Look who finally finished her story ;) This chapter has some Dean, and Sam POV

Chapter 7

Castiel packs his stuff slowly because he doesn't want to leave the bunker. But even if he takes his time, it won't take him long to pack all of his belongings , after all, he hasn't gathered that many things in the short time he has been human.

Castiel freeze on the spot when he hears a knock on the door. He didn't expect Dean to come, but who else could it possibly be? Castiel stops packing and turns around to look at the door, still with a t-shirt in his left hand. Dean enters without saying anything, and for a few thrilling seconds, the two of them are just staring at each other, before Dean finally speaks up: "What are you doing?"

Even though it's obvious to anyone what Castiel is doing, he still answers the question. "I'm packing, and when I'm done I'll leave."

"Why?" Dean demands to know.

To Castiel it seems that the answer to that question is just as obvious as the first one, yet he finds it more difficult to answer this one. "It's the best." He finally says, and puts the t-shirt down to the other clothes in the bag.

"Don't" Dean says, and closes the door behind him.

Castiel looks over at Dean again. He can see that something is bothering him that he is sad. "Dean, I'm so sorry that I've brought you in this situation…"

Dean interrupts him before he gets a chance to finish "Stop. Stop it, right now. You can't do this to me, not again. Do not leave me again." Dean says with a hint of irritation in his voice.

So Castiel doesn't touch anything else, he doesn't move. He just stands there, waiting for Dean to continue. He is still nervous to hear what Dean wants to say, but somehow also calmer. Dean wants him to stay, and that's a good thing.

Dean takes a few steps toward Castiel, slowly, as if he isn't quite sure it's the right thing to do. As if Castiel is a frightened animal he has to approach slowly, so it doesn't get scared and run away. But he continues, and Castiel doesn't move.

When Dean stops, there isn't more than an arm's-length between them. Castiel could reach out and caress Dean's cheek. But he doesn't do it, of course he doesn't. He is still waiting to hear what Dean has to say. And, now that Dean is closer, Castiel can better see that Dean is struggling with lots of feelings. But the most penetrating, is concern, Castiel can so clearly see it in Dean's eyes.

"Please," Dean says and closes his eyes for a few seconds, while he takes in a deep breath. "Stay with me. I… if I had known that you felt this way, Cas, I'm so sorry. I should have told you before how important it is for me to have you here, but you know me." He laughs shortly, bitterly.

Castiel nods, with a little smile on his lips. "I'm aware of your problems with expressing yourself vocally, yes. I think I've contracted the same problem." Castiel can feel how happiness slowly spreads inside him. Dean's words mean a lot to him.

Dean smiles too, and the concern has been replaced with a warmth in his eyes Castiel doesn't think he has ever seen before, but that's because Castiel never has caught Dean looking at him on the sly.

Maybe it's because it happens so quickly, or maybe it's because it's so unexpected, but before Castiel is able to perceive what is happening, Dean has closed what little space there was between them, and kisses Castiel.

Dean's eyes are closed, and Castiel slowly closes his too. Words are unnecessary, and right know is sight too. All he wants is to feel, smell, and taste Dean. Castiel puts his left hand on Dean's lower back, and Dean's right hand finds its way to Castiel's neck. Castiel pulls Dean closer, wants to be as close as possible.

The kiss is tenderly and says all the things both of them have found so hard to say. Yet, Castiel breaks the kiss before it evolves into more than the loving and fond moment it is, he doesn't want it to be ruined. But he doesn't remove himself far from Dean, and the two men rest their foreheads against each other. Castiel can feel how new courage, to say something, bobbles up inside him. But Dean is the first to say something.

"If you knew how long I've wanted to do that."

Castiel smiles "Probably just as long as I have."

Dean chuckles, and this time it's not at all bitterly. He pulls out a little from Castiel, but they are still standing with arms around each other. But when they look at each other again, Castiel can see that Dean's smile has faded.

"What's wrong?" Castiel asks. To him the moment is perfect and he sees no reason to be sad.

Dean looks down at the floor, before he again dares to look at Castiel's face. "How is this ever going to work, Cas? With the life both of us are living. I can't give you a safe life, all I can give you is a life on the road and the constant risk of death. It's not the life I want you to have."

Castiel sends him a warm and soothing smile, and puts his hand on Dean's cheek. "Due to the choices I've made, my life will always be in danger. Getting to share my life with you will only make it all worth it. My love for you has had its consequences, but I'll always choose you, Dean."

Dean has tears in his eyes, he wipes them away with the back of his hand, and Castiel removes his own hand from Dean's face. "Dammit, Cas, I don't know…" but Dean doesn't get to finish before Castiel silence him with another kiss.

