Disclaimer: I don't own Young Justice.
Word Count: 5k
Author's Note: 12/30/16 (Huge shoutout to my wonderful Beta, Belquis, and to everyone who has stayed with this story over the past few years)
Happy New Year! I can't believe it's been more than two years since I last updated this fic, this chapter has been sitting half written on my laptop for the longest time and it seemed like an appropriate time to finally finish it. This fic is far from finished, and there are many more chapters to come (18 to be exact). Thank you for being so patient with me (as this story's hiatuses last almost as long as those of Young Justice) and leaving me so many kind reviews. I assure you I've read all of them, and they inspire me to continue on. I wish you all a wonderful 2017 and hope you enjoy this chapter!
Normally, Artemis avoided Fraternities like the plague. But much like the plague, (think bubonic, 1800s) it was only a matter of time before one realized it was impossible to completely avoid any brushes with the greek life.
So, inevitably, after three blissful, fraternity-free months contact was made. Predictably, it was a shitstorm.
They had come in the night, donned in all black, set on doing the one thing they harbored a genuine passion for; spray painting a plethora of multicolored penises onto public property. And by the time the sun came up, they were gone, leaving a blackened lawn and male genitalia spray painted on every side of the building visible from the street. They, also, had taken the creative liberty of accompanying their illustrations with the message "Happy Halloween Motherfuckers!" and signing Beta Sigma Kappa on the lawn in orange paint to contrast the black lawn.
Beta Sigma Kappa was about five blocks north of Cardinal Hall, and was packed full of Ralph Lauren sporting legacies whose hobbies included things like polo, yachting and in general just being pretentious douchebags.
"We should tell the Dean." Roy says, assessing the large, festive cob-web dong painted over one of the front windows. Dick, Megan, Artemis, Wally and Conner stand beside him on the front lawn, all similarly assessing the dong.
Megan crosses her arms and rolls her eyes. "Yeah, we could - or we could put our combined power together, utilize our critically acclaimed pranking skills and pulverize them." Artemis had seen a lot of sides to Megan, but practically salivating at the thought of ripping the entire fraternity of Beta Sigma Kappa limb from limb was new.
Dick nods in agreement, putting his hand up to shield his eyes from the sun. "Plus, tattling to my dad would be too easy. Cardinal can fight their own battles." Artemis had laughed for five straight minutes when she had learned Dean Wayne was Dick's dad and that that was the only reason Dick hadn't been expelled yet. He'd done everything short of burning the campus down and no one snitched because they all thought Dick would get off easy and then devote his entire life to raining hellfire down upon them.
Artemis cocks her head and squints so that it looks like she's studying the dong. "That's actually a pretty accurate depiction of you." She tells Dick deadpan.
Wally Snickers and high fives her. "Nice." He says.
"Ha Ha." Dick narrows his eyes at her. "Get a room, your PDA is disgusting and none of your jokes are funny. "
"It was pretty funny." Wally tells him.
"It was a good joke." Megan says.
Dick glares at both of them, "one unfortunate nickname and everyone's a comic."
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60/108 apology boxes -dick
p.s. An enemy of my enemy is my friend.
There's a kleenex taped to the box of fruit loops. Megan squints suspiciously at it.
"Is that supposed to be a white flag?" She asks, right eyebrow arched high, the subpar quality of the flag an insult to the professional nature of the prank war.
"Supposedly." Artemis responds.
Artemis has no doubt that the truce won't last past Halloween.
They accept it anyway.
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Nothing unites a couple of common prank-infatuated scoundrels like a common enemy and so, for the moment, the girls of 22A and the boys in the room above theirs had put aside their petty rivalry to make room for a bigger, better rivalry with Beta Sigma Kappa.
Artemis felt as if she must have devolved into a secondary character in a Usual Suspects-esque movie, one of those ridiculous action films in which a group of likable rogues, each with their own particular skill set, band together when faced with a threat bigger than themselves.
