CHAPTER FIVE: AFRAID

Age: 11

A pair of bright blue eyes stared at the digital clock next to the bed. The red numbers told him it was a little after 3:00. With a sigh, Dick Grayson turned his attention back to the book he held. His eyes danced around the pages, but it was impossible for him to process the information. Every time he began to read, the words would blur and he would feel his eyes begin to droop. He would quickly open them and try once more to pay attention to the text in front of him. After several more minutes, Dick's eyes finally closed. With a gasp, he snapped them open as he felt his heart race. He looked at the clock again. 3:37. He had fallen asleep.

Dick stood up, placing the book on his bed, and began to pace around his room. He kept his footsteps faint and was careful to make as little noise as possible. The only light in the room came from a lamp in the corner that had its shade turned downwards. He did all that he could to ensure that he would not awaken Bruce or Alfred. He even breathed lightly, knowing how superb Bruce's hearing can be. He continued pacing, thinking about an array of things to keep his mind distracted. Eventually, his steps began to falter and his head fought to stay up. Still, he continued pacing, until his legs gave up. He managed to use his arms to break his fall, but he feared the noise he made. Dick tiptoed to his door, and listened for any sign that would tell him that either the playboy or the butler was awake. He heard nothing, so he took a chance and opened the door, wincing at the slight creak he heard. Poking his head in the doorway, he realized that there was no one in the hall. He gave a sigh of relief. He glanced back at the clock and groaned.

'Four more hours. I just need to stay awake for four more hours.' During the summer, Dick usually awoke any time between 6:00 and 8:00 AM, so he figured it would not be unusual if he "awoke" at around 7:00. He felt his legs weaken again and a cloud attempted to engulf his mind. He shook his head and walked in place. Dick knew that he needed a shock to his system to wake him up. Otherwise, there was no possible way that he could last for the next six hours. His first thought was a shower, but he did not want to risk waking anyone. His next thought was slapping himself, but if he did it too hard, that would make a sound, too. That thought guided him to think about other methods of physical harm, but he knew it would be difficult trying to clean up any blood without making a sound. In addition, he promised Bruce that he would try his best to stop, and he did not wish to break that promise so soon. Finally, he found a solution. 'Milk. Cold milk. That should wake me up enough for me to come up with a better plan.'

With that decided, the young boy slipped passed his door and carefully tiptoed his way passed Bruce's room on his way to the kitchen. Once there, he looked around to ensure no one else was around. Yawning, he grabbed a glass from the cabinet and the milk from the refrigerator. He quickly drank one cup before pouring himself another. The chilled liquid raced down his throat and settled in his stomach, alerting every muscle and organ it passed on the way. Dick sighed in satisfaction as he drank the remainder of the glass and placed the carton back into the refrigerator. Shutting the door, he turned and immediately dropped the glass as he let out a surprised gasp. He looked down at the shattered glass surrounding his bare feet and realized that he was now very awake.

"Dick? Are you all right?"

He looked up, mouth slightly agape. "Uhhh..."

"Are you hurt?" Bruce made his way toward Dick. The boy attempted to back away. "Don't." Dick stilled. "Wait until the glass is cleaned up. You don't want to cut your feet."

"Umm..."

Dick watched as Bruce left and returned a moment later with a broom. He swept the glass in front of Dick, making a path for him to walk. The young hero watched silently, his eyes following Bruce as his mentor finished sweeping and threw the glass away. He returned to Dick a few seconds later.

"I...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to break it...It slipped..." Dick looked at Bruce regretfully and he could feel his fatigue slowing crawling back into his body.

"I know it was an accident. Just try to be more careful in the future." Dick nodded, hoping it was the end of the conversation. Naturally, it wasn't. "Why are you awake this late?"

Dick swallowed, fighting his body's natural response to tense. "I was thirsty, so I came down for a drink. I thought you and Alfred were still asleep, so I got a little scared when I saw you. I was about to go back to bed."

Bruce stared at him, and Dick stared back with eyes that only someone who did not know the child would say were innocent. Dick knew that Bruce knew he was lying, and it was only a matter of time until he found out the truth. Dick lowered his head. "I...couldn't sleep..."

