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Chapter 3 Pride

With an eagerness and excitement akin to one 40 years younger Elsie entered his room her nerves thankfully a thing of the past.

No longer was she rational, she had reverted to her teenage years, engulfed in a bubble, a bubble of ecstasy that she never wanted to burst.

The door closed behind her to her old life as a new one opened, one full of optimism.

Mr Carson observed his beloved. There was something different about her tonight, obviously things were very different tonight but there was something quite noticeable. She displayed a poignant innocent amongst her eagerness that was most attractive to see in such a strong welded woman as Elsie; Elsie was looking to the floor rather coyly, her eyes bashful her stance inward and concealed a beautiful sight to behold.

Pausing for a moment to savour the rare sweet vision he leaned in the take her hand gently not wanting to push her away 'I take it you liked my gift?' he whispered in a courteous manner.

Elsie looked up to him under her eyelashes sweetly, twiddling her foot timidly in the process, 'Very much Charles.'

She was getting prettier by the second, melting Charles heart. Never had he seen her so vulnerable so endearing.

'Never…' she began in her delicate Celtic tones.

Tears began to overtake her gradually. But they were not wretched tears, far from it, she was the happiest she has ever been and her tears were ones of many emotions; ones of relief, ones of shock, ones of devotion for this man. For loving her, for giving her hope, for granting her innermost dreams, for giving her a new lease of life in days that can be considered the later years of one's life, years she had resigned herself to being quite dull.

She bit back the tears and stammered between sensitive breaths; 'Never has a man given me such a wonderful gift, Never has…'

Her tears started to overcome her; she paused for a moment and wiped them away quite ruthlessly.

Staring now with serious intent at the man before her, she grasped both of his hands cravingly.

'You have made an old woman very happy.'

This hit Mr Carson deep in his chest winding him from any sense of reality, he was wrapped up in the moment entirely.

'My word Elsie you are not old, why if today is anything to go by you're getting younger by the minute.'

Elsie smiled up to him eyes beaming with tickled admiration, flatterer.

There was a small pause while Elsie's gaze returned to the floor, she tilted her head slightly and bravely questioned; 'how long Mr Carson, how long have you…?'

Mr Carson cut her off directly, did she even need to ask.

'How long do you think my darling?'

Darling a shared smile was united between both as the gentle word touched the finest fibres of her nature.

And with that Mr Carson placed a delicate finger upon her lips, 'Shhh but enough talking, I think we have both done plenty of that to last a life time.'

Mrs Hughes sniggered warmly, a laugh she had never heard come from her being before, but at that moment in time she was not shocked, simply swept away by the whole love affair.

Mr Carson held his hand to her face and cupped both checks tenderly; 'Let me just look at you Elsie, your face, your eyes, let me in, let me see into you.'

This took Elsie by surprise, what on earth…

Searching her face with his eyes he continued devotedly; 'I'm fed up of snatched glimpses across the dinner table, a naughty glance in the hallway, I want to see you for the first time, really see you. I want to admire you for as long as I want without feeling threatened, without feeling watched or judged, do you understand? I just want to appreciate beauty for what it is.

Elsie raised her hand to stroke his face tenderly, overwhelmed by the delicacy of his words; 'I'm here Charles' Elsie replied fondly 'I am yours. I always have been. All of me belongs to you.'

With that the room stood still, two hearts beating together as they lost each other in an ecstasy of adoration.

Elsie legs wobbled slightly at the intensity of the passion and whispered under her breath with a forwardness she never knew existed. 'Kiss me Charles, make me yours.'

Charles looked in astonishment not sure how to react, yes he wanted to please her, he wanted to kiss her more than anything in the world but he didn't want to take advantage of her. Didn't want to spoil her, why she was perfect the way she was.

He was like a child who had been given the most precious gift, frightened to open it in case he spoiled it, in case he broke it. Wanting to keep it in its wrapper, only to be observed behind the closed doors of a glassed cabinet, to be treasured until the day he died.

But like all children unable to keep away from the temptation for long he would eventually give in and rip the toy open until it was in his hands, entirely his.

'You stubborn man, just kiss me.' She insisted.

Mr Carson didn't need any more encouragement and in a split second, always the obedient butler did as he was told; he was there to serve after all and to disobey an order was not in his nature…serve he must do.

With a passionate embrace Elsie and Charles sealed their union with a hungry kiss, one that had been supressed for far too many years.

Deep and hard neither of them imagined there kiss to be like it. They had always imagined it to be a bit softer, more tentative, more nervous, maybe a bit more clumsy. But everything strangely felt right, everything felt second nature, everything felt like home.

It was natural and they could not stop their actions, their heart their feelings were doing all the acting. No thinking was involved. Love was doing it all for them.

Kissing her neck, he hitched her leg up so it was resting on his hip, he wanted her, all of her, ravenous and adoring they continued.

Lost in each other, the sensations, the beauty of the moment Elsie tilted her head giving into the kisses, giving him more room to explore - senses, vibrations she had never felt before.

Between the kisses momentarily her eyes flickered opened and she became aware of a folder on Charles desk, the wine list! Snapping her away from her fantasy in an abrupt instant.