If this was the case, at the moment Artemis was in the montage scene, in which an empowering instrumental theme plays in the background as the group brainstorms and runs over plans of attack. The music swelling triumphantly as it becomes clear to the audience that the rogues, hard pressed to trust, initially wary of one another, and generally unfriendly have come to work as a team, playing on each other's strengths and weaknesses, using the eclectic nature of the group to formulate the perfect plan.
Dick, Roy, Megan and Artemis are spread out on the floor, all cramped into 22A, with laptops and notebooks, pencils and pens laid out around them in a mid-morning planning session that's not going as smoothly as movie montages would lead one to believe.
"There are less people in a frat so let's use that to our advantage." Megan says, laptop in front of her, space in between her eyebrows harshly creased as her fingers fly over her keyboard, laying out the timeframe and tasks the revenge mission entails on a google doc she's shared with their group. "It'll be easier to lure everyone out."
Which is true, Cardinal houses almost 500 kids which means, barring a fire alarm, there's no possible way to ever find the hall abandoned.
"They also live off campus," Dick adds, there's a half solved rubix cube next to him he's abandoned in favor of scribbling furiously in a notebook, taking notes on the details he finds important and jotting down any and all relevant pranks he can think of. "In a private residence."
"So," Megan interjects, taking over his train of thought as she begins to understand what exactly it is Dick is suggesting, "if we can get them all out of the house we're given a window of opportunity to do what they couldn't do to us. If someone set Cardinals front lawn on fire someone would notice-"
"Yeah." Scoffs Roy. "The police."
"But with no one in Kappa it'll take awhile for the neighbors to notice anything strange. If we can successfully lure the entire house away we get ten interrupted minutes to do our worst."
Dick nods, "Give me ten minutes alone with the Kappa house and it won't be standing by the time anyone gets back."
Artemis narrows her eyes at him. "Strong veto."
Roy tips his head in a slight nod of what is obvious reluctant agreement. "Also illegal. They dick-ified our building, they didn't slaughter our village and set fire to our homes."
Megan recoils as if she's been slapped, her eyes wide and furious. "Excuse me?" She asks, her voice disbelieving and sharp, she grabs her iPhone from beside her, unlocks it and scrolls through her camera roll before pulling up pictures of the carnage, she swipes through the pictures of Cardinal's massacred lawn and exterior. "If this doesn't constitute as the modern equivalent of slaughtering our village and setting fire to our homes, I don't know what does."
Dick nods along to Megan's presentation and accompanying speech wholeheartedly. "Kappa has declared war Roy." He insists. "This is war. Now is not the time to start pulling our punches, they've violated the charter of our hallowed institution, they've infringed upon our inalienable rights, the only appropriate response is to set their front lawn on fire."
Artemis raises her eyebrows until their just about at her hairline. "What?"
"Maybe just one of their hedges." Megan helpfully amends.
Artemis narrows her eyes. "Veto."
"How about we just toilet paper their front lawn or something?" Roy says. "That's what Dick and I were going to do to you. Classic."
Dick punches him in the shoulder, hard and hisses, "Dude."
Megan raises an immaculate eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. "TP-ing?" She asked, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "You were reduced to the medieval act of TP-ing?" She raises her right hand and Artemis is quick to supply her with a high five, snickering.
Dick shakes his head and manages to keep his expression to only slightly dead inside. "We weren't anywhere near stooping so low," He says very meaningfully, shooting Roy a very meaningful glare, and in no way convincing Artemis that they weren't stockpiling toilet paper from the coed bathrooms on their floor for nefarious purposes. "We're not fifth graders."
Megan looks thoughtful. "How about," She says, her eyes lighting up as an idea dawns on her, a look she adopts whenever she's thought of something especially destructive. "We cut their power? They're throwing a huge halloween party next week, I'd like to see them do that without any power."
