This is just a little one-shot I thought of when I was listening to some music. This is a songfic, maybe just partially. I hope you enjoy it and if you don't like the song, I'm sorry.
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own OHSHC.
Song: B-e-a-utiful by Megan Nicole
B-e-a-utiful
It was hard sometimes being a twin; especially when you had to be the mature one. It wasn't exactly a role Kaoru cared too much for, but he knew it was the right thing to do. That was the only reason he had decided to take it on. Of course, he was also doing it because he knew Hikaru needed the guidance.
But sometimes he wanted to do things his way. Kaoru didn't want to have to worry about how his decisions affected all of those around him. He hated knowing that people were relying on him, consciously or not. He didn't like that heavy-bearing weight of that knowledge of his shoulders. It was annoying and bothersome, and just downright depressing.
He was the nice twin, always making sure his brother was happy. He lived for Hikaru's genuine smile and overjoyed laughter. It was much better than his fake smirk and sarcastic chuckle. It was more rich, full of glee and beauty.
Kaoru loved his brother with everything inside him. There were just moments where he wondered if he felt the same way. Did Hikaru strive to see the light in his eyes to shine through and take over his features like he did? Did the older twin want to see Kaoru strive to open up and embrace new things? Did his older brother love him unconditionally, and love him for the beauty inside instead of the outside appearance?
He knew that asking himself these questions wouldn't help him, or his brother. They weren't good for anyone really, but they were there. They were always there and were always drifting through his head when he saw them. It wasn't good for him to think like this; it was only distracting him from making Hikaru happy.
But sadly, it seemed as though Hikaru was becoming more and more happy without him.
It hurts, yes, but it was necessary. He needed to move on from him. Kaoru needed to focus on the task at hand, which was easier said than done.
He had to figure out how to get his brother and Haruhi together. They hung out a lot - with or without him - and they shared nice laughs. Hikaru's true laugh, the one that had Kaoru either crying or laughing with him. They understood the other's jokes sometimes.
Kaoru knew this was what was best for his twin. Haruhi was a lovely girl; she was mature and pretty and knew how to handle herself. She could take care of Hikaru and his rash personality. The commoner knew how to calm him down, and when she didn't, she would learn.
She's good for him, Kaoru reminded himself for the thousandth time. Besides, he'll need to learn to not rely on his baby brother all the time, too.
Though the thought rang true, it was like a fierce jab at his heart. He knew what the pain was caused from, but he didn't feel it was necessary to tell anyone about it. It was sure to fade in no time. After all, he was the nice twin and he had his brother to care for. He didn't have time to stress about his own problems and feelings.
However many times he's told himself this, Kaoru couldn't shake the overwhelming sensation of sadness and a twinge of anger. He wanted to do things his way, but he never got the chance.
Kaoru wanted his brother to notice him a lot more like he used to.
He wanted his brother to rush up to him and sling an arm around his shoulders like he used to.
He wanted Hikaru to love him like he loved him, instead of her.
Instead of her.
Those three words were selfish and Kaoru knew it. But he didn't care. He wanted to be the irrational twin for once. The one that didn't think before he acted. The one who busted into a fit of rage and jealousy.
Not the one who had to be mature and think of his consequences.
Sighing, Kaoru took a seat on the edge of the fountain in the school's garden. He trailed his fingers through the soft water, watching the small ripples he created. He could see his reflection perfectly. On his face was a sad smile.
She read me a note he left on her bed.
Snuck in the room right after she left and put petals on the ground.
Kaoru stared into the reflection's eyes, taking note how they looked like his twin's except sad and life-deprived. His brother's were bright and ecstatic.
Her head on his shoulder, they walk down the hall.
I'm left to wonder, will I ever fall in love?
Blinking, he let the memories on the edge of his mind take over as he thought back to how much fun the two of them had together. Alone together. Just the two of them.
And where is he now?
He looked up, tired of being accused by his own eyes, and noticed that he could look right up into the window of the abandoned Music Room where the Host club was held.
She's with him, I'm in the backseat.
Know it's not right, but it hurts when they're laughing.
He could make out strawberry blonde hair identical to his own and a patch of brunette beside it. Smiles shined down at him, unaware of him watching them from below.
I've never been where they are
...
I wanna be blown away, wanna be swept off my feet! I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe!
A numb ache had settled in his chest at the memories and now the pain had increased steadily.
I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true!
Why couldn't Hikaru be happy with just him? Why couldn't Kaoru be enough for his twin? Was there something wrong with him?
Wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you!
Just call me beautiful, call me beautiful, call me beautiful.
Why do I have to feel like this? Kaoru asked mentally.
Call me B-e-a-utiful...
Why does it have to hurt so much? The question rang out in his mind.
Friday night, she wore his jersey to the game.
In the front row, screaming out his name as he turns to her and smiles.
Careful not to shatter, Kaoru got up and walked away from the fountain. Away from the window that revealed his happy brother with the girl her loved.
Everywhere I look, people holding hands.
When am I gonna get my chance at love?
My chance at love...
'Cause she's with him, I'm still hurting.
Try to pretend, but it's not working.
I just wanna be where they are.
Kaoru found himself wandering the halls, thinking back to the time where everything was just them - just Hikaru and Kaoru. That's how it was suppose to be. But now she was here, between them, separating them, and it hurt. It hurt Kaoru so much, but he didn't show it. He was the mature twin.
I wanna be blown away, wanna be swept off my feet!
I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe!
Why can't Hika understand I want him? Kaoru mentally whined. I want him to pick me, instead of her. I'm always there for him!
I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true!
Wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you!
I sacrifice everything for his happiness, and I get nothing in return. He always picks her. His vision was becoming blurry.
Just call me beautiful, call me beautiful!
Call me beautiful!
I should just... His mind finally trailed off. Too fried from emotion to continue.
Call me B-e-a-utiful...
Kaoru passed through the hallways, ignoring the few students who were wandering about that looked at him weird. They were beneath his notice at the moment. No one mattered except him.
My heart is waiting for your love.
My hand is waiting for your touch.
My lips just wanna be kissed by you.
Every part of him screamed for him to turn around. His instincts told him to head the opposite way, but he ignored them.
He had to compose himself before he got there.
I wanna be blown away, wanna be swept off my feet!
I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe!
Each step was hard to take, but he managed to do it. Each calming breath was hard to take in, but he did it.
I wanna be lost in love, I wanna be your dream come true!
Wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you!
He was losing himself slowly, but he was the nice twin so it was okay. As long as Hikaru's smiles were genuine and his laughter was real and bubbly.
Just call me beautiful, call me beautiful!
Call me beautiful, call me B-e-a-utiful!
Nothing mattered anymore, except Hikaru. He always seemed to matter.
Beautiful, call me beautiful!
Call me beautiful, call me B-e-a-utiful!
If he thinks Haruhi is pretty...what does he think of me?
Alright so tell me what you think. I've been considering making this thing a big thing of songfic-one-shots, but I can't decide. Review and tell me if I should or not:) Thank you!
-For My Personal Pleasure