The Helicarrier Job
There was nothing quite like the determined, relentless passion Parker has when she's chasing after things she really wants. Especially when that thing is her Bunny.
"So, just to be clear," Nate sighs, running his hand through his hair as he looks at the clear marker board behind Parker. It details an elaborate plan of how to gain entrance, infiltrate, retrieve, and then escape the SHIELD Helicarrier. Hardison helped her plan it out, but it's Nate they have to sell it to.
"You want us to steal an air transport, five different SHIELD uniforms with the appropriate ranks, and appropriate clearances so that we can then break into a high-security, non-hackable - "
"Allegedly non-hackable," Hardison cuts in, grinning at Nate's exasperated look.
Nonetheless, Nate complies. "- allegedly non-hackable security system on a helicarrier which is 20,000 feet in the air. Which we'll then make our way through, somehow undetected - "
"You and Sophie will be detected," Parker corrects, but Nate just keeps going,
" - in order to break into what I can only assume is a secure storage facility – again, without raising any red flags – and make your way back out, all so that you can get an old stuffed rabbit?"
Nate's tone is incredulous and flippant, and Hardison wants to punch him in the face for the crushed look that's passing across Parker's face. "Hey man, it's more than that," he says, but Eliot looks just as mutinous as he feels, and even Sophie is giving Nate the evil eye.
"It's Bunny," Parker says, all quiet intensity and seriousness. Nate looks at her for a moment, and then sighs again.
"Let's go steal a helicarrier."
"Next time Hardison's the bait," Eliot grumbles to no one in particular, pulling back the sleeve of his shirt to examine the sizable cut on his forearm. Parker sits beside him, finger hovering an inch away from it, and he slaps her hand away. "Go sit over there. Go!" he tells her, and Parker reluctantly relocates to the other side of the cabin, to sit beside Sophie.
"You sure you know how to fly this?" Nate asks as the plane rumbles along the airstrip, vibrating violently.
Hardison nervously laughs the question off. "Simulators, man. Age of the geek! … I got this…"
The plane lifts off for a second before bumping back down; Parker throws affronted looks at him from across the plane and Eliot wonders if this'll finally be the time that they die.
"This is Director of the Executive Board, Emilia Warren – frankly I'm insulted you aren't aware of that already. I hope not everyone on the base is as incompetent as you. Give me someone with intelligence, or stop bothering me."
Even Parker looks in awe of the authority Sophie's voice carries, and the poor guy on the receiver stutters out an apology before cutting off communications.
Hardison's arranged to have the highest-ups away for the day, but the man who meets them reeks with quiet confidence and efficiency.
"Mrs. Warren," he says, keeping his hands behind his back, deferential or insubordinate, Nate's not sure. "I'm Special Agent Coulson. I wasn't aware that you'd be joining us this evening."
"Clearly not – I'm appalled with how abysmal the lines of communications on this base are. It's a disgrace. How do you ever get anything done?"
The British accent is one of Sophie's favorites, but she's posh'd it up considerably. Coulson doesn't react to the remarks in any visible ways. "I'm sorry to hear that. I assure you that what we lack in communication, we make up for in procedure. Would you care to come inside?"
It's a thinly veiled threat – this guy isn't buying their story, but he's going to give a little before he comes down on them.
"Excuse me," Nate says, stepping up beside Sophie, "But I think it would be pertinent to leave our colleagues with the aircraft."
"Of course," the agent nods without missing a beat, "I'll leave them an escort." He nods to a man with a bow, who moves silently to join Parker, Hardison, and Eliot by the plane.
"Perfect. As you were," Sophie prompts, and they head into the complex.
As soon as Sophie plants the bug, Hardison starts hacking into the computer system from his set up just inside the aircraft carriage.
"What's geek-boy doing in there?" the guy with a bow asks, and Eliot blocks him at the door.
"You're not authorized to enter our aircraft," Eliot tells him stonily, but the guys scoffs,
"Fuck that shit. You think you got Coulson fooled? Now what the hell are you doing in there?"
"Damn-it, Eliot!"
There's a sparring spree going on right behind his back, and it's all that Hardison can do to trust that Eliot won't let the bow-guy kill him. Right now there're slamming each other around in the inside of the plane – Parker had tactfully closed the door before disappearing through the ground.
