This is sort of a follow up to my story "Urges" that covers the events of the first film, but it also can be read on its own as it recaps all the relevant events of that fic. This is set between the first film and "Into Darkness". I will be doing a story after this that is a more direct sequel to "Urges", covering the time period of "Into darkness" and after it. That one will contain more actual plot.

This one is mostly just porn, not so much in this chapter but definitely in the next couple chapters. :-) Enjoy

Good Night Captain

"Good night Captain"

"Good night Commander"

In the first few days on The Enterprise they settle into a routine that is both comfortable and somewhat disappointing. The friendliness of the first day has remained in a way and appears, on the surface at least to have settled into and affectionate amicableness. Spock has started to teach Kirk 3-dimensional chess and continues to be surprised at how close the human has come to beating him on more than one occasion. In return Kirk is, if not consciously, teaching him something of human interaction; especially the illogical tendency that humans seem to have of insulting the people they like the most. Having observed this in the captain and the doctor he understands that this is away in which humans demonstrate affection without the awkwardness that affection can otherwise bring. As such it is a new and surprisingly welcome thing to him to find he actually has genuine friends in these two, when really he has never had a genuine friend before now.

And yet.

Yet neither of them has forgotten the night before The Enterprise launched, when Spock came to Kirk to take what he had been wanting ever since their paths first crossed. There was little that they had not done. No instinct that the Vulcan had not given in to. No part of himself he had not laid bare and nothing from Kirk that he had not taken. The only difficulty being that they had not spoken of it since. At least not in words.

Yet it was there. There in every look – and the fact that they tried so hard to avoid each other's gaze only meant that they caught it more often and when they did it was harder than it should have been to look away. Spock had hoped that that night would purge these feelings and desires that were eating away at him – an expression he had never understood before but that he realised now was no mere metaphor as they were consuming him from the inside out. Somewhere along the way satisfying his lust had evolved into the far worse state of wanting the human entirely, body and soul, all of him to be his own. He hated the illogical melodrama of his own emotions but it felt as though this longing was killing him.

Certainly it was quite actively physically painful. Two days of the feeling and Spock lost the battle with himself about whether or not to go to the Ship's Chief Medical Officer about it. He eventually accosted the doctor in the med bay; awkwardly the captain had been there at the time, conversing with his friend.

"Doctor may I speak with you privately?"

The doctor had frowned –

"Is it a medical concern Mr Spock?"

"Indeed Doctor."

"Hey Spock – you okay?" the captain had interrupted, looking genuinely concerned, a fact that Spock merely found confusing at this time.

"Let us hope so captain – doctor if you would not mind?"

"Sure Spock – step this way."

In grateful privacy Spock had attempted to describe his symptoms –

"I am experiencing many symptoms of being intermittently physical compromised –"

"Intermittently Spock – what do you mean?"

"Just that these symptoms occur only when I am in the presence of – another crew member. I feel fluctuations of temperature combined with constrictions in the lower abdominal region –" - He indicated the location of the Vulcan heart – "also sometimes in the throat with dizziness and nausea and – doctor do you find this amusing?"

McCoy had looked rather like he was going to laugh.

"Spock if I didn't know better I would say those were all the symptoms of being in love."

Spock felt mortified –

"Would you say it is outwardly apparent doctor?"

"Don't worry Spock – your secret's safe with me and Lieutenant Uhura."

"But doctor - it is not –" He breaks off, realising that he should not have begun this sentence at all, but the doctor is looking at him quizzically and he struggles on – "It is not Lieutenant Uhura who provokes these symptoms."

Upsettingly the doctor looks delighted.

"Doctor I trust I have your complete confidentiality n this matter?"

McCoy glares at him – "Damnit Spock, I'm a doctor not a gossip girl!It'd be more than my job's worth!"

"You will not even tell –"

"No I will not! Now get out of here!"

Spock was only too happy to do so.

_x_

McCoy's diagnosis if anything worsens the problem. He comes to feel like simple words are conveying much more than they necessarily are and he agonises over every inflection in the captain's voice and worries that he moderates himself so hard it only makes his emotional instability more apparent. It seems to him, when they part ways at the end of every day that in that "Good night captain" Kirk can hear his every thought –

-I remember everything, the touch of your skin, the taste of you. I remember how hard I fucked you and how you cried, I remember your eyes when you looked up at me and I thought that there was half a chance that you could love me. I remember everything we said in silence, our minds one and together. I remember holding you in your sleep and fighting back your nightmares. I remember the pain of leaving, how I never wanted to be out of your arms. I remember how you asked me to stay – I remember every moment and every time I look at you I re- live it all and wonder if you remember too or if it was just one more conquest you would rather forget –

And here the thought breaks off painfully, Spock looks away and "Good night captain" is all that he says.

_x_

Kirk wonders what goes on beneath that cool Vulcan exterior. Wonders if Spock ever gives any thought to what passed between them that night and wonders how he has – apparently – managed to dismiss it with so much composure. He is troubled by the fact that he cannot, when it is never normally any trouble for him, and had just been confiding these concerns in Dr McCoy when Spock had – awkwardly – interrupted them.

"I don't know Bones" he had been saying – "Should I just give up hope or what?"

"It's probably for the best Jim – trying to emotionally engage a Vulcan is like trying to get blood out of a stone –"

Then Spock had come in. When he left again the doctor had come out and quietly patted Kirk on the shoulder –

"I revise my earlier statement Jim – don't give up hope just yet."

Kirk spends the next few days trying to get more out of the doctor but McCoy sticks tight to his oath and tells him nothing. Kirk finds himself hugely over – analysing everything his first officer says to him – from "Indeed captain" to "Thrusters on full" – in an attempt to get something he can work with. But the cool emotionless bastard gives him nothing. Finally the captain ends up over thinking his own emotional outpourings – wondering if he is making them as much as he thinks he is – wondering if Spock can tell that when he says "Good night commander" it contains a world of thoughts that he would like to convey –

-I remember everything. The touch of your skin and the taste of you. I remember the noises you made and how you fucked me so hard and I loved it – Christ it was good! I remember how fucking amazing you felt inside me and how I'd never come so hard in my life. I remember how you looked at me and I wanted to die – your eyes were so hot and so hungry. I remember how you hurt me and I just wanted more. I remember how close it felt being mind – to – mind with you. I remember how you looked at me and I thought that there was half a chance that you could love me. I remember how safe I felt sleeping beside you, safer than I had ever been, even though you fucking raped me in my sleep and I liked that too. I remember never wanting you to leave and you did and it hurt and now I don't know if I'll ever get you back –

And here the thought breaks off painfully, Kirk looks away and "Good night commander" is all that he says.

_x_

I damaged my Spock and Kirk. I sorry. Promise to fix them in next chapter! :-)