A\N: Random Skans fic! ")

WARNING: Pervy Skipper, suggestive moments and gay love =)

"You will never escape, Skippa! I have all the doors locked down; all the windows have bars and my own personal set of penguin hunting robots! With lasers for eyes!" Hans shouted, a ray gun pointed at the penguin´s chest and his face wrapped in a gleefully evil expression. "You are trapped!"

His arch foe looked anything but worried. Instead he faced Hans with a casual grin. "Hans, there are a lot more ways to exit a room than the classical walk-through-door or jump-through-window ways. What about the air vents?"

"Guarded by deadly spiders."

"Trap doors?"

"The cellar is flooded and full with ferocious piranhas."

"Secret passageways?"

"Filled with land mines. You´ll never get past!"

"Loose bricks on the wall that open hidden entrances when being pushed or banged?"

"Don't exist."

"Well, then I only have one more option." Skipper´s smile got bigger, as if he had already won.

The Dane gave him an irritated glare. "No! You have no more options, Skippa, becuz clever me thought of everything!"

"Not everything, Hans." The penguin took a few steps forward.

Hans stepped back, then remembered the weapon in his wings. "Stay back, Skippa! I won´t hesitate to shoot you!"

Skipper started advancing the puffin, locking eyes with him. "You know Hans, I never told you why I got kicked out of the Danish army in the first place. But I know you´re dying to hear the reason."

"N-no, I´m not! And don´t come any closer!"

"I´m a homosexual."

"What?" Skipper had stopped walking; he was right in front of the baffled Dane now. "I was banned from working for the Danes after they found out I had a secret relationship with one of my fellow soldiers." The momentarily serious look faded and was replaced by same taunting grin from before.

"Aren´t you jealous Hans? I know you are, you never liked Johannes very much."

"I wasn´t jealous! He´s just an ass, that is all."

"Sure…" Skipper neared Hans again, now backing him against a wall.

The puffin jumped slightly when his back smacked into the cold stone end of his secret lair. He shakily raised his laser as Skipper placed both of his flippers on either side of Hans´ head.

"I-if you hurt me, I´ll sh-shoot you with this gun!" He pointed it into his foe´s face.

The other grabbed the gun, unconcerned and half amused at the pathetic threat, effortlessly from the other´s grip and threw it somewhere behind him. "As I was saying, Hans. Even if all the escapes are blocked, there´s always one alternative that remains,"

Skipper was so close; Hans could feel his breath on his face. It smelled like fish. Every single feather was visible; he could count them using just his eyes. A small scar, barely visible hid underneath the feathers of Skipper´s right cheek.

"Overpower the captor and search for keys."

The Dane was still rather stunned from the closeness of the other, that it took him a while to realize what Skipper said. "Huh?"

A sudden playful expression came over the penguin´s features. The Dane continued to gaze into the deep blue oceans that slowly sucked his thoughts of revenge and evil out of his mind leaving a blank, exposed puffin behind.

"Now, where are those keys?"

Hans just stared at him.

"Alright, if you won´t tell me, I guess I just have to find them myself." Skipper put his flippers on Hans´ waist. The simple touch knocked Hans out of his trance.

He straightened, flippers half ready to fight, but the leader was faster and with a quick blow, disabled his foe, knocking him to the ground. Instead of hovering over him like before, the penguin straddled him and pinned his wings to the ground.

"Get off me, Skippa! You pervert! What do you think you are doing?"

"Oh come on, Hans! Stop pretending you don´t have any feelings for me, other than hatred. I know you want me and before you start to protest, I talked to Matthias. Remember, your room mate? After a little convincing, he spilled your secrets to me. They were quite interesting. Your weak denials are pointless."

The puffin had gone wide eyed; he had told Matthias some pretty embarrassing things. But now his eyes narrowed and he hissed, "I don´t know what you´re talking about. Matthias never liked me and always made up rumors about me. I have no feelings for you Skippa, except hatred and absolute disgu-"

Skipper slid his flippers behind Hans´ head and leaned down, drowning the rest of his sentence in a firm kiss.

Hans squirmed around beneath him, trying to get free. It was hopeless, Skipper had him overpowered. He stopped struggling and resisted the urge to kiss back with all of his will power.

Then Skipper removed his flippers from the other´s head and they traveled down until they were rubbing against Hans. Unable to resist his lust any longer, Hans kissed back furiously, grinding his hips up against the penguin.

…

The next part was a blurr, a passion filled, pleasurable, blazing blurr.

Skipper never told anyone what happened in that abandoned warehouse in Denmark and he and Hans never talked about it. After that night they continued on as arch enemies, occasionally fighting each other to almost death with fish and lasers.

The reason why: Skipper treated Hans the next morning with some heavy amnesia powder while the puffin was still sleeping. The Dane was a criminal after all and since he has new penguin recruits to train, he couldn´t let his love get in the way with his mission.

Even if the hatred he had faked at first was slowly getting reality, Skipper never forgot about that night in Denmark. He found himself thinking more often Hans, especially at night when the others were asleep and he was lying alone in his bunk.

A\N: Yeah, so I´m done. X) I know the ending sucked, but I was getting late with editing it and I re wrote the last part new. I didn´t have enough time to really think of a good one. xP Sorry. ;)

Special thanks to hyperactiveness and No Doubt´s "Settle Down" to help me write this. xP

And thanks for reading and please review. Skans fans, I know you´re out there. xP