Someone is shoved into something to his right and the screen flickers for a moment, his programing glitching. The power supply whines pitifully and Hardison spares a look behind him, just in time to duck.
"What the hell!" he shouts as the magazine hits the screen, nearly knocking it over. "Eliot!" Why the hell they had to fight in here, instead of outside where there weren't any fragile electronics, he doesn't know.
"Kinda busy here!" Eliot growls back at him. For a second Hardison stares at him, at the way the two are staring at one another, and realizes that Eliot's actually enjoying this a little. And the other guy might be too, a little.
"Whatever," Hardison mutters, annoyed, and proceeds to try and tune out the sounds of their fighting, and the occasional jostle of his chair.
"Take me to your commanding officer," Sophie demands, but Coulson doesn't sway.
"They're currently indisposed. If you'd just wait in here - "
"You are not putting me into that tiny room. If your superiors refuse to come to me, then I'll simply have to go and find them."
Coulson looks at Nate as Sophie storms away – Nate shrugs. There isn't anything short of physical restraint that either of them can do, so they follow her.
"Sir, there seems to be an anomaly in the program protocol for the SHIELD mainframe."
"What do I care? Let them deal with it, I'm busy."
"Sir, I don't believe that's wise?"
"I don't have time for this Jarvis, just tell me what you want. We both know that SHIELD has a flawed security system."
"Yes, sir. But the anomaly is in your programing."
"Let me see that… son of a bitch."
The vents are beautiful. They're gorgeous, and smooth, and as Parker shines her light across them, it bounces and seems to go on forever. They're perfect, and just the right size, and they're a little warm, but not too warm. Just enough to feel like they're a part of her, like the entire series of shafts is an extension of her body.
For a second she fantasizes about living here. It would be nice, for a while, but she knows she's past that part of her life. Besides, she's here on a mission.
A mission for Bunny.
Eliot's a little bloody for wear, but the other guy looks worse. "He's still alive, right?" Hardison asks uneasily after he glances back, curious about the lack of noises.
"He's fine," Eliot dismisses, dragging the guy over into a corner and tying his hands together. "Are you in?"
"Almost," Hardison grins, but when he turns around, there's a warning on his screen.
[You've got balls. Now get the fuck out of my system.]
"Uh… damn."
Eliot comes to investigate. "What is that, a virus?"
"What's in there?" Sophie asks coolly, and surprisingly, Coulson's reply isn't the standard 'that's above my security clearance'.
"Secure storage facilities. Objects of questionable origin that we recover from civilians."
"And, let me guess, it's above your security clearance?"
Coulson's reply is just as dry. "It's like you read my mind."
Nate glances back at the room as they move on – it matches the description of the room that Hardison had figured the Bunny would be in.
The redheaded girl that's been tailing them for the last five minutes notices his look, and he quickly moves on, hoping she didn't read it for what it was.
Even secure storage facilities need air, and it doesn't take Parker long to find the one she's looking for. There's a couple scattered around the helicarrier, and they're going to start with this one. Gently, she removes the cover of the vent, grabs the edge, and drops down, her body uncurling gracefully until she drops down onto the raised catwalk.
"I thought only Clint did that." The voice is behind her, and she instinctively ducks as she turns around – the punch misses her by a hair, and she dives off the catwalk.
"Jarvis, is that where the signal's coming from?"
"Yes Sir, it appears to be broadcasting from that point. Might I be so bold as to urge caution?"
Eliot hears the jets before he sees them – and when he looks out the window, he can see the iconic red and gold suit.
"Uh, Hardison? I think we have company."
He's never fought Iron Man before. It could be interesting – deadly, probably, but interesting.
"I think we're blown," Hardison says into his earpiece, and Eliot echoes the sentiment with:
"I think we were blown the second we landed."
"Get out of there now, or I'm going to blow it up. Your choice!"
Despite the life-and-death situation, that they were blown, and that they're way out of their depth, Hardison still manages to look over at Eliot with a wide, childish grin and say, "We get to meet Iron Man!"
Parker's been running and dodging for what feels like ages. The redhead clearly has the upper hand on her in regards to combat – the impact of the one punch Parker managed to land felt like nothing compared to the rocket of a punch that clipped her head. So she'd turned to what she knew best – escape.
