AUTHOR'S NOTE: Wotcher! I just got this idea stuck in my mind a good while ago and now I finally posted this. Although it can be read alone, I recommend you all to read the chapters 20 and 30 from my other fic, Bubble-gum Pink Moon, before reading this.
Please, leave your thoughts down there, I really do appreciate them all. :)

CHAPTER 1: Hogwarts

The whole day had been tiring; being a member of the Order of the Phoenix could be nearly as exhaustive after the war than during it. It was the first anniversary of the end of the Second Wizarding War and she was requested to go to numerous celebrations. The Hog's Head, the Three Broomsticks, the Leaky Cauldron, Florish and Blotts. Yes, it seemed that every magical shop was holding a special festivity and oh, she could not deny them the pleasure of having her as one of the many 'celebrities'. Everything seemed that it would work just fine when she was giving an interview and her son was entertaining himself with some children books in the corner under her watch, but it certainly was not helpful when he would cry in her arms because he just wanted to go home and kip.

Tonks would excuse herself for a minute, just sitting on a bench outside with him in her arms and hoping that he would ignore the various stalls and peddlers and be able to sleep for at least a good half an hour before another shot of the loudest Dr. Filibuster's Fabulous Fireworks would strike. She knew she had put him through too much already and she really wished things were different, that she had someone else to share the weariness with. Despite not having slept a couple of nights ago and both of them had spent hours outside their home whilst she worked the day before, they were both extremely tired, but she would run her fingers through his bright orange hair ― result of playing with Uncle Charlie for over an hour ― and sing a lullaby to him until he drifted to the land of dreams.

"Hello, Tonks, dear!" Molly had come out of the Wiseacre's Wizarding Equipment to sit beside her, one of the Weasleys would eventually come to her, customarily either Molly or Ginny, still, Charlie had shown up once.

"Hey, Molly."

Tonks smiled.

"Everything all right?" asked the Weasley.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she answered with a reassuring nod. Fine ... Interesting choice of words, she knew no one would see anything wrong with it, but he would have seen right through her, he would have known something was wrong. However, if he was indeed here, would there be anything wrong at all? "Just needed a break, y'know. He's been a bit tired, been out all day. As soon as he's up, I'll be back inside."

Molly gazed at the little boy for a minute, a fond smile spreading across her features and Tonks mirrored her actions.

"He's grown fast, hasn't he?"

"Yeah ..." Tonks nodded. "Really fast ..."

"He's a lot like you."

Molly reached for his left foot, pending from her arms.

It was a lie and Tonks knew. Teddy did resemble a lot like one of his parents, but it was definitely not her. Though, none of them seemed to be able to voice it, probably afraid to hurt her feelings, little did they know that the lie hurt her more than the truth ever would.

"Thanks, Molly," she nodded; putting up a smile that did not really reach her eyes. She could not bring herself to say a thing; she knew she was not the only one going through hell on that day, the bag under the Weasley's eyes showed her that Molly wanted to simply go home and properly grief the anniversary of her son's death.

Eventually, she would be left alone with her son again and too soon, he would wake up, but she cannot blame him. After all, who would be able to sleep under such thunderous commemoration? She would take a few more minutes for herself before going inside, trying to send away all ghosts from the past and putting a brave smile upon her face. The small escapades to sooth or feed him were essential, crucial even, for her to go through the day, unfortunately, she could only use her son as an excuse so many times. She was thankful for his energy and the fact that one-year-olds were so easily distracted; he could be entertained by every little thing and only his laugh would bring a genuine smile to her lips, blocking everything else she was feeling more effectively than a Patronus Charm.

Her last appointment finally came and she headed with the survivors from the Order to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. A sting would cross her heart when she would remember that it was after another battle in that very school that he had finally accepted her feelings for him and they had had the most perfect night a couple could ever have had. Yet, she would manage to not let out any of it; she certainly did not wish to be shot with pitiful looks from every single soul when they thought she was not seeing.

It would all begin with a speech from the Minister of Magic.

