Being Brave

AlwaysPadfoot

o. Before

Before you knew how to think for yourself, they taught you that Muggles were animals and that Mudbloods were not worthy of the magic they possessed. You listened intently when they told you that Muggles were unhappy and angry; that they were simple-minded and diseased. But then sometimes you would wake up early and watch the Muggle kids laugh and race to school.

They never seemed unhappy.

As you got a little bit older, you didn't know what to think. You could listen to your parents or judge them through your own eyes. Then again, you're only seven years old, what do you know? Your parents are older, wiser and all your older cousins seem to have the same view on Muggles too, except Andromeda.

You regard Andromeda as your coolest cousin, your secret favourite, partly because she didn't have a crazy maniac lust for for attacking Muggles and Mudbloods like your oldest cousin Bella, who had just finished Hogwarts. Andy tells you that you shouldn't call them Mudbloods either, but the first time you say Muggleborn your mother regards you with suspicion and your father harshly corrects you.

You're confused by his harshness, but it makes you think that it's Andy that's always told you the truth. That Muggleborns and Muggles alike aren't inhuman, in fact, they're human.

Just like you.

Just like Reggie.

Just like your parents.

Even so, you're not convinced, not until a few months later.

i. (first act - metamorphosis)

Your parents are out and Andromeda is babysitting again. It's a hot day so she sits on the top step writing a letter to Ted. Only you know about Ted, and you promised you'd never tell anyone. So instead you simply smile at her and make yourself comfy on the bottom step of number twelve, just inside the wards.

None of the people who pass by can see you or Andy, even as you construct a tower of exploding snap cards that is even taller than you are. Nobody sees it. Nobody even hears you as you release a whoop of excitement when you slide the final card into place.

Despite your avid concentration, you're distracted by a group just beyond the wards of the house. There's a small ginger girl, who looks about your age, and she is suddenly hit hard and pushed to the ground by two older boys walking behind her. You stare for a split second in disbelief before you move abruptly, scattering your cards everywhere as you rush to aid the girl. The noise caused by the few cards you knocked through the wards, splits through the air like thunder and scares the two boys away, but you're more worried that the girl is hurt.

"Are you okay?" You ask, concerned that her forehead is bleeding where she hit it on the curb of the pavement.

"Yes," she mumbles, "I'm fine."

"You're bleeding," you observe. She lets you call to Andy, and you watch as your cousin pretends to tend to the girls wound, but secretly draws her wand and cast a basic healing spell.

Afterwards, you learn that the girls name is Milly and she looks at you skeptically when you introduce yourself as Sirius, but laughs when you agree it's weird too. You explain that your family has been naming their children after stars for generations. Apparently your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-gr eat-grandfather (you know there's more greats but you don't mention that) had an obsession with stars and not only did he know everything about them, but he discovered his own little cluster of stars. You explain that naming kids stars was completely normal in your family, despite how strange it was to others.

"But it has been in our family for generations, who cares that it's weird?"

She laughs again and you offer to walk her home, Andromeda hesitates before reminding you that you should get home before your parents do. You agree.

Milly is incredibly interesting and and smart and nothing like your parents say Muggles are. She tells you about her school and you have to lie when she asks about yours. Obviously you don't got to school, but she makes you wonder how fun it will be when you finally get to go to Hogwarts and be with people your own age.

Andy is waiting for you on the doorstep when you get back and she automatically raises an eyebrow as if to ask how you feel now. You easily come to the conclusion before you speak.

"There is nothing wrong with Muggles, Milly was fun and nice," you say stubbornly, "Mum and Dad are wrong."

ii. (second act - abandoned)

It's the Christmas before your first year when you lose your only likeable cousin. There's a family uproar; Andy had left to move in with 'some filthy Mudblood'. You know it's Ted, and you know how much she loves him, but you're so angry he's taken her away.

Andromeda taught you the real rights and wrongs. She taught you that Muggles, Muggleborns and wizards should be treated the same.

She taught you to be brave.