"Go away!" she shouts behind her, frustrated and annoyed, but the red head just laughs.
Swinging around a pipe, Parker doubles back and jumps up to the catwalk – lifts herself up and over, launches off the other side, and catches the edge of the beam.
"You can't get away," the redhead tells her, standing on the catwalk with her arms across her chest.
Parker isn't listening though – she's spotted Bunny, away in a corner, a red evidence tag around his ear.
"Who the hell are you guys, and where did you come from?"
Eliot looks over at Hardison before stepping forward slightly, and putting his body between Iron Man and the hacker.
There's a sigh from Iron Man. Eliot knows he's got the fight lost, but he might be able to buy Hardison a few seconds – and that might be enough time to be able to get onto the plane and out of here.
"Hey, Rocky, I'm not going to fight you. It wouldn't be a fair fight - I'd crush you like a worm." Iron Man lifts his arm, clicks something on his faceplate, and then pulls it away. "But seriously, what the hell?"
Natasha's seen girls like this before. Broken, morally questionable, priorities skewed. But for the life of her, she can't figure out why the girl is inching her way across the crossbeam toward the corner of the room.
Clearly, the thief (and what else would she be?) was trained in evasive maneuvers, but this made no sense.
Unless there was something there she was missing? But there was nothing in the corner except a shelving unit with an odd assortment of confiscated objects. Or, maybe that's exactly what the girl wanted.
"It seems that we've gotten more unannounced visitors," Coulson suddenly says, and Nate can feel Sophie's curiosity.
"Or perhaps there was just another miscommunication."
Coulson doesn't rise to the bait, just gestures towards the door. "Do you mind if we return to the carrier deck?"
Sophie, clearly, minds. "It's awfully windy out there. We're thousands of feet up in the air."
"I hadn't noticed." Liar, Nate thinks, but he can appreciate the controlled way Coulson handles himself. "You'll be provided with the appropriate gear."
"Let's take this goggle-fest into the aircraft," Iron Man suggests, and Eliot pulls Hardison back into the plane, because really, what else can he do?
The girl drops down to the ground, and Natasha's begrudgingly impressed that the 20-foot fall doesn't faze her in the slightest. But what she takes from the shelf is a ratty old stuffed bunny rabbit – and suddenly, all the pieces of the puzzle fall together.
"And now how are you going to get out?" she asks down at the girl. They both know Natasha can be down there in a second.
"Same way I came," Parker grins up at her. Parker slips behind some boxes, and when Natasha gets down there, she sees the cover for the humidity vent has been pulled away.
"What the hell did you do to him?!" Tony Stark sounds so much louder in the confined space of the aircraft, and Hardison follows his line of sight to the unconscious bow-guy, just barely visible to Stark from where he's piled against the wall. Awkwardly, he pushes the foot sticking out behind the seats, well, behind the seats so that no one can see him.
Eliot holds his hands upright, placating. "I didn't kill him. And he started it."
"I bet he did," Stark sighs, looking oddly proportioned with his head floating in the suit of armor. "Now explain what's going on before Coulson gets here and gets all secret agent on your asses."
For the first time, Hardison speaks up. "You took Bunny."
"I still don't see why this is necessary," Sophie protests, but she's starting to drop the character nobody really believed in the first place. The protest is genuine enough – the wind is going to wreck havoc on her hair.
Coulson gives her a deadpan look, and she reluctantly tugs the air mask over her face. "These aren't very flattering," she mutters, and Nate looks at her and she assumes he's trying to give her a reassuring look – she doesn't seem much though, the way the mask covers his face.
"Nope, don't care about that," Stark says flippantly, waving his hand in a way that's entirely too reminiscent of the way Nate reacted. It makes Hardison want to punch him in his (brilliant and awesome) head. "What I care about is how you got past my firewalls."
"I'm awesome," Hardison answers instantly, and Eliot gives him a look.
There's a knock on the door that leads into the airplane, and all three of them turn to stare at it.
The door opens, and Coulson raises his voice to be heard over the mask. "Stark. May we come in?"
Stark steps back, and Coulson steps in, followed by Nate, and Sophie. The door closes behind them, Nate and Sophie gravitating to the other two members of their team. Coulson pulls the mask off his face, and Nate and Sophie do the same. Before anyone can say anything, there's another knock on the door.
