Thank you to Resisting-Moonlight - this chapter is dedicated to you. :) You'll get what you wished for. ;)

It's ten to eight, and my throat feels dry. We haven't really discussed just how either of us feels about this dinner, not to mention Gale catching us in the act, or Gale being back in District 12 in general. We haven't really talked, period. Peeta's just ordering me around in the kitchen, still gently, but definitely with an authority that makes me do what he says without questioning him. The kitchen is his domain. I can mess up pretty much anything in here, so he gives me easy, fool proof tasks such as cutting vegetables. He does the rest, including choosing the menu.

The dinner seems to have a lemon theme. It's chicken marinated in honey, lemon and some herbs I can never remember the names of despite being the daughter of a healer, and lemon pie with whipped cream for dessert. I'm not really sure what all the lemons are about, but lemons are good, I guess.

Five to eight. I set the table. Gale couldn't always be trusted to show up on time back in our hunting days, but I have a feeling he will be today. I wonder if he's still at Haymitch's place, and what he might've told our mentor over a glass or three. I shudder at the thought.

It's eight o'clock and right on cue, the doorbell rings. It's not something I'm used to hearing – we rarely get visitors, and Haymitch always just walks right on in. I dry my hands nervously on my skirt, and open the door.

Oh crap.

Haymitch is here as well. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, I guess he wouldn't want to miss the show.

"Hey, sweetheart," he smirks at me, and I immediately know that Gale told him. Everything. "You look flushed. Busy day?"

I blush furiously, and I really want to just slam the door in their faces, but somehow manage to smile and say: "Yes." I guess at least a little bit of what Effie told me stuck. Manners, Katniss.

"I would've brought you a fancy bottle of wine, but you know, nothing of that sort in my place. So I got you this," and he hands me a bottle of white liquor. It's already been opened, it's only half full.

"Charming."

Gale actually brought me flowers. It feels weird that we're suddenly at the point where we are formally inviting him for dinner. He's wearing a casual yet smart shirt which looks expensive, and his pants are surely tailored, because they fit him perfectly. It's kind of hard not to notice just how well his pants hug his butt, which has always been spectacular. Even Katniss the hunting partner back before the reaping couldn't help but notice that. He looks absolutely amazing, and knowing Gale, he knows it. He could have any girl in District 12 back in our hunting days, and he probably had quite a few of them too, even though he never told me about it.

I only set the table for three, but thankfully Peeta must've heard from our conversation in the hallway that Haymitch came as well, because when we enter the kitchen, there are four plates on the dinner table.

It's not that awkward at first. Peeta is such a great host, he always makes everyone feel at ease. He asks Gale all the right questions, about his job in the Capitol and what he's doing here. Turns out Gale is going to have some talks with the mayor about opening a hospital in District 12, then he'll open the new town hall, and do a quick tour of the district. Peeta also tells entertaining stories from the bakery, making sure everyone is involved in the conversation, even me, and the chicken is perfect, as usual. I try to say as little as possible, and avoid meeting Gale's and Haymitch's eyes as much as I can. Gale looks a bit embarrassed, but Haymitch seems to be really enjoying the show, his eyes are sparking over his liquor glass. He's the only one who's drinking that vile stuff, the rest of us drink wine from our cellar.

I almost think that perhaps we'll actually get through the evening without any major incidents, when I guess Haymitch can't resist temptation any more.

"So, how's that hammock working out for you kids?"

The silence in the room is palpable. Not even Peeta can think of something to say.

"You know," Haymitch says to Gale, "I'm the one who helped them hang it up." Turning to Peeta, he continues: "You should've asked for advice from someone who's been around the block before, son, I could've saved you from embarrassment and possible grievous bodily harm." He takes another sip of liquor. "Peeta, did you know that the human penis can actually break? Even though there aren't any bones in it like in most animals'? It's a medical emergency. Left untreated, it could render you impotent for life."

Peeta seems to choke on his lemon chicken.

"Haymitch!" I snap, like a mother scolding a disobedient child, but this particular child doesn't care at all about etiquette.