'What are we doing, Stop' she hushed between breathless kisses, there arms exploring every inch of one another's clothed body.

'We have to stop, please Charles.'

But he could tell she didn't really want this to end, her hands strocking the back of his head, they continued to kiss keenly.

Elsie's coherent brain was telling her to stop but her body was just not paying any attention; 'Mr Carson stop please' she whispered softly as she kissed him more veraciously. Charles guided her leg up further leaned into her providing more pleasure. Elsie not even trying to push him away now continued to silently murmur in waves of elated desire, 'Stop, we have to', her words saying one thing her body another. She wanted this just as much as him, even pulling him in tighter between her pleads.

Charles buried his face into her neck and with this the wine list once more became ever so more visible ever so more a reality in her mind.

'We have to stop in heavens name' she moaned blissfully as she felt the excitement erupting from within, her heart pounding, her body wanting more of him.

Finally as she was reaching a climax of sensations with one almighty push, she pressed him off her and in the same motion slapped his face rather forcefully.

Breathing heavily licking her lips she began to wipe the kisses away wildly, fixing her hair from where some stray strands have fallen from their eagerness. Tears spilling down her face in confused pleasure. Her breathing intensified tenfold.

'Look at us! What are we doing? We shouldn't be doing this Charles, we just shouldn't be…'

She placed her hand towards her mouth in disbelief at her actions, she felt so alive with adrenalin, but simply unable to let herself give into her feelings;

'Behaving like a pair of ravenous teenagers, we have no right, our responsibility lies with this house and the people surrounding it, we have to stop. Why didn't you stop…'

She began buttoning the top of her dress shakily where Charles had sneakily undone a button.

Charles held his face scorned by her actions, 'But Elsie…'

'No Charles please, you know as well as me that this is all wrong, yes everything about you feels right and how I want you, all of you and to hold you and to tell you how much I love you and need you, how I have wished to wake up in your arms warm and contented everyday but we can't…we just cant. This isn't Fiction Charles, this isn't Pride and Prejudice this is existence we have to see sense. Oh God, I have to see sense'

With that tears began to fall from her form once more as her hands lifter to her head in disbelief.

'What an utterly stupid thing to do.'

She bashed her fist on the wall angrily as she let her head sink onto it, her arm supporting her weight. 'Why torment ourselves now, why after all these years?'

Her sobs were uncontrollable.

Mr Carson approached her from behind holding her gently.

'Believe me I wish things weren't like this, I have loved you for 40 years since the first week you started here Elsie, it's been so hard, I can't tell you how hard it has been.'

Elsie turned around and allowed herself to be embraced by her loyal man and immediately felt secure.

'Charles but we never gave into the temptation then, why now, why jeopardise everything now? We are confortable we have stability and respect. We have worked all our life towards that. Why can't it be enough? We are both 60 for heaven sake; I'm not that sprightly young teenager anymore.'

Charles gently kissed her head and stroked her hair in comfort as he cradled her as a Dad would consoling his daughter 'You will always be that woman to me Elsie.'

With that she buried her head in the top of his shirt, engulfed in flattered tears. But they simply could not do this, she had to break the moment and be happy with what they had experience tonight, things would just need to go back to what they were. They had a taste of what it was like to be physically cherished and they loved one another couldn't they be content in the simple knowledge of this?

But deep down she knew it would never be enough; she will always love Charles Carson nothing could take that away. In truth he what drove her through the day, what made her wake up in the morning, what brought a smile to her face in times of trouble.

Even though initially his gift earlier gift had come as a shock it wasn't totally surprising, she knew it was from him, knew they had feelings for one another long before and it had taken for this first step to allow them to release their emotions. It was only a matter of time before they would surface; they had just lay dormant ready to explode at any given moment.

'I Love you Charles, so much it hurts' she pulled him in tighter.

Elsie was bewildered, hurt that they could never be together, wanting to be together but knowing it could never be. She was wounded that Charles took the step tempting her, they had always had a mutual understanding of where they lay before, why overstep the mark now? But pleased also for risking it for that eruption of brief but incredible pleasure this evening. Everything was worth it for the moments shared together today.

'Happy birthday my love.' he whispered as he stroked the back of her head.

Elsie nuzzled into his chest comfortingly; she was safe, a perfect fit. But just as she allowed herself to relax her muddled but rational head would gradually begin to take over once more.

At the back of her head was a large voice, her conscious, maybe it was God maybe it was her Mother's Spirit, maybe herself, God would never approve of me. God is a vow, to Gods satisfaction mother always used to tell me. The meaning of my name, be proud of your name, embrace it, you are Gods treasure.

She couldn't let one fleeting lapse spoil her whole life, everything she stood for and worked towards. Even though really all she wanted to live for was Charles Carson.

Wanting to remove herself from the whirlwind of emotional torment Elsie pulled herself away from him, strocking his chest gently, wantonly. 'Forgive me Charles' and with that she left the room swiftly without so much as another word or a fleeting look behind.

Charles stood their utterly bewildered, his face still stinging from the slap. He held his hand there poignantly and slowly ever so slowly a small smirk appeared upon his face.

She kissed me… Elsie Hughes kissed me.