A/N: Omg, this story abandoned me. ABANDONED ME, I SAY. But it's back. It's short, but it's back, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be able to finish it this time. Thank you for your patience.

Cas couldn't think, or maybe it was that he didn't want to. It had gotten worse since the funeral the day before. It had been a week since New Year's, a week since the accident, and Cas's life had become a haze with only a few concrete memories here and there. Hours passed by like days, but he couldn't say he remembered what he'd done to fill that time. He wandered from room to room without remembering why he'd moved in the first place. He stared at the homework Dean had brought him, but it didn't get done. The words were meaningless shapes on the page.

"The kid's a ghost."

Cas stumbled to a stop on the second stair at the sound of Bobby's voice. He frowned. He'd thought he was alone in the house.

"He's worse than a ghost," Dean said. "A ghost, you call the fucking ghost busters or, you know, whoever deals with ghosts. He won't even talk half the time. You know I sat up in his room for like half an hour with him, and when I got up he jumped like he hadn't even seen me?"

"Castiel has always been a quiet kid, and we buried our brother yesterday. Whom, by the way, he saw dead and bloody on the street. That's bound to mess anyone up."

Castiel was startled to hear Gabriel's voice. What on earth was he doing here?

"Exactly," Dean said. He sounded furious. "That'd mess anyone up, and on top of it, he had to deal with your brothers, his brothers beating him up and throwing him out of the house. What the hell is that?"

"I don't know if you've noticed, Dean-o, but I'm not exactly high on my brother's-"

"Oh, shut. Up, would you? Fuck that Cas doesn't respect me bullshit. He needs his family, and if you're the only one who isn't throwing punches or in jail, you're it. Plus I gotta figure you must know how much it sucks to have the only people who should care about you no matter what treat you like they treated Cas yesterday."

"Calm down, Dean," Bobby said. "Look, the kid's no trouble. Hell, I wish he'd be more trouble. I wish he'd be playing his music too loud and eating me out of house and home. I already told you he's welcome to stay here, but…"

Cas crept back upstairs, unable to listen anymore. He sat on the edge of his bed trying hard to get his head to go back to that blank space. He folded his hands on his lap and waited. He knew someone was going to come up and talk to him. Maybe Dean if Gabriel did what he was best at and left again.

When he heard a heavy step on the stair, he was sure it was Gabriel. He hadn't bothered to close the door, so his brother came right in. Castiel didn't look up at him, and he didn't say anything at first.

After a long, tense minute, Gabriel sighed. He pulled the chair out from the desk and dragged it over to the bedside, sitting down in it backward, facing Castiel. "Hey, kiddo." He folded his arms over the chair back and leaned in with his chin. "So. Let's talk cute boys. That Dean Winchester…" He whistled.

Whatever Castiel had been expecting, it wasn't that. His head snapped up for an instant before he looked back down. Gabriel laughed and rubbed his shoulder. "So tell me about him. You can leave out the part about him being protective because that's about as clear as glass. Tell me more. Does he like to cuddle?"

"Is this really what you came up here to discuss?"Cas sputtered, his tone sharp as he glared at his elder brother to cover the irritating bashfulness that had come over him. As unfocused as he'd been the last week, the introduction of an emotion that wasn't guilt or grief had all the effect of jumping into an ice cold lake.

Gabriel's grin widened, and he whistled again. "Look at that blush." His smile softened, and his voice took on a more serious note. "It's okay, bro. I wasn't kidding. He's cute, and he obviously likes you."

"That doesn't matter."

Gabriel shrugged. "So what? I asked you about it anyway."

"It doesn't matter," Castiel yelled this time. He stood up and began to pace. "Don't you see? I killed Samandriel. I killed our brother. He's dead because of me, because I was too busy kissing Dean to think about him, to even care that he'd be worried. I was curled up and warm on the couch with Dean while he was dying on the street."

His elder brother's face was the picture of wide-eyed horror, and the sight of it stole Castiel's breath. It was the first time he'd said the words out loud. His other brothers and his mother knew he'd been with Dean, but they didn't know the extent of it. Gabriel was the one member of his family who was still willing to look at him, and Castiel had just messed that up. Even he would hate him now, but it was only what Castiel deserved.

He sank down on the the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice a raw rasp.

When Gabriel stood, Castiel flinched. He forced himself not to bolt entirely though his heart began to hammer and his breath became erratic.

"Geez, something is broken in you, kid. Do you think I'm going to hit you?"

Castiel straightened somewhat though he didn't look at his brother. "You would be within your rights."

"Why? Because you kissed a boy and you liked it?"

Castiel flinched again, but Gabriel only sat beside him on the bed. He closed his eyes, trying to find the right words. "Because I was lustful and distracted and it got Sammy killed. Raphael warned me. He knew I was being led astray, but I didn't listen."

Gabriel took him by the shoulders, turning him slightly. "Castiel, look at me."

Castiel found he couldn't obey. After a moment, Gabriel went on. "Look, kiddo, here's a fact of life you should learn sooner rather than later. Raphael is an asshole. He shouldn't be doing this kind of shit to you." He gestured at the bruises that were fading from Castiel's face.

"I already told you it was Michael who did that. It was nothing short of what I deserved."

"Michael is just as big a dick as Raphael. Castiel, you know I love them. They're my big brothers too, but I grew up with them. I know them in a way you never could. You know what I see when I look at them? Two scared little boys."

"That's very funny coming from you."