You clench your fists as you watch it all become real, furious tears fill your eyes as you watch your mother blast Andy from the family tree. You stand in the doorway as she pockets her wand and mutters something like 'Merlin forbid if your own sons betrayed you.'. You try to pretend Andy hasn't been ripped for you, chased away by some pathetic blood purity nonsense.

Andy was everything you aren't: brave, fearless, defiant. How can you defy your parents without her and her advice and guidance. You know they're wrong, but you're nothing without Andromeda.

And that pisses you off.

And that makes you cry.

And that makes you lost.

iii. (third act - there is always someone to help)

From the moment the hat screams Gryffindor you feel like you're on top of the world again. Even beyond that, just seeing Andromeda safe, well and back at Hogwarts for her final years makes you smile widely.

It isn't until a few weeks later that you finally get to speak to her. You hide in the corridor near the Hufflepuff Common Room because you know that's where she spend most of her time away from the pressures of Slytherin house.

You don't have to wait long, because soon enough Andy is emerging from the common room and you fling yourself at her, looping your arms around her waist. She is obviously shocked because you're holding on so tight. You've missed her so much, and due to her being disowned you aren't allowed to even associate with her, but you couldn't care less. Andy has always been your example, your light in the dark. You will not ignore her for the sake of your family's stupidity.

"Do you think I'll ever be brave like you?" You whisper with your face against her shoulder.

"Of course," she answers, "you're a Gryffindor. You're supposed to be brave. And in time I know you'll do what's right."

She holds onto you a little tighter and you smile broadly. You know she'll never leave you again, no matter how pathetic your family is, you know you'll always be able to go to her no matter what.

When she goes, she ruffles your hair and gives you that typically black wink which you guess she'll never lose, Black or not. She'd not allowed to be Black any longer, but she'll always be family to you.

iv. (fourth act - hopes)

"Oh joy, you again."

You spin around and find yourself face-to-face with your cousin, a smirk on her face. She's dressed head to toe in white, her dark hair piled neatly atop her head. You find yourself in awe. Andy looks stunning and even happier than she was during the wedding ceremony.

"Yeah I didn't want to come, but it was this or double History of Magic on a Friday afternoon. I think I chose wisely," you respond sarcastically, a beaming smile on your face. She laughs and punches you lightly as you both stand next to the dance floor, where the guests are slow dancing with their partners. Ted is sharing a dance with his mother, but you realise Andromeda doesn't have a parent to dance with.

You grab her hand and pull her out onto the floor, starling her, "What are you doing Sirius?"

"Dance with me," you say, putting your arms around her with a soft smile. You share that dance, which Andy should have shared with her father, but she doesn't seem upset that Uncle Cygnus isn't there. You're happy that she is, you count it at as a win that you have become the only family member that matters to her and she's the only family member you have.

You've always wanted desperately for Regulus to be here too, but he was lost and no matter how much you try, you fear you've lost him, your third year brother, to the dark already.

Pushing that you the back of your mind, you concentrate on making your cousin's life as happy as you can since you owe it to her. She made you what you are today, you internally snort, she made you a Gryffindor. Imagine that, Andromeda, a Slytherin, turned you, Sirius Black, into the Gryffindor you've been for four years.

As the music faded away, Andy looks to you, "Thank you, Sirius. I'm so happy you came."

"Me too," you respond, noticing that her eyes are wet with tears, "Hey, don't cry on me Andy, this is a rented tux."

You had to rent the tux, since the wedding was a Muggle one. Marlene helped. She laughs, "Of course, silly me."

She hugs you tightly, and you return it with equal feeling, your eyes spotting your wedding present around her neck. You'd pretty much emptied half your vault for the pendant around her neck, knowing that it would automatically fill up again, thanks to your parents.

"Nice necklace," you quip, "Whoever got you that has amazing taste."

You begged Marlene to help you find it.

"Hey Dromeda." Ted calls, making his way to your cousins side when he spots you, "Hey Sirius, how's it going?"

