Characters: Athrun Zala

Pairings: Implied AthrunxCagalli

Time frame: GSD post ep 28

Heavy conflict

Athrun does not hear the whispers, even more than normal, following him everywhere. The stares seeking him do not make him uncomfortable, don't make him fight down annoyance. He doesn't even notice them.

He doesn't hear how they mutter behind his back about old comrades and allegiances and defections. He doesn't feel guilty when subdued glances of accusation are shot in his direction.

Later Athrun will be quite unable to remember the days following the Battle of Crete, having walked through them on autopilot while his mind was replaying memories before his eyes.

Kira and Torii on the moon-

-Nicol and Blitz and the Strike's sword-

-Heine and the remains of his GOOF-

-Cagalli crying and holding a gun in his face-

-Lacus in her fine blue stage dress, Haro in her hands and resolution in her eyes-

-the Archangel-

-the Freedom-

-Justice-

-Kira, finally smiling again, not broken-

-Cagalli, crying.

He almost runs into a door, before he pulls himself back together. He pushes the handle with a detached sense of surrealism. The hand he sees doesn't feel like his and he looks at it once, clenching a fist to make sure it really belongs to him.

Shaking his head, he tries to clear his mind, but it doesn't work. On the contrary, he feels pulled back to the last time he has tried this hard to not think about something.

Even today the memory still twists his insides sharply and makes the world sway before his eyes. Echos of blind rage and cold touch of dark despair.

Sighing, he glances around the pilot lounge and blinks in surprise when he realizes he isn't alone.

Lunamaria quickly averts her eyes when their eyes meet. Her arm is still in a cast. For some reason Athrun thinks she looks guilty.

She has nothing to feel bad about for. Unlike him.

Kira's eyes widened with hurt and the quiet look of guilt-

-the silver glinting almost red in the sun-

-cold accusations and desperate demands-

-soft words spoken like in prayer-

-ache written out for him to read on identical expressions-

-eyes glistering with unspoken tears.

He swallows, leaning his head against a wall. He doesn't understand and that is something that has never happened before. So why now? How? He knows Kira better than anyone. Cagalli, too.

So he can't understand why, when they all are so very much the same and desire the same, he and Kira have fought yet again.

It is not something that should have happened.

To Athrun, not fighting against Kira has become a law of the universe.

Yet this one rule has been broken.

What does it mean?

He searches his memories, tries to tell right from wrong, truth from lie.

And the more he remembers, the more his conviction wavers. His longing to be back with Cagalli and Kira in peace, previously a drive for his re-enlistment, turns on itself.