"How many people did you invite?" Stark grumbles, and Coulson smiles at him before opening the door.
"Natasha," he says pleasantly, stepping aside to let her in, "Thanks for joining us."
"No problem," she says guardedly, eyeing the people in the space, suspicious.
"So, it seems we've got a situation," Coulson starts; Eliot edges in front of Sophie and Hardison – Nate's going to be on his own, but he can't keep all of them safe.
"No, no, no no," Stark interrupts, stepping up and glaring at Coulson. "I got here first. I want my questions answered first. Get in line. You," he points at Hardison, who's trying not to think about where Parker is, and if she's in trouble. "How'd you get through my programing?"
Hardison shrugs, looking to Nate for direction, not sure what the plan is. Nate nods, and he points to the computer. "Inherent weakness in a high-security structure: people need passwords for everything. They forget their passwords, or they type them in wrong, it leads to an error message and a record in the log. Means that you can apply a code from the outside and embed it in the system."
"But you'd have to get through the proxy shield."
"Inside woman," Hardison explains, nodding to Sophie, who smiled sweetly, maybe expecting to still be able to charm her way out of this.
"That'd have to one hell of a code."
Hardison shrugs, "Easy enough to figure out."
Stark stares at Hardison, who has a knowing grin on his face, and after a beat, Coulson clears his throat. "Now that that's done - "
"Incoming," Natasha says, and they all pause, confused, until the panel on the floor comes up away from the floor. It drops to the side and Parker pokes her head through it, Bunny held in her arms.
"Oh," she says, unsurprised but inquisitive, and Hardison can see her pulling Bunny back down under the flooring, protective.
Natasha smiles at her, "Glad you could join us."
"Well, you know," Parker shrugs, though she doesn't make any moves to get up and join everyone else on the floor.
There's a moment of silence, the only sounds the hum of the computers and the occasional breath.
Nate claps his hands and Sophie blinks, taken off guard. "Well," Nate says too loudly, too grandly, gesturing too much. "Looks like we got what we came for. If you'll just disembark the plane, we'll be on our way."
Coulson remains impassive, but after a moment, Natasha emerges from her staring contest with Parker, and turns to him. "We could."
"Could what?" Coulson asks.
"Just let them leave," Stark answers, sharing a look with Natasha. Coulson catches it, unimpressed. If Natasha and Stark are working together, it means the forces of the world are conspiring against him.
"They broke into our base. They stole SHIELD uniforms. They probably stole this plane. And they infiltrated our security."
"They didn't hurt anyone," Natasha says, looking down at Parker one last time and missing the silent exchange between Hardison and Eliot.
"Think of all the paperwork," Stark adds. "And I could use that guy," he points to Hardison. Hardison, in the middle of elbowing Eliot, looks inexplicably guilty. "Get him to test some other security features. Blackmail him."
"Blackmail's frowned upon," Coulson says, though it's clear he's being swayed.
Stark grins at him, "It'd be on my dime. You wouldn't have to know a thing."
"I want updates," Coulson negotiates, and Stark nods easily,
"Of course. All the updates you want."
Coulson looks on the verge of agreeing, and Nate takes that as license to fast-forward the deal. "So Hardison'll help you out with your security things, and we'll be getting out of your hair. Everyone wins!"
This time it's Eliot elbowing Hardison, who swallows his protest at being taken for granted.
"I suppose so," Coulson says with no small amount of displeasure.
It doesn't take them long to exit the plane, and as Coulson stands outside on the deck, hands behind his back, mask across his face, he thinks that it's been a relatively good day.
Then the door opens again, and Eliot gently lowers a body out of it – Clint stands on his feet, wobbling unsteadily, and Natasha is at his side in an instant. Coulson has half a mind to shoot down the plane, but Clint insists that it was 'awesome', so he lets it leave.
Stark and Natasha were right – there would've been a mountain of paperwork for this.
"Happy now?" Eliot growls, grouchy from the close call, and Parker nods happily.
"See, it works," Hardison adds. Parker curls up on the seat, leaning against him, Bunny sitting on her lap with a protective arm around him.
Nate gave him a sardonic smile, "It all went according to plan?"
"That it did."