"You don't have to say anything, Dean." He says after he again let go of Dean's lips. And, it's true because now Castiel knows that he means a lot to Dean, and that Dean wants him to stay, and that is enough for him. Dean doesn't have to say anything.

But Dean isn't finished talking. "Yes I do. Because you deserve to know how damn much you mean to me, so much that it now and then has scared the shit out of me. And, I've felt like a terrible person because I've been happy for your humanity since that have meant that we have spent more time together. And, I've tried to deny it to myself, tried everything not to think about you, but I've failed every time. My night with Sally? It never actually happened, I spent most of the night on the street, Cas, because all I could think of was how wrong it felt to be with her, when in reality the only one I wanted to be with was you. Cas… Castiel, I love you, and I think I've never been so in love with anyone else." Dean says and looks at a stunned Castiel.

Castiel almost feels dizzy. Under an hour ago he wasn't even sure if Dean wanted to have anything to with him, after the things he had said. And now has Dean declared his love for him. Everything is overwhelming for Castiel.

Dean smiles happily. "Well, look who now has lost his tongue."

Castiel nods, and returns Dean's smile. "Yes, your words were quite warming. Thank you, Dean."

Dean's cheeks turn a bright red color. "Um… yes, it was… what you say we hit the hay?" he asks. "It's been quite a night."

Castiel nods in agreement. He lets go of Dean, to go clear his bed for things, but before Castiel has even touched his bag, Dean pulls him by his sleeve.

"Um, Cas, I was actually thinking that we maybe could sleep together. In my room. Or is that too much?" Dean asks, and looks a bit insecure.

But Castiel calms him with another smile, takes his hand and pulls him toward the door.

Dean's room is right next to Castiel's. It has always been something both men have found reassuring, to know that the other one was just on the other side of the wall. But this night no wall is going to separate them.

When they enter Dean's room and the door is closed behind them, Dean begins to take off his jacket (since the evening's earlier events hadn't left time for it). He lays the jacket over the back of the desk chair. "Um… make yourself at home?" Dean says.

Castiel can sense that this whole situation still is a bit awkward for Dean, it's clear that he doesn't quite know how to handle this new situation they are in. There are no longer any unspoken words between them, all cards are on the table, and they have both won. But Castiel fully understands why Dean feels a little awkward. He feels it himself, as he stands there in Dean's bedroom, still with his coat on. So Castiel takes his coat of, and puts it on top of Dean's, before he sits down on the edge of the bed.

He isn't sure what Dean expects them to do on their first (and hopefully not last) night together. From the movies Castiel has watched, a night that ends with sex usually starts out a little more wild than the few kisses they have shared so far. But then on the other hand, Castiel knows all too well that life doesn't always turn out like it does in the movies, actually it nearly never does.

"So I thought," Dean says, and looks at Castiel on the bed "that we maybe just should sleep together tonight. I mean, only sleep, not… you know?"

Castiel nods with a smile. He finds it cute that Dean finds it so hard to say the word sex, like it's still a forbidden word. "Sleep sounds like a good idea."

"Yes!" Dean says and sounds relieved. "Sex can always come later, I mean, it's not like we have to hurry. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't want to have sex, it's just…" Dean sighs deeply and sits down next to Castiel.

Castiel puts his hand on Dean's thigh to get his attention. Dean looks up at him and Castiel meets him with a smile. "You're right. We have all the time we need there is no need to rush."

Dean leans forward and kisses Castiel again. It's not as tender as the first one, it's more demanding and Castiel quickly gives in to the kiss. Their first kiss said what they had found so hard to say with words, while this one reminds them that they also want each other physically. But not tonight, it's like they come to this conclusion in silent agreement, and breaks the kiss. They have come a long way with their relationship this evening, and to take the next step will require a little more courage from both of them.

"Just sleep." Castiel says to put it into words.

"And maybe some cuddling? It's actually quite nice." Dean says.

Castiel gives him a big smile in response. It does sound nice.

So they get off the bed and undress, to they both only are in t-shirts and boxers. Castiel realizes that he at least will have to get his pillow if he wants to sleep comfortable. So he goes to his own room and gets his pillow and duvet. When he comes back, Dean has made room for him on the right side of the bed.

They snug up close to each other, and Castiel could have left his duvet in his own bed because both of them end up under Dean's anyway. Castiel feels the warmth and joy wash over him again, and he also feels safe. Castiel's hand finds Dean's under the duvet and their fingers tangle together. This night there is nothing there can come between them. They are closer than they ever have been before, closer than they ever thought they would come. They don't talk much they just look at each other, allows themselves to study the other's face without having to worry about being caught.

