After Season 2, Stiles sends Derek a joke gift that backfires and Derek let's slip more of his past than he meant to. Stiles is smart though and Derek can't hide it from him, it starts with misunderstandings on both sides, but perhaps they can learn to be more for each other.

Ignores Season 3.

Rated M

Warnings: Male on Male, mild BDSM, some underage stuff, learning to be a Dom, angst.

Don't like don't read, though constructive criticism is always welcome (plus any reviews).

I own nothing, literally.

Derek's 1st person POV throughout.

Balanced on my Knees

01

Stunned I stare at my bed in the subway cart in shock, struggling to process why someone would be leaving such an incredibly significant gift there, and then I realise someone must know, they must have found out about New York, about Kate.

The only person I can think of is Uncle Peter and my blood runs cold, because I can't let him dominate me, I have to be the Alpha to him or he'll go on another blood soaked revenge killing spree biting anyone that gets in his way.

Picking up the collar I sniff it and some of the tension drains out of my body, it smells like Stiles, which isn't a much better prospect, but at least I can bargain with him, if I can think of a way that convinces him that Scott would get hurt if he tells people about my past he won't say a word.

It's a nice thick black leather dog collar and once upon a time I'd have loved to have gotten this from a significant other. I've been a Beta that's borderline Omega all my life, I liked taking orders, I liked not having to be in charge, and now I'm the Alpha and I'm horribly aware of just how bad I am at it.

Something flashes on the collar and there's a gold coloured round tag, it reads "Sourwolf", on one side and on the other in small writing is, "If lost pls return to Stiles Stilinski", and it's even got the kid's cell number on there.

He has to know about my past, there's no other explanation for him to have done this, the annoying little shit likes to mock me and make my life hell. At least he's done it in such a way the Pack won't find out.

The collar feels so good in my hands and I listen furtively for heartbeats but I can only hear my own. Lifting the collar up I wrap it around my neck, I don't do it up, it means too much if I do it up, as it is my knees tremble and I fall to them, my old ingrained behaviour rising up, the need to submit battles my new need to dominate.

Kate introduced me to this world and it suited by Beta/Omega wolf perfectly then, I never really thought to ask her questions of why me, why some underage kid, or how she knew exactly what to do to make me faint in pleasure.

New York was good, open, easy to hide in and find the submission I wanted in a few long term, but not serious, relationships with true Doms.

And then everything went to shit again and I was so focused on stopping Peter, of paying him back for taking Laura away from me that I became the Alpha, I never realised how hard it was to be in charge, to dominate and not screw it up by being abusive.

Gripping the collar in my hand I shove it into my jeans pocket and grab my jacket, I am so visiting that irritating teen and scaring the crap out of him, he will learn to do what I say and not poke fun at me, and he's going to keep his mouth shut about this information. Just because I'm a natural sub doesn't make me any less of an Alpha.

At least that's what I tell myself.

Angry and annoyed I run through the town and circle his house so I can come at it from the back, unobserved. The Sheriff is there but I know he'll be leaving soon. I shamelessly eavesdrop on him and Stiles talking, it's innocent enough stuff about school, which is ending soon, and lacrosse, and eating plenty of vegetables and why they're good for you.

The cruiser pulls away carrying the Sheriff to work and I bolt to the backdoor, using the spare key hidden under a rock I let myself in and sneak up to Stiles' room. There I open his window a fraction, the idiot believes I climb in through it, no need to let him know my real route. Lurking in my normal corner I lay, well stand, in wait for my prey.

He doesn't take long, that uncoordinated body stumbles up the stairs and ambles into the room humming under his breath. He has a marker pen in one hand and he sits at his desk, "Awesome, now for phase two of my plan for Derek," he mutters and I can't let him continue.

"Stiles," I pour my rage in my voice and let it go wolf with a growl that sounds like I'm going to rip his throat out, with my teeth.

