Sorry it's so late, I had a huge crisis of confidence, and two weeks from hell in work. Thank you all for your patience

Thank you for all the favourites/reviews :) I will finish replies ASAP!

Thanks to Karen EC for pre-reading for me.

Any mistakes are mine, I have been tinkering with this for a while - they are the only thing I own.

I watch the news every day, the newly installed TV screen in my office becoming my greatest source of company. I feel like I'm holding my breath every damn day, waiting for news, and at the same time hoping that there isn't any. I retreat from the customers and the daily grind that I loved so much, and engross myself in work that will keep me no further away from a news source than I absolutely have to be.

My co-workers soon learn to leave me alone, only disturbing me when absolutely necessary. I'm lucky they are capable of manning the store alone.

Carlisle emails once a week, if possible, to let me know that he's okay. He seems to be enjoying the work he's doing out there, and it makes me feel even worse that I can't seem to think of anything beyond him.

I miss him being around; I miss his out-of-the-blue text messages, which tell me about the bizarre things he sees when he's working. I miss his – often wrong – research into what flowers mean, and his attempts to converse with me through them.

I miss having him in bed with me at night, and waking up to his sleepy, pliable form in the mornings.

An arrangement of white heather and blue chrysanthemums sits in my office, a gesture of protection on my part for Carlisle. I refresh it every couple of days, and it offers me a modicum of comfort. As the first month passes, I start to add some purple lilac to it. Angela gives me a questioning glance as I walk past with it, but I shake my head at her. I've had a lot of time to ruminate on my feelings, but I'm not ready to share them with anyone yet, except Carlisle.

And he's not here.

I kick back in my chair, muting the rolling news as it turns to more frivolous stories. Riley comes in to drop the stock-take list he's done on my desk, and gives me a small grin.

"Hey, Edward, we're having a few drinks tonight to celebrate Jess finally passing her driving test. Do you want to come with us? Out of all of us, you should be celebrating the fact you'll have fewer early mornings."

I'm shaking my head before he's even finished his question. "I'll pass. Thanks anyway, Rile."

He nods, clearly expecting nothing less than the answer he got. He moves to leave the office, but hesitates. "Are you going to stay in and watch the news, again? It's not healthy, you know. You're going to drive yourself mad."

I look up at him, and tilt my head, swallowing down the flash of anger that flows through me. Riley doesn't deserve my wrath. I can't quite keep the bitter tone from my voice, though. "Thanks for the advice, Dr, Biers, but I'll be fine. Have a good evening."

It takes him a couple of seconds to decide whether or not to continue to argue with me, but he chooses not to, and leaves me to stew some more.

I turn my attention back to the news, and once I'm satisfied it's covering nothing I care about, I set my thoughts to tomorrow's wholesale orders. The routine helps to keep me sane – if that is what my current mental state can be described as.

It's only been six weeks, and I feel like I'm going mad.

~-ABR-~

I ignore the surprised looks of my co-workers as I leave the office and park myself behind the counter, a beaming smile on my face.

"We're having a team meeting after the store closes, guys," I inform them

They nod, and continue on with their various jobs, clearly unwilling to engage any further with me. I don't blame them. The store has been running fine in my partial absence and, while I should have kept a better grip on my emotions, it's led me to think it might be time to open up another store somewhere else. These guys don't need me here all the time. I've spent some time looking at the viability of another store, and I think it might be a good idea, even if it stresses me out. Carlisle's trip away has made me think I'm a little too comfortable where I am; I need to challenge myself a little.

Only Angela and Riley are working the close today. Jessica is revelling in her new-driver status – and has been offering to do as many early and delivery shifts as she can – and it's Victoria's day off.

I make them a drink as we settle in my office that evening. They sit on the couch – the couch I have avoided since Carlisle left – and look at me expectantly as I take a seat on my desk.

"I'm sorry, guys," I start. Riley and Angela glance at each other, clearly surprised by my apology, but remain quiet. "I've been a dick recently, and there's no excuse for it."

Riley sips his too-hot drink, presumably to stop himself from making a comment which might get him fired. Angela, on the other hand, looks at me sympathetically.

"You're worried about the person that you love," she offers. "That's an okay excuse."

Riley's eyes widen at her words, the blue contrasting wildly with the heat-induced pink tint on his cheeks.

