A/N: So, the penultimate chapter! I've had this scene in my head for a long long time - it's actually where this story originated from. Heartfelt thanks once again to those who left lovely reviews - you're all amazing.

Chapter 5

It's Zola's fourth birthday and the Shepherds' house is in chaos, filled with fifteen hyper children wearing party hats, with cake all over their faces and finger-paint in their hair. There are balloons and music and lots of laughter, and even Aunt Cristina - who has seemed a little distracted - thinks it has been a brilliant afternoon.

So brilliant in fact that is has actually changed her life - or it's about to.

Despite being at the party to help Meredith and Derek, she has actually spent most of the afternoon observing them with their two children - cuddling them, playing silly games, wiping juice off of their chins, conversing with them like the tiny humans they are. And then there's Owen, adorable as ever with Zola the Princess as she puts a blanket around his shoulders and makes him pretend to be a wizard who has to try and turn all her friends into frogs.

Watching them all giggle and run away from him, Cristina feels something suddenly shift. She looks at Meredith again, sitting on the floor helping Bailey make hand-prints on a big sheet of paper, and sees how truly happy her friend is: how much joy she takes from her son and daughter. And then she feels Owen's arms wrap around her waist from behind as he pretends to hide from all the 'frogs' who are now chasing him, and for the very first time she is sure.

A little while later the party starts to wind down and parents begin to turn up to collect their kids. Cristina slips away from the crowd and goes to find Owen, who has started cleaning paint pots in the laundry room sink. She takes a deep breath before stepping inside and closing the door behind her, where she hovers and tries to calm her racing heart. She feels weirdly nervous - it's now or never.

But then she looks at her husband, covered in multicolored paint just like she is – their clothes, faces and hair dotted with red, yellow and purple splodges – and when he glances up at her and smiles she is suddenly perfectly calm again. Everything comes back into focus. This isn't scary, it's the right thing to do. No more deliberating to herself, no more wondering what if. She is finally ready to tell him the one little secret that has been on her thoughts ever since she decided that she wanted to try again with him.

"Owen... I changed my mind," she says quietly.

"About what?" He continues to wash pots and brushes and she watches his hands as they work meticulously to clean off every spot of paint under the running faucet. He does wonderful things with those hands all the time. Now, maybe one day he'll be able to really put them to good use.

When she doesn't answer he pauses and looks up. Then he steps towards her, drying his hands on a cloth, and all she can think about is how big they look when he's holding Zola or Bailey; how they might look when...

"Sweetheart, what is it?"

She gazes into his eyes again; somehow they look even bluer than usual. "I've been thinking about this for a long time. Two years at least. Ever since we got back together - maybe even before that."

"Thinking about what?"

She ignores his question. She has one chance to do this and it has to be right. She has to explain herself fully so he understands that even though this will be the last thing he's ever expected her to say, she is absolutely sure about it. She has looked at it from every available angle, examined her own feelings and speculated about his for months, and she is as certain of this now as she is of her love for him.

She takes another deep breath.

"I changed my mind, Owen. I want to have a baby with you. And before you say anything, I am one hundred percent sure and ready for this. And I love you more than anything else in the world."

She will never be able to describe what happens next: how one moment they're staring at each other in stunned silence and the next he's crushing her against the door and they've both got tears pouring down cheeks. She always knew how much this would mean to him – after everything they've been through, how could she not? – but she wasn't prepared for the look of complete elation in his eyes, the true extent of which she can only begin to imagine.

To be able to offer him something so precious, something she knows he has wanted for such a long time, is just the most amazing feeling. But she's not doing this just for him, as she would have been when she was pregnant before. Now she's in this too: she wants to have his child and be a mother and do all the things she has always been so terrified of before.

She draws back slightly and her lips seek his, trying to tell him through a kiss just how much she loves him. He responds, squeezing her even more tightly until she can barely breathe. Then she's looking into his eyes and through the tears she can see a million questions.

"Talk to me, Cristina," he manages to say, still looking as though he daren't believe what she's told him. He sinks down to the floor before his legs give way and she sits beside him, taking his shaking hands in hers.

"I have never been around kids before," she says softly, figuring the beginning is probably a good place to start. "At med school I spent my pediatric attachments in the OR observing cardiothoracic surgeries, or in the library. I was that really annoying student who turned up on the last day, knew all the answers when the Attending quizzed me and got the top grade. And succeeding in medicine and in academia gave me such joy. It was what I lived for.