"You should've stopped by my place first, Gale, I could've warned you not to come unannounced unless you're prepared to see some skin. I'm pretty used to these two lovebirds going at it, after all, I'm their closest neighbor. And they like to sleep with their bedroom window open, and well, they don't always sleep at night, if you catch my drift. They're not being very discreet, to put it mildly."

I'm appalled, and it gets even worse when he starts imitating what is clearly me panting Peeta's name. His imitation is pretty good, too. "HAYMITCH!" I yell at him, and Haymitch laughs so hard he's literally almost falling off his chair. Gale seems embarrassed, but there's a small smile visible on his lips.

"It's okay, Haymitch, I… get the point. It's, uh… Not that unexpected."

I suddenly wonder just how much the new President knows about our life here in District 12. How closely do they watch us – their Mockingjay and her lover?

As if sensing my questions, he continues: "I knew that you're living together, I just hadn't quite expected the… uhm, public display of affection."

"It wasn't public," I hiss at him. "We were in the privacy of our own garden!"

"And I tried ringing the doorbell, but no one answered, so I decided to check if you were in the garden. It's not as if you complained when I came on unexpected visits before." That suddenly sounds so intimate, which it wasn't.

"That was a long time ago." More like in another life. Where we are now - on opposite sides of a table, dressed in nice clothes, our stomachs full, with Peeta at my side - those hungry, yet somehow innocent days in District 12 seem so distant. Who was I then? Who am I now? And who is Gale?

I don't know him anymore.

"Yes it was, Catnip."

I'm starting to resent him using my nickname, the one that's reserved for his use only. It, too, seems too intimate somehow, but I can't bring myself to tell him.

Gale puts his fork down. "You seem to be doing really well. Both of you. I'm glad," he says, and this time he sounds sincere. Our eyes meet over the table. "When you left District 13, I quite frankly wondered if I'd ever see you again. If you'd ever manage to live a normal life separately, let alone together. After everything the Capitol had done to you… And District 13 too, for that matter."

I nod slowly. The Capitol used us, but so did District 13. Peeta and I were pawns in someone else's game, all along. The players just changed along the way. At least Gale, too, sees that.

"We're okay, Gale," Peeta says quietly. "It's taken a long time, and not all days are good, but… Most of them are. And on the bad days, we chase off the ghosts together." He takes my hand in his underneath the table, gives it a light squeeze. I smile to him, I'm almost surprised that he looks a bit unclear, and realize that it's because there are tears in my eyes, I didn't even notice them welling up.

"Well, congratulations, Peeta," Gale murmurs. "I guess you found out what to do with her after all."

"Oh boy, did he find out," Haymitch guffaws, and this time Peeta chuckles as well, but guiltily stops when I give him a kick in the shin underneath the table.

"I guess I found that I couldn't survive without him." Both Peeta and Gale look surprised at me.

"You… Heard us?" They hadn't known that I was awake during their little conversation that night in the secret room in the Capitol, when we were all really waiting to die. None of us ever thought we'd survive our mission, not at that point anyway.

I nod slowly. "Yes. I heard you. At first I was really hurt by what you said. I thought it meant that you both viewed me as a cold-hearted, selfish person, only intent on my own survival. But now I've realized that you were right, Gale. Only it wasn't survive in a literal sense, as in I wouldn't have lived without Peeta. Because my heart would've beat without him. I would've gotten through the days, one by one. But I don't think I'd ever live a full life again without him, if I'd be trying to pick up the pieces that were left of my life after the Hunger Games all alone... I would only… exist. I wouldn't really live."

My dandelion in the spring.

I look up at Peeta, and I realize he's crying. I'm suddenly embarrassed that I told him this intensely personal information in front of Gale and Haymitch, when it probably should've been reserved for his ears only. But then again, Haymitch and Gale are such an important part of our history, and also our present, at least Haymitch. What Gale is, though, is somewhat more complicated.

After dinner, Gale and I sit on the porch in the warm summer night. Haymitch has passed out, he's lying under the table. Peeta is cleaning up in the kitchen – both Gale and I offered to help him, but he refused. I think he's giving us some time alone on purpose, and I'm grateful he's so considerate.