"Ladies and gentlemen, fellow colleagues," with his voice's volume magically increased to reach the remotest corners of the school's grounds, Minister Shacklebolt would smile, nodding towards them, lined behind him as though they were his personal squad.

She hated this kind of attention; she really just wanted to be left alone. Her younger self would have certainly loved it, proudly standing behind her old colleague as if proving to them all she was right all along, that she had chosen the right side to fight for. However, now she could only feel extremely exposed, almost naked to be seen by a bunch of people she barely knew. And that little boy, it was not his fault, he had not fought, he did not deserve to be under such strong spotlight, nevertheless he had no choice but to stay with her, holding her leg as she kept her hand upon the back of his head and hoped it to end as soon as possible; if she was tired, he undoubtedly was too.

"We are gathered here today to celebrate the first year of true peace in our Wizarding Community since a wizard decided to challenge death, not a care at who would be hurt in the process," he paused to let his words hang in the air for a moment. Tonks always admired the way he could impress a crowd with his words, she knew she would never be able to be such a strong leader as Kingsley, but that did not bother her, she used to be more than happy in being a fighter. "One who called himself Lord Voldemort and despite all was still able to get followers to unite him, naming them the Death Eaters. Together, they had the purpose of, as they used to say, purify our community and take away the half-bloods and Muggleborns. However, they were defeated exactly one year ago, by the boy who lived, Harry Potter!"

Harry stepped forward clearly nervous and bowed as the heavy sound of claps echoed around the school grounds.

"Aided by the members of the Order of the Phoenix!" Another plaudit echoed and Tonks smiled, waving as her colleagues did the same.

Kingsley continued his speech for what seemed like a very long time, an hour at least. Standing there, Tonks was beginning to get sick of hearing what every single wizard in Great Britain knew so well, she wished he would just cut it all, allowing them to blend in the crowd as the feast began and hopefully, take care of her own business.

"The previous year was one in which we prospered and grew in great proportions, our bond with the Muggles is now much stronger and respect thrives ..."

For another long half an hour, Shacklebolt talked about how different the world was now that the Dark Lord was no longer among them. It was not until he announced the inauguration of the new monument playing tributes to the casualties of the war that her attention was back on him. A panel beside the castle was uncovered and a beautiful marble piece was revealed, names and photos of all the ones who had lost their lives for what was right were there.

Dora clenched her teeth at the sight of her father smiling at her, she would not cry, he would not want her to and neither would want ... Sirius. There he was, laughing like there was nothing better in the world; as painful as it was, she could almost hear the bark-like sound of it. She looked down at the little boy sitting on the grass and playing with a leaf, utterly oblivious of the names of his relatives not far from him. She would not cry, she could concentrate at the happiness of the boy before her and not allow the sorrow to take over.

The crowd began to move towards the memorial and Kingsley announced that the feast was finally served. She looked around, as if deciding what she would rather do. A tall man had approached Kingsley and she could see the Minister smiling as he talked to him, the Weasleys were walking to the stone to grief over Fred and she was left alone, she knew she had other friends around, but she could not find it within her to be cheerful with anyone. Better this way, she thought as she realised she had no desire whatsoever to stay nor to eat, she would go home and dinner whatever she had ready, spaghetti she reckoned, from two or three days ago, would certainly be perfect. She would feed her son as well and call it a day, she knew he would not object at the perspective of going to bed earlier. It was when she caught a flash of orange crossing her eyes. Her boy had begun to walk as fast as his little, fat baby legs allowed him to whilst she was lost in her thoughts. Luckily, having learnt to walk not many days ago, he could not go too fast.

"Kings!" she yelled, pointing at the boy near him and ignoring the odd looks she received for calling Minister Shacklebolt by a nickname. He moved to stop the baby, but it was not necessary, the boy stopped himself when he reached Kingsley's colleague, grabbing his leg just like he had done with hers during the Minister's speech. The stranger looked down at the little boy and began to turn around towards her.