Dick nods enthusiastically, Roy and Artemis do not. "I could rig something up to cause a surge on the day of," He offers, reminding Artemis that Dick is a computer science major and last week found a way to force her computer to play the entirety of "All Star" by Smash Mouth whenever she sent an email, a problem that took three of the school's computer specialists and three days to fix.
"Property damage is also illegal." Artemis points out, Megan sticks out her bottom lip into an over dramatic pout, fixing Artemis with a pleading stare that she responds to by crossing her arms, fixing her eyebrows so that she looks as disapproving as possible and poking her tongue out. Unfolding her arms and scrunching her face she suggests, "We could put a fish in their ventilation system."
"A rotten fish," Roy amends, putting real emphasis on the word rotten and exchanging a proud look with Artemis. "And we can egg them."
Dick lets out a long groan and buries his head in his hands, Megan looks absolutely distraught and furiously shakes her head, "You're both officially uninvited from the retaliation summit."
When Dick pulls his head from out of his hands, looking incredibly sullen with an angry red line running down his face from where the angular bones of his wrist had been pressed into his face, he miserably mutters, "You guys are sucking the fun out of everything with all your legal technicalities."
"It's only really illegal if you get caught." Megan says in an extremely convincing voice.
Roy fixes her with an unmoved stare, in the most sarcastic tone Artemis has ever heard in her life he says, "Oh wow. That sounds entirely legitimate. I didn't know you were studying pre-law."
Artemis has to bite her cheeks to keep herself from laughing.
Dick pulls his phone out of the pocket of his Stanford hoodie with a dramatic flourish, "Is. Anyone. A Pre-law. Major. Question mark." He says slowly, his words timed to the quick swipes of his fingers moving across the screen of his phone as he crafts the text. Dick hits the send button with his left thumb in a quick decisive motion, announcing the action, and uses his phone to gesture at Roy. "And now we wait for responses."
Artemis' phone buzzes as the notification message for Dick's text pops up, alerting her that Dick is soliciting law majors in the N00BS group text, a mass chat that includes, Artemis, Megan, Roy, Wally, Kaldur, Raquel, Conner, Zatanna and Dick, himself.
Wally West, 10:58 a.m. WST
I'm a physics major.
Dick Grayson, 10:58 a.m. WST
Congratulations.
Wally West, 10:59 a.m. WST
y don't you love me? :((((:0
Science is smexy
Conner Kent, 10:59 a.m. WST
no one cares that you want to bone Albert Einstein
Zatanna Zatara, 10:59 a.m. WST
AND a proton
Dick Grayson, 10:59 a.m. WST
Wally WOULD bone a proton
Wally West, 11:00 a.m. WST
Excuse me. I don't want to bone Albert Einstein. I want to make love to him.
And I WOULDN'T bone a proton. Neutrons only.
Artemis snorts. "Efficient. I can't imagine why I ever would have doubted the capability of this group chat to be utilized as a means for the answering of serious questions."
"The most serious question right now is the nature of Wally's sexual relationship with Albert Einstein." Dick says very solemnly. "This is of the utmost importance."
"As great as Einstein is," Megan interjects, her fingers already flying over her phone's keyboard. "I would like to offer the opinion that the only historical scientist worth making love to is Rosalind Franklin. Watson and Crick robbed her of the Nobel Peace Prize."
Megan Morse, 11:01 a.m. WST
Gross. It's all about Rosalind Franklin.
DNA! That's a pretty sexy achievement
Conner Kent, 11:01 a.m. WST
That's a very respectable choice
Wally West, 11:01 a.m. WST
UGHHHHHHHHHH
The corners of Artemis' mouth curled up into a small and private smile.
Artemis Crock, 11:02 a.m. WST
Cheer up, Romeo. You'll always have Einstein [heart emoji]
Wally West, 11:02 a.m. WST
[heart emoji]
Dick Grayson, 11:03 a.m. WST
GET A ROOM
Raquel Irving, 11:04 a.m. WST
I MAJOR IN PRE LAW
I'm in the middle of class
It's 11 am do none of you ever attend class wtf
Pls stop talking about Wally's sexual proclivities
Dick holds his phone up and makes a triumphant noise. "See? Raquel is studying pre-law. If we get caught-"
"Which we won't," Megan helpfully interjected.