"I always had a life plan for myself and until I met you, I had no reason to alter it. Even when I was pregnant before I still didn't see a reason and I am so sorry for that."

She looks down and her eyes focus on their wedding rings. After all this time, it's still not easy to talk about. "Going through with that pregnancy wasn't the right decision at the time and I stand by that, but I wish more than anything I'd tried harder to see that there was a reason to consider another life for myself - you. The Cristina I am today would have handled the whole situation completely differently. I hope you know that."

She looks up again and there is a small smile on his lips.

"I do."

She returns his smile and squeezes his hands. "It's not that I'd imagined having a baby and really hated the idea; I'd just never thought about actually being a mother. I didn't picture my life beyond having an abortion and moving on. Apart from a few minutes when I was talking to Meredith, and I tried to imagine myself making jam. I hated that thought – I still do, by the way." She makes a face and he chuckles.

"But for the last two years I have slowly been opening my mind to the possibility, and there are loads of reasons which have all been stacking up. You, for starters - because I love you and I want to give you everything in life. The way you are with kids is adorable, Owen. You will be such a good father."

There are tears in his eyes again now but his smile is getting wider.

"And I'm different too," she goes on. "I barely even recognize the old me. I don't think I'm selfish like I used to be: I think I'm a good wife and I think I could be a good mother too. I mean, Meredith is doing it and she's all sunshine and rainbows now. And my research is going really well – I genuinely think we'll be able to grow entirely new hearts and vessels for patients in the next five years – so maybe I can focus a bit more on that."

She trails off, momentarily lost in vague thoughts about stem cells and possibilities, before bringing herself back to the present with a little shake of her head.

"But I think what has really swayed me is that I love Zola and Bailey and Sofia more than I ever thought I could. They're the first kids that have ever been a part of my life and they're awesome. I always thought children were dumb and annoying but they're intelligent and funny and charming. Professors the world over have written papers and textbooks on genetics and embryology, but they are still scientific miracles. It's absolutely fascinating to see them developing every single day; becoming real people with real personalities, even as babies. I know it used to hurt you to see me wanting to be more involved in their lives and I'm sorry again for that."

Owen shrugs slightly. "It did at first, until I got used to it. But sometimes I wondered if everything might have been different for us."

Cristina shifts position so she is facing him, looking straight into his eyes and willing him to understand everything that has led her to this moment.

"I wanted to tell you two years ago, Owen. I wanted to let you know that I was trying. I wanted to give you the hope that one day you might get to be a father. But what if I hadn't come around? Every day you'd wake up wondering if today might be the day I changed my mind, and what if it never was? I haven't felt comfortable keeping this from you but I couldn't tell you until I was absolutely certain.

"I'm ready for our huge life now. I love you and I want to have our own little family. I want to have a baby who is smart and curious and beautiful. I want to see the look in your eyes when you hold him or her. I want to see their first smile and first steps, to watch them discover new objects and sounds and tastes every day. I want to watch you run around with them in the park, and to go to their first show at kindergarten and be the proudest parent in the room."

There is a pause as her speech ends. Then, still looking completely stunned, Owen wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and leans forward to kiss her, cradling her face in his palms. "I love you."

There is more emotion in his voice than she has ever heard before.

"I know. I love you too."

He gazes at her for another long moment, clearly having trouble processing everything he's just heard. "So... what happens now?"

"Well, I think we need to move house - somewhere with another bedroom. And maybe a yard, although you can be in charge of maintaining it." She makes a face and he smiles. "And then... well, we let the birds and the bees do their thing."

"What about work? Will you really be happy just doing research?"

"I don't know," she says honestly, "but I'm willing to try. At least for the first couple of months anyway. If Callie and Meredith can be surgeons and mothers, there's no reason why I can't. And if I really need to cut something, I happen to know the Chief of Surgery at a hospital not too far from here..."

Owen blinks a couple of times in a really adorable way before saying quietly: "You've really thought about this haven't you?"

"Of course I have. You do know me, don't you?"

"I thought I did, but you have completely knocked the ground out from beneath me. I still don't know what to say."

"Yes?"