"I'm sorry, he jus ―" She had approached them, but before she could get to her son she saw a pair of amber eyes, ones she, for a moment, wished she could have said that she had not put her own eyes upon for over a year and a half, but it would have been a lie for she had indeed seen those amber orbs every single day since her son had been born, Remus Lupin's. She began to smile, an immeasurable happiness began to fill her, but she was suddenly reminded to cut it off and put away that smile whilst she still could. "... Oh," was all she managed to let out.

The sudden grip on his leg had startled Remus, he looked down to see a young boy with such a bright orange hair that gave away that he was most definitely a Weasley. He heard a voice far away, one he could never forget, not even if he wanted to. Although he knew there was a chance he would meet her here, he still had hoped all the way that he would not. Gradually, without making any conscious decision to do so, he lifted his gaze to meet hers and his heart was nearly popping out of his chest. She had a blonde, short hair and dark blue eyes still holding a twinkle that gleamed brighter than the pendant of her necklace, features not frequently worn by her, the ones he had come to know as her true self. She had a violet shirt on, a baby blue shoulder bag; from the waist up very few would have recognised her, but he would never fail to; however, from the waist down, wearing worn jeans and her signature army boots, she was easily recognisable. She was even more stunning than in his dreams and she was a mother. Slowly, his brain began to put two and two together, she had been running after that baby, who appeared to be around the same age his offspring would be by now ...

He held her gaze for a long moment, both too caught up in each other to perceive the Minister of Magic rotating in the spot he was, having forgotten for a moment that one could not disapparate at Hogwarts and rapidly blended in the crowd behind him.

"Is he ...?" Remus's hand stopped half-way on motioning to caress the boy's head. He did not deserve any joyfulness that would come from either of them, he was not worth it.

Dora had been nearly panting, her heart beating incredibly fast, after so long she definitely did not expect to see him, in a future, yes, but certainly not now. So many things were running through her mind and she took a moment to realise he had asked a question or half of it. She nodded, after searching for her voice and finding nothing.

Remus looked down at him again and it was as though he was looking at a photo from the past, a photo of himself. The boy's hair had turned to a light shade of brown he was more than used to seeing at the mirror and his eyes had that amber tint he had been complimented for so many times by the woman before him. He's a metamorphmagus ... Every single day since he left his wife, he had pictured a little girl being born from their union, but he had to admit it was mostly due the fact that he could not stand having a child that would have inherited a single gene from him, he wanted ― he needed the child to be all hers, explosive temperament, clumsiness, stubbornness, whatever it took. But he had a boy ... a little boy, a little boy that at that moment was a nearly perfect copy of his younger self. No, that boy was not his, neither of them belonged in each other's world.

For a long while they stood before each other in silence, Remus still too scared to allow himself to touch the boy and after so long of wishing she could see her husband with her son, Tonks could not bring herself to pull the boy from him; both too afraid to meet each other's eyes once again. Until the moment the baby let go off his father's leg, crouching to get a small stone he spotted on the ground and his mother was once again grateful for the way he is so easily distracted. She cleared her throat, finally getting up some courage to speak.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine," he answered, daring to look away from the boy at last.

Fine ... There it was again. He was fine, but not all right.

"Yourself?" he questioned, twisting his hands somewhat nervously behind his back.

"Fine ... too ..." she did not even try to smile, she knew he would have realised right away that it was not a true one.

"Good ..."

"Yeah ..."

"Um doo geezah!" the boy exclaimed, standing and holding to his mother a lifeless petal of some flower that had passed by long ago.

"Um, for me?" Tonks bent down near him, opening her palm to receive the dead petal.

Teddy let it fall upon his mother's hand and stared at it for a moment with a grin.

"Thank you, love."

She smiled, kissing his cheek.

Remus swallowed hard. The way she had just said that last word made him recall instantly how she used to call him by that pet name, how they used to call each other by that pet name and she held the same amount of love in it as she spoke with that boy that she used to hold when she directed it to him. He looked around, as if he could find something that would allow him to just disappear, he felt like a intruder before those two; the bond they shared was clear to whoever saw them and he had absolutely no place among them.

