Young and Beautiful

Hi, so, this is my take on what I imagine would happen after the season finale/graduation. Woo!

Um, some things might be out-of-character. But I'm trying my best to stay true! I just adore EClare and want to make a magical story. (:

Reviews are always encouraged 3

Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?

Chapter One

I could hear the pounding of my heart race. The beat went faster and faster the more I thought about my current situation.

Cancer.

I could possibly have something in my system that could easily and quickly kill me. Why me? I wondered. I mean I wasn't perfect. Humans aren't perfect. But it isn't like I did anything to deserve a disease. At least I don't think so. I didn't smoke, I didn't do drugs, I didn't do horrible things to people that'd result in some type of messed up karma coming after me. I was even a virgin up until a few days ago. But I don't feel as though I sinned whatsoever. With love in the equation, I regretted nothing about that night.

But that's beside the point. I could be dying and my life really hasn't begun too much. I just can't comprehend this. Even though I've been crying myself to sleep each night, worried that every breath I take could be my last….I still just don't understand. I still just can't understand.

It took a lot for me to tell my mom my current problem. The day I told her, we both just sat on the couch and cried till there were no more tears left to produce. Since then my mom and I have became as close as we use to be. She just wanted me to be okay. As did I. I didn't tell many people about my possible disease. I mean, my family knew of course. My step dad and Jake have been crossing there fingers hoping that it isn't what it might be. And Ali knew. That's it. I didn't even tell the closest person to me, Eli. Why? Because the timing is horrible. Eli is off living his dream, helping to direct a real movie. I loved him too much to worry him right now. I knew he'd drop everything and be with me if he knew, and as much as I'd love that idea, I couldn't do that too him.

I hummed silently to myself, trying to calm down. What worked me up so much was the fact that tomorrow was my doctor's appointment. They were going to run some tests in order to see my fate. And as much as I craved to know the answer, I also preferred standing in the dark.

Just before I began to give myself another panic attack, I'd been having those lately, my laptop sounded and a Skype request from Eli appeared on my screen. I took a couple deep breaths to calm down and look presentable, then I answered his call.

His green eyes and crooked smirk appeared on my screen, the sight of him distracted me from my screwed up thoughts, he looked so happy. Which made me smile.

"Pardon me, but, is this the oh-so-stunning and beautiful Clare Edwards?" Eli asked with a grin. He even sounded happy. Really happy. Not a pretend act. By now I knew the difference anyhow.

"Oh, stop." I said, feeling my cheeks turn a bright red. Eli still made me blush just by simple words. I mean, we'd seen each other naked and made love. And still to this day, he knew just what to say to make me feel the same way I felt the first day I met him.

"Stop what? I'm only stating the facts." He added, then looked down then back up at me. Even through a computer screen, I could feel his gaze in mine. "How are you beautiful?" He asked me, sincerely wanting to know how I was.

"I'm good. Better if you were here." I said with a smile. I lied to him about being good. I always did when he asked me and I felt differently. But I did miss him, and I knew even with this catastrophe occurring, if he was here, I'd feel better. So my answer wasn't a total lie, I guess….

Eli nodded in agreement, "I wish I could kiss you. I'm counting the days till you come visit me. New York is amazing, Clare." He said sincerely as though he was starstuck. I was still so proud of him for making his career take off. I knew he could do it. Eli could do anything when he put his mind to it.

I pictured being in his arms, touching his skin. The thought mesmerized me.

"I convinced my parents to possibly let me take a bus to see you next weekend. They're still thinking about it, but I'm pretty sure that they'll say yes." I said softly, watching Eli's eyes widened and a smile creep upon his face. I couldn't help but smile with excitement, too.

"Really?" He asked, sounding more excited than a kid at a candy shop. "How did you manage that, Edwards? You're mom isn't exactly Miss Easy Going." Eli said, raising an eyebrow at me. I sighed lightly, hoping he didn't hear it over webcam.

I paused for a moment, thinking of a lie. I couldn't tell Eli the truth, as much as I wanted to.

"I told her that Ali would come with me. So she could see New York and visit you as well." I said with an uncomfortable laugh.

The truth was that my mom wasn't really up for telling me no at this point in time. The possibility that I might have a life threatening disease made her actually want me to visit my boyfriend, as opposed to just sitting in my room, wondering how many years I had left.

Eli chuckled, "Right. Because Ali and I are the best of friends." He said sarcastically. I laughed a little, sincerely this time. Eli and Ali definitely weren't best friends, but they had however grown to tolerate each other for my sake. They were like acquaintances that never really socialized with each other unless forced. So definitely not exactly 'besties'.

"Oh tell me about it. I know it's hard for you to be without her, I know Eli." I said, seriously, then laughed at myself. Eli laughed along with me. I loved talking to him, even over Skype. He made me forget about the sad thoughts I'd be growing accustomed to.

"Something like that." He said, playfully rolling his eyes. I giggled.

Suddenly my bedroom door swung open and my mom spoke before she realized that I was speaking to Eli on the computer.

"Clare, sweetie, remember you have an early appointment at the hospital tomorrow." She said to me in a soft but still loud voice. I bit my lip, my mom didn't know that I hadn't told Eli the possibility yet. I looked at my mom and nodded, slightly, my hands began to shake. I knew Eli had heard her and I knew he was going to question me about it.

My mom shut my door and I heard her footsteps grow lower until they were out of my earshot. I turned my head slowly and painfully to the screen to see a streak of panic running through Eli's expression. Before I could even ponder a word, he spoke.

"Hospital? Clare, are you sick?" He asked me, moving closer to the webcam. I blinked a few times, fighting the urge to cry. Sick was an understatement. But he cared so much and it killed me to pretend that nothing bad was happening.

I shook my head, "No, no." I said, as I searched my mind for a lie, "I just have a checkup with my, you know, female doctor." I said softly. Eli's expression of panic didn't change. I continued with my stupid lie, "It's nothing major. I just have to see her in order to get my next few months of birth control." I said, relieved when his expression changed back to calm.

"Oh." He said, nodding his head. "Sorry I was worried something bad was going on." He said, with a smile, "I love you. I never want anything to happen to you." He whispered into the webcam. I felt my heart drop. I felt my chest cave in. I wanted to just faint at that very moment due to his words.

I pulled myself together, barely. But I needed to get through this conversation.

"You worry too much." I said softly, I wanted to smile in order to make the mood less intense, but I couldn't smile. I continued to speak, "And I love you too. You're stuck with me forever." I said softly, Eli smiled and began to speak. But I couldn't look at him much longer, I was going to lose it.

"I have to go, um, my mom wants me to help her with dinner." I lied again. God, I was becoming the queen of fibbing. Eli nodded.

"Talk to you tomorrow, gorgeous." He said with a smile, I tried to smile back, but I couldn't. And the moment I clicked on the END CALL button, I lost it.

The tears fell from my eyes, and I gasped for air. I couldn't help but cry. No. Sob. This was all too much for me to deal with. I kept crying and gasping, listening to my heart beat race. My gasps grew louder, I quickly laid my face into my pillow. My pillow had been covered in so many tears lately. I sobbed for what seemed like hours but was only minutes. I felt my body shaking and my heart hurting as well as a burning sensation in my throat. It was as though that lump I had in my throat had combusted.

This wasn't fair. No one should have to feel like this.

And I didn't even know if I was dying or not. That was the thing that drove me wild. But I didn't want to know and that made me insane. All I knew was that I was suffering. And I needed this pain to go away.

But deep down, deep, deep down in my gut I felt like the worse was only yet come.