No God is An Island (4/4)

Author: starhawk2005

Fandom: Marvel's Avengers

Date: Jan 2014

Pairing: Loki/ Jane (Lokane)

Rating: Adult (18+).

Summary: Part Five of the Light in the Dark series. Loki returns to Earth, but will our favourite astrophysicist take him back?

Beta: Many thanks to canyr12, with extra kudos for putting up with my impatience!

Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. I'm just borrowing them. Briefly.

Author's Note: My sincerest apologies to everyone for the long delay in posting this. I really thought it would go up much more quickly, but alas this time my beta's life was not cooperating! *sigh* But at least I've already started working on the sequel (and there are 4 chapters left in this series, BTW, in case anyone is wondering)! It will be entitled 'Some Like it Cold'; keep an eye out for it! :)

"I don't think I can do this," Jane gripes to Doc Allen. "I don't know why I ever told Darcy I would go."

She's supposed to do this ridiculous dance-aerobics thing with Darcy a few hours from now. It doesn't sound like a big deal, it shouldn't be a big deal, but frankly, Jane would almost rather be back in The Other's custody than showcase just how uncoordinated she can be.

"Sounds more like you won't." Allen points out, his tone mild.

"Can't, won't, what's the difference?" Jane asks tartly, though it doesn't visibly offend him.

"So now you think Darcy isn't onto something, when she says that you need more in your life than just your work."

Jane shrugs. "No, I wouldn't say she's wrong but…dance-aerobics?" She chuckles nervously. "Come on."

"Exercise has been proven to help improve one's mood." Allen points out. "In many scientific studies," he adds, knowing all too well that this will resonate with her.

Jane frowns; yeah, it is hard to argue with that. She gives it her best effort, however. "Yeah, well, that doesn't mean I have to do this exercise."

"Maybe not, but do you really see any harm in it?"

His words remind her of Loki saying something similar in an entirely different context not so long ago – and yet, it also feels like eons ago – and Jane can't help stiffening a little. "Falling flat on my butt for starters. Looking like an idiot, second. Having one of my hallucinations and freaking out in front of everyone, third!" Her voice rises on the last sentence, fists opening and closing restlessly in her lap.

"Darcy will be there," Allen points out, steepling his hands. "You have a coping strategy of checking with her to see if she sees him. That doesn't have to change." He cocks his head, studying her. "You're also making a lot of assumptions – negative assumptions – about judgments others will have of you."

Jane sighs. They've covered this ground many times before. "I know, I know. I can't change how other people see me or behave towards me. I can only change my own reactions."

"And right now, you're allowing your negative expectations to keep you from doing something you might potentially enjoy," he continues. When Jane says nothing, he adds: "Do it once, and see how it is. Consider it an experiment."

Jane makes a sour face. Allen sure knows how to push her buttons, and even though he's only doing that because he's trying to help, it still pisses her off at times.

"A nice thought, but I don't think I can," she argues, fully aware they've circled right back to the start.

"Of course you can," Allen counters. "Nobody's tied you to your chair. Once you get home and pack your gym bag, point your feet towards the door, put one foot in front of the other, and keep going until you get to the gym." He smiles.

"You make it sound so simple."

"It is simple. You didn't give up when everyone was laughing at you about your 'crackpot' scientific theories. But now you're going to give up before you even start, because you predict – likely wrongly – that people will laugh again?" Oh yes, he knows he has her over a barrel now.

Jane rolls her eyes. Bastard. "Fine. But if I break anything, it's on you."

A few hours later, Jane grudgingly has to admit that this is kind of fun.

It being her first time doing this, she has no clue what she's doing, but as the teacher is repeating the same sequence of steps at least three times per song, soon enough she's following along reasonably well. The music is a little pop-y for her taste, but it's energetic stuff and Jane is soon sweating.

It helps that Darcy wasn't kidding about those two women who can't keep a beat. They aren't even doing the so-called 'choreography' at the same time as the rest of the class. But nobody seems to care, which makes Jane feel that much better about her own fumbling efforts.

The teacher herself keeps confusing 'right' and 'left' – apparently she often does – and soon Jane is grinning as she grapevines one way, then the other, then tries to copy the salsa moves, then does a mambo…

It doesn't go off completely without a hitch. Just as she feared, at one point Jane sees Loki materialize in the corner of the room, lips curled in a snarl as he advances on her with two daggers raised in his hands.

She quickly looks away, counting three beats in her head despite the panic constricting her chest, and when she looks back he's gone. A quick glance to the side reassures her further; Darcy obviously hasn't noticed any feral Asgardian gods in the class.

Unfortunately, The Other's evil isn't quite done with Jane yet. A few minutes later Jane feels Loki's necklace cinch itself tight around her neck again. That hallucination is much harder to ignore, but luckily it's the end of a song and everyone is pausing for a few seconds to catch their breath. That makes it less complicated for Jane to bring her hand up and thread her finger between the necklace and her throat. When she feels that in reality the necklace is no tighter than before, immediately the sensation of suffocating vanishes.

Jane grins fiercely in triumph and launches herself into the next dance, a Bollywood-inspired series of moves.

It's over almost before Jane realizes, which is fine with her. While she's not as easily exhausted as she was last week, her energy level can still bottom out pretty quickly sometimes. And let's face it, she's kind of out of shape.

They cool down and stretch, and afterwards Jane and Darcy walk over to the side of the rapidly-emptying gym to retrieve their water bottles and towels.

"So, did you have fun?" Darcy asks her expectantly.

Jane nods, blotting the sweat from her face. "I did, yes. Thank you for inviting me." She'll have to admit to Doc Allen that he was right, but she's OK with that.

Darcy smirks. "You may not be thanking me when you're sore tomorrow."

Jane laughs. "No doubt!"

"But when that happens, just remind yourself of the incredible ass and legs you'll have after a couple weeks of-" Darcy cuts off in mid-sentence, staring past her. "Uh, Jane-"

Jane raises her face from her towel and turns to look in the same direction. It's Loki, again, and Jane rolls her eyes and turns back to Darcy. Three hallucinations in less than an hour, wonderf-

Darcy is still staring, and Jane blinks in confusion because there's nobody else in the room except the two of them. Plus the hallucination.

Then the inevitable, awful thought occurs to her. "Is it really-?"

"Yeah, I see him. So either I'm now hallucinating too, or…"

Jane looks again, and yes, Loki is still there, starting to walk slowly towards them, his eyes lowered. He's wearing his dark suit and appears unarmed, but something is different about him, though Jane isn't able to figure it out until he is standing right in front of them. He trimmed his hair, she thinks.

He meets her eyes at last, and he looks wary, hesitant, as if he's afraid she will bolt.

He should be afraid. Jane can feel white-hot anger roiling inside her, with a generous side-dose of nausea.

"Jane," he says in a low voice, "I have returned to you, and I wish to-"

Something inside her snaps. "How dare you?" she snarls. Before she can pause to consider the wisdom of such a move, her hand whips out and connects solidly with his left cheek, though the blow barely turns his head. "That's for leaving me alone to deal with this shit. And for unilaterally deciding that we were over, without even fucking giving me a chance to say anything. Oh, and also for basically saying that I was nothing more than your fucktoy." She realizes her hand is now stinging and she clutches it to her chest, ending her tirade with an "Ow!" Through it all, Darcy stands frozen beside her, her eyes moving between them like she's watching a tennis match.

Jane can't read Loki's face, it's like a thousand emotions flicker across it in the space of a breath, before it becomes guarded again. "I recognize that you are angry," he tries again, his tone now mildly chiding, "but perhaps you could express your ire in a less self-injurious way?"

Jane glares at him, flexing her sore hand. Of course, there hasn't been an actual apology in anything he's said so far. The High and Mighty Norse God apparently does not apologize, not even to women he's dumped.

Well, she is one woman who is not going to put up with his shit – any of his shit – any longer.

She might normally think of herself as a pacifist, but right this second her inner militant feminist is standing behind a Gatling gun and bracing to fire. "OK, how about this: Fuck. You. Loki." She leans down to grab her water bottle, then straightens up and turns on her heel, striding away in the direction of the locker rooms.

She's not sure, but she thinks she hears Darcy remark behind her, in a sarcastic tone: "Wow. That was smooth." But Jane doesn't stop walking until she's at her locker.

Darcy appears at her side a moment later. "Can you believe that?" Jane sputters, massaging her hand in between whipping off her gym clothes and changing into her jeans and shirt.

"Jane-" Darcy says, but Jane isn't done.

"And here I thought it was more important to defend Asgard. Defend the universe, rather than waste his precious time on little old me." Jane stuffs her sweaty clothes and towel away in her bag with sharp, agitated motions. "Oh, and let's not forget, he abandoned me for my own good."

Darcy blinks. "Huh?"

"Yeah, he claimed - before he blipped off - that if we were seen together, Thanos would come after me again. Because leaving me all by myself is ever so much safer," Jane mutters scornfully.

"That is some pretty fucked-up logic," Darcy agrees. She seems about to say something else, but Jane is already turning to leave, so Darcy scrambles to jam her feet into her flats, and follows after her.

Of course, Loki is waiting on the street outside. "My Jane-" he starts.

Yep, the word 'sorry' apparently isn't in his vocabulary, Jane thinks sourly. "I'm not 'your Jane', asshole," she growls, striding past him as quickly as she can, Darcy still trailing after her like an obedient puppy.

"Please Jane, I am sorry," he finally pleads as he walks after them, his pace a bit slower than theirs thanks to his longer legs.

At his words Jane stops in her tracks and turns to glower. She finally has her apology, but it doesn't make her feel any better. Because: "You're sorry? Gee, and here I thought you didn't have much use for remorse or guilt, Loki Lokisson. Didn't you call such emotions 'useless'?" She gives a short, bitter laugh. Besides, God of Lies, right? He'll say whatever he thinks he needs to, to get back into my pants.

Except, of course, the truth.

"Did you really come here expecting that everything would be forgiven, and that I'd be falling over myself to spread my legs for you again? You must really think I'm stupid." Jane turns on her heel and walks briskly away, flushing with combined embarrassment and anger.

"Not at all-" he's trying to say, but Jane stops listening to his bullshit at that point. Same shit, different day.

For a brief moment she's stomping down the sidewalk alone, but soon Darcy catches up to her once more. Jane turns a corner, walks a bit further, and then glances behind her. Good, he took the hint. "What a prick," she mutters.

At that moment Loki materializes in the doorway of the pet store as they walk by, his face twisted with rage, his body crouched as if he intends to pounce on them both, but Jane is so angry she just scowls at him, and he vanishes as soon as she does. Another hallucination. Fuck that, too.

"Jane," Darcy is saying, a little breathless as she tries to match Jane's frantic pace, "I realize you're pissed off at him – nobody would blame you for that – but maybe you should at least hear what he has to say?"

Jane stops walking again, this time scowling at Darcy. "Um, why? One, he's never going to tell me about all the stuff I really want to know. Like why he really dumped me. Or why he hates Thor so much that he attacked him with a giant fucking robot in the middle of our town! And two, whatever he does tell me will probably all be lies, knowing him."