Tonks drew her wand, touching the petal in her hand with it and making it change colours. The baby laughed and she could not help but to smile wider, he grabbed her palm with his two little hands to watch closer before getting it back from his mother. Teddy's eyes caught a Red Cap that was crossing the school's ground then, he took a step towards the creature, but his mother stopped him. After so much blood spilled there, a large colony of Red Caps had established themselves at Hogwarts. Sure they were easily repelled by some of the simpler jinx and hexes, but during this first year after the battle, rid the school of Red Caps was not amongst the wizard's biggest priorities.

Another long moment passed with a heavy silence between them, none doing nothing but simply watching the boy take off some leaves from the greenery beneath him.

"Feel like eating?" she asked eventually, tilting her head towards the huge table filled with Hogwarts's finest food.

"Not exactly," he answered despite still feeling the effect of the last full moon on his body and hoping he would finally have an excuse to let her go without being rude.

"Me neither," she replied, promptly, much to his dismay. "Wanna go for a walk?"

"I ..."

Remus was spared of finding a reason to not go with her by the boy before him, who began to fidgety stand on his tiptoes before her, moaning and starting to cry as he raised his fat little arms for her to get him.

"Hey, what's wrong?" she asked before lifting him up. The minute he was in her arms, he began to pull her shirt, struggling to get it out, but making nearly no progress. "Oh, my ― Teddy," she tried to call his attention having understood what he wanted. It was almost five, which meant there were about four hours that he did not eat a thing, she knew he must have been starving. The easy distraction had to have a bad side after all. "Teddy! Teddy, look at me," she lifted up his chin until he had no choice but to look at her. "Wait," she said clearly, he did nothing more but kept looking anxious at her and holding her shirt. "I should really ..." she trailed off looking at Remus, "you know, feed him."

"Don't let me stop you," he assured her with a curt nod and a small step back.

"Oh, please, Remus. S'not like you've never seen them," she mocked, looking down to her breasts and back to him. However, her mind had been caught up at the name she did not use for nineteen months, well, not addressing directly at him, at least.

For a moment he felt as though he had lost his voice, not a decent word filled his mind to be said to her and he stood there, open-mouthed, staring at her feeling embarrassed by what she had just said.

"Come on, Remus," pleaded Dora, savouring his name in her tongue after so long. "He's really hungry ..."

He blinked, keeping his eyes closed for a second longer than necessary before running his hand upon his face and taking a step towards her, nodding with a small smile. She smiled back at him, but not a word was spoken until they reached the castle, had chosen a corner to be left in peace and levitated a couple of benches there. Tonks unbuttoned her shirt, leaning against the wall as she unclasped her bra and Teddy eagerly took her breast.

Remus placed his elbows upon his knees, watching her in awe for a moment. Such a simple vision, a mother feeding her son. Yet, he could not imagine something more beautiful, so sheer and sinless, not a soul would be able to see any malice in it. The smile that spread across her lips when the boy began to play with the buttons of her shirt, the continuous movement of his jaw, the pure love in both gazes as they glanced at each other, even the boy's brows quite furrowed. Every inch of that picture before him left his heart aching with desire of playing some part in it, all he wanted was to be included. He looked away. He did not belong with them; he had no part in that beautiful painting. Actually, you have, a bit of his brain reminded him, without you there would be no child. No, he did not belong with them, he was barely human.

"Ted?" Remus asked, hoping to get his mind to think of anything else.

"Oh, yeah," murmured Dora, taken aback for an instant. "I named him after Dad, you know ..."

"Of course."

"Still gave him your name, though, Ted Remus Lupin."

His eyes went wide in half a second and he had to consciously shut up the part of his brain that insisted on telling him that that boy was his. You shouldn't have, was the thought he kept playing in his mind like a mantra, but he could not bring himself to say it aloud.

Too soon, Teddy had finished and Tonks placed him back on the floor, clasping her bra and buttoning her shirt. The baby crawled until Remus and began playing with his shoelaces. Feeling him close, Remus forced himself to look at him. He still looked like a younger version of himself and that look in his eyes pained him, it was way too much like his own, without of course, years of indescribable pain.