"Then Raquel can bail us out of jail and very charitably act as our attorney." Dick finishes, smiling at Megan, a smile that the redhead returns with a radiant beam.
The fact that Artemis' best friend was that elated with the prospect of committing and potentially getting away with criminal misdemeanors should be worrisome.
"I love putting my entire future into the hands of a first year pre-law student!" Roy chirps deceptively bright and Artemis can't hold back a laugh.
"All in favor of Prank-a-Geddon?" Megan asks, raising her right hand.
"Hear Hear!" Dick cheers, his hand shooting up immediately.
Artemis rolls her eyes and raises her hand. "Don't call it that."
A smile smile works its way onto Roy's face and he's the last to put his hand up in approval. "Are we ready to rip these assholes a new one?" He asks the group.
"Oh god," Megan says, sounding euphoric. "Yes."
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Wally West, 11:04 a.m. WST
I bet Einstein would be a very generous lover
He would appreciate me.
Raquel Irving, 11:04 a.m. WST
Pls if we're talking historical hotties it's all about John Marshall
Wally West, 11:05 a.m. WST
Who?
Conner Kent, 11:05 a.m. WST
Who?
Zatanna Zatara, 11:05 a.m. WST
Oh gross ew
He's some old law guy
Raquel Irving, 11:05 a.m. WST
HE'S HOT
HE BASICALLY ESTABLISHED THE SUPREME COURT
THATS HOT
He's hot.
Zatanna Zatara, 11:06 a.m. WST
I hate u guys
why can't we like current celebrities like normal people
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Megan enlists six (incredibly unlucky) people into the pulverizing of Beta Sigma Kappa. Connor, of course, is included, as is Wally, with Roy, Artemis, Dick and Megan rounding out the rest of the team. The six are broken up into a number of teams.
The first team, dubbed Feigned Retreat, was to go in first, drawing out as many of the members of Beta Sigma Kappa as they could be loudly and obviously TP-ing the front lawn and egging the exterior of the building.
The second team, which Artemis is a part of alongside Wally and Dick was tasked with entering the house through the back and accomplishing three tasks, firstly, the implantation of the device that Dick had created that was capable of causing a power surge and shutting down Kappa's electric into the power box, while he did this Artemis and Wally (referred to at that point as Team Stink Bomb) were tasked with both the fish to ventilation deliverance as well as the greasing of every doorknob and traversable surface in the fraternity house.
From there Artemis and Wally would draw out any remaining house members and lead them on a goose chase around the neighborhood, leading them a few blocks down to where strike team one (Feigned Retreat) consisting of Conner and Roy would have led the boys following them.
If everything was done correctly Conner and Roy would have lost the boys following them just in time to pile into the van Megan had parked five blocks away from their target, Artemis and Wally would rendezvous at the van and together they would meet Dick and Megan two blocks from the fraternity house.
In the ten minute window of building unoccupancy created by Roy, Conner, Artemis and Wally, the final team, dubbed SmokeScreen, would rig up the sprinklers to go off, making the TP-ing removal process even more painful as well as deface the perfectly manicured elephant shrub, fondly nicknamed Esmeralda, Beta Sigma Kappa heralded as the symbol of their fraternity.
By far it is the most convoluted prank Artemis has ever been a part of and also the most illegal.
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.
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Artemis is going to jail.
"I should have brought a cyanide pill," Artemis mutters, mostly to herself as she horizontally positions herself to squeeze through the open window. "For when this inevitably goes sideways and I need a way out."
Her left foot goes through the window first and then she ducks her body low and slides in as quietly as possible.
Wally, crouching by the window to help pull her inside and keep the scuffling to a minimum, hears her and laughs lowly. "I had a buy one get one free discount on cyanide pills at CVS, remind me next time we do something like this." He whispers and Artemis, fully inside the fraternity house, crouching beside him, bumps his arm with her shoulder, smiling.