Darcy pauses, and Jane can sense her picking her words carefully, though that only increases Jane's irritation. "Look, I don't think I told you this before, but when he came asking for my help, when that bastard of an alien had you…Loki was scared, Jane. He cared. I'd bet the entire contents of my iPod on it."

Jane frowns and shakes her head, and starts walking again. She so does not want to hear this.

"He looked paler than I'd ever seen him, and his voice was shaking, Jane. Nobody is that good of an actor." Darcy continues, though Jane presses her lips into a hard line and keeps walking. Interesting as all that is, it's also all in the past. Unless he's willing to do things differently this time, it's completely irrelevant. And so far, he's not off to a good start with her.

"Look, he's fucked-up," Darcy continues stubbornly, keeping pace with Jane. "You and I both know that. Hell, I think the universe knows that-"

"Darcy," Jane replies grimly, "I know you mean well, and I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm done talking about this."

Her assistant stifles a sigh and nods. "OK. You know I support you no matter what, right?"

Jane nods but doesn't answer, her lips still pressed into a thin line as she walks as fast as her tired leg muscles will let her, until they get to the lab.

Another unwelcome thought comes to her. "We should probably let SHIELD know that Loki is back," she observes reluctantly.

Darcy nods and reaches for her cell phone. "I'll handle it, OK? You go up to the roof and try to chillax. I'll bring us up some coffee in a few minutes."

"Yeah," Jane agrees. With any luck, SHIELD will set The Hulk on Loki again. Jane would pay to see that.

The next few days are…bizarre, to say the least.

It helps that Jane has Doc Allen to talk to, though as usual he doesn't offer any solutions. If anything, he and Darcy are drinking the same Kool-Aid, as both of them apparently think she should at least hear Loki out.

Allen's approach differs a bit from Darcy's, however: "You're a scientist. An empiricist. You look at all the facts. But you can't have all the facts here, until you hear his side of it."

Maybe talking to Doc Allen isn't helping that much.

Erik is probably the only person who agrees with her that she should stay far, far away from Loki. Well, Fury probably does too, though Jane hasn't spoken to him about it. And Coulson. And probably Tony and Pepper would, too…

However, Loki apparently doesn't care what Jane or anyone else might want, because Loki has been stalking her again.

At first it's just that tingle along her nerves when she's walking along the street. Or a sensation like someone is behind her when she's sitting on the roof of the lab, but when she gasps and turns to look in the shadows, no one is there.

It reminds her way too much of how they first met. Of how she'd reacted to him then. With attraction and desire? Really? What the hell had been wrong with her?

Maybe she really had been under a spell. Surely that's the only logical explanation.

At first these incidents make her nervous, then briefly afraid, and then finally, royally pissed off. Because - how dare he?

Oh, and there are also the gifts, appearing from out of nowhere. One day, folded neatly on her chair on the roof of the lab, there appears a large pelt obviously not from any Earth-bound animal, given the strange orange and purple markings on it. Um, no.

Then there's the purple stone – an amethyst? Jane wonders – the size of her fist, left for her on the shelf in her locker at the gym one day. She glances around to make sure no one is watching, then shoves it into the bottom of her gym bag for now. Who knows, maybe it'll be useful to pawn one day.

The thought of Loki watching her as she sweats and fumbles through the steps in dance-aerobics irritates her, but Darcy harangues her endlessly if Jane doesn't go, so Jane grits her teeth and tries to ignore the hackles raising on the back of her neck.

But the jewel in this exceedingly fucked-up crown is the day, about a week after he first appeared, when she pops into her apartment after a therapy session for some clean clothes and a bag of coffee for the lab.

She opens her front door, and stops dead with her mouth hanging open. Her apartment is literally, literally filled with pale green roses. They adorn every surface, carpet the floor…and they're just like the ones he turned the SHIELD guns into when they'd taken her prisoner weeks ago.

Holy. Crap. She walks in slowly, crushing untold roses into piles of bruised petals under the soles of her sneakers. How the hell, her ever-practical brain is asking, is she going to manage to clean up the mess once all these roses die? Assuming magical roses can die…

She's halfway to the kitchen when every single rose explodes silently, petals showering all around her, and when Jane blinks her apartment is back to normal again. Except for one single, pale green rose lying on the upside-down moving box currently serving as a coffee table, and one unwanted Norse god taking up space on her couch.

Jane crosses her arms angrily in front of her. "What the fuck do you want, Loki?" Unless he's about to lead with: "I will tell you everything. Why I attacked your home town, and why I hate Thor so much," or "Why I left you alone when you needed me most", Jane doesn't give a fuck.

And yet, when he looks up at her, his expression seems so vulnerable that Jane nearly takes a step back in shock. Could it be he really has changed?

"I want to harness the power to turn back time, that I may go back and undo all that I said and did that day when I…left you alone." He swallows convulsively. "But as I lack that power, I must find some other way to win your favour."

Jane shoves her sympathy aside, rolling her eyes. Of course, he's never going to willingly tell her what she wants to know. He's only going to try to pull another of his oh-so-convincing cons. She laughs angrily. "Oh, and so you think stalking me – I can feel you doing it, by the way – is going to 'win my favour'?"

His brow furrows, though he seems more at a loss than angry. "I am trying to protect you. That requires me to be in proximity to-"

Jane cuts him off. "Rationalize it all you want, Loki. It's creepy as hell, I don't like it, and it stops, now, or I'll tell SHIELD to sic The Hulk on you." Too late, some tiny part of her brain reminds herself that he's volatile, and maybe she shouldn't taunt him?

But he just looks at his hands. "I value you," he finally says. "And I wish to make certain that what The Other did to you never ever repeats itself. I had thought perhaps that if I left, that would make you less of a target-"

"Yeah, I remember that excuse." Jane retorts. "You are so full of shit. God of Lies, indeed. Do you even know anymore what the truth is?" That's the real problem right there, isn't it?

Another long, silent moment. "The truth is that I made a terrible error in judgment, leaving you here to grapple with your demons by yourself. And I swear by Yggdrasil I will do whatever is necessary to repair matters between us." He rises to his feet and takes a step towards her, hand outstretched, his expression turning despondent when Jane responds by taking three precise steps backward.

"If you do not trust my words, then trust my actions." He takes a deep breath. "I am your most humble servant, Lady Jane Foster of Midgard," he continues, formally if cumbersomely. "I am at your command. Name it, and it will be done."

She could probably order him to tell her the truth, but what would be the point? He won't, so for now she'll settle for getting him off her goddamned back. "Stop stalking me and leaving me gifts, then," Jane snarls. "I'm not the type of woman you can 'buy' with presents. In fact, I command you to stop."

With that, she turns on her heel and leaves, slamming the apartment door behind her. With any luck, he'll get bored of this and leave. Or maybe he'll get desperate enough to give her what she really wants?

But he'll probably be lying anyway, the negative little voice reminds her, and Jane shakes her head in frustration.

Too late, it occurs to her that she should've also ordered him to get his damned collar off her damned neck. Oops. But she refuses to turn around now. She'd feel too much like his supplicant, and that's also a non-starter.

She neither sees nor senses his presence for a few days, and that's completely perfect. Darcy looks faintly disappointed when Jane fills her in on what has happened, and Erik jubilant, but either way Jane doesn't care. She wants off this fucking roller-coaster, right about now.

But sadly, it's not to be, and Jane is not really surprised when Loki shows up in her dreams instead. Again, it reminds her all too strongly of the early days of their…whatever it was they'd had.

She rolls her eyes and scowls at him, folding her arms across her chest. "Oh, let me guess. I specified that you needed to stop stalking me, but since I didn't say everywhere, you figured 'dream-stalking' was still on the table?"

In her dream, she's lying on her deck chair on the roof of the lab, though the constellations hanging above them in the night sky are unfamiliar to her. Asgardian, maybe?

"Can you not understand?" he asks in a low tone, ignoring her question. "I believed I was endangering you."

"Yeah, and you were very convincing, Snake-Tongue," Jane replies sardonically. This shit again. Yawn.

"Oh, speaking of 'endangering', I want this off. Now," she snarls, pointing at the snake necklace.

He blinks, before his features take on a stubborn cast that Jane is annoyed to be this familiar with. "It is there to protect you. I set various spells on it-"

"Always an excuse, huh?" she interrupts. She should've known he'd balk at actually giving her anything she wants.

Which is the whole problem in a nutshell, isn't it?

This is such a waste of her time. It doesn't matter whether it's regarding the truth she needs to hear, the stalking, or getting his damned chain off her neck. He's not going to change. "If that's all you got, I'm going back to sleep," she informs him, giving him the most contemptuous glare she can muster.

He shimmers into nothing and Jane laughs. Still the coward, she thinks unkindly.

The next night is a near-perfect repetition, except this time he attempts a new unwelcome approach. "Did I not please you, Jane?"

She grits her teeth. She should've known he'd try this. She's tempted to lie and tell him he sucked, that among all the lovers she's had (which isn't all that many, but it's not like he would know), he was by far the worst. But then she decides that she won't lower herself to his level. He's the liar, not her.

"Yes you did, at the time. But maybe I want more than that now."

He stands there silently for a long moment. She can barely read his face in the flicker of the firepot, not that she really cares to look all that closely.

"Maybe," he replies finally, "I am ready at last to give more to you."

Jane is startled into laughing loudly, and Loki's face takes on a wounded look. He's hurt? Yeah right. The consummate actor, she thinks.

"Really?" she retorts. "Prove it."

He blinks several times. "How can I do so, my Lady? Especially as you refuse to give me any opportunity to speak to you, or to even linger near to you-"

She curls her lip at him, exasperated. She could lay it all out for him, the things she wants to hear from him, but what would be the point? He'll do what he's always done – stonewall. Or lie. Instead, she throws at him something familiar from countless boring rom-coms Darcy has dragged her to over the years: "Not my problem. If you can't figure it out, Loki, then you're not ready."

His next words are surprisingly petulant. "But I do not know how to proceed. I have never attempted to court a woman of Midgard."

"Also not my problem," she replies haughtily, turning on her side and pulling her blanket up to her shoulders. The pelt he left her days ago lies crumpled and forgotten by the side of the chair, both in her dream and in reality.

On the spur of the moment she decides to take a little pity in him: "Though I will give you one hint. Lying to the person you are…involved with, is not cool. Which includes lies of omission, by the way. We Midgardian women tend to frown on that. " She flings the words back at him over her shoulder.

Again there is a long weighty silence, with only the whistle of wind and the muted crackles and pops of the fire to fill the space between them.

"If I had told you everything from the beginning," he asks abruptly, so quietly she has to strain to hear him, "would you still have chosen to be with me?"

Jane rolls her eyes again. Stonewalling. Just like I predicted. "Well, you'll never know, will you?" she responds tartly. She waves a dismissive hand over her shoulder at him. "Stop stalking my dreams, Loki. It's just as creepy as real-life stalking. You're not going to gain any points for making a pest of yourself. You're smart, so figure it out."

When she glances back over her shoulder, he's vanished from her dream again.