I haven't had more than a glass of wine, but I rarely drink any alcohol at all, and it's making me slightly heady. Gale has had some more wine than I have, but he's so much bigger than me, and besides, I guess he's used to holding his liquor. I've seen pictures of him in gossip magazines, not that I'd ever buy them, but there are some in the bakery. He's in a lot of them, usually with a different girl in his lap in every issue, often with a drink in his hand. I'm sure he works a lot, but he does seem to have a lot of fun, too. Because his girlfriends, lovers, party friends, whatever they are, are pretty common knowledge in all of Panem, it feels okay to ask him. "So… Is there someone special waiting for you to get home?"

"Oh yes, there is," Gale says with a smile. "In fact, there are several special someones."

I can't hold back a giggle. "Really? And do they know about each other?"

He laughs, then shrugs. "Sure. Can't keep anything secret from the tabloids. I don't know, I guess I I just like to… Keep my options open. I don't feel comfortable committing to anyone at this time. I'm working a lot, and… Well, I just don't… want to invest so much emotion into a relationship." There is a missing word in the end of his sentence, and I know what it is – it's "again".

"We never really had a relationship," I whisper.

He sighs. "No, we didn't. Not a real one, anyway. But it wasn't because of me." I know he's right.

"When you talked about running away, living in the woods… You meant us running away as in… a couple? Really… You know, living together? Not just being hunting partners, but being… something more?"

His gray eyes don't meet mine. "Yes. I guess I did. I knew that you weren't… in that place, though. I was hoping you'd come around eventually." He finally lifts his eyes to look at me, our gray Seam eyes lock.

"Perhaps I would," I finally answer. "Eventually. It would've been madness, though. Mostly because of the ch…" I can't finish my sentence.

"The children?" he says softly.

I nod. Without the Capitol's birth control shots, there's no doubt in my mind that I'd end up getting pregnant in that forest sooner or later. With Gale. Just the thought of giving birth in the forest, all alone, not to mention the overwhelming fear of the hunger, the cold, getting caught and murdered by the Capitol for running away – and having to protect a baby… Imagining what it would be like to lose your child to the Capitol… I shudder. Losing Peeta nearly destroyed me. As did losing my sister. I am absolutely positive that losing a child would mean I'd never get up again.

Ever.

"It feels strange having this conversation with you when I know that your children will be Peeta's, not mine," he confesses, and I am, against my will, impressed by his honesty and his courage.

"I won't be having children with Peeta."

He lifts an eyebrow. "Says who?"

"Says me."

"And what does Peeta say?"

"That's really none of your business," I answer stiffly.

"Still afraid?" He asks softly.

I won't meet his gray gaze. I have to fight back my tears. I nod, slowly. "I just can't… can't make myself that vulnerable."

"Do you sometimes think… what if? What if you hadn't been reaped."

I pause, considering his question. "I did, before. In the end, I had to stop. It was driving me crazy, it was making me worse, not better. I can't think about what I'd rather have – a life with Prim alive and without the nightmares, and quite possibly with you by my side - or life with Peeta. Here and now. I was never given a choice, anyway, my life as it is today is a result of the Capitol forcing children to fight to the death for their own entertainment. They took my life away, my family such as it was, and left me in ruins. What I am today, I am only thanks to Peeta. And Haymitch and Greasy Sae. I can't think about who I would've been if I hadn't been reaped. It eventually leads to a choice between Peeta and Prim, and I…" I can't bring myself to finish my sentence.

"It was never a choice you had, anyway," he murmurs. "It was only a result of events that were out of your control." He pauses. "Are you happy, Katniss?" I notice that he's not calling me Catnip anymore, and I'm glad. I'm not Catnip, his Catnip, anymore. I'm another person, another woman. I've grown up, and so has he. We have grown away from each other. All that remains now, are cherished but distant memories of freedom. Companionship. Hunting together in the forest we both loved so much. He's moved on to meetings, campaigns, parties and hot lovers. I'm still in the forest, hanging on to it as one of my lifelines to sanity.

I smile, my eyes meeting his. "I am. On most days anyway, when the shadows aren't threatening to overwhelm me."

"You really do love him, don't you?"

"Yes." No reservations this time.

He surprises me by kissing me on the forehead. "I'm happy for you, Katniss." He smiles wryly. "And please let me know if he ever hurts you, and I'll come here and kick his ass for you."