I run my hand through my hair, unwilling to discuss that particular issue with anyone but Carlisle. "Well, either way, I'm sorry. You guys have basically been left alone for the last few weeks, and that's not okay."

"It's all right, boss," Riley laughs. "I kept everyone in order while you were moping."

"That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about, actually. I'm considering opening another store, and if that happened, I'd need someone to manage this one." I grin at Riley. "Not you, Rile, obviously, you're an idiot, but one of the girls might be good at it."

He rolls his eyes good-naturedly at me, knowing I'm only joking.

"I'll let Jessica and Victoria know, too," I continue. "Even if I decide to do it, it won't be for a while, but I wanted to give you enough time to do any college courses you think might help."

Angela nods at me, clearly thinking seriously about my offer. I think she and Victoria will both be keen to take over. I'll be interested to see how much work they put into learning the ropes a little. I can see myself taking some time off when Carlisle comes home, so that we can have some time together. It would be an ideal opportunity for someone to step up and see what managing the store entails.

"So what's put you in this good mood, boss?" Riley asks, a teasing smile on his face.

Angela nudges him. "If you can't figure it out, Riley, you're too young to hear the answer." She looks up at me appraisingly. "Only the promise of getting laid makes Edward that happy. Carlisle must be coming home."

"Are you done, Psychic Sally?" I laugh. Her reasoning is scarily accurate.

"Am I right?" she asks.

I can't keep the smile off my face. "He's been given a date for returning, yes."

"Then yeah, I'm done."

We chat for a little longer, while they finish their drinks. Riley is telling me about a road trip he and his friends are planning, when Angela slips out of the office. By the time she returns, we're discussing the best ways to pack four grown men – and enough beer to sustain them – into a small car. Angela rolls her eyes at the pair of us.

"You two are such boys," she groans. She's holding a vase of flowers, which she offers to me. Red and yellow roses. "They're to brighten your office a little. You're celebrating now, finally!"

"Thanks, Angela." I place the vase in full view of my desk. I'm not quite ready to get rid of the arrangement I put in my office for Carlisle, but these will make a nice addition to the room. It's needed something cheerful for a while. "You guys can head off, if you want? I'll do stock-take tonight."

Riley is out of the door before I've even finished my offer, but Angela hangs back for a second. She approaches me, and rubs her hand soothingly along my upper arm.

"It's good to have you back, boss."

~-ABR-~

I rearrange the flowers in the window for the hundredth time this morning, and hear Jessica chuckle behind me.

"A watched pot never boils, Edward," she warns me, with a grin.

Groaning, I take a step back from the glass. "I know."

She rubs my shoulder reassuringly. "He'll be here as soon as he can, I'm sure."

Carlisle refused to let me pick him up from the airport, maintaining that I wouldn't fully concentrate on driving if he was in the car with me. He was probably right, but that's little comfort when I know he's back in the country and we haven't been able to see each other yet.

This morning, I decided working would be the best plan because I'd keep myself busy, however I've done nothing but pace all day. Poor Jessica has had to take on the work of two people because I've been so useless – thankfully it's been a quiet day.

I glance down at what I'm wearing and wish that I was in something a bit better looking than this polo shirt.

"Do you think I should change?"

Jessica rolls her eyes at me. "Didn't you first meet here?"

My eyes drift back to the door for a second before I reply. "Yeah, we did."

"Then he's seen you in this before." She grins. "I'm fairly sure you being clothed won't last long, anyway."

I don't chastise her for the comment. If I'm honest, I hope she's right.

Seeing that I'm not rising to her bait, she continues. "You know, if you're thinking of changing the uniforms, I've got a whole folder full of ideas."

This isn't news; she petitions me least once a week to change the staff outfits. If I'd have been thinking straight, I wouldn't have brought it up at all. "I'm sure you have, Jess. Maybe another time, yeah? I'm going to wait in the office before I ruin the floor with my pacing. Will you direct Carlisle through when he shows up, please?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll leave the folder on your desk tomorrow, boss."

We both know it'll be a few days before I come up for air, but I acknowledge her comment anyway – she might have some good ideas, I guess – and then head back into the office. I grab some coral roses on my way, and some paper to wrap them in. At least sorting an arrangement for Carlisle will help to pass the time.

I lose myself in my work, as I often do, needing this to be perfect for Carlisle, even if he won't notice it in the same way I will.