"It's good, but I still haven't given you the big brother slash father slash younger more handsome cousin talk yet," you say, trying to make yourself look stern.

"I'm going to have to take a rain check on that, oh handsome cousin of my wife," Ted winks.

"I'll hold you to it," you joke as Ted beckons Andy out to the dance floor once more. She lingers for a moment, kissing your forehead with a soft smile, before she leaves to take another dance with her new husband.

One day you hope to be as happy as she is.

v. (fifth act - your turn)

If it had been three years ago, even a year ago, you'd need help making this decision. You'd need Andy or one of your friends to shake you and tell you that you could do it. You'd be saying, 'I don't know; I just don't think I can do it!', but that was when Regulus could have been saved, and now he can't be.

You've already made up your mind now as you stare at the family tree that you will soon be blasted off, just like Andromeda was almost six years ago.

You can't take it anymore. The way your family thinks themselves higher than everybody else and wants you to be to. In your head, the day you got sorted into Gryffindor was the day you vowed to never support Voldemort or to be a Death Eater, not that you ever would. His morals were so wrong, so fucked up, that you can't even comprehend who would be stupid enough to be on his side.

This is where you leave one of the two notes that you have written. You've already left one in Regulus' room, giving him one last chance to get out, but you don't think he'll take it. The other note you will be leaving is the one to your family because even though you're running away, you still feel they need to know why the scion of the Black family is doing this. You want them to know exactly what makes them inadequate, and why exactly they make you feel like you do about them.

Suddenly there is the sound of an opening door and you throw the letter down and mount your broom before zooming through the open window. You hear your name called and it takes a phenomenal amount of strength not to turn back.

You take a moment to look over your shoulder as the house gets smaller and smaller and you can't be sure, but you think you see Regulus in the window. You guess you'll never know because you don't turn back because your mind is made up, you're never going back to the dismal light that your childhood passed in.

You decide that you're going to James' house, since his mother is kind of your great-aunt. She was a Black once too, but she treats you like a second son whenever you're there. You promise yourself that you won't burden them for long, if they let you stay that is. They might not even let you stay. Where you will go if they won't let you stay is another question. Maybe Peter's since Remus' family didn't know the Marauder's knew about Remus being a werewolf yet.

You turn your broom to the right, the house that you once lived in no longer in sight. Maybe one day, you'll be as happy as Andy was that night at her wedding reception.

vi. after

You take a shuddering breath after the dementors finally finish their morning patrol, at least you think it's the morning, you don't really know. You can't understand how you've lasted this long, the Ministry might have well killed you straight off, since they've not even given you a trial. They've simply condemned you to the longest, slowest, most painful death, life in Azkaban.

There's no point being brave in here, the dementors simply suck everything out of you, they make everyday a near-death experience. You consider trying to commit suicide several times, but that's not noble of a Gryffindor and when you think about it the second time you know you'll never do it.

You can hardly believe the enormity of the mistake you made when you told James to use Peter as his secret keeper. How stupid you were to chase after him and let him trick you and draw you into his trap.

Your greatest fear is to never get out of here, and every day that goes by makes that fear grow stronger and the dementors feed on your fear. When they aren't around, you allow yourself to indulge on some of your happy memories: hanging out in Hogsmeade after sneaking out, being with Marlene, playing with your godson.

One day you'll get out of here. You have to keep telling yourself that because otherwise you'll waste away into nothing. You have to think about that possible future.

You just use the future to escape the present.

Prompts and Comps:

Eggheads: Sirius, Andy/Ted, win, someone must fly a broom, someone must swear, happiness, anger, 'oh joy, you again', pendant, You just use the future to escape the present.

Potions: Write about a near death experience. Suicide, Mistake, Marauders, Angst, I don't know *name* I just don't think I can do it.

Astronomy: Students are to write about how The House Of Black became known to name their children after stars/constellations. Ginger, A character must hit another character, Marauders, It has been in our family for generations, who cares that it's weird?