A few more days go by, and there are no more tingles along her spine, or unwanted Norse gods invading her home or her dreams.

Did he just give up? she wonders. Figures. That just proves how little he really wanted me back.

She's relieved, but also faintly disappointed. She sighs at her mixed feelings, resolving to discuss them with Doc Allen tomorrow morning.

Loki concentrates hard, enough to cause a mild pulse of pain to go through his temples.

He cannot comprehend how or why Jane is so sensitive to his presence, and it takes much more effort than usual for him to cloak himself so completely that she does not 'feel' him.

Because he has in fact not left her side. He can hardly protect her effectively otherwise, can he? Thor would no doubt concur.

So despite her express wishes, he continues to follow her. He hovers restlessly in the hallway while she talks to the mind-healer. He does not listen, partly because he is sure that it would fuel Jane's ire if she knew, and partly because he is uncomfortably certain they are discussing him.

He dogs her footsteps as she returns to her abode for clothing, or to that food vendor whose building the Destroyer ruined these many months past, or to the training facility where she and Lady Darcy engage in that unusual dancing.

In truth, it is no hardship to watch that. He rather enjoys observing Jane's confidence grow with each session, the music is interesting, and of course the movements of her hips and body are utterly alien and fascinating, if not at times outright sensual.

Of course, he also guards the rooftop of her laboratory while she sleeps, watching over her and whomever happens to be with her that evening. Usually it is Lady Darcy, but occasionally it is Selvig. Despite himself, Loki's spine stiffens whenever Selvig is with Jane, though it is obvious that the older Midgardian loves Jane like a daughter. Even given his history with Selvig, Loki knows he should be appreciative of the Midgardian's efforts to help her.

As he watches, he considers Jane's words to him in the dream. How can he prove his devotion to her? He is the God of Lies, all know this. If he were to sit her down and tell her the full unvarnished truth, assuming she would even deign to listen, would she even credit his words?

She is not impressed, evidently, with his desire to protect her. Nor with the gifts he has procured for her. But he does not know what else to do. He has no frame of reference, as he has admitted to her in full honesty, for courting her kind.

He can only look to his own past, to his relationships with Asgardian women, brief as all of them had been. Women who had been in awe of his title, his proximity to the throne, his magic…

Loki shakes his head, frowning. What he knows of Asgardian women probably does not apply to Jane Foster. Even if it did, he has no title or claim, however distant, to Asgard's throne any longer, unless he can somehow convince Odin to forgive him. But Loki will not do that, not even to entice Jane.

His magic might interest her, intrigue her scientific mind, but that is where it ends. He is sure it will not fascinate her enough to erase the sins he has committed.

He remembers thinking long ago that he has little to offer Jane – no palace, no country, no Realm - really, all he can offer her is pleasure. Which now is apparently not enough.

He supposes he could speak to her of his love, but besides the fact that she will no doubt disbelieve him, it is still not simple for him to admit he feels such for her. As he said to Thor in Asgard, love has given him little.

Still, he cannot bear the thought that their 'arrangement' is over, and all because of one foolish act on his part.

So he watches, and he schemes.

After another Midgardian day or so, he realizes in the middle of observing Jane and Darcy that perhaps he has an ally there. Darcy had thrown him an exasperated, disappointed look after his first failed attempt to apologize to Jane. Then, when he had sent his awareness after them, Lady Darcy had seemed to be trying to convince Jane to give him a chance to speak.

Perhaps he should ask her how he could go about earning Jane's forgiveness.

This time, he knocks at the door of Darcy's abode. Never let it be said that Loki of Asgard is a slow learner.

She opens it and blinks, though she does not seem terribly surprised to see him. "Oh, it's you," she says flatly. "What do you want, Loki?"

"Help," he says succinctly. "I have little knowledge of how to court Midgardian women. You are a friend to Jane, and of course a Midgardian woman." He attempts to smile, but it feels uncomfortable on his face. Lady Darcy has helped him in the past, yes, but he is well-aware she might feel there is little reason to aid him now.

Darcy rolls her eyes, but steps back and motions him in.

Her abode is not even as large as Jane's, though it is also partly filled with cubes of stiff paper that Loki now recognizes as being 'moving boxes'. At his curious look, Darcy explains: "I was packing up to move to New York, to work on the Stark-Foster project with Jane, before…" Darcy waves her hand in a vague motion, "the whole alien Guantanamo Bay thing happened to her."

Loki does not understand the reference, but her meaning is clear enough. "She no longer looks to her stars," he says. It isn't a question, though Darcy nods and looks despondent.

She sighs. "One problem at a time," she answers, straightening her shoulders as if she is brushing the weight of that particular difficulty away for now. "You said you need help?" she asks pointedly.

"Yes. Tell me how I can best win back Jane's favour." He wanders over to her seating area and avails himself of the two-seat piece of furniture with a horrendous floral pattern on it.

Darcy rolls her eyes as she follows him, though she remains standing. "Where do I begin, Loki? One, don't stalk us. Two, don't stalk her dreams– yeah, she told me about that, dude – either. Three," she takes a deep breath, "stop acting like such a dickwad."

Loki glares at her in wrath, half-rising from his seat before he even realizes he's doing so. "How dare you-"

Darcy folds her arms and meets him glare for glare. "Uh, you came to me for help, so shut the fuck up. If you want any chance at getting Jane back, you need to put on your big-boy panties and sit and listen to what I have to say. And if you feel like throwing a little tantrum because of it, you can just get right the hell out of my place first."

Loki glowers at her for an interminable moment, during which he can easily sense the nervousness she is fighting to hide. Reluctantly he admits to himself that he admires her spirit; she is not much different from Jane in that respect. Clearly, Midgardian women are strong in will, if not of flesh.

He lowers himself slowly back to a seated position, pressing his hand over his forehead. "I'm sorry," he says ruefully. "I am…not as in control of my emotions as I would wish."

"Gee, ya think?" Darcy remarks tartly and rather unwisely, but Loki only shakes his head, brow furrowed painfully. How low has he sunk, that a mere mortal's words can move him to such unreasoning anger?

"I wish to change that. I am trying to change that. So I must ask for your patience, as I will ask for Jane's, if she deigns to give me a second opportunity. So speak freely, Lady Darcy."

Darcy hesitates, then moves to sit next to him.

Loki smiles faintly, her last accusation flashing through his mind. "Perhaps we could begin by you informing me how I can stop being a 'dickwad', as you put it?"

"Talk to her. Honestly." Darcy says firmly.

"I tried that," Loki replies, bitterness colouring his voice against his will. "She calls me God of Lies – which I am, of course – and refuses to listen."

"It didn't help your case that you basically insulted her after she hit you," Darcy points out. "And she's fairly convinced this whole 'I-left-to-defend-Asgard, and by the way it-was-best-for-you-anyway' thing is complete B.S." She pauses, her gaze assessing him shrewdly from behind the two panes of glass she wears. "It is B.S., right?"

Loki hasn't the faintest idea what 'B.S.' is, but he gathers from her manner that it is roughly equivalent to lying. "Yes and no," he agrees slowly. "I believed it myself at the time, but…" he shrugs helplessly.

"Then you need to talk to her about the real reasons. And I also know there's a few things you've been withholding from her – like why you're so pissed off at your family – which I'll bet would gain major brownie points with her, if you told her the full story." At his uneasy look, Darcy adds: "Look, you need to…make yourself vulnerable. Show her that you really want to make changes, that you want things to be different, that you'll trust her with things that are difficult for you. That you'll be more…open. I think that's all she wants, really."

Loki nods, even as he despairs at her words. True, Jane has not betrayed him, not like his supposed 'family' has, but exposing himself in such a way, even to people with no particular reason to use or hurt him terrifies him at some deep level he scarcely feels comfortable acknowledging.

Can he show Jane his true face? Even to repair matters between them?

He is not certain of the answer.

"I will give great thought to your words," he says gravely to her. "Though I still remain curious as to what the proper courtship behaviours are among you Midgardians. Surely having such knowledge can only help, now and in the future."

Darcy scratches her head, thinking. "Well, that's easy enough to teach you about." She rises and beckons him to follow her, leading him across the tiny living space to a small table with one of the machines Midgardians call 'computers' sitting on it.

She gestures for him to drag over a chair from the kitchen table, as she settles herself in front of the device, tapping a few keys.

"Let me introduce you to your new best friend," she says. "The Internet."

Loki leaves Lady Darcy's abode with new hope lightening his mood. After an hour or so, she had apologized, saying she needed to join Jane at the lab for the evening, but she had invited him to stay and continue using the 'Internet', with one caveat:

"Do not, I repeat, not type the word 'porn' into Google."

He'd blinked at her. "Why would I?"

But she'd only shaken her head and stared him down. "Good. And I'll be checking my Internet history tomorrow, so that better not be one of your lies, or I am so ratting you out to Jane. Mark my words."

Trying not to smirk – was she really threatening him? It was all rather amusing - Loki had set his hand over his heart. "I swear by Yggdrasil, Lady Darcy."

She'd watched him suspiciously for one long moment, then nodded. "Fine. And it's just Darcy."

"Very well, Darcy. May you and Jane have pleasant slumbers."

For now, Loki magicks himself into the desert to check his warning-spells as has become his daily habit, his mind filled with new information. Oh, no one had a definitive answer on how one apologizes to a Midgardian woman, but one word he'd seen a few times had given him a new strategy.

Marriage.

He examines the warning-spells methodically, including the newest ones he set upon his return from Asgard. As usual there is no sign of anything unusual, so he goes back to his previous line of thinking.

He does not know why such a simple solution has not occurred to him before. Even in Asgard, though many women had been pleased just to be able to say they'd shared the bed of the Prince (sometimes, both Princes, if not precisely at the same moment), many more had quite obviously desired a longer-term commitment.

To be a Princess, even if one was not destined to be the future Queen of Asgard, surely was a tempting prize. At least that was what he'd gleaned while spying on the many gatherings of court ladies over the years, before such gossip had become boring to him.

Satisfied, he magicks himself to the rooftop of the lab, arriving just as Darcy greets a sleepy Jane and settles herself into the vacant chair next to their fire. Even hidden by illusion, Loki stays in the shadows, watching over the both of them.

Of course, as he'd noted earlier, he has little to offer Jane now. No land, no castle, no princely title. Let alone an entire Realm.

But, has such ever mattered to her? Seemingly not. She'd known enough about his unsavoury history, before they had even begun their 'arrangement', to realize how little he actually had to offer. Even hearing Thor's accusations as they fought, or his confession to Fury, none of it had seemed to dissuade her from being with him. Until he had so childishly run from her.

Perhaps, as some of the so-called 'websites' had suggested, she is now looking for some sort of 'commitment' from him. Had she not said as much, when she'd claimed that she wanted 'more' from him now? Surely that is an invitation to bring matters to another level. Certainly a proposal of marriage will serve as an indication that he is truly serious about repairing things, of making amends?

It also occurs to him that the things he'd spied Darcy and Jane watching on that flickering entertainment box from time to time seemed to suggest that, just as in Asgard, many Midgardian women are interested in marriage.

