You've Got the Wrong Person

The two were sitting a safe distance apart from each other. Bowser sat uncomfortably in his throne, with his head on his hand. He glared at his kidnapee. The Koopa King was confident that this was his worst failure ever. But, he was in such a rush. Mario and his buddies were just minding their own business and Bowser was going to grab the princess as fast as he could so the stupid Mario brothers could do nothing about it.

Now, here he was, with the wrong person completely. Heck, he didn't even grab a princess.

It was Green 'Stache.

Bowser sighed loudly. He could go back and try to get Princess Peach, but, what good would that do? He already had the wrong person. It was already all down in the "Big Book of Bowser's Mistakes" that some soldiers created in their spare time. Everyone in the castle saw the Koopa King walk in with the plumber hoisted over his shoulder. It made Bowser feel nasty, and he had to take a shower afterwards.

"You should just let me go," Luigi crossed his arms.

Bowser looked at him and sat up straight. "Why?"

"I'm not the one you're after."

Bowser rolled his eyes. "Your brother is probably –" He stopped mid sentence and a smile formed on his face. If he wasn't going to let Green 'Stache go, then he might as well have some fun with him.

"Who says that you're not the one I'm after?"

Luigi started to get nervous. "Uh, well. You don't…uh, Peach is the one you want…not…"

Bowser got up from his throne and walked closer to Luigi. "Maybe this mistake wasn't a mistake at all."

Luigi started to back away, but Bowser stood next to him and crouched down. "Mario is going to destroy you if you hurt me."

Bowser's claws came out with a flick of his wrist. He kept that sly smile on his face and made his hand travel up and down Luigi's back, imitating a spider's movements. Luigi whimpered in fear.

Just then, the door flew open. Mario jumped in. "LET HIM GO, BOWSER!"

Bowser picked up Luigi and tossed him over his shoulder. "Never! I'm going to…uh, I'm going to…MAKE HIM FABULOUS!"

Luigi started kicking and screaming. "I don't want to be fabulous!" He then stopped and opened his eyes. "Wait…what?"

Bowser's grip on Luigi started to loosen, and soon, he felt his hand slide down to Luigi's lower body. Bowser's eyes widened and he tossed the plumber to the ground.

"AUGH! EW! GROSS!" Bowser shook his hands, trying to shake away the feeling he had just felt. "I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST TOUCHED HIS BUTT! I FEEL SO DIRTY! JUST TAKE HIM! LEAVE!"

Mario stood there in awe while Luigi sat there with a blank stare. Mario helped his brother up and the two left.

"We never speak of this," Luigi said softly.

"Agreed."

This has got to be the lamest one-shot I have ever written. Like, what was I thinking?

The moral of the story: Don't rush when kidnapping princesses.

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BYE-BYE!