A quiet tapping on the door makes my heart jump, and I look up to see it slowly creeping open. Jessica would never open my door like that, it can only be one person, and it feels like it takes him an hour to appear. For my part, I can do nothing but remain frozen behind my desk. It's been three months since we last saw each other, and I'm a jumble of nerves and anticipation.

When he finally appears, it takes me a moment to realise it's him. While I've seen him in casual clothes – and a lot less – before, this version of Carlisle is one I have never met. He's wearing a scruffy-looking dark green t-shirt, and combat trousers. A few months in the sun have given his arms and face a colour they could never achieve in England. His hair is longer than I remember it being, and the most drastic change of all is his beard. He looks every inch of the person who has just travelled three thousand miles after a few months in hell, completely exhausted – and yet he still manages to look completely fuckable.

I stand up from my desk after he whispers a small "Hi." As soon as I get close to him, he walks into my embrace, and I clutch him like he's the only thing enabling me to breathe.

"You're back," I say unnecessarily.

Carlisle laughs into my shoulder. "I am. I'm glad you recognised me."

"I almost didn't," I admit. "I might not have done if I wasn't expecting you."

His beard tickles my neck as he talks. I'm not sure that I like it. "I was going to spend longer at home, and get cleaned up a little better, but I was in a rush to see you. I should have let you pick me up from the airport. I think the taxi driver was ready to murder me by the time I got home."

"Well, I'm glad he didn't. And I'm glad you came here quickly, too, even if you do smell like aeroplanes."

I squirm away from his fingers as he jabs them into my side in retaliation for my comment and pick up his arrangement from my desk.

"This is for you," I grin, handing them to him as I sit back on my desk.

He stands between my legs admiring the flowers. "Do I have to let go of you to Google what these mean? Because I'm not sure I can stretch to that right now."

"No, it's all right." I can feel the blush creeping into my cheeks, and I wonder if maybe I should let him find out for himself. I could always sit on his lap while he was surfing the internet. "They mean desire. Passion." I scratch the back of my neck while Carlisle raises an eyebrow at me, a sly grin appearing on his face.

"Of course I did that before I knew you had the beard, I might have to take it back, now," I tease.

Carlisle laughs, placing the flowers on the desk and wrapping his arms around me. "I'll let you into a secret," he murmurs, as he places kisses along my jaw. "I don't want to shave it off because I think I'll have a beard tan line."

I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. "Well, how about if I tell you I don't have plans for us to be outside the house in the next few days?"

"Then I guess it can go, as long as you promise not to laugh."

"Scouts honour," I nod. My fingers tighten his t-shirt over his waist. Just feeling him this close to me is better than anything I have been imagining over the last few lonely months.

Carlisle presses forward, forcing me to lean back a little over the desk. "So, about these flowers..."

~-ABR-~

With a shy grin, I hand Carlisle a red rose and place a kiss on his cheek. He's clean-shaven again, for the first time in over a month, and I'm almost sorry to see the light smattering of stubble that he kept, go. It's his first day back at the hospital today, and despite being back in his old job, he's clearly nervous about going.

I squeeze his hand, whispering an "I love you" into his ear before he leaves.

Angela smiles at me as I walk back to the counter. "How's he doing?"

Carlisle has been spending a lot of time with me at the store over the last month – partly because I still had to work, but also because he was struggling to process everything that he'd seen while he was away. In the safety of the darkness of my bedroom at night, he would confess he was having trouble sleeping, having trouble feeling comfortable when he had seen that there were so many people in the world who were not. He was almost reluctant to return to work here, knowing that he was providing care to people who didn't always appreciate everything they were given.

We talked it through every night. Sometimes I would just hold him while he spoke, needing to purge everything he'd seen. I knew there were people he was unable to save, and how terrible he felt about them. I gave him all the reassurance I could, but I knew that he needed people who truly understood what it was to work in a life-or-death career. Slowly, I tried to talk him around to going back to work and, after a month or so, he finally felt ready.

Everyone at the store has seen how tired we both were, and while most assumed it was for other reasons – Riley in particular heartily congratulating us on Carlisle's return and our subsequent exhaustion – Angela seemed to grasp there was something more going on. She would often take Carlisle to one side, talking about anything and everything until he felt able to open up to her. It took the burden off me a little, too, and gave me a chance to seriously explore the idea of opening a new store.