"Ted ―" began Tonks restrictively, but Remus shook his head.

"No, it's all right. Let him."

Teddy kept fumbling with the laces and a small smile tugged the corner of her lips. It seemed as though for at least that moment, her son had his father. And well, technically, he had. Remus was before him, allowing him to undo his laces with the mere purpose of not upsetting the boy. If that was not something a father would do, she did not know what would be then. A shiver came down her spine and she was brought back from her thoughts. It was getting late and thus cold, she should at least protect Teddy from it and so she reached for the bag, fiercely sending away a stubborn thought that insisted upon remarking that the shiver had nothing to do with the weather.

The plastic sound called Remus's attention and he saw her going through the shoulder bag, she took away a tiny black jumper and something smaller, white. She kneeled before him, somewhat nervous and struggling to put on the jumper above the boy's head and place his arms in the sleeves. He felt like helping, holding the sleeve so she could put his arms with ease, but he could not. Helping would mean that he was included and included was something he definitely was not. Eventually, she managed to dress him and placed the white object in his mouth, which Remus perceived to be a dummy, painted with the Montrose Magpies crest and he allowed himself a smile. He was definitely his mother's son.

"Do you want to come home and have a cup of tea?" she invited, after standing with the boy in her arms.

"I ..." He stood up, meeting her gaze. "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Come on, Remus," she tried to sound nonchalant by giving him a smile. "It really is just a cup of tea. It doesn't have to mean anything."

He bit his lip. There were many drinks at the table not far from them, they could have taken a couple and headed somewhere to talk if that was what she wanted to do, but perhaps ... He knew naught about caring for a toddler; he had a son and he knew nothing about caring for them. No! He did not have a son. There was Dora ― There was Tonks and that boy whom he had shoved into her life and then there was him, a werewolf who had nothing but a past with them. Perhaps she needed to take care of something for the boy, put him to bed, maybe, so he nodded. He was unexpectedly reminded by the first time she had said those words to him, their first Christmas together, but he knew very well what it meant for her and for him then. Moreover, of one thing he was sure, there was never anything between them that did not mean anything.

Remus started to walk towards the front doors of the castle, but after a couple of steps, he realised he was not hearing hers behind him and looked behind his shoulder for her.

"Thought you meant you were coming," she frowned.

Having listened to her words, he too frowned.

"I ― Well ..." he pointed to the school's gates with his thumb, where he had intended to walk to so they could apparate.

"Oh ... Oh, no, Remus, we can't," she instructed him. "He's too young, what if he Splinched? Merlin, no, can't even think about it!" she held Teddy closer and shook her head trying to get rid of the images floating her mind. "Not taking that risk. We're taking the Floo if you don't mind."

There it was now, the proof he needed that he knew nothing about fatherhood and therefore would never belong with them.

"Right. I'm sorry."

"It's all right," she gazed at her feet, fondly recalling how he would apologise for everything. "McGonagall said I could use her office."

"Mhmm," he nodded trying to concentrate on the path they were taking and ignore the little bit of his mind that wondered what on Earth he was doing.

Silently, they found their way to the Transfigurations' classroom and Tonks got a fistful of the powder, throwing it in the fireplace and watching the green flames come to life. She reached for a small blanket in her bag and threw it upon the boy who had hid his face in his mother's chest. She stepped inside and looked at him quite puzzled, gazing at the spot beside her and back to him.

"How do you think you'll know where to leave?"

"I'm sorry," he shook his head.

"Stop apologising," she grinned.

He opened his mouth to apologise again but stopped half-way and nodded, entering the mantel and standing beside her.

Tonks took off a bit of the blanket from the boy and he gazed at her.

"Don't breathe, all right? Just a minute," she kissed his forehead before covering him again and taking Remus's hand in hers, purposely not intertwining their fingers, she just needed to keep him with her after all. "Moody's," she said clearly and they all began to spin. Half a minute later, seeing the familiar drawing-room, she pulled them out and grinned, letting his hand go and taking the blanket from the baby before cleaning the ashes on him. "Here we are!"