Wally smiles back at her and after she bumps him, bumps into her with his shoulder.
"Are you two too busy making out or can someone give me a hand down here." Dick whispers viciously. Artemis pokes her head out the window.
Dick is standing on an air conditioning unit, standing just a little too low to pull himself up on the window frame and swing in. Artemis had managed to do that, but only because she had been standing on Dick's back at the time.
Artemis reaches her hands out of the window, Dick grabs them tightly and pulls himself up, then grasps onto the window ledge and swings one of his legs into the house. Artemis moves back from the window as he pulls himself inside.
Wally jerks his thumb to their left, "The stairs to the attic are over there." He whispers to Dick. Megan had bestowed the floor plan that she had procured of the Beta Sigma Kappa house upon Wally. Artemis wanted to know neither why Megan had chosen Wally to keep the floor plan nor how she had gotten ahold of it in the first pace..
Dick nods and pulls his backpack off, unzipping it slowly as if that will make the action any quieter. From his backpack he produces and hands several cans of grease to both Wally and Artemis.
Before parting, Dick clutches Wally's forearm, and very seriously tells him, "Godspeed my brother."
"Be safe," Wally responds, holding eye contact somberly, as if this is the last time they might see each other.
There's a beat before both of them are smiling at each other, Wally laughing silently and Dick's eyes light with humor, Artemis is grinning.
She offers her hand out, palm down, without hesitation Dick puts his hand on top of hers and Wally follows suit. "Terrible trio on three," She says, using her fingers to mark each number, when she gets to three they throw their hands in the air, "Terrible trio!" She cheers, her voice low and jubilant.
Wally cups his hands around his mouth and mimes a long whoop, silent.
Dick glares at them both with no real heat and whispers, "Dynamic duo." Before spinning around and taking off towards the attic stairs.
Artemis' shoulders shake with laughter and she and Wally share a look, both of their eyes light with laughter, mouths curled up and pulled back to stomach any audible laughter.
Artemis tips one of her grease cans towards him in a mock salute before uncapping it and setting to work.
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Artemis and Wally have managed to cover most of the upstairs with grease before Artemis phone vibrates in her pocket, fishing it out she sees the text from Dick flashing across her screen.
Dick Grayson, 5:10 p.m WST
MAYDAY.
Artemis had known it was only a matter of time before things went wrong, she exhales an exhausted sigh out of her nose as quietly as possible, and waves her arm at Wally to catch his attention and bring him over.
Artemis Crock, 5:10 p.m. WST
?
Wally peers over her shoulder, reading the texts
Dick Grayson, 5:10 p.m. WST
The staircase is a pulldown. Which is going to be VERY noisy.
Wally nudges Artemis, she tilts her face so that she can see him, not completely turning towards him, and he leans in to bring himself closer to her ear, he ducks his head down to bring his lips to her ear, when he speaks his breath heats the skin of her neck. "Tell him we'll get louder."
She focuses back down on her phone and types exactly that.
"What do you have in mind?" She asks, slipping her phone into her pocket, now moving her entire body so that she's facing him.
Wally quirks a smile. "How do you feel about a trip to the kitchen?" He asks, "And how familiar are you with say anything?"
Artemis' mouth is pulled into a large smile. Her eyes glimmer with mischief as she pieces together his plan.
"Very familiar." She says.
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While Artemis gathers pans from the kitchen, Wally paints the stairs with grease and then most of the floor of the lower level and finally he cracks the front door open, painting the inner knob.
Once finished he shoots Artemis a thumbs up, and she drops down out of his line of sight, the half wall serving as a breakfast bar obscuring his line of sight.
A moment later Artemis pops back up, smiling toothily at him with a pair of pans in hand. Wally holds up his phone so that she can see it and opens the spotify app.