Warm, happy, and with Dean's face as the last thing he sees, Castiel falls asleep.

Dean, who has always been used to respond to the slighted sign of danger, wakes up instantly when Castiel sits up in bed. Dean stifles a yawn, and sits up too. His eyes have not quite gotten used to the darkness yet, but he can see the outline of Castiel, and by the way he is sitting Dean can tell that something is wrong.

"I'm sorry I woke you up." Castiel whispers and looks down at his own lap.

"It's okay. Did you have a nightmare?" He asks quietly. He can all too well remember the night when Castiel had been drunk and told him about it.

Castiel nods. "Right after the fall it was every night. Now it's mostly every other night." He takes a few deep breaths and swallows hard, so he won't start crying. "But I'm afraid, Dean. I'm afraid to go back to sleep. I always am."

Dean could barely hear the last part because it was barely a whisper. He puts an arm around Castiel, and pulls him close, so Castiel can lay his head on Dean's shoulder. "I wish there was something I could do, Cas. But I can't stop your nightmares. I can't even stop my own. But I can be here for you, and hold you. You're not alone, not anymore. I will always be there for you." Dean is talking quietly, and he can feel that Castiel begins to relax.

"Do you wanna spoon?" Dean then asks.

Castiel frowns. "I'm not familiar with that term."

Dean smiles at him, of course does Castiel not know stuff like that. But it's one of the many things Dean wants to teach him. "Lie down, your back to my chest."

Castiel does what he is told, and Dean lies down close to him. He puts an arm over Castiel, and finds the other man's hand. "This is one of the best ways to sleep." Dean says "and this way, you will know that I'm with you, the whole time."

They talk a little more, and Dean comes up with more comforting words and kisses Castiel's neck, before both of them fall asleep again.

Dean can't see it, but Castiel falls asleep with smile on his lips, and feeling ever so safe with Dean's arm around him.

That is the first night they spoon, but far from the last. Sometimes it's Castiel who is the little spoon, and other times it's the other way around. It all depends on which one of them who needs to feel that little bit more secure and safe by having the other one's arm around them.

When Castiel wakes up, still with Dean's arm around him, he feels fresh in a way he has never done before. Sure the dream had awoken him as so many times before, but never the less he feels relaxed. He is relieved over the fact that he and Dean have the same feelings for each other, and that they now finally are together, and with no secrets between them. No more suppressed feelings. This morning is the beginning of something new.

He can feel Dean moving behind him, and hear him yawn, which suggest that he is awake too. So Castiel turns over, and as he thought, finds Dean awake. Dean smiles sleepily at him. "Morning Sunshine." He says.

"Good morning, Dean." Castiel says, and smiles back at him. He feels like he easily could spend the whole day in bed with Dean. But just then his stomach begins to rumble, so he guesses he at least will have to get up to get something to eat.

Dean pushes himself up to sit. "Sounds like you're hungry."

Castiel nods. His nervousness the day before had made it near impossible for him to eat.

Dean stretches his arms and yawns one more time, before he gets out of bed. "Well, guess we'll have to make you some breakfast then."

A few minutes later they enter the kitchen. Dean insists on making the breakfast himself, and tells Castiel to sit down. Castiel doesn't complain since Dean is the best of them to cook. But Castiel says that he at least can make the coffee. So he makes a pot, and pours a cup for himself, and one for Dean. He puts Dean's cup next to the stove where Dean is making scrambled eggs.

As a thank you, Dean leans over to him, and gives him a quick kiss on the mouth. A simple thing to do, considering how their relationship has evolved in the last 24 hours. But yet it makes both of them look at the other a second time. Like they can't believe that it really just happened that it can be so simple.

They smile at each other, and Dean pulls Castiel into another and longer kiss. Castiel can feel how he yet again almost is overwhelmed with the bubbling feeling of joy. He has kissed a few other people before, but it can in no way be compared to how he feels when he is kissing Dean. Castiel's hand slides up Dean's back, all the way up to his head, and he buries his fingers in Dean's soft hair. He pulls him a little bit closer. He wants to have Dean as close as possible.

Dean lays his arms around Castiel's waist. He also tries to pull the other man a little closer. It's like they can't come close enough.

Sam has spent a long time just looking at the ceiling this morning, simply because he is nervous about what he might see in the kitchen.

A crying Castiel? The poor guy has already lost so much, so what if Dean has rejected him? Sam has wondered whether or not he should have talked to his brother, and heard how he felt about Castiel, instead of pushing Castiel to find out himself. Sam actually feels bad about it.