"Why not?"

Dick bit the inside of his cheek. "I don't know," he responded in a near-whisper.

It was silent for a moment as Dick refused to look up at Bruce. "When was the last time you slept for more than an hour?"

Dick tensed, caught off-guard by the question. He slowly looked up at the older man and marveled when he noticed that Bruce was not the least bit angry or annoyed. In fact, he looked and sounded as though he was concerned. "I...I don't know..." Bruce waited. Dick swallowed. "Maybe...two days ago? Or maybe it was three? I don't know. It's hard to remember." Dick rubbed his eyes, knowing the lack of sleep was affecting his memory.

"Dick, it is important that you get enough sleep at night. Otherwise, you can cause a lot of problems for yourself."

"Yes, sir," Dick whispered.

Bruce sighed, wondering what to do with the child. Cold milk. Why would a person drink cold milk this late at night? And Bruce could have sworn he heard Dick pacing in his room. Bruce knelt down, leveling his eyes with those of his ward. "Dick, be honest with me. Are you trying to stay awake?"

Dick blinked, opening his mouth in the hope that a convincing lie would come out. But he knew there was no point in trying to hide the truth. Instead, he simply lowered his head.

Bruce never looked away. "Why?"

The word caused Dick to internally flinch. He couldn't say why. He didn't want Bruce to know why. "I...I...um..."

"Is it nightmares?" Dick clenched his jaw. "Your parents." Dick was silent. "Dick, you don't have to be ashamed of nightmares. What you saw that night was traumatic, and, unfortunately, it is going to stay with you for a long time. You're going to have nightmares about it. But you don't have to hide them. It's okay if you are—"

"I don't want to talk about this." Bruce was slightly taken aback by the snip in Dick's tone.

"Dick, it's all righ—"

"No, it's not all right. You don't get it."

"I've had nightmares. Everyone has nightmares, Dick. Nightmares are nat—"

"It's more than just nightmares," Dick whispered. Bruce noticed his voice wavered and worried that he was upsetting the boy.

"What is it, then?" Dick was silent. "Dick?"

"…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause trouble."

"You're not troubling anyone, Dick. I just wish you would let me help you." Dick said nothing as he stared at the tiled floor. Bruce sighed. "All right, then. If you won't tell me what is going on, then at least try to sleep." Dick looked up at Bruce. "Please."

"…Okay…"

"Come on," Bruce said as he guided Dick out of the kitchen and back to his room. He stopped in the doorway. "Would you rather sleep in my room? I recall it helped you the last time you had nightmares."

Dick shook his head. "No. I'll be fine."

"Are you certain?" Dick nodded. "Okay." Bruce led Dick to the bed and held up the covers as the boy slipped underneath. Once in bed, Dick stared at Bruce with large eyes for a moment before finally shutting them. Bruce moved closer to Dick and gently pushed a lock of hair away from the boy's face.

"Dick...I know you're afraid, but, please, try to sleep. I can stay here until you fall alseep, if you want?" Dick nodded slowly. "Okay." Bruce grabbed a chair from a corner in the room and guided it toward the bed. He sat down, watching Dick's breath gradually even out.

'Yes,' Dick thought to himself. 'I am afraid. But Bruce is here... He accepts my fears. So...that makes it okay to be afraid...right? He said he would stay with me tonight, but how long is he willing to stay by my side when I have so many issues? If he knew...if he really knew...would he still want to stay? Or would he leave me? Can I trust him...? Would he...still care...if he...really...knew... If only...he...knew...'

Bruce watched Dick's chest rise and fall. "Sleep, Dick," he whispered into the darkness. "I will be here to protect you from anything you fear. Always."

That night, Dick slept peacefully as Bruce remained vigil over him. When Dick awoke, the chair was empty. The child never knew that his guardian stayed the entire night. And Bruce would never tell him...

A/N: Okay, I've been a little preoccupied with my Criminal Minds fanfiction, but I will try to pay more attention to this story. Thanks to everyone who is still reading!