I chuckle. "I'm perfectly capable of kicking his ass myself."

He shakes his head. "You'd kick anyone's ass but Peeta's, sweetheart." He seems to have adopted Haymitch's form of endearment, but it's okay, at least for now.

I shrug.

"Are you happy?" I ask him.

He nods. "Yes, I am. I love my job, I feel that I'm really making a difference. I know you can't imagine working for any kind of government or system," he says with a smile, and I roll my eyes because we both know it's true, "but I can. I also like the… distractions," he adds, and this time his smile his wicked. I know he talks about the parties, the dinners, the women. And I realize how little is left of the Katniss and Gale that used to roam the forests together, inseparable. The adults who are today are nothing like the teenagers we once were. Where there once was a promise or a possibility of us becoming something more, there is now only distance. We're looking at each other across an abyss, one that I know we will never cross, and I'm okay with that.

"Are you happy?" He returns my question.

I don't have to think about my answer. "Yes." I can't help but beam up at him, and his breath catches. "Well, most of the time, anyway. But the times when I'm not, it's not because of Peeta."

He surprises me by giving me a hug. He holds me close, not like a lover, but like a long-time friend. I breathe in his scent. He smells of man, of sunshine, of an expensive Capitol fragrance. There is still some of his old scent under there – he doesn't smell of smoke from the fire, leather and coal anymore, like he used to back before I was reaped, and our paths diverged forever. He still smells of Gale, but this new, foreign, grown-up Gale. I have to blink back the tears. Are they for what could've been, or for how far apart we've grown? Are they for never being able to know if his bomb was the one that killed Prim? Or for being glad I'll never know? Are they for never forgiving? I don't know, and it doesn't matter.

"Be happy, Katniss." He kisses me on the lips. The kiss is quick, dry and chaste.

I know he's saying goodbye.

"I better get back to the hotel, it's getting late. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow, and I'll leave tomorrow night, just after the end of my official program here."

"Okay." My voice is low. "Would you mind taking Haymitch with you when you leave? You're the one who brought him, after all," I say, with a teasing grin. "He's woken up after binge drinking in our house before, and it's not pleasant."

He chuckles. "I can imagine. Think Peeta can help me carry him over to his house?"

"Sure."

We walk inside. I meet Peeta's questioning eyes when we enter the kitchen. I'm glad he's, well, Peeta. Who knows me well enough to give me this time together alone with Gale, to get… closure. I walk over to him and kiss him on the lips. This kiss is quick, too, but it conveys so much more. "Can you help us get Haymitch on his feet and on his way to his own bed?"

We rouse Haymitch with some cold water in his face, and under much swearing and many empty threats Gale and Peeta support him across the street. Haymitch is still cursing at them when they leave him, but I know he'll have forgotten in the morning. I hear him howling something about hammocks and horny neighbors, and I can't help but laugh.

When we're in bed that night, Peeta holds me close without talking much. His fingertips play with one of my ears, lightly, as if exploring it. "How was it?" he finally asks. "To see Gale again."

I pause to think, to really feel how it was. Finally I answer: "Good." The silence is heavy. I know he wants me to continue. "We're not the same people we were. I'm not his Catnip anymore. I'm your Katniss."

This time he smiles. "Oh, you're entirely your own, Katniss," he breathes in my ear. "You remember back when we talked about if we would've been together without the reaping? And you answered no?"

I nod. It was the truth, even though it hurt.

"Seeing him tonight was like seeing an alternate future played out right in front of me. It was… unsettling."

"I can imagine," I say. "But for me, it was mostly a reminder of… How far apart we've grown. We will always play an essential part in each other's past, but we don't in each other's present, not to mention future. And that's okay. We're both okay with it. He'll go back to his Capitol life of important meetings and what I'm sure are lots of beautiful lovers. And I stay here in District 12, where I belong, hunting in the forest, eating cheese buns and squirrels and sleeping in this bed with you."

Peeta smiles lazily. "It's a pretty perfect life, isn't it?"

I smile back. I know it's one of those rare smiles that light up my entire face that I save for special occasions and, well, him. It's a smile that's reserved for Peeta. I kiss him.

"Yes, it is."