He will need some sort of ring, apparently, but that is of little import. The easiest of matters to resolve.

Loki ponders next when and how to approach her, listening with half an ear as Darcy tries to convince Jane to accompany her to a musician's performance at a 'club' in a nearby town.

At first Jane attempts to demur, but Darcy is insistent that Jane continue to try new things. As Jane finally agrees, Loki smiles in the darkness. It feels good to be plotting again, rather than adrift.

It is a risk, of course, to ask for her hand. She may well say no, but very few of his schemes have ever been entirely without risk. If she refuses, then he is no worse off than now. Perhaps it is even possible she will initially deny him, but the seed will have been planted and she may well acquiesce later.

If nothing else, perhaps it will at least give her pause, enough to tempt her to finally listen to him. Though he still finds himself shying away from the thought of revealing the entire truth to her.

With any luck, she will not only say yes, but she will be so overcome by his gesture that she will no longer doubt him. Thus she will no longer require that he give up all his secrets, especially if they are not relevant to their relationship?

Oh, it will likely change matters between them in some fashion, of course. But it is a small price to pay, to regain that which Loki so carelessly tossed away. He gathers his power into himself and magicks himself silently away to the desert again. Once there, he seats himself in the cool sand and slowly weaves together the threads of magic he will need, to create a suitable adornment to offer.

The venue Darcy brings Jane to the next night is vaguely interesting to Loki. He is more accustomed to watching musicians perform in either the vast throne room in Asgard, or in much smaller private performances for the royal family alone. So this setting, which is small and somehow intimate yet public at the same time, intrigues him.

The music on its own would fascinate in its sheer difference from Asgardian pieces. He thinks he remembers Darcy referring to it as 'alt rock' music, whatever in Yggdrasil that is. One thing Loki quickly discovers though, is that it is loud, so loud one has to shout to be heard. With difficulty, he manages to hear Darcy saying vociferously to Jane that she sees an opening at the bar, so this may be a good time to go get some drinks.

Jane has an expression on her face as if she has tasted something sour as she looks around the place, and Loki can read from her body language alone how out-of-place and awkward she feels here.

Hanging back, Loki watches the other Midgardians. Many sit at tables, drinking and talking, others listening to the musicians. A large group of Midgardians, both women and men, are in front of the stage cheering the musicians on and performing strange motions that seem to be some kind of dance, but which look to Loki's eyes more like somewhat rhythmic flailing. Though he is far more accustomed to the formal, precise dances of the Asgardian court, the chaos of the throng appeals to him at some deep level, and he smiles.

Many of the flailing women are scantily clad, though Loki is not interested in sparing them much more than a passing, curious glance; he may as well be looking at art on a wall.

He already has his mate in mind.

At a long counter on the other end of the large, reverberating room, Jane and Darcy are rapidly downing tiny glasses of clear fluid. Three each, one after the other. No doubt it's another type of their weak Midgardian alcohol. Pitiable. Loki is not even slightly tempted to follow suit himself.

He is not surprised that they are serving alcoholic beverages in such a setting. Asgardian dances and performances are not much different; a little ale always loosens both the joints and the inhibitions.

Darcy tries to urge Jane to join the group in front of the stage, but Jane resists, and after a moment Darcy shrugs and steers Jane to an empty table.

Loki continues to wait, choosing his moment. Although the ways she has limited herself recently – eschewing her stars and her lab, avoiding her home – sadden him, he is pleased that she is seeing the mind-healer, and that she is doing activities for recreation that he knows she does not normally engage in. He will need to thank Darcy for that.

Eventually Darcy wanders off to join the group at the stage herself, leaving Jane alone at their table nursing yet another beverage, and Loki smiles. With a motion of his hand he allows himself to become visible. His armour would be entirely unsuitable here, so he makes himself appear to be wearing a dark green shirt, half unbuttoned, though he retains his accustomed black leather pants and boots. Neither are too unseemly here, judging by what the Midgardians are wearing.

He glides to Jane's side and leans to her ear. "May I avail myself of that seat?"

Jane whirls to face him, nearly falling off the tall stool she is seated on, the astonishment on her face quickly shading to anger. "You! I told you to stop stalking me, didn't I, Loki?" Her gaze moves past him to where Darcy is, as if she is attempting to silently signal the other woman.

"And I have," Loki lies smoothly. Some truths are better left hidden. He seats himself on the unoccupied stool. "You told me, as I'm sure you recall, to 'figure it out'. I believe that I have. A means to prove to you that I wish to do things differently, if I am given a second opportunity."

Jane looks entirely unconvinced, though she relaxes marginally as Darcy appears next to their table. Loki pretends he doesn't notice the warning look Darcy sends his way.

Before either woman can question him further, Loki winks at Darcy, sliding off the stool and dropping to one knee in front of Jane.

It is a simple act to spin a sort of cocoon around the three of them, both muting the loud music and effectively hiding them from the attentions of others for the time being.

Loki reaches out, gently grasping Jane's cold hand, and her eyes widen almost comically when Loki proudly produces from his pocket the fruit of his efforts in the desert last night: a gold ring, twin to the torc he gave her, enameled in black and green. Except this one has twin snake heads, each with two tiny emeralds for eyes, gripping a fifth and much larger jewel in their jaws. It's not the traditional Midgardian diamond, as he keeps none of those in his pocket dimension, and he doubts Jane would look kindly on him stealing one, but it is an Asgardian gem of similar sheen and colour.

He glances up at her throat automatically, though she is currently wearing a scarf over his torc. Well, he can hardly fault her for hiding it, especially given her current (but hopefully soon to change) opinion of him.

"L-loki, what the hell are you-" she finally stutters, her voice nearly a whisper, as if he has stolen her breath.

"I am asking for your hand in marriage, Jane Foster of Midgard. I made a…horrific error in judgment, leaving you as I did, and I am truly sorry for the pain I caused you. In all honesty, I convinced myself at the time that the greater hurt would be to stay with you, but now I know that notion to be false."

He pauses to take a breath, his gaze captured by her stunned expression. "And I wish not only to…reinstate what we had before, but to take it even further." He pauses again, struggling for the correct words. It is rare for his 'silver tongue' to be stymied, but he finds it too difficult, even at this fragile juncture, to say that he loves her.

What has love ever gained me?

Instead, he continues his proclamation with: "You are of the utmost importance to me, and I am serious about engaging in a true relationship with you." He pauses yet again to moisten his suddenly dry throat. "Can you not see, that I cannot abide being without you?"

He has set his cards – well, most of them – on the table. When Jane says nothing for what feels like eternity, however, he adds: "It is now up to you, Jane Foster of Midgard, to decide if you believe me enough to trust me or not."

They are all frozen, a tableau in the center of a whirlwind of tumult and noise.

Then Jane slowly shakes her head and pulls her hand from his, and the spell is broken.

"You don't get it, Loki."

He blinks, fighting to hide his irritation as he lets his hand drop back to his side. His other hand presses tightly around the ring.

Taking a slow breath, Jane continues: "There is no way in hell that I am ready to marry you. First - maybe you didn't get the memo - but here on Earth, we date first."

Before Loki can ask her what precisely that means – he saw it mentioned in many places on Darcy's 'Internet', but he had not bothered to pursue it – Jane barrels on: "Second, while I know that I told you that I wanted 'more', this is not the gesture I was referring to. I gave you a hint, for God's sake. Remember? This isn't even close, Loki."

He rises slowly to his feet, despair causing him to cast a disappointed look at Darcy. Her eyes meeting his, the mortal growls: "Don't blame me for this. This is not what I told you to do. There's some big secrets you've been keeping. Maybe, I don't know, you should leadwith those? It's time to man up, Loki."

Jane casts a stunned look at Darcy before grabbing her by the arm. "We're leaving," she says flatly to both of them. "Don't follow us, either," she hisses back at Loki as she pulls Darcy away.

He allows the magical bubble around the three of them to collapse, the beat of the music rattling his bones once more.

Loki closes his eyes and shakes his head. Of course, his clever little Midgardian would not fall for his ploy. He should have expected as much.

Now there truly is only one path left to him it seems. He sighs mournfully and straightens his shoulders, magicking himself back into the desert while the mortals around him remain oblivious.

He will wait until he judges the moment right to make his final attempt at reconciliation.

Jane is barely able to wait until they are sitting in the Pinzgauer, before she turns on Darcy. "What the hell was that? Did you put him up to it, Darcy?"

"Um, no," Darcy says flatly, looking deeply offended by Jane's accusation. "Look, Jane, he came to see me the other day-"

Jane's eyes widen until they ache. "What?"

Darcy looks Jane square in the eyes. "For help." she continues. "He wanted to know what to do to get on your good side. I did not tell him to propose to you, that was his own batshit crazy idea. No, I told him that I'd heard he was keeping secrets – bigass secrets – from you, and I suggested that he open up about those. And he wanted to know more about the 'courtship habits of Midgardians', so I pointed him to the Internet." Darcy sighs and slips her glasses off, rubbing tiredly at the bridge of her nose. "I should've known unleashing the Trickster god on the Internet would be a bad idea."

Jane is speechless for a few seconds, before her voice comes back at last. "I don't understand why you're helping him, Darcy. I thought you were on my side-"

"I am on your side," Darcy retorts hotly. "But you're not fucking listening, Jane. I told you he was terrified when he came to me. When The Other had you? Anybody with half a brain would've realized in that second that he's in love with you, Jane! Are you telling me it really makes any kind of sense to your super-logical brain that he'd go running to Thor for help, race across space to rescue you…and then dump you?"

Jane shakes her head, stunned voiceless all over again, but Darcy isn't finished. "If he didn't care, he wouldn't have bothered. No, he would've laughed as he teleported his sorry ass out to the other end of the galaxy. No, what makes a lot more sense, is that he is so messed up that when he realized he loved you, he got even more scared, and ran the fuck away." Darcy grabs Jane's shoulder, giving her a little shake. "Doesn't it?" Darcy asks insistently.

Reluctantly, Jane nods slowly. It does make sense.

"The thought that he actually might care for somebody scared the crap out of him, and he just needed some time alone to get his head on straight about it," Darcy goes on firmly. "And he did – hopefully – and now he's back." She stops, releasing Jane's arm and looking at her sympathetically. "I'm not saying he's got nothing to answer for, and that you should just take him back no questions asked. I think he does need to prove himself by being more open with you. But, c'mon Jane, you're not even giving him a chance." Darcy crosses her arms, now looking stern.

Jane sighs and starts the car at last. "Why can't I find myself a nice, stable, emotionally-healthy person-" Her words freeze in her throat as she glances in her rear-view mirror and spots Loki gazing at her in poisonous hatred from the back seat. But she looks away, counts slowly to three, and when she looks back the hallucination is gone.

Darcy snorts, not aware of what just happened with Jane. "Yeah, good luck with that. I don't think even you or I fit that description."

Jane has to laugh at that, if a little wryly. "Yeah, tell me about it."

A few hours later Jane finds herself pacing in her apartment. This is probably the longest amount of time she's spent here in weeks, and she feels on edge just being here, but somehow the thought of confronting Loki on the rooftop of the lab – which has come to be a sort of oasis for her - doesn't appeal at all.