He laughs, and it seems to release some of the tension he's been holding in. "Yes, Cristina. Of course yes. I just... thank you. Thank you so much." There are tears in his eyes yet again as the enormity of the last half an hour hits. "You are the most amazing wife in the whole world and you will be an even better mother, and I love you more than you'll ever know."

I

Owen barely remembers the journey home or even leaving the Shepherds' house, save the image of Cristina holding up Bailey and kissing Zola goodbye: his wife, the woman he thought he knew inside out, who is now - God willing - going to be the mother of his own son or daughter. He's lost in a world of his own, his mind running at a hundred miles an hour over everything that has just happened, and everything that's about to.

He thinks he's probably still in shock, wired on adrenaline. He wants to run, to shout; to hold his wife, to make love to her; to not leave her side for nine months, until their child is ready for them to take care of and love and cherish for the next forty years. He still cannot believe that she's changed her mind after everything they've been through. And of course, it was the science that swayed her in the end. Cristina Yang, M.D., Ph.D., seduced into a life of diapers and play dates by her fascination with the most fundamental of biological and chemical processes.

The thought makes him smile – it's just so her.

But he knows better than anyone, including Cristina herself, that beyond everything else she has the greatest capacity for love. She has loved him through more than he ever expected, or deserved. She has always known when to make him laugh and when to just sit quietly and hold him in her arms. Looking back, even after the abortion and all the mess they made, there was never really a competition – he would choose her every day, in every way, forever.

And now she's ready for their huge life and it's just utterly unbelievable. When she came into the laundry room and stood so uneasily by the door, he never in a million years expected her to reveal that she wanted to have a baby. He feels like that was the start of a dream and he's still not woken up yet.

He becomes aware that he's leaning on the breakfast bar and his wife is asking him if he wants coffee, and as he slowly returns to the present he just has to ask, to check one more time that this is really happening before his brain can accept it as reality.

"Cristina, are you sure about this? Really, really sure?" His voice has an unexpectedly desperate edge to it, and he realizes that he doesn't know what he'll do if her answer isn't the one he wants.

She turns to face him and gazes at him steadily for a long moment. Then, without a word or a hint of what she's thinking, she walks quickly towards the bedroom. After a beat, he follows. From her bedside cabinet she takes out a small bottle and places it in his hand.

Preconceive Folic Acid, four hundred micrograms.

"I bought these before Christmas," she says matter-of-factly. "I have the bill somewhere if you want to see it. I've been taking them for the last two weeks – since January first."

The way she's looking at him implies there is an ulterior meaning to this date, and after casting his mind around for a few seconds it comes to him. "New Year's dinner at Callie's."

Cristina nods as she reaches into her back pocket for her phone. He watches as she scrolls through her photos, his mind still reeling at the fact that she bought pre-conception vitamins a month ago. If anything could convince him that she has really thought about this, and that she is completely serious, it's this.

Eventually she finds the photo she wants. It shows the two of them sitting on Callie and Arizona's couch, with Sofia on Cristina's lap and Owen's arm around them both. They look like the happiest of families, and their smiles say it all.

"This is about us, Owen," she tells him solemnly. "It's always been about us. Work, friends, houses, how fascinating children are – that's not why we're doing this."

She throws the phone and bottle of tablets onto the bed and stands on tiptoes, placing her arms around his neck. On a normal day her proximity makes his heart stutter but right now, with the added weight of the last few hours, it feels like it's trying to beat out of his chest.

"You've always wanted a kid, and I've come to realize that I want your kid. I want that picture to be a picture of our family, and I want to have it as my screensaver and put it on the dresser and send it to all our friends, gloating over how perfect we are. I am sure, and if you are too then we're going to try our damned hardest to make ourselves a perfect baby."

She presses herself closer and her gaze falls momentarily to his mouth, making his whole body tighten in response. His eyes focus in on a spot of purple paint on her left cheekbone and he thinks absently that she has never looked so beautiful.

"I don't know what else there is to say," she murmurs, her fingers threading through the hair at the back of his neck. When she finally leans in and begins to kiss him, he doesn't protest.

When she steps towards the bed and whispers something about "practising," he beats her to it and pulls her down on top of him.

I

n.b. Folic acid should be taken by all women pre-conception and continued until 12 weeks of pregnancy (UK guidelines). ;-)