I return Angela's smile. "He's doing okay, I think. He'll be glad to get back to work, even if he doesn't think so at the moment."

She nods, and we leave the conversation there. While I'm happy that Carlisle found someone else he felt comfortable around, I still don't feel right talking about him when he's not around.

I head back into the office and bury myself in paperwork and business plans for the new store. I'm buried in a list of possible locations when my phone rings.

It's Carlisle.

"Hey, baby!"

"You sound happy," I grin. "Good day so far?"

"Yeah, it's going well. I can't stay on long, but a few of us are going out after work. Do you want to come, too?"

"Would they mind?"

"No, of course not," he laughs. "I'd really like you to come. You're off tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I am, too. So we can have a few drinks and see what happens." His voice drops slightly and I know exactly what he's implying. I was worried he'd be exhausted after his first day back, and content with the thought we'd be slipping into bed tonight to do nothing but sleep. Apparently, though, Carlisle is full of energy, and I am totally okay with that.

"In front of your work colleagues?" I ask. I know he's out at work, but I don't think he'd want me all over him when they're around. I might have to pace myself.

"They won't last as long as we will." I can hear the smile in his voice. "Please come?"

"Okay, I'll meet you down there later."

"Excellent. I love you, Edward. I've got to go."

He's gone before I can even respond. I can't say that I'm sorry about that – hearing him so happy being back at work is more than I could have hoped for, especially only one day in. I'm sure it won't be a completely smooth road, but I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to enjoy it while the going is good. Drunk Carlisle is nothing but fun.

~-ABR-~

I pick up the wreath from the countertop and walk Carlisle out of the store, locking the door behind us. I don't normally open the shop on Sundays, apart from this specific Sunday every November. People are always in a desperate last-minute rush to get their poppies, so I try to open for a couple of hours.

Carlisle was determined to get to a memorial service, and I promised him I would close up in plenty of time if he waited at the store with me. He did, although he must have checked his watch once every minute. In the end, I sent him into the office to make us a flask of coffee, just so he'd be out of my hair for a bit.

We walk down to the memorial together in the driving rain. Carlisle grips my hand tightly. I know this is bringing back memories for him – even though he was there with an impartial organisation, the impact of war was right in front of him. He's keen to go back sometime in the future, despite how it affected him, and it's something we've started talking about. I'm not sure I'm ready to let him go again anytime soon, though.

Once we arrive, we stand in the pouring rain, listening to the veterans talk. Carlisle stands in front of me, and I wrap my arms around him.

He turns to me and kisses my cheek. "I'm glad I have you."

"I'm glad I have you, too," I smile.

My arms tighten around Carlisle as a young soldier goes up to the stage. He looks around Riley's age and is in a wheelchair. My heart clenches. He talks for a short while about his experiences in Afghanistan, how he came to lose his legs, and how grateful he is that he had such a great unit around him to save his life.

While he speaks, I rest my chin on Carlisle's shoulder, thankful that I've found a man who cares about other people so much, and thankful for my life.

I know what's coming after this story, having been to many of these before, and I whisper to Carlisle. "Hey, if you don't know the meaning of these flowers, it's coming. Take notes."

He elbows me gently in the ribs, and I chuckle softly. He's been keen to learn the basics of flower meanings, so I've been teaching him a couple every week. He's offered to teach me the medical names for body parts in return but – after a whole day spent naked together, thoroughly exploring every inch of him – I managed to persuade him that I knew everything I needed to about them already.

I push him gently to lay our wreath down, and watch him as he goes. I'm scared at the prospect of him leaving again – I can't even imagine what the families of people who go to fight must feel like. I'm proud of him, though. I'm not sure it's anything I could ever do, but he's using everything he's got to help people who need it, even at his own risk. I smile as I watch him help an elderly lady place her arrangement, she kisses him on the cheek for his trouble, and I see him blush slightly.

He walks back towards me, and I grin at him, pulling him back into my arms as I teasingly whisper, "My hero."

That earns me another dig in the ribs, but I shrug it off, holding him closer as the young soldier starts to read out a poem.

"In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row..."

Fin.

The poem is "In Flanders Fields" by John McCrae.

MSF (Doctors Without Borders) has a website, and a tumblr. I'll put the links on my profile. Both are well worth checking out.