Finally she sighs and stops pacing, closing her eyes. "Loki," she says, barely a decibel louder than she usually speaks.

She feels it a heartbeat later, a whisper of magic brushing across her senses. Then he's there, sitting on her couch in his usual Asgardian armour and looking up at her warily.

"You need to tell me the truth, Loki," she says, interrupting him just as he starts to speak. It's time for the direct approach. He could still be lying, of course, but she has to take that chance. There's no other way to move forward. "We'll start with why you left me here all alone. No more lies, no more tricks. If you want 'us' to work, that's the way things have to be from now on. You can still be the God of Lies, but not with me. Period."

He nods slowly, closing his eyes and pressing his hand to his forehead as he sits there for a long moment. "Lady Darcy has the right of it," he finally says quietly. Jane wonders how he knows what Darcy thinks, though she suspects it has something to do with spying on them. One issue at a time, though.

"I was…" he goes on, his words hesitant. "When The Other took you, I felt so much fear, and…guilt. I blamed myself for it taking you, for the pains it caused you. I was negligent, derelict in my protection of you, and you suffered greatly as a result."

He looks up at her, his expression bleak. "It was partially true what I told you, that I thought Thanos would leave you be if I was elsewhere; I did not want you to suffer again on my account." He shakes his head and is silent for another long moment before continuing. "But…I admit that also I did not wish to suffer the pain of thinking that you were injured or… worse. Of having to face again the uncertainty of not knowing where you were or what was happening to you. Especially given I judged myself responsible." His pale fingers knot themselves tightly together in front of him.

"I understand, Loki," Jane answers, and it's true, she does understand. "But you should have talked to me about how you felt. Not just up and dumped me."

"I know," he says, his eyes bent on his fidgeting hands. "I believe now that you are the sole woman I've ever truly cared for so deeply …and yet, I've made so many grievous errors. What can I do to prove my devotion to you?" He looks up at her again, though his expression is guarded.

Jane blinks. She wasn't expecting that particular pronouncement from him. Maybe he really is ready to open up? "You can explain to me why caring about someone else scares you so much."

He drops his eyes, saying nothing at first. Jane can practically feel the seconds tick by. "I can only guess," she prods gently, "that it has something to do with Asgard. With your family. But you haven't really told me anything personal about yourself up til now, so I can't be sure."

Loki looks up at her again, then reaches cautiously for her hand. When she sets her hand into his, he draws her gently down on the couch next to him, though his attention seems to be far away as he raises her hand to his lips for a soft kiss.

He cradles her hand in both of his, taking a breath that seems slow and shaky to Jane's ears. Then he starts: "It began when Odin announced his intention to crown Thor King of Asgard…"

Jane listens without a single interruption for over an hour as Loki unfurls the whole tale. His scheme to delay – only delay! - Thor's ascension to the throne. Discovering by accident that he was not Asgardian, that in fact he is a Frost Giant. Seeing his chance to prove himself as a loyal son of Asgard once and for all. And then, in sheer desperation and madness, doing whatever he felt he needed to do to put an end to the nightmare of his true identity: Set Laufey up so Loki could halt an attempt on Odin's life and play the valiant hero (for once), destroy Jotunheim so that he could end that threat forever, and send the Destroyer after Thor so that Loki's plans would not go awry.

At last Loki falls silent, his hand limp and oddly cold around hers. Or is that her imagination only? She wonders.

She takes a moment to mull everything over, fitting all the puzzle pieces together. What he just told her explains what she overheard him telling Thor, back when the two brothers fought that day behind her trailer, about Loki not being Asgardian. And it also – finally – explains why he reacted with such tension when Jane had called him a 'bastard' so long ago. Of course he'd see himself as illegitimate, given his true heritage.

"Thank you for explaining all that to me. I don't know if I can condone everything you did, but…I do understand it. Like your scheme to make Thanos think you were his ally."

Loki's shoulders slump, his chin dropping to his chest as if a weight has come off of his shoulders. His voice, however, has a hard edge to it when he speaks. "I did the best I could, given the circumstances. I admit, the blame is mine, and yet…had Odin raised me differently, would any of this have taken place? I have my doubts."

Jane shakes her head, not wanting to argue that point with him. She only has his side of the story, after all.

But she does feel empathy for him and what he's gone through. "Possibly," she concedes. "I mean, your real father left you for dead, and then you felt like your adopted father left you by falling into this 'Odinsleep'." Then she has to smile. "Sounds like you and I both have abandonment issues; I wonder what Doc Allen will say about that?" Loki is looking over at her curiously, though, so she leaves that thought for the moment and goes on: "I don't know that I would have handled it any better. Well, if I had the magic and power you do, anyway."

Loki shakes his head slightly, taking a deep breath. "But, to answer your original question, Jane, as to why caring for someone else is so difficult…" He pauses, swallowing with difficulty. "I loved them all, you know. Odin, Frigga, Thor. But Odin and Frigga lied to me my whole life, and Thor…" He stops speaking again for long seconds. "It is difficult now not to hate him as much as I once loved him. He was always so easily able to win the love and admiration of others, for seemingly doing nothing other than being who and what he is. I always craved that acceptance for myself. And that was before I realized how much an outcast I really am." he admits, his voice almost inaudible by the end.

His gaze meets hers again, his hand slowly rising to touch her cheek with light, cold fingers. "But you accepted me. Perhaps you did not know what I really was, no, but you had some notion of the things I had done. And that I had nothing of worth to offer you, beyond…companionship. But you still wanted to be with me, regardless." His fingers trail down her cheek and neck, stopping just above the edge of the necklace, and Jane can't help a shiver. "Perhaps most importantly, you've never lied to me," he adds, voice softer.

Jane furrows her brow, trying to think as his cold hand drops to her shoulder, his eyes locked on her face. "I don't know about never," she admits. "Maybe a white lie here or there. But about anything big or important? No. That's just not…me."

A ghost of a smile crosses his lips. "I know."

"And you're right, I don't care whether you're a prince or not, or what you can do for me. Or give me. I just want to know you."

There's that mild flicker of amusement on his face once again. "I know that, too."

Jane slips out from under the gentle weight Loki's hand, getting up and starting to pace once more as she considers how much she can ask of him. She does appreciate him telling her the truth at last, but there's at least one last elephant in the room (that she knows of, anyway).

"I want to see," she says finally, haltingly.

Loki's eyebrows pull together in confusion. "See what, my Jane?"

She turns and looks him full in the face. "You said you're a Frost Giant – a Jotun – and that your appearance right now is an illusion created by Odin." She takes a breath. "I want to see your real face."

He's right, she had accepted him, and she's willing to accept him again now. All of him.

His face hardens abruptly, mouth pulling down in a frown. "This is my real face."

Jane holds up a placating hand. "But it's not. You told me it's all illusion-"

"Perhaps at first, but this illusion has become my truth," he says, his voice roughening in a way that triggers unpleasant memories from her days of torture. "My true heritage is entirely inconsequential. I was raised Asgardian, and I am Asgardian, in every way that matters. In any case, it has no relevance at all to us."

"Loki, please. I asked you to be straight with me," Jane says as firmly as she can.

But Loki is rising jerkily to his feet, his mouth pressed into a hard line, other lines carved deep into his forehead and his shoulders tense. He shakes his head and advances on her, stopping only when Jane stumbles back reflexively.

"This is my true face. The only face that matters. And if you have any care left for me at all, you will leave me that one thing." His voice is almost inaudible, his eyes shimmering, and Jane watches dumbfounded as a single tear traces its slow way down his pale cheek.

Jane opens her mouth to answer, stepping towards him to comfort him if she can, but there's that whisper of magic again, and he's gone before she can take another step.

"Crap!" Jane says out loud to the empty apartment. This is becoming a habit of his. She seat-drops onto the couch, propping her chin on her hands.

Too late she realizes: Just because I might be ready to accept all aspects of him, doesn't mean Loki is ready!

Jane sighs, not sure where to go from here.

Back in the desert, Loki hurls a few colourful curses in Old Norse into the breeze, kicking angrily at the sand.

Such foolishness, thinking that the universe would, for once, allow him an easy path to happiness.

Despair floods into him, washing away the anger as he realizes he may well lose Jane over this. She's made it clear that if he wants his second opportunity, he must yield to her rules.

But he has made an attempt, has he not? Should that not be enough? He supposes he could argue the point with her.

Still, should giving her a glimpse of his 'true' face be so difficult?

It should not be, and yet, the thought of stripping away the mask, of showing her the self that he would rather not claim ownership of…it seems impossible. He would rather attempt to move Midgard from its accustomed path through space with his bare hands!

It is one thing to display his Jotun self before his un-family, who already know what Frost Giants look like. But the thought of the burgeoning horror in Jane's eyes should he do the same with her…

Displaying to her the face of the monster within? No. He would rather not give her additional reason to feel repulsed by him.

Much as he loathes Odin for the great lie, at least Odin has left him this, a mask behind which Loki can hide. Behind which he can pretend to be nothing more than Asgardian.

But what is he to do? Even though his so-called mother and brother claim to be on his side, he does not yet trust them. Jane Foster of Midgard is the sole being in all of Yggdrasil who, to his knowledge, has always spoken truth to him. The sole person who (until recently) accepted him. Oh, Thor and Frigga say they accept him, but there will be strings attached, he would wager Odin's illusion on it.

Surely Jane has earned the right to the truth, ugly as it may be? Not to mention what his negligence had cost her…

But despite all his rationalizations, the roiling in his stomach will not settle.

He requires, it seems, companionship, or he would not be here. But does he not need more than that? Someone who will hear him, accept him? Jane may have given him that before, but there's no predicting whether things will continue on in that vein now, no matter what truths he allows to pass his lips at last.

His own family, who know him best and for the longest time, do not truly believe him or trust him, he knows. So why should this little Midgardian? Especially after how he abandoned her.

Long moments pass while he battles himself. The cost of not agreeing to Jane's terms may be high; he may well lose her permanently over this. And not only that – he will lose the chance to be that man again. Not Loki of Jotunheim, the unwanted runt left for dead. Nor Loki of Asgard, failed destroyer of Jotunheim and failed conqueror of Midgard, mad and power-hungry and looked down upon by the people of Asgard. Both of those identities he would be more than happy to relinquish.

But to be Loki Lokisson, the person worthy of Jane Foster's love and companionship, to not be at odds (or at least, to a lesser degree) with everyone around him…he would very much prefer to maintain that identity, to be that man.

Perhaps Jane truly has changed him. Or, being emotionally involved with her has changed him. For the better.

Is he prepared to surrender all of that, just because he would prefer to deny what he really is?

Loki stiffens as his magic-sharpened senses bring Jane's summons to his ears once more. He considers ignoring it; for one of the few times in his long life, Loki has little notion how to proceed from this point.

Enough, Jane finally says to herself nearly an hour later, rubbing tiredly at her forehead.

She needs to make a decision. Is Loki's refusal a deal-breaker, or is his earlier confession to her enough?