He uses his fingers to silently count down from three, and then Artemis begins banging the pots together and yelling, making her way carefully across the slippery floor from the kitchen to where Wally is standing near the open front door. From Wally's phone "In Your Eyes" blasts, and he begins yelling along to the song.
It doesn't take long for four very confused, disgruntled members of the fraternity to appear, very carefully trying to make their way across the floor without slipping.
"What the fuck." One of them yells at Artemis and she responds by, very cheerily, flipping him off. Artemis continues to clap the pans together, Wally continues to hideously belt out In Your Eyes, Giving Dick as much time as he needs to get the staircase down.
When it becomes clear that the four, seriously pissed looking fraternity members are close enough to follow after Wally and Artemis, Artemis throws down the pans, Wally abruptly pauses the song, and the two of them scramble towards the front door, shutting it behind them to gain a head start as their pursuers struggle with getting the slippery interior door knob to open the door.
Artemis and Wally break into a dead sprint and sooner than she would have liked she can hear the whoops of the frat boys as they get the door open and start into a run.
"Fuck you're fast." Artemis huffs out to Wally and he beams at her, turning his head to look back at her, not slowing down.
"I was recruited for the track team." He responds, easily, voice a little breathier than usual but nowhere as winded as Artemis is. "You're surprised I'm fast?"
Artemis focuses on quickening her pace so as to not slow Wally down, making her strides as long as possible. "You're so gangly I'm surprised you can even manage to walk upright without falling." She bites out and Wally laughs, picking up his pace.
Artemis mumbles out a short stream of choice obscenities, before falling silent and focusing her on her breathing.
When they get close enough to where Roy and Conner have led the first group of fraternity members and have put enough distance between the boys on their heels, Artemis and Wally run left and duck into a shop.
The unmistakable sound of feet hitting pavement and furious panting gets closer before the fraternity members meant to be chasing them pass the storefront and continue on. As soon as Artemis deems the coast clear, she and Wally walk out of the store and a block further before slipping into a Gray Honda Odyssey on Bryant Street.
Conner turns back to look at them from the passenger seat, forehead shiny with sweat, and asks, "All good?" Roy turns the key in the ignition and peels out of the parking spot, heading pack towards the Fraternity.
Wally shoots Conner a double thumbs up.
"I never want to do this again." Artemis says. "I'm retiring."
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The six of them manage to fit themselves around a small circular table at Gathering Grounds, though it's six in the evening the coffee shop is crowded. The bigger tables are crowded by students in the first phase of their all-nighters, study groups pouring over flashcards and notes and textbooks, coffee steaming beside them, a detour before they head to the library at eight when the coffee shop closes, and tired looking doctors and nurses in full scrubs or wearing shiny hospital badges sit around before starting the night shift.
There's a pianist seated at the piano in the corner of the shop, fingers deftly moving across the piano's key and filling the shop with warm, jazzy music. Over the melody the dull roar of conversation, indistinguishable just a cacophony of the sounds of voices, the different timbres and volumes.
Megan and Wally are the only one's who have ordered anything. Wally is drinking an espresso as fast as Artemis imagines is humanly possible, trying to ingest as much caffeine as he can to keep himself alert for his evening fluid mechanics cram session.
Megan is holding her mint tea in her hands to warm them, taking occasional sips. She's wedged between Conner and Roy, seemingly unconcerned with just how uncomfortably cramped the seating arrangement is.
Artemis could, in a court of law, as an expert witness attest in great detail and insight just how uncomfortable the seating is as she's been forced in between Wally and Corner, occupying an amount of space that theoretically she should be unable to fit herself into. Every time Wally moves to drink his coffee his sharp elbows assault her from what feels like every direction but in reality is just the entire left side of her persons. Opposite of Artemis is Dick, he's sitting next to Wally as well but he's moved his chair far enough to the right that he manages to avoid the incessant tangle of elbows and instead very amusedly watches as Artemis suffers a death from a thousand jabs.
