scooted over to allow his sister a spot on the couch.

The redhead, now curious, sat down as well and watched as the program opened with a group of henchmen running desperately away from a small dog.

"Welcome to WFV, World's Funniest Villains," the announcer said. "A show where we look at the not so average everyday life of villains and watch their mishaps from their own security tapes. Tonight, we decide who will be this year's winner! Will it be last season's winner, 'A villain fights a barrel of bricks'? Stay tuned."

END

I hope you liked this version of the joke "Why Paddy's not at work today". Let me know in the reviews.