The pained expression on his face as he'd risen from the couch is etched into her memories. That, and the tear dropping from his eye. There's so much pain there, a wound so deep she can barely imagine how far down it goes.

Is it really that important what he is?

Maybe this is all another act, the nagging little voice points out.

But Jane doesn't think so. What could he possibly gain? Well, sex, and maybe a way to get to other Realms, if he convinces her to build her Einstein-Rosen bridge. But he could get sex anywhere, she's pretty sure, if he put his mind to it. And he obviously has a way to get off-planet that doesn't require her help, or there's no way he could have saved her from The Other.

He may indeed be a really good actor, but she can't conceive of any possible motivation he'd have, for him to try to fool her now.

The truth is, I want to try again with him.

Yes, she's mad as hell at him, and yes, he's fucked-up in so very many ways. Darcy had hit the nail right on the head: Loki is insecure and afraid, and he'd left her in a misguided attempt to try to protect himself.

But he's back now, and things with his family are really not going well, if she believes him. Jane can certainly relate, as things with her own mother have been strained for years. But she has Darcy, and Erik, and up until recently, her work.

What does Loki have? Well, she's suspected the answer to that for a while, hasn't she?

Me. And me alone.

Jane is fairly certain that Loki wants to have a positive relationship with someone. Who wouldn't? And if The Other hadn't interfered, would things between them have continued to be good? Jane is pretty sure the answer to that is yes.

But that doesn't mean she doesn't want things to change. Loki being more truthful with her is still a requirement, as far as she is concerned. At least he'd made an effort by finally telling her his big secret.

But the question remains: Does it matter whether she sees the real him?

Maybe there's only so much she can reasonably ask of him at this point. Or that he's emotionally capable of sharing with her.

At least she knows the truth at last, and knowing something is better than knowing nothing.

And she wants him. Jane's put too much time, effort, and too much of herself into this relationship (and yes, it is a relationship, no matter what non-traditional label Loki wants to slap on it this time) to let it go so easily. If he had stayed away forever, that would be one thing. But he's back, and he's obviously sorry and making an effort, so-

Mind made up, Jane speaks out loud again. "Loki."

Nearly a minute passes, and unease spikes in Jane's stomach. Did she manage to drive him away after all?

But something shifts in the corner of her vision, and when she turns her head, he's standing in the shadows of the living area. The long lines of his body are just as tense as they were before, his eyes dark and guarded. For a moment, Jane isn't sure if he's another one of her hallucinations or not, and the hairs on the back of her neck prickle.

But there's no anger in his face when he steps forward, and Jane relaxes marginally.

"Many things I am willing to give you," he says before she can speak, his voice low and firm, but with an edge Jane recognizes as him drawing a line in the sand. "But I will not show you the face of the monster."

Jane sighs and gets carefully to her feet. "You're not a monster. I don't believe it," she says firmly.

He's never been monstrous to her (well, not since the very beginning)…this self-proclaimed god who saved her life. Even if his actions are what put her at risk in the first place, she absolves him of that responsibility.

This thing – this 'Frost Giant' thing – has nothing to do with her. Nor, as he'd said before, with them. Oh, maybe further down the road, it might be relevant, but then again, maybe not. She's not sure if she wants children, or if he does. Or if Asgardians and humans can mate, or if this thing between them has enough legs to even last out the year. It's like trying to characterize a new star before she's even bothered to look for the galaxy it's located in.

No, the important thing is that he's here now, and she has all too accurate a sense of how achingly lonely he must feel. She knows quite a bit about being an outcast – from her family, from former friends, from the scientific community – to judge him harshly.

"Nevertheless," he insists, "I will not-"

Jane holds up her hand to stop him. "OK."

Loki blinks, but his wary expression does not change. "What?"

"It's OK, you don't need to show me," Jane clarifies softly. "One day, I hope you might trust me, and accept yourself enough, that you will. But if that day isn't today, it isn't. If you feel that this is your true face, then that's good enough for me right now." She shrugs. "So, if you want to give 'us' another go, I'm willing. Though I hope you will make…allowances for what I've been through recently."

The relief on his face makes something loosen in her own chest and shoulders. No, she isn't ready to give up on 'them' yet.

"But, I do have one condition," she adds, trying not to tense up again as a shadow crosses his features, his blue eyes darkening.

"Which is?" he asks, his tone hesitant.

"No more unilateral decisions about us. That includes, but is not limited to, breaking up, getting married, and whatever other crazy ideas you get into your head, Loki of Asgard," she says adamantly. "If there's a problem, we will discuss it. We're not going to deal with things by having you make a pronouncement from on high, and then flit off to another corner of the damned universe. Is that clear?" She crosses her arms and pins him with her best don't-fuck-with-me look.

The corner of his mouth turns up slowly. "Very clear. I agree to your terms, Jane Foster of Midgard."

For a long moment they stand there, smiling cautiously at each other. Loki is the first to take a slow, small step towards her, but somehow or other they end up pressed together, arms wrapping carefully around each other.

Jane presses her cheek to Loki's armoured chest, breathing in the familiar leather scent of him. She becomes aware then that he is trembling ever so slightly.

They both need to heal. Jane hopes they can do it together.

For a few days, Jane's routine actually doesn't change all that much despite Loki's near-constant presence. When she asks him why he's following her around all the time, he claims it's because he can 'protect her most effectively if he is in close proximity'. Jane has her doubts – surely someone as powerful as Loki doesn't actually need to be near to protect her? - but she says nothing. He has his insecurities, and she has hers. Especially now.

She continues to see Doc Allen daily, and that's one of the few times Loki appears content to teleport himself somewhere else. Well, she hopes that's what he's doing, and that he's not in fact eavesdropping. If she ever finds out otherwise, Asgard won't be far enough away for him to hide from her anger!

Jane also is continuing to attend dance aerobics classes with her research assistant. Darcy gives every appearance of being genuinely happy that Jane and Loki are giving it another go (the "You go, girl!" Darcy'd said when Jane told her they had reconciled was a pretty obvious hint), though after a day or so she seems much less happy about Loki shadowing Jane everywhere.

So Jane and Darcy are completely in agreement when they both tell Loki flat-out that no, he cannot sit there at the side of the room, even hidden behind a screen of illusion, and watch them work out. He pouts but agrees, though once again Jane finds herself hoping that he isn't watching them on the sly.

"And if I ever find out you are watching us change in the locker room, I'll kick your ass," Darcy adds, and Jane tries not to smile at the incredulous expression on Loki's face, though he says nothing.

Loki even watches over Jane (and often Darcy too) as she sleeps on the roof of the lab, the god standing tireless sentry as the moon and stars glide slowly across the sky.

At least, he stands watch for the first three days after he and Jane reconcile, that is. The fourth night, Loki vanishes soon after Darcy and Jane finish their dinner at Izzy's, and Darcy excuses herself to take care of some unspecified something.

Which is how Jane winds up climbing the stairs to the lab roof alone, and once she's up there, not only is Darcy nowhere to be seen, but there's only one deck chair there…and Loki is sprawled on it in a tangle of long limbs. He's not wearing his armour for once; he's still got the leather pants, those are almost a constant, but he's wearing a shirt made of some soft green fabric, with lacing loose at his throat.

Jane stops and looks at him for a moment, confused and fidgety. "OK, where am I supposed to sleep?"

Loki smirks up at her ever so slightly, his skin patterned by the flickering firelight. "If I may suggest…in my arms?" He holds out a hand to her, and Jane only hesitates for a second, before walking over to him and allowing herself to be pulled down and cradled. She wonders in a tiny moment of irritation if and just how much Darcy had a hand in this.

He conjures a blanket from the air and tucks it around them both, and soon a comfortable warmth builds between their bodies. Jane falls asleep faster than she can remember doing since her kidnapping. It's also the first night she sleeps without a single nightmare.

Of course, it's not all positive; not everyone is thrilled that Loki is back. Jane supposes that she should be grateful that all the SHIELD personnel she has to deal with, especially Director Fury, are being carefully neutral about the whole thing. She's not surprised that Doc Allen's reaction is neutral – it's his job, after all, to be on her side – and although Jane spends an entire morning fretting about how Agent Coulson will react, he only gives her his signature half-smile, then says: "Everyone deserves a second chance. But not a third."

He then tells her to inform him immediately if Loki starts acting like a dick, and that's the end of any awkwardness between them. Well, additional awkwardness. Jane still isn't entirely comfortable dealing with shadowy government agencies and agents.

Erik, of course, is a whole different story. Jane hadn't quite been able to work up the courage to go and tell him herself…shamefully, she'd let Darcy take care of that for her.

Erik had called Jane then, outraged and trying to talk her out of it. But Jane's heard (and thought of) all the arguments before, and though she sympathizes with Erik's point of view, it's her life and she has to do what feels right. Which is exactly what she tells him, though she also repeats very firmly that Erik is still family to her.

Much to her surprise, Erik begins to hang out with them again, though he and Loki usually try to stay about as far away from each other as they can, each steadfastly ignoring the other.

Jane doesn't even think they've spoken more than two words to each other, though one night, while climbing up to the roof of the lab, she overhears them talking on the roof above her.

"I'll be watching you," Erik hisses, and there's no mistaking the venom in his voice. Jane stops mid-stride, biting her lip and debating whether to hurry up there and try to referee whatever is happening between them, or to wait.

But when Loki answers, his tone is even and calm, and Jane relaxes just a fraction. "Good. I do not know nearly as much about Midgardian women as I would like. It would be extremely useful to have someone to inform me when I am making errors." Though there's no trace of mockery or malice in Loki's tone, Erik still scoffs loudly, brushing past Jane with a grumpy 'Good night' on the stairs a second later. Loki looks disappointed when Jane catches her first sight of his face, as if he wishes he could somehow repair things with Erik.

But other than that hiccup, Loki's presence does help, and slowly Jane begins to take back control of her life. Soon she decides that it's completely ridiculous to be sleeping on the roof of the lab. Her bed is fifty million times more comfortable than a deck chair (even when it's being cushioned by six-foot-two of Norse god).

Nearly a week after Jane and Loki reconcile, Jane suggests at last that they try to spend the night in her place instead. Jane pretends not to notice the relief in Loki's eyes (and Darcy's, though she spends the night in her own apartment, not Jane's).

It doesn't go well at first. Of course Loki climbs into bed with her, once again wearing that green shirt, and finally pants that are not leather (even if the scent of leather seems to have permanently wormed itself into his flesh).

They haven't tried to sleep together, not in the Biblical sense anyway, since he came back. But as this does not seem to bother Loki, Jane decides to wait until she feels more ready to start that aspect of things again.

So they lie together under the covers, spooning, and Jane falls asleep quickly again. Her sleep is peaceful, until she wakes up on the floor, a scream dying in her throat, as she struggles against the tangled sheets, her entire body coated with sweat. A hellish image floats in her brain; a repeat performance of Loki, tinged blue by the lights in her airless stone cell, torturing her with his knives with slow relish-

But when she blinks the sweat and tears out of her eyes, Loki – the real Loki – is crouched there on the floor with her. His hand is outstretched, though he doesn't touch her, and his eyes gleam with unshed tears again. Something about the sight of them calms her for some reason, and his voice, somehow soothing yet desperate at the same time, assures her: "It was not me. I would never harm you, my Jane. Please-" He reaches to brush his fingers along her elbow.