"Argh!" He flails his arms and falls off his chair a bag falling to the floor with a comical metallic clang a metal dog bowl appearing from inside. "Derek!" Stiles jumps to his feet and then looks so damn guilty that I know without a shadow of a doubt that he has been digging into my past, that he knows all about it and is rubbing my face in it.

I already know he doesn't think much of me as an Alpha, that he doesn't really like me as a person, he's always making fun of me, he's helped get me accused of murder, twice, he's dug up my sister after I buried her… And part of me wants to take the punishment he's dishing out to me, because my family's all dead because of me, because of Kate, because I submitted to the wrong Dom, too young to understand why she wasn't a Dom just an abusive power crazed bitch, I've met proper Doms, male and female, since then and I know the difference now.

Having distracted myself I shake my head dig in my pocket and wave the collar at him, he sees it and smirks and it's like a punch to the heart. If he's found out about me he should have researched what giving a collar means to a sub, what it signifies, why it's so special. "You got it then," and it means nothing to him but amusement.

I've got him backed up against his bedroom door again and he's still smirking at me, annoying cocky little bastard, he doesn't have what it takes to Dom me, and I snarl, "You breathe a word of this to anyone and they will not find your body…"

"Sourwolf," he taunts me with the name on the collar, the sub name he's picked out for me, "It's a stupid joke, don't get your little werewolf panties in a twist."

A joke… He thinks this is a joke…

I've already lost Erika and Boyd. Isaac is raving about Scott and spends most of the time with him, I've not seen him in days really. Jackson is wrapped up in Lydia and wants nothing to do with me. Which leaves me with Uncle Peter back from the dead and clearly planning something. So I'm back to being an Omega but an Alpha version of an Omega, packless, alone. And now I have a pack of Alphas circling waiting to rip all those Beta idiots apart if I'm judged unworthy, which I will be, and Stiles is…

Stiles is blathering at me, "Dude, it's just a dog collar, and I got you a dog bowl and a doggie blanket, because really? Dog jokes are awesome, I've done it to Scott…" He raises his arms defensively, "Don't kill me, you might need me later on."

"Dog jokes?" It snaps me back and I realise I've just said that out loud. He got the collar to taunt me about being a werewolf, not because he knows I'm a sub, was a sub, or whatever.

"Yeah," those brown eyes focus on me and are far too intelligent and tend to see through things far too easily. "What did you think it was?"

Instead of answering I yank him forward and snarl, "I am not a dog," in his face and make my eyes go red, propelling him to the bed I twist and shove, and then I flee the house while he untangles himself from his soft landing.

Running into the woods I spend two days out there and evade the lack of people searching for me by doing absolutely nothing except hide by a small stream.

Once again I've proved why I'm a terrible Alpha, I should be planning ahead, coming up with contingencies and gaining my Betas' respect and loyalties. I'd even forgotten what day is was going to be on the second day, and it's a good thing that Isaac has an anchor now, and that Erika and Boyd are gone because the moon rises full and round, her pull indescribable and for the first time since I was ten I nearly lose control.

The wolf roars and struggles and the control slips through my fingers, I'm reduced to huddling under a tree gripping the collar for all I'm worth as the anger inside me shifts to a killing rage, and my anchor drifts away leaving me bereft of focus.

At the height of the full month I claw at my own body trying to use the pain to drive the wolf back, I'm bloodied and wounded, but it's not enough, and I howl my loss and guilt and fear and crippling loneliness to the night sky.

When morning comes I'm curled in a ball and the ghosts of my family I helped to murder singing loud accusations in my ears.

Eventually I splash into the stream and wash myself as clean as I'll ever get. Then I go home and wait for the Alpha pack to rip me to shreds, I've no pack of my own to defend, they'll be more than fine without me.

Settling on the makeshift bed of the subway car I find myself running my fingers over the leather of the collar and wishing I'd never met Kate, that I was still that Beta/Omega and that I had a Dom to run their fingers through my hair and soothe me. But I'm the Alpha now and that will never happen, Alphas dominate, they don't submit.

A/N: Sorry for any and all mistakes, I've tried to catch those I could, but I'm only human.