"Hey, I never said I was any different. When Dad disappeared, everything went to hell. I ran, and I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry I left you and Sammy to deal with the two of them. They aren't Dad, little brother. Not even close. Dad wouldn't have done all this to you. He wouldn't have let you blame yourself for Samandriel's death. He was firm. Too firm for a stubborn ass like me, but he was fair."

Castiel shook his head, every bit as stubborn as Gabriel was for much different reasons.

"Okay, you want me to be the heavy?" Gabriel asked. "Fine. Technically speaking, you should have come home at curfew. Whatever. I'm not going to go into how stupid it was for Raphael to make the two of you come home on New Years at one o'clock in the morning. I know for a fact Anna's family was okay with Samandriel staying with them, and you're eighteen. You don't need a damn curfew. But okay, sure. Mom's house, Raphael's rules. That's the respectful thing. I get it. You should have been there.

"But you know what? Breaking curfew isn't a life or death decision. Castiel." Gabriel caught him by the shoulders when he tried to turn away again. "Cas. Let it go."

Castiel drew in a breath, ready to argue, but he exhaled in a gust when he saw the look on Gabriel's face. For once in his life, he wasn't joking. In fact, his look was tender-close, so close, to the kind of look Dean sometimes gave Sam. Cas pressed his lips together, trying not to cry; he didn't deserve to cry.

Gabriel moved his hand to Cas's hair in a brotherly gesture of affection. "Let it go. It's not your fault."

Castiel wanted to jerk away; his brother's touch was almost painful in its gentleness. He shook his head vehemently.

"Let it go."

Cas pitched forward into Gabriel's arms, shutting his eyes tight against the tears that burned behind his eyelids. He clutched at Gabriel's shirt and shook, finally losing the fight not to cry.

"It's not your fault," Gabriel said one last time. "Let it go."

And Cas did. He cried on his brother's shoulder, letting Gabriel hold and comfort him. He hadn't realized until that moment just how betrayed he'd felt. HIs family was supposed to be permanent. He had accepted Raphael's rules without question because he knew his family loved him. Everything Raphael, Michael, and his mother did was because they loved him. That was supposed to be a constant.

"No." Castiel pushed his brother away and got to his feet again. "This is my fault. All of it. I must take responsibility for that. I was a dutiful, obedient son once. I would have made our father proud. I was a good son until…"

"Until what?" Gabriel asked when Castiel trailed off. "Until Dean Winchester? Raphael seems to think Dean is bad news. Listening to him, you'd think this kid was the antichrist. Are you saying he's right?"

"No," Cas said quickly.

"Well, I don't know. If you were a good little soldier until you met him, what happened? Is he a bad kid? He get you into a lot of trouble? Drugs? Shoplifting? Underage porn?"

"No. Dean is good."

Gabriel leaned forward, his hands on his knees. "And so are you. There's nothing wrong with you making out with the kid downstairs. Lust didn't kill Samandriel."

Castiel huffed. "Maybe not, but I still don't think Dad would have approved. He did say those things, unless you're telling me Raphael is lying."

"No, he wasn't lying." Gabriel ruffled his hair. "So here's another secret for you. Dad wasn't infallible either. He had a whole spiel about the dangers of lust." He scoffed. "Dad had a lot of spiels, but that one was pure, unadulterated horse shit."

"Is it?"

"Yep. And besides, Raphael got the context all wrong. Let me let you in on a family secret. Luc and Mikey? It is nothing short of a miracle those idiots didn't end up as teenage dads."

Castiel's eyebrows shot up to his forehead, and Gabriel laughed. "Dad may have been overcompensating when he gave that lecture, and Raphael put that on you because, like I said, he was trying to be dad. You're not Michael, and you're definitely not Lucy. Lust is perfectly natural, and as long as you're not being an idiot, man, have at it." Gabriel waggled his eyebrows. "Seriously. Dean? That kid is someone's jailbait. Not my type, but come on. The face, the eyes, the worn leather jacket?"

Heat began to creep up Cas's neck again. He looked down at his hands. His heart gave a much different twist. "I think he's ashamed of what we were doing." Cas had been trying to tell himself it didn't matter, but as he said the words aloud, he couldn't deny the hurt he felt.

"Figures." Gabriel clucked his tongue against his teeth. "Look, kid, if it's not totally obvious, I'm really not good at this. I'm not sure how to get you to listen to me; I doubt I'd do any good with that hothead. Who knows what his deal is. I'll give Dad and Mom credit for that much; we were all raised knowing love is love, but you know as well as I do not every family can grasp that concept.

"All I know is that boy didn't leave me alone until I got my ass over here. He's looking out for you, and that counts for something with me. He cares about you. Don't let him get away with that crap, and he'll come around. Probably. Maybe." Gabriel shrugged. "Hell, don't look at me. You know I dated this professor last year? A professor of sociology, no less. He was a forty-five year old, intelligent as hell sociology professor who still looked around like the police were going to bust him when we kissed in public. Man, I don't have time for that crap.

"But he's a teenager. You're a teenager. You want to know what you can do for Samandriel? You get out there, and you live your life. Keep making mistakes. Fall in love with the boy downstairs and fall out of love with him. Whatever. Live your life, Castiel. You're not dead, and that's a good thing."

A/N Okay. Back on track now. Woo. Thanks to barburella and Songster.

Are we all as traumatized by the finale as I am? Yeah? Yeah…