Dick is holding his phone up, screen towards the group, tilting it right and then slowly moving his wrist until it's facing Wally, who's sitting directly to his left. He flips through different photos at a dizzying rate as he pans the phone back and forth, proudly displaying the quick work he and Megan had made of destroying Beta Sigma Kappa's front lawn.
The elephant shrub had been beheaded, toilet paper soaked through and disintegrating in some areas and bone dry in others. The exterior of the building is dripping with eggs, their shells scattered across the lawn, Conner and Roy's labor of love. The flour that had been such a pain to clean from Megan and Artemis' room had been poured over much of the lawn, something Artemis hadn't known was going to be done.
When Roy asked about the flour, Dick had smiled wickedly and said, "We had some extra time."
Finally Dick reached the last picture he had taken, showing the front of Beta Sigma Kappa's residence in full glory, egged, lawn white, toilet paper adorning trees and bushes and strewn messily across the lawn, the head of the hedge elephant sitting neatly on the doorstep with a note pinned to it that in very loopy, feminine handwriting read 'Love Cardinal.'
"This," Dick said, handing his phone to Roy to be passed around the group, so everyone on the table could fully bask in the carnage. "Is what justice looks like. We are dispensers of justice."
"I don't think I can dispense justice for a living." Artemis says.
"Hear hear." Wally agrees, holding his coffee up in a mock toast. "You definitely don't run fast enough to."
Artemis jabs him in the arm with her elbow. "Neither do you."
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Artemis and Wally trail behind the rest of the group as they make their way back to Cardinal hall from the parking lot where they had all had a brush with near death as Wally, who had driven, attempted to parallel park very illegally in a tiny non-spot between two cars.
The main reason for the 400 foot lead Conner, Roy, Megan and Dick had gained on them was Wally's attempt to trip Artemis for what he called "comedic purposes." A stunt that had prompted Artemis to wrestle him into a headlock and deal him several, very severe noogies with extreme prejudice until his laughter had subsided. None of the other four cared enough to stick around and witness or comment on Artemis' decisive victory, save Dick who had watched for twenty seconds before loudly declaring, "Get a room." and moving forward.
Now Wally was wiggling his eyes suggestively at Artemis and nudging her conspiratorially, obviously teasing, "If you had to choose a historical figure though, seriously wouldn't it be Einstein?"
Artemis pushes him away, looking as annoyed as she can. "Hard pass," she says swatting him away, he swats back in an attempt to defend himself.
When Artemis actually manages to swat him on the arm he immediately arranges his face so as to look as hurt as possible, and clutches his arm as if he's been mortally wounded. "Why don't you love me?" Wally whines, distraught.
Artemis glares at him, but the corner of her mouth curls up just a little and Wally crows in delight.
"You're smiling! Oh my god Artemis Crock is actually smiling at one of my jokes. Ladies and gentlemen can you believe it?" Wally pokes her cheeks where her dimples would be, then digs his fingers in at the corners of her mouth and pulls back so that her mouth is curved upwards in a smile that doesn't match her glaring eyes. "You love me! You love me!" He crows.
Despite her mouth being stretched into a smile Artemis immediately denies this, "I don't. I hate you. I detest you. You were born onto this earth just to be my arch nemesis."
Wally continues to laugh. "You love me." He sings.
Artemis swats his hands away from her face, a small smile blooming. "Just a little." She admits a sly look on her face, Wally for a moment looks over-enthused. "Stockholm syndrome." She clarifies, and now she's laughing a little bit too.
Wally slings an arm around her shoulder, grinning broadly.
She smiles up at him.
"Team Stink bomb, who would have thought?" Artemis asks.
"Who indeed." Wally responds, smile crinkling the corner of his eyes.
Artemis pokes him in the rib, and when he smiles wider so does she.
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61/108 apology boxes -dick
p.s. Shoving a dead fish in a ventilation system and running five blocks from a horde of angry fraternity brothers should not be an aphrodisiac. SEEK HELP.