Only emotional harm, Jane thinks but does not say. Besides, he came back, right? Not to mention how he'd rescued her from The Other.

She allows him to coax her back into his arms, and to pull her onto his side of the bed away from the dampened, cold sheets and pillow. It takes some time, but eventually Jane relaxes back into sleep again.

Over the following week, Jane finds that the hallucinations during her waking hours are declining. It particularly helps when Loki is physically present and she can tell instantly whether a hallucination is real or not.

The nightmares are another story, but initially Jane thinks there's little she can do to stop them. Loki hasn't gained the ability to heal while he was away, and though he offers to cast a sleep spell on her one difficult night, it actually makes things worse; the nightmares still come, but Jane can't wake up to escape them, leading to an agonizing night and a horrific morning-after. They don't try that again.

But despite her nocturnal struggles, after some discussion she and Doc Allen decide that it's time to see him only twice a week. They also decide to stop the Trazodone, as she's sleeping fine except for the nightmares. Jane has never been comfortable using a crutch anyway, and besides, a little research in the library yields some interesting strategies to improve posttraumatic nightmares.

Reading about the various strategies gives her an idea, and she decides to try a little experiment (after all, research and experimentation are her thing). She already knows from prior experience that Loki can enter her dreams, so she asks him to monitor her sleep, and to enter the nightmares to help her fight off the not-Lokis.

It takes a few nights, but soon Loki and Jane have it down to a near-science, and eventually Jane finds herself able to take enough control of the dream to save herself without Loki's help. She's rather fond of conjuring a large bazooka and blowing the not-Loki to smithereens, though the real Loki doesn't seem to know whether to be amused or worried about this.

Before long, Jane is comfortable enough to spend more time at home than on the roof of the lab, both day and night. Though not everything is back to normal. She still hasn't called Tony back; Stark-Foster is dead in the water.

But that itself is rather pleasant, in a strange way. Jane is someone who most people would consider very driven. For years she has been working days, often evenings (one can't see too many stars during the day!) and weekends. Tracking astrophysical phenomena, struggling to find grants, fighting to rig together her own equipment, trying to make sense of piles of data…and she can't even remember the last time she went on a vacation.

So even though something utterly horrible started this, it is kind of nice to get off the treadmill she's had herself on for nearly the last decade.

If Loki is bothered by her drifting idly through her day - from her appointments with Doc Allen to Izzy's diner, or to the gym, then back to her apartment to watch trashy TV all afternoon or surf the web - he hides it well. Which again supports Jane's belief that there's no possible way Loki wants or needs her to build a Bifröst for his own nefarious purposes. A legendary schemer he may be, but Jane doesn't think even he is that patient. Plus it's not like he needed anyone's help to jump between worlds to rescue her, right?

To Loki's credit, he's taking the new 'rules' of their relationship to heart. Although he is still a bit hesitant to volunteer any personal information, he answers Jane's direct questions without any apparent flinching. That isn't too difficult though, as Jane doesn't ask anything too personal at first. He's raw, and though she's no expert on people, this fact is so evident that even she can read it from him.

But that doesn't satisfy her for long – she's a scientist in need of experimentation, and although she's not yet ready to look to the stars again, the need itself is still there – and so that's how, one afternoon about three weeks after they reconcile, Jane finds herself asking Loki what he was doing when he had 'disappeared' (which has become their less-acerbic way of referring to 'when you dumped me'). "I assume you went to Asgard?" she inquires.

Loki sighs laboriously and sits next to Jane on the couch, laying his hands carefully on his armoured knees. He keeps his gaze fixed on them as he tells her about taking Thor home to the Realm Eternal, about the argument as to where to imprison him – his rooms or the dungeons - and the visits from Frigga and Thor. Finally Loki tells her about Thor's theory that everything had been part of some larger plot by Odin, though his hands clench spasmodically on his knees and anger edges his words.

After a pregnant pause, Loki adds haltingly how he'd decided at that moment of realization that the time had come to stop running away from the things he had done, and also from things he found difficult.

He falls silent once more, and Jane shakes her head slowly. Odin sounds like the world's worst father, but again she must remind herself that she only has Loki's version of the story.

Still, if she ever finds herself in Asgard, she will have a few pointed questions for this so-called All-Father.

Turning to Loki, Jane notices the telltale shimmer of tears welling in his eyes again. Without thinking, she stretches out her hand to touch his cheek, to brush fallen strands of sable hair back behind his ear.

He blinks, as if he'd forgotten Jane was even there. His arm slips cautiously around her shoulders, tightening only enough to draw her against his side, and following her instincts, Jane leans up to kiss his cheek. Loki sighs again and turns his head towards her, leaning down until his mouth is touching the skin just to the side of her mouth. He doesn't push it further than that, and after a moment or two Jane realizes he's waiting for her.

She hadn't realized how badly she's missed this, not until her hands slide up to cup his face and she discovers herself kissing him eagerly. Maybe it's not the sex, so much as the physical comfort and the sensuality of touch, but she wants this.

When he repositions them so that she's straddling his lap she keeps on kissing him, taking the time to see if he tastes the way she remembers (he does). She can feel just how badly he wants this too, though he doesn't make any attempt to take control, seemingly content to follow her lead entirely. So Jane kisses her way down his throat, tracing her tongue along the lightly salty skin just above where his collar ends, feeling his throat muscles shift under her lips as he swallows.

Then she tilts her head to the side and bares the length of her throat to him. An open invitation that it only takes him a second to take. Teeth graze her skin and Jane shivers, but with delight. His hands are very warm where they curl over the back of her neck and upper back, and her brain goes off on one of her random tangents, wondering if she had been totally imagining it when they had felt cold to her.

There's no denying the heat of his tongue as it laps a slow, damp line up the side of her neck. Jane whimpers and closes her eyes-

Things veer into the terrifying. Loki's hands turn so icy they burn, sharp nails punching into her flesh through her clothes and chilling her to the root of her bones, and icicles tear at the side of her neck until blood spurts free – Jane shrieks and flails, pushing herself backward, away.

She lands on her ass on the floor with a thud that makes her bones ring. Her neck is whole when she puts a shaking hand to it, and Loki is staring down at her wide-eyed and stunned, frozen in the act of leaning forward on the couch as if he had tried to catch her just now.

"Jane, was it-?"

"Yeah, another damned hallucination. Fuck." Jane smacks her hand sharply against the floor in frustration, then winces from the sting in her palm. She sighs, rolls to her knees, and climbs back onto the couch to sit next to Loki again. He doesn't reach for her, but he does shuffle over so that their sides are touching.

"Just when I think it's over, that maybe The Other's spell is totally broken and I'm free…there's another damned hallucination." Jane presses her hands to her temples, digging her fingers into her scalp as if she can press the images out.

Loki exhales heavily. "I have tried, as you know, but despite my best efforts I cannot unravel The Other's spell any further. Only time can do that, I fear, my love."

"Time," Jane echoes him, letting her hands fall limp in her lap. "How much time? How long am I going to be like this, ambushed from nowhere by horrible things which aren't real?" And struggling sometimes to remember what has actually happened between us, and what is just a fake memory created by The Other, though that too has been made easier by having the real Loki around to remind her what he's really like, at least when he's in her company. But she sees no need to inform him of that; he's already carrying his burden of guilt.

Loki shakes his head and brushes gentle fingers across her cheek, and Jane closes her eyes and leans more heavily against his side. From the darkness behind her eyelids she listens to him speak: "I cannot predict how long it will take, much as I wish otherwise."

Jane opens her eyes again and leans away, turning to face him. "You've been through this, Loki. How long did it take you?"

He chuckles, but it's more bitter than amused, and rubs a hand over his forehead as he gets up, turning his back to her and taking a step or two away as he answers.

"A good long while," he replies, his voice quiet as it often is when he's telling her something he considers a secret between them. "Many Midgardian months, in fact."

Jane clenches her hands at the thought of being like this for months, but Loki has turned to meet her gaze. "But that does not mean that such will prove the case with you. It affects everyone differently; the visions and nightmares which plague you were ended within weeks for me. But the false, poisoned memories The Other's spell lodged in my mind..." Loki pauses, shaking his head. "Those stayed with me the longest. Though I was…badly wounded in both mind and heart before Thanos even found me-" he swallows, throat flexing, "-which gave extra fuel to The Other's spell. You, to my knowledge, were whole before they took you." He smiles slightly. "And in some ways, you are far stronger than me. I think you will heal the faster."

"I don't know if I'm that patient," she complains, though his compliment does lighten her mood a little. "I don't know how long I can remain celibate, but if we're going to get interrupted by some terrible hallucination every time we try to get close to each other-"

"Hmm," Loki interrupts her, tilting his head. "Perhaps we can find a creative way to avoid triggering the visions." He turns away again, his back facing towards her.

Before Jane can ask him to clarify, the air around them darkens and ripples. She blinks, trying to focus, and once her brain finally catches up with her befuddled eyes, she can see even from the back that Loki has changed.

He's just as tall but his hair is much longer. His armour has changed too; it doesn't enhance his shoulders as much as it did before, and it narrows at the waist and flares out a bit at the hip.

When he turns back to her, it confirms what Jane has already guessed – he is now a she. Fascinated, Jane studies his – her – face closely. It's bizarre how similar some features are. The shape of the cheekbones and mouth, for example. And the eyes are the same. And yet, the features on that face seem softer somehow, more delicate than before.

Still, Loki's smirk looks just like it always does, as she glides gracefully down to sit on the couch next to Jane again.

Loki smiles gently, then reaches a hand up to stroke Jane's cheek. Fingertips trail downwards, then brush over the necklace to tease nails tenderly along the path of skin above Jane's collar.

Jane swallows hard, suddenly tense. "What are you-?" she says, her voice breathless in her own ears.

"Since you have never witnessed me wearing this form before, it stands to reason that you never had any visions of myself tormenting you while wearing this body. Am I correct?" she asks, and Jane's brain cannot help but attempt to analyze that sweet, husky voice, trying to find parallels between it and Loki's usual one.

"Y-yes," Jane answers, distracted by the cool fingers gently trailing back up her neck.

Loki's smile widens. "Good." In one swift move, she lifts Jane effortlessly – apparently Loki's physical power hasn't changed one bit– and settles the smaller woman on her lap.

Hesitantly, Jane stretches out a hand to finger a lock of Loki's sleek hair. "I…I've never been with a woman before," she admits.

Loki smirks and runs a hand slowly up the length of Jane's spine. "You're not with one now, my Jane."

Jane giggles nervously and covers her face with her hand for a second. "This is such a mind-fuck," she blurts out.

The slender lines of Loki's eyebrows raise. "Does it truly matter so much what form I wear? I remain myself, and I still desire you. Greatly." One of Loki's hands curls gently around the back of Jane's neck, but she only draws her in for a soft, chaste kiss on the lips.