Maybe he finds an angry Dean. Angry and confused. Confused about what Castiel had told him and angry that Sam hasn't said anything about it.

Or maybe both of them are in the kitchen, but without talking to each other. Sitting at each end of the table and trying not to look in the other's direction.

But what Sam hopes to see, is Dean and Castiel sitting in the kitchen together, talking, and with smiles on their faces because they have been honest with each other, and realized that they are good for each other. But he knows his brother, and Castiel, well enough to not put his hopes up too high. He doesn't think he knows anyone else who finds it so difficult to talk about their feeling as those two.

Eventually Sam gets out of bed because he is hungry.

When he gets to the kitchen, the only sound he can hear is the sound of something getting fried. Not very reassuring, it suggested that at least one of them is up, but there is no conversation going on.

The door is ajar, so Sam slowly pushes it open. The sight that greets him is far from what he had expected, but far better than what he had feared.

Whit arms tightly wrapped around each other, Dean and Castiel are standing over at the stove, kissing like there is no tomorrow.

Sam smiles, happy to see that they have figured things out, but his smile starts to fade when he sees Dean run his hands up under Castiel's t-shirt, so Sam can see most of the former angel's back. No matter how happy Sam is for them, he doesn't want to see them fool around in the kitchen. So he guesses that it will be for the best if they know he is in the room too, because they obviously haven't noticed yet.

Castiel and Dean break their kiss, and turns toward the door, when they hear someone clearing their throat. Castiel can feel how his cheeks turn slightly warm when he sees Sam standing there. Sam looks a bit awkward, and he guesses Dean feels the same way. They let go of each other, and both of them take a little step back.

"Um… I think the eggs are about to get burnt." Sam says, and points in the direction of the stove, before he goes over and sits down at the table.

"Yeah, you're probably right." Dean mumbles and turns to the stove again.

Castiel pours another cup of coffee and puts it in front of Sam, before he sits down across from Sam.

There is silence between the three of them for a moment, before Dean puts plates with half burned eggs in front of Sam and Castiel. He then mutters something like "I should probably go and wake up Kevin."

Castiel wants to say something. He doesn't want them to so awkward about their relationship when they are around Sam. But before Castiel comes up with something to say, Sam speaks up.

"Dean," he says, "drop it."

Dean stops on his way to the door, and turns to face Sam. "What do you mean?"

Sam rolls his eyes. "You act like I didn't just see you two sucking off each other faces."

Dean's cheeks turn a bit pink because of Sam's words.

Sam smiles. "Dude, it's okay. I'm happy for you, for both of you. Actually, I'm sure it will be the best for everyone in the bunker. Believe me, Kevin and I have been waiting a long time for this." He takes a sip of his coffee and nods to make his point extra clear. "Yes, it's the best for everyone."

Castiel can't help but smile of how straightforward Sam is. He is happy that things have been said so bluntly, it will definitely make everything easier. He looks up at Dean, he is just standing there, and looks stunned at his brother. It takes him a moment before he finally seems to have understood what Sam said. He blinks a few times, before he finally seems to snap out of the trance he has been in. He smiles, and instead of leaving the kitchen, he goes over and pours a portion of eggs onto a plate and sits down next to Castiel.

"Well, Kevin can sleep in today. He deserves it." Dean says and lays his arm over the back of Castiel's chair.

Sam smiles, satisfied, and begins to ask how the evening before had gone.

In that moment, where he is talking with Dean and Sam, Castiel is truly happy. He has Dean at his side, and Dean is making small circles with his thumb on Castiel's back. It's a wonderful feeling. It's such a small touch, and yet it reminds him of how much Dean loves him.

He has Dean now, and on top of that is he sitting here with Sam, who is happy for them, Sam who Castiel for years has seen as a brother and a good friend. So of course is it important for him to know that Sam approves of their relationship, and especially because he knows how important it is for Dean.

Yes, Castiel is happy as he sits there in the kitchen in The Men of Letters bunker. In fact, he will say that it is the happiest moment in his long life. He has Dean, Sam, and Kevin. He is surrounded by friends, family, people he cares about, and who cares about him. And, most important of all is that he and Dean now are together, and that he now knows that Dean loves him just as much as he loves Dean.

Oh God, I can't believe I actually finished this, after like a year and a half. So sorry for the long wait, but it has been a rough year. Anyway, thank you to anyone who has read, hit the follow and/or favorite button, and commented. You guys make it all worth it. Thanks 3

And of course I hope you liked the ending ;)