Jane whimpers before she can stop herself, her hands spreading out over the armoured chest in front of her, though she feels herself freeze for a second at the realization that there are actual breasts under Loki's breastplate. Jane giggles again, feeling a little disoriented by all this.

And yet, the lips against hers taste just like Loki's do in his male form.

Loki laughs softly too, moving Jane subtly closer, and it's so very odd to press against this body and not feel a bulge in his pants pressing back. Well, Loki's chest is bulging out, Jane supposes, but that's not the same thing at all.

It's a little less disconcerting if Jane closes her eyes, so she does this just as Loki opens her mouth, tongue flicking delicately as a snake's against Jane's lips, and there's only a second of hesitation before she opens her mouth and allows Loki in.

Loki's hand slips up to cradle Jane's head, pulling their mouths more tightly together, and Jane shivers, moaning deep in her throat. As weird as this is, she realizes she needs it. She needs him, even if 'him' is a 'her' right now.

By the time they break apart, both women are breathing heavily. "Shall we avail ourselves of your bed?" Loki asks, her pale cheeks lightly flushed pink and her eyes bright and sea-green.

"Sure," Jane agrees, clearing her throat. She's not entirely surprised when Loki stands up, gripping Jane firmly behind each thigh to support her, but she still can't help a yelp as she grabs at Loki's slender shoulders for support.

"I have you, my love," Loki assures her as she carries Jane easily into the bedroom and sets her down on the twisted sheets Jane never got around to straightening this morning.

Jane shifts over to give Loki enough room to lie down, but the other woman remains at the side of the bed, her expression sultry as she removes her armour piece by leisurely piece. Jane watches closely, too interested to focus on removing her own clothes.

Loki in his female form is just as pale, perhaps even more so, with breasts that are similar in size to Jane's (a deliberate choice? Jane wonders), and a black coiling of hair between her thighs. Loki drops the last piece – her shirt – on top of the pile of leather and cloth and preens under Jane's gaze, then rakes her eyes along the length of Jane's body as she slips onto the bed.

Still, Loki hesitates in the act of taking the hem of Jane's shirt between her long fingers. "May I?" she croons softly, looking up at her from under half-lowered lashes.

Jane clears her throat, her tension increasing once more. "Sure," she repeats, wishing she didn't sound so much like a broken record. Something about this scenario is awkward, and yet is pushing her buttons hard. It's almost like being with a new partner (yet not), but maybe that's just because it's been a while. Or maybe it's the strangeness of being with a female partner. Jane just doesn't know.

The shirt is lifted carefully over Jane's head, and then Loki leans in to kiss her, following a path from lips to hollow of throat to breastbone. Cool fingertips flirt with the edge of Jane's bra-cup, then slide around her back to deftly undo the clasp.

Jane shivers, moaning as Loki's lips and fingers and teeth tease her flesh into tight, tingling peaks, and she wraps a leg around Loki, pushing up into her lover's body. Long locks of Loki's hair slip across Jane's skin, a mix of tickle and caress that has Jane curling her toes and squirming.

"How I have missed this," purrs the familiar-yet-not voice, and Jane replies with a wordless sound of agreement, the slow heat in her flesh spreading lower as Loki moves her attentions gradually down Jane's stomach, stopping again at the barrier of the waistband of jeans. The damp heat of Loki's mouth is sending jolts of pleasure right up Jane's spine, which arches helplessly.

Loki looks up again, requesting permission with her gaze, and Jane bites her lip and nods, well aware of how wet she already is. Before long Jane is stripped bare, Loki slithering back up the bed to pull Jane into her arms and press their bodies together. Soft flesh presses against soft flesh, and Loki's hands aren't idle; they map Jane's body, rediscovering her.

Jane writhes again as cool fingers trail gingerly up her inner thigh, and Loki laughs kindly. "I'd nearly forgotten how much I enjoy making you squirm. It's as sweet to watch and feel as ever," she declares, eyes glinting so mischievously that Jane finds herself chuckling, too.

"I'll take your word for it," Jane answers with a smirk.

Loki's delicate brow furrows. "Which word is that?" She's serious, and Jane can't help giggling.

"It's just an expression."

"Oh," Loki answers. "Evidently you shall have to school me in such matters. At a future time, obviously."

"Obviously," Jane replies, though the word ends in a gasp as Loki's elegant fingers find their way between Jane's legs, reaching into her damp curls.

Jane buries her face in the midnight fall of Loki's hair, soft noises of wanting drawn out of her as Loki strokes and massages, rubbing every place she knows will drive Jane wild. The smaller woman realizes with a start that she's digging her nails into the soft skin of Loki's back, but it doesn't seem to bother the other woman.

Finally Loki gently pushes Jane onto her back, leaning down to kiss her with a softly probing tongue as two fingers work their way deep inside Jane's core. A whimper vibrates in her throat and Jane can feel Loki's smug smile against her mouth as Loki's hand begins to move, thrusting and withdrawing slowly at first, a slow caress of all the deepest places inside Jane, then faster and faster. At the end of every thrust, Loki's thumb presses firmly on Jane's clit, dragging another cry out and easing her ever closer to the edge.

And Jane is close, so very close. Between one thrust and the next her muscles go taut, one hand twisting into Loki's hair and the other into the bed-sheets as she shudders and succumbs to pleasure.

Jane lolls on the sheets, every part of her body and mind unfocused, relaxed, but the intent look in Loki's eyes informs Jane that she isn't done yet. She waits until Jane's body has stopped spasming around her fingers, until breaths and heartbeats slow. Then, with excruciating slowness, she pulls her hand out and up, gliding it slickly across Jane's throbbing little nub.

Even as Jane moans, Loki changes position on the bed, long hair sliding across Jane's waist. When heat and wetness envelop her clit again, even though she expects it, Jane still can't hold back a gasp, her hips jerking. Loki only hums laughter around her nub and strokes the tiny center of pleasure languidly with her tongue, her arm settling across Jane's hips to hold her still.

Loki lavishes most of her attention on Jane's clit, occasionally pausing to lick along her folds or along the top of her inner thighs, but always moving back to tease her favourite spot. Before long Jane finds herself back at the crest of orgasm. It explodes over her in a bone-melting wave when Loki eases fingers back into her, suckling gently at the same time.

Jane screams, driven completely mindless in the most wonderful way. The air wheezes in her lungs as she comes down from her high, and when she can organize her brain processes enough to open her eyes again, she sees Loki is smirking up at her, wiping a slender hand across her moistened lips.

"Again, my dear Jane?" Loki asks, her expression absolutely devilish.

"Hell no, I need a break," Jane protests weakly, struggling just to lean up onto her elbows. The best way to earn a rest would likely be to distract Loki, but…

Jane's never been with a woman before, but she's also more than a little concerned that asking Loki to resume his usual form will somehow trigger another goddamned hallucination and ruin everything. Besides, Jane may not have any experience sleeping with a woman, but she is one, so that should give her some idea what to do, right? It seems logical enough.

Loki looks very content with herself as she sits up too and loops an arm around Jane, pulling the smaller woman into her lap and gently brushing sweaty strands of hair off Jane's face and neck.

Jane is happy to rest her head on Loki's shoulder, waiting until her limbs no longer feel like cooked spaghetti. Once she feels ready, she says: "Your turn," and slips herself out of Loki's arms.

Loki raises a brow, eyes tracking Jane's movements. "Oh?" she drawls.

"Yes," Jane insists, grasping at Loki's shoulders and tugging. It doesn't work at first – yes, Loki is still fearsomely strong, no matter what form he wears – but finally with a tiny smirk she relents and allows Jane to guide her down onto the mattress on her back.

It starts with kisses, that's not too challenging for Jane. First lips, and then Jane drifts her kisses down the line of that sharp jaw, along Loki's long throat, and lastly over her collarbones.

Loki's breath catches as Jane pauses where the swell of Loki's breast begins, pale fingers caressing Jane's scalp and hair. She can obviously sense Jane's hesitation. "I can think of little you would do which would not bring me pleasure," Loki says encouragingly.

Jane nods, her cheek rubbing against Loki's breast. Taking a deep breath and trying her best to ignore the oddness of it all, she kisses her way down the incredibly silky skin until she can take a hardened nipple into her mouth, suckling gently at first. Loki gasps softly, arching up into Jane's mouth, coaxing Jane to suck harder.

She spends some time teasing each nipple, glancing up occasionally to see Loki's eager, approving gaze. She doesn't seem to be botching this too badly.

Finally Jane moves lower, drifting down until she's lying between Loki's long legs, the thick mass of black curls right in front of her face. The scent of Loki's sex is different, sweeter than the musk Jane has come to associate with Loki's male form. Interesting.

Jane strokes her fingers gently through the warm curls, smiling a little as Loki shudders. The skin underneath, when Jane works up the nerve to touch it at last, is hot and slippery, and soon Jane's curiosity gets the better of her. She spreads the folds apart carefully, examining and caressing, urged on by the soft sounds of pleasure coming from her partner.

It doesn't take much effort to find the round little nub, and the sounds Loki makes as Jane rubs it in soft circles almost cause Jane to laugh. She's beginning to see why Loki enjoys teasing her like this so very much.

Loki's thighs tighten against Jane's shoulders as she continues to massage, and finally Jane can't resist the urge to watch Loki lose herself. Jane finds the opening to Loki's body and eases her fingers inside, then leans forward and places her lips around Loki's clit.

It throbs under her tongue, and Jane closes her eyes, savouring the salty taste of this new, unfamiliar act.

But the noises Loki is making urge Jane to open her eyes again, to start thrusting with her hand and licking and sucking. Loki arches, head thrown back, all her muscles stiffening, and it drives Jane to move hand and tongue faster.

Loki gasps out one last loud cry and goes completely rigid, then the spasms roll through her body. Jane smiles as she feels the muscles inside Loki pulsing and grasping at her fingers. Yes, no wonder Loki loves this.

Jane, mirroring Loki's earlier actions, waits until the last of the tension has drained from Loki's body before easing her fingers out. Slowly, the last of her energy spent, Jane crawls up the bed to settle herself in the circle of Loki's arms.

"Thank you, my love," Loki murmurs. "That was…" Jane feels an odd sensation wherever her bare flesh is touching Loki's, and mere moments later the body wrapped around hers is familiar again, most of the softness replaced by firm muscle. "Delicious," he finishes, his voice deep and husky in a way that releases a shiver up Jane's spine.

"Not bad for my first time with…someone in female form?" Jane asks with a chuckle.

"No, indeed not," Loki purrs.

Jane yawns, but before she can ask, Loki pulls the covers up over them both. "Sleep, my Jane. We have accomplished much today," Loki asserts, the appreciation obvious in his voice.

"Sounds good," Jane agrees, snuggling as close to him as she can, her eyes slipping shut easily, and her body leaden after two wonderful orgasms.

Just before she drifts off, she thinks: Maybe this will all work out somehow.

Another note: In the interests of finally having this entire series in one place, from now on I will be posting updates to this series ONLY as part of the 'A Light in the Dark' fic. So those of you who want to be notified of updates, will want to go and 'Follow' A Light in the Dark. Thanks everyone!